The Insidious Turtle

[Nathan]

The turtle's face is home to an insipid smirk, as if to say, "I, the turtle, am way the fuck better than you." You see, the turtle knows that in the event of a pissed off passer-by, all he has to do is curl up into his hard little shell and wait for the on-coming torrent of fury to blow itself out. That bastard will simply tuck his mother fucking head into his shell and then laugh and laugh as his frustrated attacker tires himself out with little to show for his efforts. What the turtle didn't plan on, however, is chemical warfare. That's right. With technology being what it is today, we no longer have to beat away at the turtle's indestructible shell for hours on end. Rather, we can just gas that asshole out. And then, when its choking on the noxious fumes, we can rabbit punch that fucker in the groin. And, as if that weren't enough, while he's grabbing at his crotch in anguish, we can shove his own feces into his mouth and then plug his nose so that he is forced to swallow his own excrement in order to breath.

The turtle an unbeatable foe you say? I think not.

 

[biteme]

The turtle's face is home to an insipid smirk, as if to say, "I, the turtle, am way the fuck better than you." You see, the turtle knows that in the event of a pissed off passer-by, all he has to do is curl up into his hard little shell and wait for the on-coming torrent of fury to blow itself out. That bastard will simply tuck his mother fucking head into his shell and then laugh and laugh as his frustrated attacker tires himself out with little to show for his efforts. What the turtle didn't plan on, however, is chemical warfare. That's right. With technology being what it is today, we no longer have to beat away at the turtle's indestructible shell for hours on end. Rather, we can just gas that asshole out. And then, when its choking on the noxious fumes, we can rabbit punch that fucker in the groin. And, as if that weren't enough, while he's grabbing at his crotch in anguish, we can shove his own feces into his mouth and then plug his nose so that he is forced to swallow his own excrement in order to breath.

The turtle an unbeatable foe you say? I think not.

What did you smoke tonight Nathan?

 

[RADAR]

A lota planning went into this thread!




RADAR

 

[KnoXville]

Balderdash, I amply conceive that there is some kind of secluded meaning to all this rambling rhetoric, but urinate in my protein shake and punch me in the face I can’t seem to assemble this infernal word puzzle. With any regard, this tedious tortoise is quite a dimwit nevertheless, what kind of ingenious creature evolves a beak and tail when shell bound anyway. It’s like those purposeless penguins and peacocks with there rudimentary appendages. I’m not one that just goes around flagrantly pointing fingers, but I personally and irrefutably blame Jesus for this.

 

[KnoXville]

lol KnoX, always here to steal Nathan's thunder

Don’t get me wrong my suave swat bound broly, my immediate intention was not to veinly burglarize poor Nathan’s tenacious thread thunder. After all aside from his elephantine drug codependence, his thunder is really the only solid thing that he has to vigilantly grasp onto in this overly malicious and seductive reality. Nathan without his thunder is like a porcupine without its spine coat, while he may indeed still be the same robust mammal underneath, at the end of the day he just isn’t the same prick without it.

 

[HG Pennypacker]

I thought this was a poop thread

 

[Raina]

I'm glad I read this-- it is insightful and will very likely help me today.

 

[Ffactor]

Ummmm...gay?

 

[KnoXville]

Ummmm...gay?

Whoa! Look out David letterman, move out of the way Martin Lawrence, Ffactor is in the thread and I think he’s trying to break the record for sheer originality here. Constituents of elite, give the lad a round of applause and perhaps a wonderfully gold plastic trophy for the intellectual rollercoaster he must have boarded to bust out that condescending homosexual quip. I mean, he did it last year, most of this year, all this week and finally who would have guessed that he would so wantonly bust it out today. True talent starts right here folks.

 

[havoc]

Whoa! Look out David letterman, move out of the way Martin Lawrence, Ffactor is in the thread and I think he’s trying to break the record for sheer originality here. Constituents of elite, give the lad a round of applause and perhaps a wonderfully gold plastic trophy for the intellectual rollercoaster he must have boarded to bust out that condescending homosexual quip. I mean, he did it last year, most of this year, all this week and finally who would have guessed that he would so wantonly bust it out today. True talent starts right here folks.

 

[Ffactor]

Whoa! Look out David letterman, move out of the way Martin Lawrence, Ffactor is in the thread and I think he’s trying to break the record for sheer originality here. Constituents of elite, give the lad a round of applause and perhaps a wonderfully gold plastic trophy for the intellectual rollercoaster he must have boarded to bust out that condescending homosexual quip. I mean, he did it last year, most of this year, all this week and finally who would have guessed that he would so wantonly bust it out today. True talent starts right here folks.

Ummm..I don't think I'm picking up what your putting down.

Gay!

 

[KnoXville]

Ummm..I don't think I'm picking up what your putting down.

Gay!

I have yet to lower anything down to your tragically wondrous low. So don’t be all valiantly trying to pick up what you can’t reach, because what I’m dropping is much too weighty for you to be carrying, and even if you could get up to it, which you obviously cannot, it is very rigidly barbed with machetes, and may or may not sport some sharp poison tipped edges. So don’t even try unless you like, have some strong gloves on or something.

 

[rsnoble]

Raina-nice fucking ass! what was this stupid thread about?

 

[Ffactor]

I have yet to lower anything down to your tragically wondrous low. So don’t be all valiantly trying to pick up what you can’t reach, because what I’m dropping is much too weighty for you to be carrying, and even if you could get up to it, which you obviously cannot, it is very rigidly barbed with machetes, and may or may not sport some sharp poison tipped edges. So don’t even try unless you like, have some strong gloves on or something.

Did you notice I spelled you are wrong. It should be you're not your. hahahahahahah. Another innocent victim of the Ffactor!

 

[KnoXville]

Did you notice I spelled you are wrong. It should be you're not your.

You're an idiot.

 

[Nathan]

I see Knoxville and his thesaurus have bombarded yet another of my threads with countless vowel-laden words (I just made that whole vowel-laden part up, whatcha think?).

 

[KnoXville]

I see Knoxville and his thesaurus have bombarded yet another of my threads with countless vowel-laden words (I just made that whole vowel-laden part up, whatcha think?).

Exquisite work, and if I wasn’t fondling my vulva right now I would pat you on the back.

 

[Ffactor]

Exquisite work, and if I wasn’t fondling my vulva right now I would pat you on the back.

Weired.....................