thebabydoc, what is the worst vagina you've seen?

[p0ink]

you see tons of them, so which one was the worst you've seen. someone sent me pictures from rotten.com, and i think it was the worst thing ever. it was so bad, i bet an army of angels lost their wings.

 

[The Shadow]

I would imagine

Nathan
Wodin
HS and Reject....in that order

 

[thebabydoc]

Did you really expect me to answer that?

 

[2Thick]

Did you really expect me to answer that?

I thought that you were a pediatrician?

 

[p0ink]

what's wrong with that? im not asking for names and addresses here.

one of our family's friends is a dentist, and he tells us horror stories all the time.

 

[KAYNE]

I thought that you were a pediatrician?

LOL.....I'M GLAD I WASNT THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS THROWN OFF AT HIS HANDLE. I THOUGHT HE WAS A REALLY YOUNG DOCTOR. STUPID ME!!!




KAYNE

 

[thebabydoc]

OK, here it is:

When I was a 3rd-year med student doing a gyn oncology rotation in Miami I saw this heavy black woman (I think she was Creole) who had obviously been living in the back-woods (Okefenokee swamplands I guess). She came in with half her bottom eroded away by what we could only guess was a vulvar cancer.

No shit, it looked like a great white shark had taken a clean chomp out of the left side of her vulva, vagina, and butt. You could see the rectum (open like 4 inches up) and the cervix (also normally like 4-5 inches inside). Also all the rotting muscles of the glutes and even part of the femoris. You can imagine without a rectal sphincter, stool just flowed freely. As for the smell...even my vocabulary and ability to narrate could not do it justice.

The big question was how the f*ck this lady didn't "notice" this; it must have taken years to erode as it had. Truly a one-of-a-kind experience...

 

[thebabydoc]

I thought that you were a pediatrician?

You PM'd me about this ages ago if I remember. "Theladies'doc" just sounded too stupid.

 

[KAYNE]

OK, here it is:

When I was a 3rd-year med student doing a gyn oncology rotation in Miami I saw this heavy black woman (I think she was Creole) who had obviously been living in the back-woods (Okefenokee swamplands I guess). She came in with half her bottom eroded away by what we could only guess was a vulvar cancer.

No shit, it looked like a great white shark had taken a clean chomp out of the left side of her vulva, vagina, and butt. You could see the rectum (open like 4 inches up) and the cervix (also normally like 4-5 inches inside). Also all the rotting muscles of the glutes and even part of the femoris. You can imagine without a rectal sphincter, stool just flowed freely. As for the smell...even my vocabulary and ability to narrate could not do it justice.

The big question was how the f*ck this lady didn't "notice" this; it must have taken years to erode as it had. Truly a one-of-a-kind experience...

SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST KILLED HERSELF.



KAYNE

 

[p0ink]

wow. that is god damn disgusting. how are you supposed to deal with that? i honestly could not handle that line of work.

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

did you give her some ointment

 

[p0ink]

do you ob/gyn's use that shit coroners use under their nose when they perform an autopsy?

 

[KAYNE]

do you ob/gyn's use that shit coroners use under their nose when they perform an autopsy?

ITS CALLED VICKS.......I USED TO USE IT ALL THE TIME WHEN I HAD A DECOMP OR A CORONERS CALL.

(I USED TO WORK FOR A FUNERAL HOME).





KAYNE

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

(I USED TO WORK FOR A FUNERAL HOME).





KAYNE

on purpose?Why the fuck would you want that?

 

[p0ink]

ITS CALLED VICKS.......I USED TO USE IT ALL THE TIME WHEN I HAD A DECOMP OR A CORONERS CALL.

(I USED TO WORK FOR A FUNERAL HOME).

no offense, but that must have been one shitty job. what made you ant to work with death?

 

[TC2]

on purpose?Why the fuck would you want that?

Dude, I'm high and your posts have been fuckin crackin me up.

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

Dude, I'm high and your posts have been fuckin crackin me up.

 

[KAYNE]

no offense, but that must have been one shitty job. what made you ant to work with death?

A FRIEND OF MINE IS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR/MORTICIAN. I USED TO HELP HIM. HE WAS THE SUPERVISOR OF THE NIGHT SHIFT SO INSTEAD OF WAKING UP THE GUY ON 2ND, I WOULD GO WITH HIM FOR 40$ PER BODY. HE WOULD EMBALM THEM BUT EVERYNOW AND THEN, HE WOULD SUPERVISE ME EMBALMING A CADAVER.

I'VE PICKED UP PEOPLE WHO DIED ON FLOOR FURNICES (WHILE THEY WERE ON), PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN THE RIVER FOR DAYS, GUNSHOTS, TRAINWRECKS, CARWRECKS, AND A FEW OTHER KINDS OF CALLS.

