Should adult children who still live with their parents pay room and board?

[musclemom]

Alright, here's what provoked the thread:

The kid in question is my 20 y/o stepson who lives with his mother, his own biological mother. I've told you all the pertinent info., that he pays his own car expenses and insurance, pays his own college expenses, including tuition, pays for his own "sundries" -- clothes, video games, electronics -- works in a convenience store for ~25 hrs a week, gets one meal a day at work for free and is going part time to community college. His mother provides his cell service, which is a family package, anyway, and health insurance. Incidentally, he's a quiet kid, does some chores around the house and mainly hangs in his room playing video games when he isn't doing homework. He doesn't have a lot of loud friends over, doesn't even have a girlfriend currently, and pays for his own HD cable.

She just raised his "rent" from $200 to $300. Does that seem excessive to anyone else?

It would be one thing if she were putting a portion of that money aside for him and when he gets ready to move out so he's got a little start up money or a deposit on an apartment, but judging by what she did with the child support money I honestly doubt that is the case (she had NOTHING set aside for the kids when they graduated HS and we had been so hamstrung by $255 a WEEK child support payments that we couldn't afford to put much away for them).

I'm not really looking for solutions, the best solution is he stay there until he can afford an apartment (his father and I, and his aunt will help him come up with a deposit when he's ready to do that, because he sure as hell can't afford to put money away currently), I just need to know if I'm the only one who thinks the kid's mother is leaching off her own child.

 

[musclemom]

If not a full time student, yes they need to pay room and board.

How much, enough to encourage them to get out on their own. Probably $600/month or more.

1 BR apts. in our area go for around $600 a month. He's barely making $200 a week after taxes. He can barely afford to keep gas in his car currently.

 

[billfred]

1 BR apts. in our area go for around $600 a month. He's barely making $200 a week after taxes. He can barely afford to keep gas in his car currently.

Yeah but he is going to school - that was my qualifier.

If working full time - he can get roommates. It is hard but I think kids have to be pushed to self-sustain.

Temp help is one thing when lost a job or divorced but full time living - nope - have to move on. Rent has to be comprable to rent outside so he wants to get away from parents.

 

[the.gladiator1987]

im 21 and live with my dad and stepmom, i dont pay rent but

i go to school full time
i have 2 jobs
I jus moved back with him for a little bit to save money for a deposit on a place, and to finish payin some bills
another reason i moved back was because my ex cheated on me and i ended with her

So i think depending on circumstances they should pay or not

 

[IrightI]

Enough people on this board are in the under 20 age range that they have experience with it or know someone who has: Let's say the kid in question is 20, goes to college part time and is steadily employed part time with variable hours, say minimum of 20 hrs. but never more than 35, at $9.20/hr. Kid is still living at home and has a room, food, use of all utilities, but pays for all personal stuff (i.e., clothes, all car related expenses including insurance, all college expenses, etc.).

What, if any, is a reasonable monthly charge?

Follow up question, does the parent have any responsibility, assuming they are financially able, to be putting a portion of the "rent" aside with the intent of giving it back to the kid when they finally do move out?

why isn't he going to school full time? because he HAS to pay rent? If he goes to school full time, will his mom forgive the rent? Sounds like a really good kid from your other post, I'd cut him the school deal, 1/2 time -pays rent, full time (which means he will work less hours) no rent. He already helps around the house, mows yard, cleans house, trash etc., personally, it would be hard for me to charge him at all. But, I would be wanting him to considering what he does at home and what he could be doing if he lived on his own. What I'm saying, I wouldn't want it to be SO easy to stay that he wasn't thinking about how he could leave.

If she has good finances of her own, that seems excessive. If SHE has trouble making bills at times, it doesn't. I know that I spend 500.00 /mo on food. So, if my son lived at home and ate there every night and some lunch/breakfast, he would be eating 166.00/mo of food. The elec, water, would be minimal added expense. He already pays his own cable. I'm thinking that 150-200.00/mo is more inline with part time shcool. Full time, do the chores, pay your cable, you stay as long as needed to finish school. No grades passing grades, no hot meals or bed.

