smile

[AAP]

Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.


Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.


How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true
friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
dunk."


Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they
can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

 

[stilleto]

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

this is actually something i've often wondered. i mean, when i've been in court. which was a few times. not like... OFTEn.
but anyway...
not everyone reads or believes in (me) the bible... why do i have to touch it? why can't i put my hand on the dictionary?

 

[swole]

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true
friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

^^ that is listed in every freshman girl's AIM profile

 

[jack sparrow]

X-Mas lights: For Indoor And Outdoor Use Only.

As opposed to what? Outer Space?

That one always cracked me up.

 

[blut wump]

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns;
he should be drawn and quoted.