They call me "Cheffy Smoove"

[ChefWide]

Last night I was the belle of the ball.

Got to the gym a little later than usual, totally different crowd. There is this girl there, my brother in law's girlfriends sister... convoluted enough? I thought so. Any way, she is a fledgling fitness type and does some modeling and is really little and cute as a button... anywoozle: she totally knows that I would love to slather sauces all over her and teases the crap out me every time i see her.

When i do bench I have the habbit of looking down and phasing out the rest of the room just before I lay back and un rack the bar. She thinks its funny to stand on the spot-stand and pull her shirt forward so I can see up her shirt just as I open my eyes to unrack the bar. Needless to say, the first time I bust up laughing and the guys around me are wigging out. The third time, it starts to get annoying, lovely, but annoying, I am there to lift and I am never going anywhere with this kid, so I stand up, walk around the back and I am going to carry her out of the weight area.

Here it comes...


As I pick her up, the force of her bouncing down onto my shoulder causes me to fart.
Audibly.
Not huge, but no question about it: an audible rumbler.

Now, there are only about 30 people within earshot of my flatch... I am laughing like an embarrassed fool, she's a pretty good sport and feigns ingnorance for about 30 seconds until she starts laughing like a banshee.... I think I am now famous for being the Fart guy.

I am contemplating changing gyms.

 

[SoKlueles]

omg, thats cute, sorry bout ur gassiness but thats cute

 

[GoldenDelicious]

who says you cant pick up at a gym

 

[ChefWide]

It's that damn new protein mix... at least it wasn't a paint-peeler. I am in fact horribly embarrassed.

Right after it happened, the humiliation caused my manhood to crawl up into my chest cavity. I went to the showers with an inni.

 

[BileStew]

Wow, so if FlatulenceGel2 passes gas, he may have a minute chance encounter with a female?

 

[WODIN]

You got mad skillz broly.

 

[ChefWide]

You got mad skillz broly.

Tellin' ya, Gramps. You best bring a fuckin blanket, 'cause it's laid out like that.

 

[jerseyart]

Right after it happened, the humiliation caused my manhood to crawl up into my chest cavity. I went to the showers with an inni.

It's small, so at least it didnt have very far to travel.

 

[coverguy]

Well, that just goes to show you that you should have just kept looking up her shirt, and then had your way with her after your workout!

 

[ChefWide]

Well, that just goes to show you that you should have just kept looking up her shirt, and then had your way with her after your workout!

"Do you see any writing on the ring....?"

 

[Buddy_Christ]

@ this thread.

was in the locker room a week or two ago and had the most horrible gas. There was one other dude in there, and he went up by the sinks. i couldn't hold back any longer, and a SBD came out. a minute later, he comes back and continues getting dressed. then he says "man, they need a better ventilation system in here...it gets too, uhh, hot in here."

"yes, yes it does."

 

[ChefWide]

Well, that just goes to show you that you should have just kept looking up her shirt, and then had your way with her after your workout!

Cover, that isnt Stephanie Black to your left in your avatar, is it?

 

[velvett]

It could be worse - you could have farted in mid-thrust
*cough*

 

[Scotsman]

Chef- Every one of your threads brings a little levity to my day. Thank you for sharing your amazing life through your vivid prose.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[ChefWide]

It could be worse - you could have farted in mid-thrust
*cough*

hmmm... the horror?

Velv... how do I ask this delicately... have you been invovled is a 'situation' like that? if you get my thrust...

 

[ChefWide]

Chef- Every one of your threads brings a little levity to my day. Thank you for sharing your amazing life through your vivid prose.

Cheers,
Scotsman

"Accepting the gift honors the giver"
Saltheart Foamfollower

 

[The Shadow]

leave the country...the stigma will follow you...ask SSME aka "Pinkie"

 

[Dial_tone]

In college I was known throughout the dorm as being the guy whose farts didn't stink.

 

[coverguy]

Cover, that isnt Stephanie Black to your left in your avatar, is it?

I'm not sure. My friends and I went to the Maxim Party at A.C. and we ended up spending a lot of time with those 2 girls, and several others (what a great fucking time!) Unfortunately, I don't remember their names, but they were 10 x hotter in person than they are in the pics.

Here are a couple of pics. I was a little trashed, but I'm sure you won't be looking at me anyways!

 

[d3track]

i want an autographed copy of the "Cheffy Memours"
instant best seller
(and if anyone wants to correct my spelling on that, please do)

 

[coverguy]

i want an autographed copy of the "Cheffy Memours"
instant best seller
(and if anyone wants to correct my spelling on that, please do)

I'll take a copy of that book too. Make the inscription on the inside cover out to say, "To CoverGuy, Feel free to give my Brother-In-Law's girlfriend's sister a call. Her number is xxx-xxx-xxxx! Make sure to give me the details. Your boy, Chefwide!"

 

[Scotsman]

"Accepting the gift honors the giver"
Saltheart Foamfollower

Then the honor is all mine.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[ChefWide]

I'll take a copy of that book too. Make the inscription on the inside cover out to say, "To CoverGuy, Feel free to give my Brother-In-Law's girlfriend's sister a call. Her number is xxx-xxx-xxxx! Make sure to give me the details. Your boy, Chefwide!"

