Serious gf situation this is bad...

[General-K]

Ok this started before christmas just gone
my GF of 5 yrs we live together have mortgage ect leaves me but let me paint the picture
she hasnt worked for 18 months and expects everthing from me
i work as an accountant and dont really mind this but after say a month she calls and says she wants to come home and i agree then after another month she leavesd me again each time going back to live with her mother
this continues 6 times and i take her back each time cos i love her so then she comes back again and asks me for a large amount of cash which i refuse to give her she then calls the police and says i am being violent towards her (complete Lie) and the police turn up and ask me to leave the house for a few days which i do
i return to the house a week later to find she has emptied the house everything has gone all the furniture all my stuff the lot
a month goes by and she calls me wants to come home with all the furniture
i stupidly agree she is back for a month in this time i find out she has been living with a man 20 yrs older than me i am 27 by the way the guy is dying of syrosis of the liver WTF has no home no job nothing
in the time she is back i buy her a car
she leaves again after a month all she takes is her clothes so i have the locks changed and she has gone back squatting with this guys friends WTF
i dont get it
i dunno what to do i still love the crazy bitch and its tearin me apart

ADVICE please.........

 

[KillahBee]

You don't know what to do???

lol, bro - all the love in the world isn't worth that shit. keep the locks changed, DO NOT contact her or answer her calls, and TALK TO A LAWYER.

Smarten up man. This chick is bad news

 

[Ho0zie]

im wid killah on this one

 

[mesco]

dude you gotta learn from your mistakes

 

[blueta2]

Ok this started before christmas just gone
my GF of 5 yrs we live together have mortgage ect leaves me but let me paint the picture
she hasnt worked for 18 months and expects everthing from me
i work as an accountant and dont really mind this but after say a month she calls and says she wants to come home and i agree then after another month she leavesd me again each time going back to live with her mother
this continues 6 times and i take her back each time cos i love her so then she comes back again and asks me for a large amount of cash which i refuse to give her she then calls the police and says i am being violent towards her (complete Lie) and the police turn up and ask me to leave the house for a few days which i do
i return to the house a week later to find she has emptied the house everything has gone all the furniture all my stuff the lot
a month goes by and she calls me wants to come home with all the furniture
i stupidly agree she is back for a month in this time i find out she has been living with a man 20 yrs older than me i am 27 by the way the guy is dying of syrosis of the liver WTF has no home no job nothing
in the time she is back i buy her a car
she leaves again after a month all she takes is her clothes so i have the locks changed and she has gone back squatting with this guys friends WTF
i dont get it
i dunno what to do i still love the crazy bitch and its tearin me apart

ADVICE please.........

Google for some info on Codependence. You are a classic codependent.
You do NOT love this girl, you are addicted to this roller coaster ride you have with her. Most emotionally stable people would not put up with what you have.
Real love does not feel this way. She has put you into the "Crazies"!
I've been where you are right now.....trust me, read up on codependency.

This site may help you

http://www.studentaffairs.cmu.edu/counseling/documents/relation.htm

 

[immortalis]

Dude, I've been with the same woman for 10 years now. We just got married on New Years eve. She's bi-polar and it makes my life hell.

I've been kinda through the same situation you are describing, only not as bad. But I will tell you this. You need to get out now, period. And dont look back.

Thats the BEST advice anyone can giv eyou in this situation bro. Suck it up. Ditch this emotional hell you've been SELECTING to put yourself through by continuing to take the person that you "love" back. Its not worth it.

There is more than 1 person in this world that we all can be happy with bro, i promise.

I left my wife (girlfriend at the time) for over a year. I thought I was in the clear. My life was picking up... I was pulling out of the depression... things were going well. Then she calls me out of the blue and like a fuckin moron I said she could come over. Of course we end up fuckin, and now here I am... married.

Take advice from a bro whos been there... its just not worth it man.

 

[General-K]

Hey

Thanks for all the advice and posts from all you guys this is making me feel much better keep it coming K to ya all

just really messed my head up =(

 

[justinjones1963]

Enough is enough - dump her if she called the cops on you and stole al of your stuff.

 

[chewyxrage]

Jesus dude. You're being taken advantage of. If you can't see that then you need a life counsler or something.

 

[Ilovetolift]

oh man! Avoid her like the plague, FUCKING BITCHES!

 

[manny78]

First mistake, after the first time she left and then came, you shouldnt have let her come back again like 5 times. 2nd mistake, you shouldnt have left the house when asked by the cops. You should have called a lawyer, figure something else and kick her ass out.

