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"Eye kud use anuva wun" Stryker proclaimed to himself in anticipation of his
upcoming vacation. One week of bliss and fortitude in Deep Creek, Maryland,
his boyhood charmstead, all by hiz'selghue. He had envisioned himself as a
superhero named "Stryker" ever since he had witnessed a cockatiel bird save a
worm brethren from ultimate defeat by beetle in previous September. He had
been fired from his previous job at the Vetinal Plant out on 88 because of leud
and lascivious behavior built up over time, the final blow being what he called
"harmless banter" when he had placed a tapeworm in his boss's applesauce one
afternoon, causing the man nearly to expire.
He had been on several job interviews the previous week, none of which he had
received a callback because of the fact that during each interview he would sit
with his back toward the interviewer and put on swimming goggles and a snorkle.
He called this technique "Minding tha Servant", which in his distorted and
half-assed brain was meant to distract the interviewer into believing that he
was in a more relaxed environment, such as a beach, and hence would ensue more
vivid relaxation in himself, causing the interviewer to become more passive and
thereby a greater chance of employing the interviewee.
After several failed attempts, Stryker inevitably threw and handful of sand
into the interviewer's face to more quickly "jumpstart" his thinking into
relaxation mode. But it had failed miserably, and Stryker was left with but a
Coke and a frown, the Coke eventually being thrown into a nearby ditch at the
thought of how drastic a change would occur if the polar icecaps would melt in
70 days.
His brain had began discharging into a regressive state, a sort of "alzheimer's
oxymoron" state, where he would go to perform a function, but would do what was
routinely opposite in this functioning to outcome to a very unpleasant
conclusion. Take for instance what he did on September 20th. He pulled up to
the gas station, got out of his car, selected 89 grade, and poured it in
through his rear window until his car was flooded with gasoline.
He had used up a total of $446 of gasoline in one filling that day, not
realizing the purpose of the gas tank. Once he pulled into his garage and
noticed what he had done, he exclaimed to himself in anger, "fuckin pigeons!".
His foot plagued him for years as well. It had an inherent corroborative
influence of "Les Hammurabai", the Pekish postule of reliquintism. It was now
October 16th. He waited outside of Buntbark Elementary for some fresh chum,
but became more and more disinterested with every passing child. Was his
molestation fetish going to hell? He went home unfettered and put a bunch of
silverware in the garbage disposal and turned it on. The screeching of the
metallic instruments being ground into Bolivia was like a chimney swift singing
"Oklahoma" into his ensuieng ear. The next day, on the 17th, the mongre awoke and decided to eat hay
on the roof. Hay was his fuckin fav. It rained all day too. The kids in the
neighborhood began calling him "Old Man Jugular". Before the Golden Age of
Testicle-Tube, it was inherent in the order of penis to regret to inform one of
himself. Eventually police had confiscated the hay and threw him into a jailcell for a few days before going in front of the district magistrate on counts of public indecency. He plead guilty, and was sentenced to 70 hours of community service, psychological counseling, and a $3,000 fine. He thought of ways to serve the community and then it hit him that he wanted to go around and try to brush everyone's teeth in the neighborhood until 70 hours went by. He would randomly walk up to people, such as a woman walking her dog on a warm breezy evening with a toothbrush covered in paste and, without even asking permission, shove it in her face and start brushing her face, never being able to get to her teeth because she would fight him off. After several failed attempts and numerous complaints, Stryker was put forth again in front of the magistrate and was confined to a month in the county jail. He vowed to come out a better person, but turned into a sperm whale and was never heard from again. Da Endue.
"Eye kud use anuva wun" Stryker proclaimed to himself in anticipation of his
upcoming vacation. One week of bliss and fortitude in Deep Creek, Maryland,
his boyhood charmstead, all by hiz'selghue. He had envisioned himself as a
superhero named "Stryker" ever since he had witnessed a cockatiel bird save a
worm brethren from ultimate defeat by beetle in previous September. He had
been fired from his previous job at the Vetinal Plant out on 88 because of leud
and lascivious behavior built up over time, the final blow being what he called
"harmless banter" when he had placed a tapeworm in his boss's applesauce one
afternoon, causing the man nearly to expire.
He had been on several job interviews the previous week, none of which he had
received a callback because of the fact that during each interview he would sit
with his back toward the interviewer and put on swimming goggles and a snorkle.
He called this technique "Minding tha Servant", which in his distorted and
half-assed brain was meant to distract the interviewer into believing that he
was in a more relaxed environment, such as a beach, and hence would ensue more
vivid relaxation in himself, causing the interviewer to become more passive and
thereby a greater chance of employing the interviewee.
After several failed attempts, Stryker inevitably threw and handful of sand
into the interviewer's face to more quickly "jumpstart" his thinking into
relaxation mode. But it had failed miserably, and Stryker was left with but a
Coke and a frown, the Coke eventually being thrown into a nearby ditch at the
thought of how drastic a change would occur if the polar icecaps would melt in
70 days.
His brain had began discharging into a regressive state, a sort of "alzheimer's
oxymoron" state, where he would go to perform a function, but would do what was
routinely opposite in this functioning to outcome to a very unpleasant
conclusion. Take for instance what he did on September 20th. He pulled up to
the gas station, got out of his car, selected 89 grade, and poured it in
through his rear window until his car was flooded with gasoline.
He had used up a total of $446 of gasoline in one filling that day, not
realizing the purpose of the gas tank. Once he pulled into his garage and
noticed what he had done, he exclaimed to himself in anger, "fuckin pigeons!".
His foot plagued him for years as well. It had an inherent corroborative
influence of "Les Hammurabai", the Pekish postule of reliquintism. It was now
October 16th. He waited outside of Buntbark Elementary for some fresh chum,
but became more and more disinterested with every passing child. Was his
molestation fetish going to hell? He went home unfettered and put a bunch of
silverware in the garbage disposal and turned it on. The screeching of the
metallic instruments being ground into Bolivia was like a chimney swift singing
"Oklahoma" into his ensuieng ear. The next day, on the 17th, the mongre awoke and decided to eat hay
on the roof. Hay was his fuckin fav. It rained all day too. The kids in the
neighborhood began calling him "Old Man Jugular". Before the Golden Age of
Testicle-Tube, it was inherent in the order of penis to regret to inform one of
himself. Eventually police had confiscated the hay and threw him into a jailcell for a few days before going in front of the district magistrate on counts of public indecency. He plead guilty, and was sentenced to 70 hours of community service, psychological counseling, and a $3,000 fine. He thought of ways to serve the community and then it hit him that he wanted to go around and try to brush everyone's teeth in the neighborhood until 70 hours went by. He would randomly walk up to people, such as a woman walking her dog on a warm breezy evening with a toothbrush covered in paste and, without even asking permission, shove it in her face and start brushing her face, never being able to get to her teeth because she would fight him off. After several failed attempts and numerous complaints, Stryker was put forth again in front of the magistrate and was confined to a month in the county jail. He vowed to come out a better person, but turned into a sperm whale and was never heard from again. Da Endue.
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