ABOUT 70% OF THE TIME THOUGH, IT WOULD BE ELDERLY PEOPLE IN HOSPITALS AND NURSING HOMES.

I PICKED UP MY OWN GRANDMOTHER AND MADE SURE MY FRIEND WAS THE ONE TO PREPARE HER. I WOULDNT LET ANYONE IN HER ROOM, NOT EVEN THE CORONER UNTIL MY FRIEND GOT THERE. I HELPED LOAD HER UP ON THE GERNY AND INTO THE SUBURBAN FOR TRANSPORT. IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF SOMEONE I DONT KONW IS GOING TO MISTREAT THE BODY OF MY GRANDMOTHER!!!

I'VE WITNESSED IT PERSONALLY, HALF OF THE PEOPLE DONT KNOW THE DEAD THEREFORE, THEY DONT CARE HOW THE BODY IS TREATED. I ALSO PICKED UP A LITTLE BOY, 9 YEARS OLD, AND A GUY WHO HAD EVERY DISEASE IN THE BOOK (AIDS, HEP-C, ETC). WE HAD ON TWO LAYERS OF CONTAMINATION SUITS.






KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

on purpose?Why the fuck would you want that?

WHY NOT, THEY DONT COMPLAIN!!!




KAYNE

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

WHY NOT, THEY DONT COMPLAIN!!!




KAYNE

40 bucks a head aint enough.Not that it's too morbid,(shit I live at ogrish)but just not a normal option for a job.

 

[KAYNE]

40 bucks a head aint enough.Not that it's too morbid,(shit I live at ogrish)but just not a normal option for a job.

THAT IS WHAT THE GUY ON 2ND GETS PAID IF HE GOES SO HE JUST DID THE SAME FOR ME. SOMETIMES IT WOULD BE 2,3, OR EVEN 4 BODIES A NIGHT. SOMETIMES 0. IT WAS COOL THOUGH. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN.

ONE TIME, WE HAD THIS DRUNK DUDE WITH US. HE WAS SLEEPING IN THE GERNY ON THE WAY TO GET THE BODY. WE CAME UP ON A TOLL BOOTH FOR A BRIDGE. THE LADY IN THE BOOTH STARTED TO LOOK IN THE CAR. RIGHT THEN, MY DRUNK FRIEND IN THE GERNY STARTED MOVING. HE WAS COVERED SO IT LOOKED LIKE A BODY. SHE STARTED SCREAMING AND RAN OUT OF HER TOLL BOOTH AND WOULDNT RETURN UNTIL WE PULLED OFF. WE STAYED THERE AND LAUGHED FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES.




KAYNE

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

THAT IS WHAT THE GUY ON 2ND GETS PAID IF HE GOES SO HE JUST DID THE SAME FOR ME. SOMETIMES IT WOULD BE 2,3, OR EVEN 4 BODIES A NIGHT. SOMETIMES 0. IT WAS COOL THOUGH. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN.

ONE TIME, WE HAD THIS DRUNK DUDE WITH US. HE WAS SLEEPING IN THE GERNY ON THE WAY TO GET THE BODY. WE CAME UP ON A TOLL BOOTH FOR A BRIDGE. THE LADY IN THE BOOTH STARTED TO LOOK IN THE CAR. RIGHT THEN, MY DRUNK FRIEND IN THE GERNY STARTED MOVING. HE WAS COVERED SO IT LOOKED LIKE A BODY. SHE STARTED SCREAMING AND RAN OUT OF HER TOLL BOOTH AND WOULDNT RETURN UNTIL WE PULLED OFF. WE STAYED THERE AND LAUGHED FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES.
KAYNE

sounds like this prank my friend,and i pulled a few halloweens back.My friend has a glass eye,and we had him run into liquor stores with his eye out,and fake blood running from the socket.He would scream frantically saying someone popped that fucker out.
It's wierd the only reaction we got was,"get out or I'll call the cops!"Guesss they were scared.

 

[thebabydoc]

do you ob/gyn's use that shit coroners use under their nose when they perform an autopsy?

Never found the need; just learn to mouth breathe.

 

[KAYNE]

Never found the need; just learn to mouth breathe.

MOUTHBREATHING WILL ONLY MAKE YOU TASTE THE SMELL OF A DECOMP. WORST SMELL YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE. ESPECIALLY ONE THAT WAS BURNED. VICKS ONLY MASKS THE SMELL A LITTLE TO MAKE IT WHERE YOU WONT THROW UP. HOWEVER, MOST OF THE TIME, YOU STILL THROW UP.



