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Things that make ya go...JESUS!!!

The Ranger

The Ranger

New member
Taking a hole puncer and punching holes in your eyelids.(wonder if you closed your eyes, if you could still see in rifle scope view...heh heh heh)

Running one of those hand held wood planers down your shin.

Soaking Rosanne Barrs week old underwear in a glass of hot water for a week, then drinking it down with no ice.

Sticking a sewing needle under your finger nail, then pushing it in past the second knuckle.

Stomping on broken glass....Barefooted.

Taking a automatic stapler and driving one through your kneecap.

Dremel tool holes through your two front teef...<ugh!!>

Insert deep, sea fish hook into eye socket.

OK...That's enough...heh heh heh

Ranger
 
1)Paper cut on your tongue. Hurts like hell!
2)Epilady hair remover! Bring a bullet into the bathroom cuz you'll need it to bite down on once those rotating hair pullers start their magic!
3)Jib burns across the ass. Don't ask...hehehe
4)Pimple deep in the ear. You can't even pop it cuz it's so deep down in the canal!
 
onerepmaximum said:
My dad said that when I was about two years old, I peed into an electrical outlet. Glad I don't remember it.
Click to expand...

LOL, WTF??


When I was about 3 or 4, I tried to start the house with my dads keys, by inserting the Mustang key into an electrical socket.

My Grandmother told me the only thing I could say afterward was "Hot, Hot, Hot".

I think the socket still has black burn marks on it :D
 
Sliding down a 6 foot razor blade into a bathtub filled with gasoline....And smoking a bowl I might add....heh heh heh...<wink to ttlpkg>

Ranger
 
FreeballinDC said:


LOL, WTF??
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Apparently I was semi new to the whole potty training thing. He was watching a football game and I told him that I had to pee. He told me to go ahead. I guess I just thought that it would be a good idea to go into the outlet. He heard me scream a few minutes later. He said it sounded like I was being murdered.
 
vixenbabe said:
Epilady hair remover! Bring a bullet into the bathroom cuz you'll need it to bite down on once those rotating hair pullers start [/B]
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And I love what the instruction booklet says "you may experience a mild tingling sensation".. NOT QUITE A TINGLE!!!! Dammit, I think it pulled one hair out and a whipped the thing across the room into the wall.

Then I convinced my brother to try it on his beastly legs and the motor stopped. *lol*
 
Blindfold buddy, bet him he can't kick a football barfooted....spin friend around, replace football with fire hydrant.

Ranger
 
The Ranger said:
Stopping a food processor with your bare hand

Ranger
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Shit!! That reminds me, my garbage disposal was acting up, so I had my contractor come over and check it out. He stuck his hand down the drain to find the piece of trash that was stuck.

It was kinda freaking me out to see his hand down the drain, feeling around those blades to get it unstuck. All that needed to happen to have a total bloodbath was for someone to flip the switch.
 
Seashell said:
And I love what the instruction booklet says "you may experience a mild tingling sensation".. NOT QUITE A TINGLE!!!! Dammit, I think it pulled one hair out and a whipped the thing across the room into the wall.

Then I convinced my brother to try it on his beastly legs and the motor stopped. *lol*
Click to expand...
.

I'm soooo glad I'm NOT the only lady who fell for buying one of these torture devices! :)

I guess it would be something you could manage if drunk or on crack! Sweeet Jesus...I would rather have another C-section before I used that damn thing again! hehehe
 
Letting the 2 dogs out in the back yard at 2am and having both of them see a bush and start attack barking like its someone there.
 
Borrowing your best pals hiking shoes for a 17 mile hike(boots were a tad bit too tight) and losing your big toe toenails from the rubbing experience!

Last time I trust her telling me the leather would stretch out...
 
Watching your best friend ram a wooden toothpick into her new crowned tooth....Then trying to help her retrieve the broken tip of the toothpick from under her crown and gumline!
 
Having a drunk trick convince you to give Alberto Hair Mousse a go as lube....
 
AAP said:
Having a drunk trick convince you to give Alberto Hair Mousse a go as lube....
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Sounds like a poor man's version of Viagra!

(That stuff makes your hair stiff as nails- nasty stuff!)
 
vixenbabe said:


Sounds like a poor man's version of Viagra!

(That stuff makes your hair stiff as nails- nasty stuff!)
Click to expand...

Actually, he forgot about the stiffness part... he thought he could use it as lube. It was like sliding my cock in a cokebottle lined with sandpaper.

One thing about intense pain..... it sobers you up real quick.
 
AAP said:


Actually, he forgot about the stiffness part... he thought he could use it as lube. It was like sliding my cock in a cokebottle lined with sandpaper.

One thing about intense pain..... it sobers you up real quick.
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You were saying Y-Lifter

Ranger
 
vixenbabe said:
Borrowing your best pals hiking shoes for a 17 mile hike(boots were a tad bit too tight) and losing your big toe toenails from the rubbing experience!

Last time I trust her telling me the leather would stretch out...
Click to expand...

