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Someone entertain me
- Thread starter BUBBLES
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tuc biscuit
New member
foreigngirl
New member
here is a joke:
NUDE BEACH
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber he got!"
NUDE BEACH
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber he got!"
DieselGunz
New member
Tuc you from Mass?
ziggyziggy
New member
Check out the moves on that lock!
Zig
cool, keep them coming
tuc biscuit
New member
Gguy9 said:
lol, manchester England bro
DieselGunz
New member
tuc biscuit said:
Juuuuuussssst a bit outside
Linked to that thread you posted earlier and every one of the woman were from mass. Thought I owuld take a shot
foreigngirl
New member
DISCLAIMER
TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
19 times you went soft before you got in
59 times you worked too late
43 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
26 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were making love to the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
19 times you went soft before you got in
59 times you worked too late
43 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
26 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were making love to the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
SoKlueles said:btw hammy bought me a cute pair of shorts and 2 shirts tonight yay
told me i couldnt gripe for 3 days ......one item of clothing for each day
if he keeps this up....this could be a nice profit for me
lol,
he has to look after his woman if he intends on keeping her
is he trying to make up to you? he wants kitty for sure...
you
foreigngirl
New member
PBR said:this little hippo was a surviver of the tsunami...it has made this 100year old tortise its mother...he never leaves her, they are the best of friends...cool, i thought you might like them....
thats sooooo cute
outset2
New member
The talking dog joke
This guy is driving along and sees a sign that says “Talking Dog for Sale”. The guy is kinda interested but expects a hokes and stops. He knocks at the door of the house, the owner answers.
Guy: so you have a talking dog for sale
Owner: Yes, would you like to see him
Guy: I’d like that
So they go around to the back yard and the dog starts talking in normal English and explains how he had worked for the FBI snooping in on conversations by drug dealers, terrorists and many other criminals. He says he was responsible for many arrests in his work with the FBI and how he had toured the world in his carrier. So the guy, very impressed turns to the dogs owner and says
Guy: How much do you want for the dog?
Owner: ten dollars
Guy: Wow! That’s cheap. Why so cheap?
Owner: That dogs a fucking liar! He never did any of that shit!
This guy is driving along and sees a sign that says “Talking Dog for Sale”. The guy is kinda interested but expects a hokes and stops. He knocks at the door of the house, the owner answers.
Guy: so you have a talking dog for sale
Owner: Yes, would you like to see him
Guy: I’d like that
So they go around to the back yard and the dog starts talking in normal English and explains how he had worked for the FBI snooping in on conversations by drug dealers, terrorists and many other criminals. He says he was responsible for many arrests in his work with the FBI and how he had toured the world in his carrier. So the guy, very impressed turns to the dogs owner and says
Guy: How much do you want for the dog?
Owner: ten dollars
Guy: Wow! That’s cheap. Why so cheap?
Owner: That dogs a fucking liar! He never did any of that shit!