KAYNE

 

[thebabydoc]

seems to work for me; I've never even gagged.

 

[manny78]

MOUTHBREATHING WILL ONLY MAKE YOU TASTE THE SMELL OF A DECOMP. WORST SMELL YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE. ESPECIALLY ONE THAT WAS BURNED. VICKS ONLY MASKS THE SMELL A LITTLE TO MAKE IT WHERE YOU WONT THROW UP. HOWEVER, MOST OF THE TIME, YOU STILL THROW UP.



KAYNE

For the few times I met a decomp or burned body, I just stuck some Bengay in my nose cause the little masks we have won't do shit for smell. Especially the smell of a burned body.

 

[thebabydoc]

MOUTHBREATHING WILL ONLY MAKE YOU TASTE THE SMELL OF A DECOMP. WORST SMELL YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE. ESPECIALLY ONE THAT WAS BURNED. VICKS ONLY MASKS THE SMELL A LITTLE TO MAKE IT WHERE YOU WONT THROW UP. HOWEVER, MOST OF THE TIME, YOU STILL THROW UP.

KAYNE

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...

PUSSY!

 

[KAYNE]

For the few times I met a decomp or burned body, I just stuck some Bengay in my nose cause the little masks we have won't do shit for smell. Especially the smell of a burned body.

WE USE VICKS AND THE MASK IF ITS TOO BAD BUT MOSTLY JUST SOME VICKS UNDER THE NOSE.



BABYDOC
ARE YOU CALLING ME A PUSSY OR ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE SMELL OF PUSSY?



KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

DARK

DEPENDING ON HOW LONG THE BODY HAS BEEN DECOMPOSING, THE SMELL IS SOMETHING YOU NVR WANT TO SMELL AGAIN AND IT CANT BE COMPARED TO ANYTHING. I HAVE A VERY TOUGH STOMACH/MIND. SO NOTHING REALLY TURNS MY STOMACH EXCEPT PUKE AND CHILDBIRTH. BUT THAT SMELL HAS MADE ME GAG A FEW TIMES.

I PICKED UP A BODY OF A RUSSIAN SAILOR OUT OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER ONCE. IT SMELLED SO BAD, THE VAN WE TRANSPORTED THE BODY IN SMELLED SO BAD JUST FROM HAVING THE BODY IN IT, WE HAD TO HAVE IT STEAM CLEANED TWO TIMES AND HURRY UP AND SELL IT BEFORE THE STINCH STARTED TO COME OUT AGAIN. HE HAD CRABS AND OTHER PARASITES EATING THE INSIDE OF HIS EYES, EARS, NOSE, AND ANY OTHER ORPHUS THEY COULD GET INTO.




KAYNE

 

[thebabydoc]

Sorry K, need to clarify...


YOU ARE A PUSSY!

 

[KAYNE]

Sorry K, need to clarify...


YOU ARE A PUSSY!

YA KNOW, IF ME AND YOU WERENT COOL, I'D TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT.......LOL

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, I CAN TAKE YOU IN THE DECOMP UNIT OF THE MORGUE AND YOU WILL BE THANKING GOD YOU ONLY SMELL ROTTEN PUSSY FROM TIME TO TIME.



KAYNE

 

[thebabydoc]

Been there, done that. Like I told you, I've never even gagged (except when sick).

 

[KAYNE]

AS LONG AS I'M NOT SMELLIN THE SHIT, I'M STRAIGHT. LIKE I SAID, THERE IS ONLY TWO THINGS I CANT LOOK AT IN THIS WORLD........CHILD BIRTH AND PUKE.



KAYNE

 

[thebabydoc]

Both of which I see on an almost daily basis.

Girly man!

 

[DirtyDogman]

Funeral homes are big fuckin business. With the MILLIONS those people make, i'd be workin with dead bodies too. My boy used to make 600 a week embalming bodies. His family owned the place, and they were filthy rich. You got to figure, if a place does 30 bodies a month they are bringing in atleast 150 grand a month. But that is only at a minimum of 5 grand a person.

Funeral Homes make millions, and its not like they are going to run out of customers LOLOL

 

[JohnyJuice]

AS LONG AS I'M NOT SMELLIN THE SHIT, I'M STRAIGHT. LIKE I SAID, THERE IS ONLY TWO THINGS I CANT LOOK AT IN THIS WORLD........CHILD BIRTH AND PUKE.



KAYNE

Yup, veiwing childbirth makes me not want o hit or even look at another B-gine for months. yuk.

 

[Lao Tzu]

ITS CALLED VICKS

What are vicks?


i've thought about being a mortician. You'd have to own your own funeral home to start making real money though.