I lost both of mine about 6 months ago from wearing a pair of new football cleats that fit way too tight. I was having too much fun playing to change into my tennis shoes.

It hurt like hell, but was great fun for my kids watching them turn blue, then black, then white, then eventually come off.

They came back in nicely though. :)
 
ttlpkg said:


I lost both of mine about 6 months ago from wearing a pair of new football cleats that fit way too tight. I was having too much fun playing to change into my tennis shoes.

It hurt like hell, but was great fun for my kids watching them turn blue, then black, then white, then eventually come off.

They came back in nicely though. :)
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That reminds me, my ex's sister gave me a pair of hiking boots that had a very stiff lip around the heel. I hiked around Amsterdam in them, and eventually I had HUGE blisters on the back of my feet. When I got back to my duty station, my combat boots just made the problem worse.

Those hiking boots eventually found their way into the dumpster.
 
ttlpkg said:

It hurt like hell, but was great fun for my kids watching them turn blue, then black, then white, then eventually come off.
Click to expand...


Yeah... bet you walked around in public wearing flip flops and some shit too. I see your kind at resturants all the time. Grossing the rest of us out.... sitting over there with your feet under the table so you can't see them but the rest of us can.

Walking up and scraping our ankles in the grocery store line with your busted up shit..

Hanging out in the steam room at the gym....


:)


I think anyone with discolored toenails should have a fully covered plaster cast put on their foot until it clears up.
 
AAP said:



Yeah... bet you walked around in public wearing flip flops and some shit too. I see your kind at resturants all the time. Grossing the rest of us out.... sitting over there with your feet under the table so you can't see them but the rest of us can.

Walking up and scraping our ankles in the grocery store line with your busted up shit..

Hanging out in the steam room at the gym....


:)


I think anyone with discolored toenails should have a fully covered plaster cast put on their foot until it clears up.
Click to expand...

Y_LIFTER BITES TONGUE..
 
AAP said:



Yeah... bet you walked around in public wearing flip flops and some shit too. I see your kind at resturants all the time. Grossing the rest of us out.... sitting over there with your feet under the table so you can't see them but the rest of us can.

Walking up and scraping our ankles in the grocery store line with your busted up shit..

Hanging out in the steam room at the gym....


:)


I think anyone with discolored toenails should have a fully covered plaster cast put on their foot until it clears up.
Click to expand...

Ha, ha! Hilarious! But hell, my wife wouldn't let me in bed without covering up those bad boys, much less leave the house! :)
 
ttlpkg said:


Ha, ha! Hilarious! But hell, my wife wouldn't let me in bed without covering up those bad boys, much less leave the house! :)
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Praise Jesus for people like your wife. two things that really REALLY piss me off... bad toenails and bad teeth. I could take a crowbar to both of 'em.
 
Y_Lifter said:


Y_LIFTER BITES TONGUE..
Click to expand...


You got wrecked toes? See that what happens from stumbling along rock and shell choked Sanibel.
 
Jesus Star Hit by Lightning


The hunky actor who stars as Jesus Christ in Mel Gibson's controversial new movie was struck by lightning on the set. Jim Caviezel, who escaped injury, was filming The Passion Of Christ near Rome, Italy when the incident occurred. Producer Steve McEveety says, "I'm about a hundred feet away from him when I glance over and see lightning coming out of Caviezel's ears." The movie has provoked a flurry of criticism since its conception - particularly from Jewish leaders, who say it suggests Jews were responsible for Christ's death. But some Catholics who have seen the film have called it a "powerful rendering" of the hours leading up to Christ's Crucifixion.
 
vixenbabe said:

2)Epilady hair remover! Bring a bullet into the bathroom cuz you'll need it to bite down on once those rotating hair pullers start their magic!
Click to expand...

I think those things are awesome, actually. I should have stolen my ex-gf's Epilady. Dumb shit stole most of my stuff anyway.
 
The Ranger said:
Dropping 100 pound dumbells across the bridge of your foot....Next to three super hot gym Bunnies.

Ranger
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did somebody say Bunny?

still havent gotten over her have you bro?:D
 
Pamela said:
New little toys make you say

"Jesus" :p
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Gimme your addy and I'll send ya one that'll make ya say "Dial_tone...Dial_tone"
 
this is true--i broke a tooth july 4th all dentists were outta town as per the recordings say......couldn't take the pain anymore (was slicing up my tongue) got a flashlight-makeup magnyfying mirror & a dremel with a cutting wheel and done my own !!!!
My Dentist said i did a terrific job but couldn't see how i managed it!!!!!
The wife left the room--said i was nuts!!!!
RADAR
 
AAP said:



Praise Jesus for people like your wife. two things that really REALLY piss me off... bad toenails and bad teeth. I could take a crowbar to both of 'em.
Click to expand...

Just for the record: my feet look just fine now. I can wear open-toe sandals with absolute impunity.
 
positive8.jpg
 
The Dogma statue lives....I'd love to have a full size replica for my living room....I could get stoned and talk with that fucker every nite then....heh heh heh

Ranger
 
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