social phobia/anxiety

[Raina]

Medication can help but I think it's inifinitely more helpful if you see a therapist who can teach you coping strategies for dealing with that kind of anxiety.

I've dealt with a whole mess of mental issuse for as long as I can remember. I have generalized anxiety and panic disorder. It can be crippling. Sometimes it's really hard for me to function anywhere near normally at work. When things are a little more under control with me I can go out and be around people and be fine. But sometimes it puts me in a total state of terror for no reason.

It's a really frustrating thing to deal with since it's not rational. There's help out there though if you want it. I'm not "normal' by any means but at least I know I'm trying.

 

[musclemom]

Medication can help but I think it's inifinitely more helpful if you see a therapist who can teach you coping strategies for dealing with that kind of anxiety.

...

It's a really frustrating thing to deal with since it's not rational. There's help out there though if you want it. I'm not "normal' by any means but at least I know I'm trying.

I didn't intend this to be as long as it turned out but it's sort of a stream of consciousness thing ...

Raina, I'm surprised at how many people on the board have social issues (percentage wise ... I guess I thought it was one of those rarities, but I'm thinking I was wrong). Weight training is almost an antisocial sport, isn't it? I guess it's one of the reasons why it's always been something I've enjoyed. There is no true competition, except with yourself, even if you're working out with the goal of competing in a BB/fig/fit contest, the real competion is against yourself, the determination to do the cardio, sticking with the regimen of working out, the dieting, that's all more of a personal challenge and a test of personal determination.

But to your statement and what I'm trying to say to the others, it's much easier to try to fix this problem (agoraphobia, panic disorder, social anxiety) when you're younger (and I'm not trying to be dismissive of what anyone who's living with this right now is dealing with), first of all, youth brings resilience, but also you'd be surprised how you can craft your life to slowly cut yourself off from people ... I'm at the point now where, between the kind of job I have, what my financial situation is, where my relationship is -- I really DON'T need to set foot outside the door ... EVER ... I have the internet for shopping, reference, and virtual contact with the human species, I have a very complete weight training setup in the basement, two types of cardio equipment, my cats, and for anything needed that I can't order from the internet -- like grocery shopping -- my husband is sweet about picking things up. I don't need to fix this anymore, it really doesn't matter.

Oh, there is a plus side, my anxiety levels have reduced 500% (I used to either get shooting pains in my stomach, have IBS or be nauseous and vomiting before going to work, and that was when I worked in a TINY office, just me and three other people and I was left alone most of the day. Then I went and accepted a position in a county job and was one of 20 people in the office, and I lost 5 lbs. in two days ... I was back to having panic attacks walking down the hall to the office ... I had to resign, I just couldn't take it).

On the minus ... I guess the best way to sum it up is to tell you simply that when I buried my mom last year my best friends were reduced in number by half; the only real best friend I have now is my husband. It would be nice to have someone to go shopping with (it's such a chick thing) I know that sounds stupid but ... you know how it's fun to go shopping with a friend looking for just that perfect gift for your kid or your husband? I really miss that ... (for guys, think of watching your favorite team in a really important kick ass game ... alone versus with your best buddy).

And I loathe the holidays ... it really blows at Thanksgiving and Christmas, both my husband and I are only children, we have NO close family, and he doesn't have any friends either (he didn't get custody of any friends in the divorce, either). I hate the holidays, I hate having it shoved down my throat at every t.v. special and every commercial that I have nobody to cook for and nobody to sit down and enjoy a meal with other than my husband and son, and my son is young man moving on with his life. I don't want him to end up like me, disconnected and isolated, and I refuse to play the guilt mom martyr trip. If he wants to spend the holidays at a friends house or with his father I really want him to have a good time.

I have to stop this ... this isn't a good week for me anyway but I'm getting myself awfully maudlin ... what I'm really trying to point out is that it is POSSIBLE to live a life that's very isolated, situations and even you yourself can disconnect you from people and it can happen in such subtle ways, over the course of a long time, that one day you turn around and go, "I'm alone, I have no one to share this with," and when you get old enough you go, "f**k it, what's the difference," and this is a precarious existance. I have NO support system, no one to turn to, no sounding board.