 

[KAYNE]

What are vicks?


i've thought about being a mortician. You'd have to own your own funeral home to start making real money though.

VICKS VAPOR RUB. ITS PURPOSE IS WHEN PEOPLE GET SICK AND REALLY STOPPED UP SINUSES, YOU RUB IN ON YOUR CHEST AND IT CLEARS UP THE SINUSES. THE ALSO HAVE THE INHALERS THOUGH.

PRIVATE FUNERAL HOMES WILL NOT SURVIVE IF THEY ARE IN A CITY OR METRO AREA. THE CORPERATIONS ARE IN CONTROL OF THAT BUSINESS. IT IS REALLY REALLY HARD FOR A NEW PRIVATE FUNERAL HOME TO SURVIVE, IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE. THE ONES THAT HAVE BEEN IN EXISTENCE FOR A LONG TIME HAVE A MUCH BETTER CHANCE DUE TO NAME RECOGNITION AND THEY ARE MOST LIKELY IN A RURAL AREA.




KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

Both of which I see on an almost daily basis.

Girly man!

ACTUALLY BABYDOC, YOU ARE THE GIRLY MAN!!! LOL



KAYNE

 

[thebabydoc]

No, I am the Girly's MAN

 

[BronzedGoddess]

So Kayne, when you have kids are you not going to be in the delivery room?

 

[KAYNE]

So Kayne, when you have kids are you not going to be in the delivery room?

C

ITS FUNNY YOU ASK THAT. I HAVE HAD 3 SERIOUS GF'S IN MY LIFE. WITH EACH ONE I TOLD THEM THAT IF IT GETS TO THE POINT WHERE WE HAVE KIDS, I WOULD NOT BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM. 2 OF THEM SAID THEY WOULDNT WANT ME IN THEIR.

SO NO, I DONT THINK I WILL BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM. I'M CONTENT WITH BEING JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR UNTIL THE WHOLE PROCESS IS OVER.



BABYDOC........DONT GET IT TWISTED.....YOURE JUST THE GIRLY MAN. NOT THE GIRLY'S MAN. LOL




KAYNE

 

[BronzedGoddess]

C

ITS FUNNY YOU ASK THAT. I HAVE HAD 3 SERIOUS GF'S IN MY LIFE. WITH EACH ONE I TOLD THEM THAT IF IT GETS TO THE POINT WHERE WE HAVE KIDS, I WOULD NOT BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM. 2 OF THEM SAID THEY WOULDNT WANT ME IN THEIR.

SO NO, I DONT THINK I WILL BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM. I'M CONTENT WITH BEING JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR UNTIL THE WHOLE PROCESS IS OVER.



BABYDOC........DONT GET IT TWISTED.....YOURE JUST THE GIRLY MAN. NOT THE GIRLY'S MAN. LOL
KAYNE

You're gonna miss out on the most precious experience a parent can have, but if you were in there and passed out, I guess you'd miss it anyways

 

[KAYNE]

You're gonna miss out on the most precious experience a parent can have, but if you were in there and passed out, I guess you'd miss it anyways

LOL.....I WOULDNT PASS OUT...I PROBABLY WOULD JUST START PUKING. BUT THEN THAT IS BOTH THINGS THAT I CANT TAKE AT THE SAME TIME. NO TELLING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN!!! LIKE I SAID, MY STOMACH/NERVES ARE RARELY RATTLED BUT PUKE AND CHILDBIRTH ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT CAN DO IT. I'VE SEEN AND DONE SHIT THAT PEOPLE NVR SEE OR DO IN THEIR LIVES, HOWEVER, THOSE TWO THINGS I CANNOT TAKE.

MY DOG JUST PUKED YESTERDAY. I WOULDNT GO IN THE KITCHEN UNTIL MY MOMS CLEANED IT AND SPRAYED AIR FRESHENER!!! LOL



KAYNE

 

[BronzedGoddess]

LOL.....I WOULDNT PASS OUT...I PROBABLY WOULD JUST START PUKING. BUT THEN THAT IS BOTH THINGS THAT I CANT TAKE AT THE SAME TIME. NO TELLING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN!!! LIKE I SAID, MY STOMACH/NERVES ARE RARELY RATTLED BUT PUKE AND CHILDBIRTH ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT CAN DO IT. I'VE SEEN AND DONE SHIT THAT PEOPLE NVR SEE OR DO IN THEIR LIVES, HOWEVER, THOSE TWO THINGS I CANNOT TAKE.

MY DOG JUST PUKED YESTERDAY. I WOULDNT GO IN THE KITCHEN UNTIL MY MOMS CLEANED IT AND SPRAYED AIR FRESHENER!!! LOL



KAYNE

Haha, I got sick during labor and threw up.......................Don't you think I'm sexxxxxxxxy

I can't stand to see my son throw up, becuase I hate being helpless so my hubby handles all of that. But it doesn't gross me out.

