jujubes said:
I'm not really clear on what you were trying to convey with regard to my son, or how you even know what age he is, but I suppose that may have come from your chats with another member here..no doubt a person who dismisses spanking as a routine way of child rearing. Don't bother to clarify.
I simply made statements to back my position on spanking, and to reinforce that there are other options, and yes to advocate for the feelings of children. If you want to talk about a pious attitude, never once did I state to you that you "don't have a clue", or rudely tell you to kiss my not-so-rock-hard ass. I believe I have an excellent understanding of what I am enduring now, and what I just may have to endure later, and yes there have been many tears brought from pain of being a mom..and a single one at that, for the fact that I have been married for the last year and a half has unfortunately still kept me in the position of single mom, raising my children by myself. Clue into that. I have challenges with my kid who doesn't need to be a teen in order for me to have a clue, and I don't have to walk in your shoes in order to consider myself a seasoned parent, which you assert. That seems self-righteous to me.
Ultimately, I hope your children fair well in all that they do. That's really the important thing above all else.
I wasn't telling you to kiss my rock hard ass and I apologize if you took it at that. I began my statements by acknowledging that you are obviously bright. My statements towards others were mixed in to my reply but in this venue it is nearly impossible sometimes to only speak to one. I always assume that most will realize that if the shoe doesnt fit - I am clearly not speaking to them. I should remember that this is not the case.
You mentioned your son was younger so that is how I knew he was not yet of teen years.
Being a single parent isnt easy. Feel you on that.
What you (and most others) DONT understand that were my ex to die yesterday our lives would be a cake walk in comparison to what our lives have been like for the past 5+ years. To have one parent absent is not an ideal situation, however, it is far more desirable than to have your child used. Trust me on that one. We can leave it at that.
I am not self-righteous - period. Just a bit annoyed by all the attitude that has been flung at me from the word jump. The very first post on this thread is just a small example.
I have time and time again made specific remarks about:
- The merits of postive parenting.
- Establishing clear boundaries with consistency.
- Catching your kid doing something right as opposed to having to deal with a negative.
- The preference of raising your hand to show love and comfort and NOT to discipline.
I refuse to even get a TV as that would be just one more reason for my children and I to effectively ignore each other.
WE TALK.
I talk to my girls and when they talk back: I LISTEN.
We read. I am always engaged in conversation while we are doing WHATEVER - cooking, playing a game, coloring or laying in bed at night whispering sweet nothings dreaming about what our lives will be like "someday."
Now, if all of that (in a nutshell) doesnt scratch the surface of the fact that I am somewhat in touch with the fact that "a good beating now and again" is hardly an acceptable EXCUSE for parenting then there is nothing more for me to say. <----- this last statement is whence most of my frustration comes.
You are correct though, that all that matters is the well-being of the child. I have given my life for my children TWICE now and would do it again in a heartbeat. Until any one of you have sacrificed your life for a child, please dont come at me with holier than thou rhetoric (if the shoe fits). My children and I have suffered unbelievable pain because of the mean-spiritedness of another. You haven't clue one as to how it feels to be us so please just keep your judgment to yourselves. The pain is unimaginable and changes both the parent who has had their child yielded/and or taken/kept from them AND the child in ways that a shot or two on the rear end with a belt could barely BEGIN to scratch the surface of. So again, please spare me the rhetoric of the look of pain in a child's eyes.
I will tell you about the look of REAL pain in a child's eyes.
Just one example: when the police pry them off of you, "Please mommy, please mommy... I dont want to leave you mommy. When am I going to see you again mommy. PLEASE DONT GO MOMMY."
Imagine your child is kept from you FOR NO REAL REASON - NOW THAT IS DAMAGING TO A CHILD.
NEVER HAVE I DONE THIS TO THEIR FATHER - NOT EVEN WHEN THE LAW BACKED ME FOR HIM BEATING ME TO THE GROUND AND THREATENING TO VICIOUSLY KILL ME IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN.
THAT IS A LOOK IN A CHILD'S EYE THAT I HOPE YOU NEVER SEE.
HdnGd is also correct.
If you choose not to spank your child. Dont spank.
If I feel it is appropriate and all the other means of effective discipline have been exhausted, I WILL spank my child.
Agree to disagree - we can leave it at that.
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I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints darlin!