So if someone out there reads this and goes, crap, that's what I'm doing to myself ... you don't want to be here, fix it while you can and while the fixing will make a difference. It's not going to make any difference if I fix it in my life now, that's the point I'm trying to make. I'll just be isolated and wishing I had friends and feeling REALLY lonely ... because how do you go out and build solid friendships when you're in your 40s or 50s??? Think about it. It doesn't happen, trust me. Other people are either raising their kids or their stepkids, getting those kids through college, and doing this while taking care their home, maybe a vacation home, and definitely their parents who are usually in failing health and their parents house, meanwhile their jobs are on the fasttrack to sock that last bit of cash into the 401K before they hit their 60s ... I'm at the time of life when friendships generally get a little sidelined but they're still there. Good, solid friendships can last through the dry season; people still get together for holidays and special occasions. Down the road these friendships rebloom when there's time to apply energy to them, but you don't go out and build these kinds of friendships now, it's just too late. People in my age group are just too busy to add new relationships to their lives, it's too much of a distraction and calls for too much energy.

So, guys, do you want a reason to take care of your social anxiety disorder? Do it when you're young and going out and meeting new friends is something you can do ... becuse if you don't, you better decide right now that you are comfortable with being an island, you'll be okay spending a lot of time inside your own head, and you can be your own best counsel.

 

[markshark]

thats what i wonder about though sometimes, musclemom. like you described how you can be your own island. slowly i have stopped speaking and socializing in public (im 23 and havent went out for over 2 years, whereas i was always partying and having fun in highschool) and im happy by myself. but you have to force yourself to go out into public because you have to go to your job, or class, or to get food. the more i stop trying to contend with peers and interact in society the more i want to be alone and long to live by myself one day. for some reason i have become an introvert.

 

[nycgirl]

One of the best things for it is to try to keep breaking out of your comfort zone. Set some goals for yourself and if they seem too big break them down into smaller more managable ones. I also helps if you have someone to talk to (i.e. a family member, girl friend .....) that you can talk to and tell them what you are thinking and going through. A different perspective is always helpful. Also read up on social phobia, there is a ton of books out there dealing with your challenges. I hope this helps you. good luck!

This is what I did. I suffered anxiety at my last job. So much so it lead to a severe case of depression that I never sough treatement for. I handled it on my own and came out of it (running helped ALOT).

 

[musclemom]

thats what i wonder about though sometimes, musclemom. like you described how you can be your own island. slowly i have stopped speaking and socializing in public (im 23 and havent went out for over 2 years, whereas i was always partying and having fun in highschool) and im happy by myself. but you have to force yourself to go out into public because you have to go to your job, or class, or to get food. the more i stop trying to contend with peers and interact in society the more i want to be alone and long to live by myself one day. for some reason i have become an introvert.

Exactly, you hit the nail right on the head, the less you interact with other people, the less you want to interact with people and then less they want to interact with you. When you're older, like me, your kids are grown, you have a loving spouse and a career, that's one thing ... but you're a very young man to be isolating yourself now when you should be out having the best time of your life.

PM me if you'd like to chat You bring out the Mom in me, Mark, you're only a little older than my own son (he'll be turning 21 very shortly).

 

[plifter]

I'm so glad to hear you guys discuss this. I thought I was a rare freak with my social anxiety. It's nice to know that it's more common than I thought. My social anxiety is weird because sometimes I do some of the most extroverted things. I entered an amateur male stripper contest one time. That's not something a shy social phoboc person does. However, if I have to converse with someone I don't know very well, I start sweating buckets and basically freak out. It's killed my social life. Women think I'm stuck up because I don't talk a lot. I've honestly never had a long term relationship with a female. It also holds my career back. There have been times when I passed on better jobs simply because I was afraid of having to meet new people.

I'm trying to change things. I just applied for a transfer at work to an area that's 2500 miles from my home now. It scares me to death but I want to do it. Maybe if I jump in the deep end and start facing all of my fears, things will get better for me.

 

[Mike_83]

I also have social anxiety. I can´t talk to girls that I find attractive. If I see a girl that looks good my heart beats fast and I almost can´t look at her.

 

[nuevo laredo]

I went through a particularly stressful period and my doctor prescribed a short acting beta blocker called metoprolol. It blocks the receptors that cause your heart rate to increase and in general really smooths you out without any addiction, rebound, or side effects. It was a super small dose so small that the pharmacy had to special order the pills and then I had to break them in half.

Interesting drug. It turns you into a cool customer in the most critically stressful of situations.

 

[nuevo laredo]

I also have social anxiety. I can´t talk to girls that I find attractive. If I see a girl that looks good my heart beats fast and I almost can´t look at her.

Try the beta-blocker. Just tell your doctor and he should be more than willing to try it.

 

[markshark]

Try the beta-blocker. Just tell your doctor and he should be more than willing to try it.

not trying to sound like a know it all, but that beta-blocker, is that in any way relation to meds like zoloft? i know my doc had me on that only like a half a pill a day and had to quit it after 4 days i had the worst stomach aches ever, sweats and during the day walked around like i was out of it (not drowsy, just like everything was a daydream, like shit didnt even seem real around me) and insomnia.