 

[-SD-]

It varies with each family. Too many different circumstances and different values between families to say whats right or wrong. Some parents kick their kids out at 18 and it works for them. Some parents let their kids move back home at 35 and that works for them.

 

[musclemom]

Yeah but he is going to school - that was my qualifier.

If working full time - he can get roommates. It is hard but I think kids have to be pushed to self-sustain.

Temp help is one thing when lost a job or divorced but full time living - nope - have to move on. Rent has to be comprable to rent outside so he wants to get away from parents.

See, that's the thing, he's going to community college with a general focus on computers/networking. She's pushing him to go to a 4 year college but he doesn't know what he wants to major in or even if he wants to go that route, yet. I know young people the age of my eldest who are shouldering six figure school loans for their 4 year degrees so I can understand his hesitancy to jump into a 4 year college when he's not passionate about something. The economy may be booming in TX but in the mid Atlantic its dog eat dog.

God knows I agree with the self sustain thing, I told my oldest he had three choices on graduating HS: Full time college with part time work, full time work immediately, or military and he chose military because he really didn't know what he wanted to go to school for. When he got out of the AF he was ready for college and is about to graduate and he's happy, with long term plans and goals, which he didn't have when he was 19/20.

She threw her 22 y/o daughter out of the house this summer (she's living with us now) because the kid couldn't find/keep a job. Bear in mind, it was just discovered two years ago that the kid is on the autism spectrum, but her mother doesn't accept/care about that. All she cared about was the fact the kid wasn't working.

 

[IrightI]

im 21 and live with my dad and stepmom, i dont pay rent but

i go to school full time
i have 2 jobs
I jus moved back with him for a little bit to save money for a deposit on a place, and to finish payin some bills
another reason i moved back was because my ex cheated on me and i ended with her

So i think depending on circumstances they should pay or not

^^^ assuming his grades are good, I'd love to have my kid stay w/ me. I'd rather prefer it actually, assuming my son and I have the same type of relationaship we do now, he's 13. I WOULD add, even at 21 and your living at MY house, there would be apprpriate hours to come home, drinking (especially getting drunk) would be a deal breaker. I never knew how much a parent worries when thier child isn't home, I don't think that it would change much with age. And, you STILL need to help around the house, chores, etc, as much as you can, job/s or no jobs. And, be considerate of your mother, if she's pissed at you, I'll pay the price as well. Less sexy time for me, hello rent and bills for you! Got IT!!

 

[the.gladiator1987]

^^^ assuming his grades are good, I'd love to have my kid stay w/ me. I'd rather prefer it actually, assuming my son and I have the same type of relationaship we do now, he's 13. I WOULD add, even at 21 and your living at MY house, there would be apprpriate hours to come home, drinking (especially getting drunk) would be a deal breaker. I never knew how much a parent worries when thier child isn't home, I don't think that it would change much with age. And, you STILL need to help around the house, chores, etc, as much as you can, job/s or no jobs. And, be considerate of your mother, if she's pissed at you, I'll pay the price as well. Less sexy time for me, hello rent and bills for you! Got IT!!

o definitely. My parents are pretty chill, i never drink so thats not an issue. I could do more chores though lol. my stepmom does a lot of my laundry and makes my food tho

 

[nydj66]

My general rule of thumb is that a child in school pays no rent. Even if it's only part-time at a CC. Chores would be required, of course. But if the mother is strapped for cash, it's not unreasonable to ask for assistance from an able-bodied son.

Also, a 20-year-old who doesn't know what he wants to do with his life is tricky. He still needs a plan. If his plan is to get an associates degree in computers to increase his earning potential and become self-sufficient while he figures it out, that's fine. If he's just sort of coasting and expecting his mother to foot the bill while he figures things out, then he may need a taste of the "real world".