Are you ok with poop? Or are you gonna add that to the list so you don't have to change any dirty diapers?

Just kiddin.............don't go putting roots on me now.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Actually childbirth is kind of neat. My oldest daughter was present when her youngest sister was born. She was only 4 + and thought it was the shit! The doc actually had to ask her to move over a few times while the baby was coming out. Then again when the placenta was delivered, etc. Actually, we video-taped all of our children being born and they ask to see themselves all the time.

I was also lucky enough to see my niece and one nephew being born. The really gross part if after the baby is delivered. Now THAT SHIT IS NASTY and should be avoided at all costs LOL.

Puke, dirty diapers - that stuff is chump changed. I potty-trained four kids and I swear to God that is one thing that would keep me from ever having another baby again. The mere notion of potty-training sends shivers down my spine.

How you can say that badly decomposed bodies don't gross you out but something as benign as puke or childbirth does, I can't see....

 

[thebabydoc]

Every once in a while, if the father is enthusiastic enough, I'll let him deliver the baby. Now THAT's a trip!

 

[p0ink]

Every once in a while, if the father is enthusiastic enough, I'll let him deliver the baby. Now THAT's a trip!

what if something goes wrong and they hold you responsible?

 

[machaveli]

anything with retro hair is nasty

 

[Frackal]

kayne is thirsty for a tall cool glass of afterbirth mmmmm

 

[Spartacus]

DARK

DEPENDING ON HOW LONG THE BODY HAS BEEN DECOMPOSING, THE SMELL IS SOMETHING YOU NVR WANT TO SMELL AGAIN AND IT CANT BE COMPARED TO ANYTHING. I HAVE A VERY TOUGH STOMACH/MIND. SO NOTHING REALLY TURNS MY STOMACH EXCEPT PUKE AND CHILDBIRTH. BUT THAT SMELL HAS MADE ME GAG A FEW TIMES.

I PICKED UP A BODY OF A RUSSIAN SAILOR OUT OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER ONCE. IT SMELLED SO BAD, THE VAN WE TRANSPORTED THE BODY IN SMELLED SO BAD JUST FROM HAVING THE BODY IN IT, WE HAD TO HAVE IT STEAM CLEANED TWO TIMES AND HURRY UP AND SELL IT BEFORE THE STINCH STARTED TO COME OUT AGAIN. HE HAD CRABS AND OTHER PARASITES EATING THE INSIDE OF HIS EYES, EARS, NOSE, AND ANY OTHER orifice THEY COULD GET INTO.
..KAYNE knows the biz...I'm a mortician and our family has a funeral home and cemetery..on a side note,cemeteries are much more of a bitch to operate than the funeral side..we have about 3000 memorials in our cemetery and just cutting the grass and weed eating around the memorials is very labor intensive..when things get slow I'll go out in the cemetery and weed eat in shorts w/o a shirt..great exercise and i can get a tan to boot..filling in the graves after the burial is a science in itself...it takes a couple of good hard rains to get the dirt to settle and then you have to refill and spot refill,pack it again...set the memorial level..etc,etc,..and then you have to sod the grave...imagine sodding about 50 graves every couple of months..trying to get all the graves level and packed before we bring in the sod..and hten too,once that grave is there..the family can come in years later and bellyache about some aspect of grandma's grave..a good storm will come through and blow the artficial flowers all over the cemetery..and the family will come in "where my damn flowers?who stole my flowers?"..i understand why they are upset as these arangements can cost close to 50..but we can't figure out whose is whose after the storm..I'll tell you this,we earn about a dollar and half for every dollar we make..now for my nasty body story..one time in midsummer we got a call to make a removal at a residence..me and my mom got about a mile down the road when my mom mentioned that the deceased had been dead a couple to three days..I was thinking well shit now you tell me..so i turned the hearse around and went back to get my respirator mask..its like a gas mask and you can't smell anything(just don't retch when you have it on)..so we got to the house and i backed the hearse into the driveway..I looked over at the house and noticed the dryer vent and there was a swarm of flys hovering around the dryer vent..then the cops gave me directions as to where the body was within the house..no thye didn't take me into the house,the told me where I could find "her"..between the fly rally and the fact that the cops wouldn't even reenter the house..I knew I was going to earn my money that day...well she was heavy and had been baking within the hot alabama sun in the house for about 3 days..the fly swarm got thicker inside and the AC wasn't on(older people on limited income won't run the AC constantly)..well she was face down in the bathroom and her massive size was ballooned form decomp gases and she was purging form her orifices....I got in position to move her out of the bathroom and she was parked right over a floor vent(the AC floor vent was right between her legs)..i heard my mom say that she was going to turn on the AC..before I could say NO..she hit the switch..well the floor vent kicked in and strarted blowing liguid debris all over..the walls,me..fuck it was nasty..now i couldn't smell cause of my trusty respirator mask,but I was beginning to heave nonetheless..and you don't want to heave into the mask..then you got a whole other set of nastiness to deal with..well I fought off the heaves(I'm a professional) and we got the body inot the van..I left the hearse and switched vehicles when I got my mask..you don't want to soil your 80K hearse..I had to drive back to the funeral home with my head out the window..decomp is that bad..the absolute worse smell..and it stays with you..in your lungs,the vehicle,the embalming room..fuck it stays with psychologically after the smell is gone..we put her one of our BMW body bags(there are various levels of body bags..a beamer body bag costs us about 150)and i bought two big bags of lime to toss in along with our preservative and deoderizing powders..obviously this was closed casket and I didn't embalm..still with a sealed closed casket and lime and heavy duty BMW bag..I still felt like I could smell her..amybe it was in my mind..but like I said,that smell hangs with you for days

KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

4EVER
YOU REMIND ME OF A HOUSE CALL THAT I GOT. IT WAS A LADY THAT WAS WELL OVER 300LBS. HER HOUSE WAS OLD SO THE GERNY COULDNT TURN INTO THE HALLWAY TO REMOVE HER. WE HAD TO PUT HER IN A BODY BAG. WE REMOVED ALL FAMILY AS SO THEY WOULDNT SEE THEIR LOVED ONE BEING PUT IN A BODY BAG. WELL, SOME SNUCK BACK IN AS WE WERE ZIPPING HER UP. THEY FUCKING FREAKED!!!

THAT SAME WEEK, I PICKED UP A 600LB WOMAN. SHE WAS SO BIG, WE HAD TO PUT EXTENSIONS ON THE WALL OF THE CREMATORY BOX. SHE DIDNT FIT IN ANYTHING. I STILL REMEMBER HER NAME.

THE RIVER BODY WAS MY WORST I THINK. I CAN RELATE TO YOUR STORY THOUGH. WE HAD A HOUSE CALL WHERE THIS GUY HAD BEEN DEAD FOR ABOUT 3 DAYS. IT WAS MID-SUMMER. JUST LIKE YOUR CALL, NO AC IN THIS HOUSE EITHER AS IT WAS AN ELDERLY MAN ALSO. HIS FACE HAD MELTED TO THE FLOOR SO WHEN WE TRIED TO RAISE HIM, HIS FACE PEELED OFF ON THE FLOOR. I HAD TO PICK EVERY LITTLE PIECE UP.

I ONLY CRIED ONCE........I HAD TO PICK UP A 9 YEAR OLD BOY. HIS WHOLE FAMILY WAS IN THE HOUSE WHEN WE ARRIVED. THE FATHER WAS LYING IN BED WITH HIM. IT WAS THE HARDEST CALL I EVER DID, ASIDE FROM PICKING UP MY OWN GRANDMOTHER OF COURSE. NO MATTER HOW HARD THAT WAS, I WASNT GOING TO LET ANYONE TOUCH HER. I MADE ARRANGEMENTS FOR MY FRIEND TO MEET ME AND PICK HER UP FOR ME AND DO THE EMBALMING. I PUT HER IN THE VAN THOUGH. I WOULDNT EVEN LET THE COPS IN HER ROOM.

DAMN, WE DO SOME CRAZY SHIT......LOL



KAYNE

 

[p0ink]

babydoc,

if i get a bitch knocked up in the near future, i will be sure to call her from mexico and tell her to look you up.

 

[thebabydoc]

babydoc,

if i get a bitch knocked up in the near future, i will be sure to call her from mexico and tell her to look you up.

ok

 

[Roadblock]

 

[WODIN]

Best Thread Ever!

 

[Bullit]

OK, here it is:

When I was a 3rd-year med student doing a gyn oncology rotation in Miami I saw this heavy black woman (I think she was Creole) who had obviously been living in the back-woods (Okefenokee swamplands I guess). ......

Jezzus-Tapdancing-Christ that is digusting.

