sometimes it's weird to think about my life

[decibel]

i was just listening to a song and it dawned on me that the first time i heard it i was living in germany two and a half years ago. back then i was completely oblivious as to what was about to happen to me. since then i have moved to twice, gone back to europe three times, experienced some very, very intense things, met a ton of people and have been in two serious relationships. altogether, i am a completely different person than i was back then, including being physically different.
it's weird to me to think that if so many drastic things have happened to me in such a short amount of time, i have no idea where i will be or who i will be in two years' time.
it's weird for me to look into my girl's eyes and know that i won't be with her in just a few months -- and chances are i probably won't ever see her again (we are both planning on moving) even though we have both had a deep impact in each other's lives. it's always like this. it feels like two marbles that collide with each other and change paths but always end up taking different trajectories. i've also made some good friendships -- and left them all behind.
i am completely alone in life (and i guess everyone is). all my family is still in mexico and here i have only a very small number of friends. even with those friends that i do have, it's hard to talk about my experiences because my lifestyle is very much outside of what is considered normal, so people just don't understand.
anyway, i'm not sad. i really crave change. i LOVE life and i want to savor it as much as i can. i want to travel, taste, fuck, smell, hear, see and touch as many different things in this planet as i can. it's just that it sucks having nobody to talk to about it. i guess i can always keep a journal.
does anybody else feel the same way?

 

[HappyScrappy]

them's too many words to read

 

[HamsterHider]

Yes me to decibel. have a totally different life now than say 7 months ago. Am all alone too. Don't travel much though although it is one of my favorite things to do

 

[runner]

i couldn't live like that...i'm the exact opposite in that i resist change fiercely instead of seeking it.

it really pains me to lose touch with someone with whom i've shared so many memories and emotions. i feel like i'm losing a part of myself.

 

[Bull69]

I know exactly what you are talking about. I look at my life now compared to three years ago, and I can not believe it. The only difference is I have someone I can experience all these things together with no sacrifice in the experience.

 

[madbomber31]

change ripped me apart when i packed up and moved... then i packed up and moved again and it was the worst thing i have ever done in my life... i say if you have a girl that you honestly love... do all you can to prevent the change (loss).

funny thing with me, i am exactly where i was 2 years ago...

 

[decibel]

i'm the exact opposite in that i resist change fiercely instead of seeking it.

you can't resist change, though. that's the way life works. NOTHING in this universe is ever static.
buddhists say that a thin, flexible tree will live longer for it's branches will bend with the wind as where a rigid tree's branches will always break.

i know it's hard to leave someone you love. it's VERY hard. but it will always happen, no matter what. people will change and people have the right to live their own lives in their own way. same thing happens with material things -- they will break, they will get stolen, worn out, etc. you can't hold on to something or someone forever. you can't force things to stay the same because they never will.

 

[Freak Show]

Great post decibel! Very profound. It's good to hear that someone is going thru what I am. I too am leaving my current home in order to make some real memories before I become too old or settle down. I honestly think my life will be much better with a change of scenery. I just don't see the point in only experiencing the surroundings you were raised in. My ex was a wonderful person and taught me many things. As hard as it is to leave her, I know its for the best. I will not look back on our time with regrets, I'll just be happy it happened. I'm willing to leave my friends in order to make sure I'm happy. That may sound cold but one thing I've noticed is that I probably wouldn't have wanted to leave had they been there for me and wanted to do the same things I wanted. Time to find people I can relate to more. Oh well, I make friends pretty easily. Again, great post. Finally one that isn't about someone's eye color or what movie they saw.

 

[decibel]

freak show -- you are definitely making the right decision. i think travelling is extremely important. i don't understand people who stay in one place their entire lives just because it's easy -- even when they are not happy there!

like a girl that i've been seeing -- she was born and raised in garland, texas. she is now 34 years old and still lives in the same street she grew up in, has never left texas and has no intentions of doing so. i just don't get it.

i've been lucky enough to have travelled all over europe several times and to have experienced at least two cultures in depth (i was born and raised in mexico city). i hope to be able to see other parts of the world as well. travelling really opens up your eyes. you become aware that there are people out there who think very different than the people around you. that there are some places where it's ok to smoke pot, where it's ok to be gay, where it's ok to show your tits or to be open to your kids about what sex really is.

 

[runner]

i think part of the reason i'm SOOOO resistant to change is that i am one of those people who tends to glorify the past....my mind is always tricking me into thinking that i was without troubles or worries, carefree and happy, whenever i remenisce (sp) about old times. subconsciously, i feel like every change i've made has turned out to be a bad one.

i'll grow to be one of those old men on the street corner telling the young kids how great it was back in the day.

"can it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line?" even though i KNOW i'm rewriting lines, i can't help but think of how good things once were....