Dude. last time we were out at our summer place it was my brother in law's and my birthday, lots of drinking, my wife and some folks in the hot tub.

While going to the car to get my cigar tote, guess who pop's out from behind the car but little miss trouble... tossing out some shit about "Now that you're 40, you're more than twice my age, you know..."

You have never seen a man run as fast as I did, back to the house, with a tent peg in my trousers. She is danger. Simple as that.

 

[coverguy]

Dude. last time we were out at our summer place it was my brother in law's and my birthday, lots of drinking, my wife and some folks in the hot tub.

While going to the car to get my cigar tote, guess who pop's out from behind the car but little miss trouble... tossing out some shit about "Now that you're 40, you're more than twice my age, you know..."

You have never seen a man run as fast as I did, back to the house, with a tent peg in my trousers. She is danger. Simple as that.

I'm down for some danger!! And, I'm only 26 (with lots of energy!!).

Therefore, hook a brother up!!! I'm down for a trip to meet this sexy little thing!!!

 

[ChefWide]

I'm down for some danger!! And, I'm only 26 (with lots of energy!!).

Therefore, hook a brother up!!! I'm down for a trip to meet this sexy little thing!!!

Pretty funny. "Yeah, honey, uh.. this is my friend Coverguy. Oh, no, not really. Nope. He's just here to fuck your brothers girlfriends little sister. No, not her... the one that's been been trying to glaze my ham behind your back. Yeah, thats the one."

Sorry holmes, it opens more doors than you can close. Besides, what do you need with a gorgeous 19 year old Icelandic nymphette that needs some dicipline, anyway?



I'm off to the gym. Let's hope the wind stays 'at' my back rather than 'from' my back...

 

[coverguy]

what do you need with a gorgeous 19 year old Icelandic nymphette that needs some dicipline, anyway?
QUOTE]

(In lousy Austin Powers voice...) That's my bag, baby!

 

[jerkbox]

lol....good one bro

 

[Mr. dB]

I am contemplating changing gyms.

There's more than one gym in Iceland?

 

[velvett]

hmmm... the horror?

Velv... how do I ask this delicately... have you been invovled is a 'situation' like that? if you get my thrust...

ooh yah.

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

People fart, fact of life. They'll forget pretty quick.
I know embarrassment sucks...

 

[ChefWide]

People fart, fact of life. They'll forget pretty quick.
I know embarrassment sucks...

My brother, farting ain't shit. sorry.


After my trip from london to oxford when I was in 9th grade, real embarrassment is no longer an issue.

 

[Werd]

My brother, farting ain't shit. sorry.


After my trip from london to oxford when I was in 9th grade, real embarrassment is no longer an issue.

God how I wuv u Chef! LOL

 

[ChefWide]

Ran into Missy Hardbody again last night. After the usual harrassment, trying to pull down my shorts and other WAY too loud general goofiness, she politely asked me not to fart on her again until she can get a video camera.



I promissed.

 

[Carmen]

Ran into Missy Hardbody again last night. After the usual harrassment, trying to pull down my shorts and other WAY too loud general goofiness, she politely asked me not to fart on her again until she can get a video camera.



I promissed.

i missed this thread the first time. i just spewed oatmeal on my monitor.

 

[ChefWide]

i missed this thread the first time. i just spewed oatmeal on my monitor.

oatmeal. yum.

I cannot really look at spilled oatmeal without it bringing back the scene from Roots with lavar burton covered in oatmeal/vomit while aboard the slaver.

 

[Carmen]

oatmeal. yum.

I cannot really look at spilled oatmeal without it bringing back the scene from Roots with lavar burton covered in oatmeal/vomit while aboard the slaver.

oh, i didn't really vomit mine, just kinda laughed. and although i will admit that not an ounce of oatmeal actually left my mouth, it added to the effect of me laughing hard at your farting story.
so basically, you farted and i lied.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

 

[ChefWide]

oh, i didn't really vomit mine, just kinda laughed. and although i will admit that not an ounce of oatmeal actually left my mouth, it added to the effect of me laughing hard at your farting story.
so basically, you farted and i lied.

At least it wasn't an oatmeal fart. I would have changed gyms if it was an "Antipersonel Flatch".

 

[DIVISION]

Last night I was the belle of the ball.

Just holla my name and witness recipe official
Chefs is so ashamed they stand stiff like scared bitches
While I remain inside a paradox called my chopping block
Though high cholestrol is promised to me, when will I stop?
I knead the dough and hope to God it can rise high.
Witness my Chef-Adversaries die when I ride by, they shouldn'tve tried me.
I send my recipes to they parents up North.
With the ingredients fucked up and measurements cut off.
Fuck 'em all what I scream as I dream of cow-tongues.
Cook a dish, get me rich and the bitches'll come
Bust my Broiler, make 'em all scatter.
A Collander to my nuts only made my bouillabaisse fatter, eat a thick dish!
Second helping, never that, you say you comin back?
Bring it on, appetizers forever strapped.
Introduce you to the pleasures of the baste, you can go so far.
Just sample my bisque, and live your life as a Cheffy Star.

 

[d3track]

mental note:

go to iceland to have some fun........