 

[Spartacus]

xmas eve

one of my most surrealistic removals was about 4AM in the morning on christmas eve(night of the23rd)...some guy had died at home under hospice care(many people these days spend their final days at home under care of hospice nurses)..so I got up and threw on mysuit and went to the house..whoa when they opened the door..the whole living room and other parts of the house were decorated for christmas..and they had everything...green xmas trees,white xmas trees,small,med,one large tree..gingerbread nativity scenes,a train scene setup with a functioning train...lights everywhere,on the trees,around the bookshelf etc,etc..I was kinda blown away..I'm kinda groggy from waking up in deep sleep,and I'm dragging myself on this house call..and I go in and blast!..plus there were about 2 dozen family members there and they were all dressed as if it was 4PM..drinking cider and coffee..the whole place was lit up and lights a-blinking..cider fumes..shit,I was thinking wtf am I dreaming?..anyhow I later was told by the widow that she thought I was "like an angel" when I came to pick up her husband..real classy family..so thats my good story about the funeral biz

 

[thebabydoc]

gratuitous bump for gore and vomit...

 

[p0ink]

ever have people come waddling in from the night, saying they tripped and fell on the zucchini, the lightbulb, the brbie doll, the billiard balls, the struggling gerbil?

anyone ever say they slippled in the shower and fell, bull's-eye, on a greased shampoo bottle? anyone ever come in saying they were assualted by an unknown person with candles, with baseballs, with hard-boiled eggs, flashlights, and screwdrivers?

 

[Lumberg]

ever have people come waddling in from the night, saying they tripped and fell on the zucchini, the lightbulb, the brbie doll, the billiard balls, the struggling gerbil?

anyone ever say they slippled in the shower and fell, bull's-eye, on a greased shampoo bottle? anyone ever come in saying they were assualted by an unknown person with candles, with baseballs, with hard-boiled eggs, flashlights, and screwdrivers?

that happened to a friend's friend once with darth vader....

 

[BackDoc]

86 the vicks vapo rub idea. I don't know many people in the field who don't eventually get used to the smells. The vapo rub does cover smell but it also opens up the nasal passages allowing more scent particles to get into your body so you might want to look into getting a breather in addition to.

The burn unit is bad but you would get used to it. So is the crypt at the morgue because it takes time to get used to the various stages of death and decay. I will also agree with Kayne about the water...those bodies seem to smell the worst...

In gross anat 1 after a couple months of dissecting, we were starting a bowel resect using the 2 string tie-off method, busy trimming away the visceral fat pockets all the while talking about going to an all you can eat deli. Never even crossed our minds that we had adapted this much to what we were seeing.

 

[Machiavellian Muscle]

Thank god we live in a day and time when women shave the vaginas. Not too long ago there were a lot of scary hairy vaginas lurking around from what I have been told...

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

LOL.....I WOULDNT PASS OUT...I PROBABLY WOULD JUST START PUKING. BUT THEN THAT IS BOTH THINGS THAT I CANT TAKE AT THE SAME TIME. NO TELLING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN!!! LIKE I SAID, MY STOMACH/NERVES ARE RARELY RATTLED BUT PUKE AND CHILDBIRTH ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT CAN DO IT. I'VE SEEN AND DONE SHIT THAT PEOPLE NVR SEE OR DO IN THEIR LIVES, HOWEVER, THOSE TWO THINGS I CANNOT TAKE.

MY DOG JUST PUKED YESTERDAY. I WOULDNT GO IN THE KITCHEN UNTIL MY MOMS CLEANED IT AND SPRAYED AIR FRESHENER!!! LOL



KAYNE

It's all in the mind.

 

[MrsMcootersSon]

OK, here it is:

When I was a 3rd-year med student doing a gyn oncology rotation in Miami I saw this heavy black woman (I think she was Creole) who had obviously been living in the back-woods (Okefenokee swamplands I guess). She came in with half her bottom eroded away by what we could only guess was a vulvar cancer.

No shit, it looked like a great white shark had taken a clean chomp out of the left side of her vulva, vagina, and butt. You could see the rectum (open like 4 inches up) and the cervix (also normally like 4-5 inches inside). Also all the rotting muscles of the glutes and even part of the femoris. You can imagine without a rectal sphincter, stool just flowed freely. As for the smell...even my vocabulary and ability to narrate could not do it justice.

The big question was how the f*ck this lady didn't "notice" this; it must have taken years to erode as it had. Truly a one-of-a-kind experience...

baby doc, sir, u shouldn't have told this tale cuz now u got little scoobys woody bouncing off the walls and....holy shit, my penis just tore a hole in my pants throught my zipper and riped open my pepsi-boxers, and my big blood thirst cock is sitting here throbbing infront of my keyboard, and everyone knows what that means, im going to bring back some good memories 4 mr babydoctorproctor sir, by singing the black lady coober ditty that was taught to me by sacred squirrel and perfected with help of the poet lauriet of hte ffn, littlefirefly!!

well hello there mrs black lady, ur pussy has an infection?

well aunt jamima, my name is thebabydock, and i have a cure; my erection!!!

spread them legs, and lets see them pancakes baby!! they could even have some syrup on them maybe!!! hold on a minute honey, i have to pour some pepsi over that furry little bunny!!

that aint funny, dummy, i just poured pepsi on ur fat tummy!!

now its running all down into your bummy, yummy!!!

the pepsi aint yet on ur coober mrs whore? here, let me pour on some more, get on all 4, and i will stick a can of pepsi in them trap door.

big black lady, u have no idea what i got in store. we are going to fix up ur coober and make it better than before.

my dick is now hard, so its time to remove the lard. i open the fur, and i see the coober, suck on your boober, and now im ready to manuver!!

i opened up the black, didn't see no nutsack, so im sure you a girl, i think, here comes the pink, oh, okay, its more like purple,

and the pussy goes burp, so i puy my mouth on her and give a slurp, now its clean, so i drop in that coober a little lima-bean, and hook her coober up to the pussy cleaning machine!!! it cleans her pussy out, gets rid of all the grout, big black lady give one last shout!!!!

thre now, good as new, now that im through, i clean hte pepsi out your chicken coop, and a chicken flyes out and farts, i throw in ur pussy some sweet tarts, and ur pussy farts, ge willikers!!!!!!! now u have a baby, oh sorry u were just taking a shit; i pull out my dmp blade and chop off ur tits, mrs!

have no fear mrs jamima, i will clean ur sloppy pussy up in no tima!
no time like the present, your pussy looks like a dead phesant
so i will give it a present, my cock, i covered it up with a dirty sock, and stuck it in your coober, it felt so super!!!

i licked it clean, and took a shit in there, even shaved off all the hair.

now ur coober is bare, no more hare!
u can even masturbate; sermon of mockery can be ur mate
so we can drink pepsi like the bad boys of the ffn, u big fat nasty hen!!

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

baby doc, sir, u shouldn't have told this tale cuz now u got little scoobys woody bouncing off the walls and....holy shit, my penis just tore a hole in my pants throught my zipper and riped open my pepsi-boxers, and my big blood thirst cock is sitting here throbbing infront of my keyboard, and everyone knows what that means, im going to bring back some good memories 4 mr babydoctorproctor sir, by singing the black lady coober ditty that was taught to me by sacred squirrel and perfected with help of the poet lauriet of hte ffn, littlefirefly!!

well hello there mrs black lady, ur pussy has an infection?

well aunt jamima, my name is thebabydock, and i have a cure; my erection!!!

spread them legs, and lets see them pancakes baby!! they could even have some syrup on them maybe!!! hold on a minute honey, i have to pour some pepsi over that furry little bunny!!

that aint funny, dummy, i just poured pepsi on ur fat tummy!!

now its running all down into your bummy, yummy!!!

the pepsi aint yet on ur coober mrs whore? here, let me pour on some more, get on all 4, and i will stick a can of pepsi in them trap door.

big black lady, u have no idea what i got in store. we are going to fix up ur coober and make it better than before.

my dick is now hard, so its time to remove the lard. i open the fur, and i see the coober, suck on your boober, and now im ready to manuver!!

i opened up the black, didn't see no nutsack, so im sure you a girl, i think, here comes the pink, oh, okay, its more like purple,

and the pussy goes burp, so i puy my mouth on her and give a slurp, now its clean, so i drop in that coober a little lima-bean, and hook her coober up to the pussy cleaning machine!!! it cleans her pussy out, gets rid of all the grout, big black lady give one last shout!!!!

thre now, good as new, now that im through, i clean hte pepsi out your chicken coop, and a chicken flyes out and farts, i throw in ur pussy some sweet tarts, and ur pussy farts, ge willikers!!!!!!! now u have a baby, oh sorry u were just taking a shit; i pull out my dmp blade and chop off ur tits, mrs!

have no fear mrs jamima, i will clean ur sloppy pussy up in no tima!
no time like the present, your pussy looks like a dead phesant
so i will give it a present, my cock, i covered it up with a dirty sock, and stuck it in your coober, it felt so super!!!

i licked it clean, and took a shit in there, even shaved off all the hair.

now ur coober is bare, no more hare!
u can even masturbate; sermon of mockery can be ur mate
so we can drink pepsi like the bad boys of the ffn, u big fat nasty hen!!

 

[KAYNE]

It's all in the mind.

NA MAN, THAT IS REALLY THE ONLY TWO THINGS I CANNOT TAKE. EVERYTHING ESLE ISNT SHIT.




KAYNE

 

[Lumberg]

this is the most fucked up shit ever.......or maybe it's the vicodin and indocin.....but it's some weird shit.

sir.