NOW forget about her. Next time she calls either you hang up,you ask her when her man will die cause you have a karma bookie on him or tell her you're too busy fucking another girl. Dont let her ass cross your door. She's playing with you. She knows about your weakness and she's taking advantage of it.

 

[marvelous54]

Google for some info on Codependence. You are a classic codependent.
You do NOT love this girl, you are addicted to this roller coaster ride you have with her. Most emotionally stable people would not put up with what you have.
Real love does not feel this way. She has put you into the "Crazies"!
I've been where you are right now.....trust me, read up on codependency.

This site may help you

http://www.studentaffairs.cmu.edu/counseling/documents/relation.htm

EXACTLy, EXACTLY, EXACTLY. Bro, blue is telling you right. That's not love, what you have is a mental illness and it's called co-dependency! You need to stay the fu@# away from her and get some help! Plain and simple!

 

[gunnr17]

These guys couldn't have said it better man. There's not 1 word in these posts I don't agree with. Listen to the advice bro. There's a reason everyone is saying the exact same thing. Its time to move on. You've done all you can for this girl and the relationship. You're too good for her and you'll find much better. Good luck bro.

 

[Fajitas]

When I read this I immediately thought of co-dependency issues but at the same time I think that there could be substance abuse issues as well.

 

[cactus_jack]

They are right on about the co-dependence man. Get outa that situation fast. This is not "Love" that is keeping you. The longer you stay the worse it gets. Good luck man.

 

[Sassy69]

Damn. That sux. Basically she expects you (maybe not in a mean way, but you've demonstrated that she can work you) to provide everything, but still accommodate her "space" or whatever the hell it is that she thinks gives her the right to take off & expect to come back every month. I.e. her ability to plan and take care of herself lasts about 3 weeks tops it appears. And now it looks like she's expecting you to help her take care of this poor slob she's living w/ now. I'm sure she feels like its up to her to help this guy, be there for him, etc because she has such a big heart, etc etc, except she doesn't have the means to help him herself so she asks you for resources that she can turn around & give to this guy.

Dude. Not your job. Its not "love". Its some sort of weird co-dependence where you each derive some sort of satisfaction or meet some need, but its not the same need - for you its love (or maybe your need to be the guy who "saves" this helpless goofy little girl) and for her, its not really clear what it is, but she knows you're there for her when she can't take care of herself.

The guys above nailed it. It doesn't make you a bad person - it just means you can be there to support her "needs" but you are never going to get the love returned that you are willing to put out there.

 

[foxxie]

wtf!! The story that you just told me is pretty much like a horror story. But there's no killer and no victim. YOu are setting yourself up into a pile of BS Crap and the sad part you know for a fact that you are doing this to yourself. Is like pretty much you stab yourself over and over again till you bleed to death. Why?

Afraid that you can't find any better than her? Common now she's playing your mind and using you. I know you know that by reading your story. ( not unless this is bolony, sorry) You can do way better w/o her, not unless you like drama then go right ahead.

Is only your fault when you let this relationship of yours go. please smack yourself and wake up! ( sorry for being bold)

 

[Wulfgar]

Im just stuck on the 60 year old man she is with

she'll be thinking about you with all that white hair, wrinkly skin and old balls rubbin on her
sorry, classic adam sandler

Im also in agreement with the above statements bud. get some counseling and see a lawyer.

 

[PBR]

two words of advice from me: STOP IT. sometimes we need to hear that. especially coming from strangers who have no position and are not able to take "sides"...get off the merri-go-round, life is short...she has proved beyond doubt, you are nothing more than a meal ticket and a rescuer...

 

[dullboy]

there could be substance abuse issues as well.

very likely.

in fact, dullboy guarantees it.

 

[dullboy]

dullboy would suggest that you stop referring to her as your girlfriend.

good first step.

 

[msam76]

bro, she is using you as her cash cow. It hurts, but let her go. It will hurt much worse in the long to let her keep doing this to you.

 

[Forge]

My advice: ignore and forget about her as of now and start doing regular deadlifts: you need a stronger backbone. You should never have let it get this far or bad, cut her off now and begin your life without her in it. Just forget about her. Do it. Now.

 

[megamania500]

I understand what your saying. You have feelings for this girl and you miss her when she leaves and your hurting because she is with some other guy, 20 years older to boot. When she asks to come back, you gladly let her back in because you've been with her for, like, 5 years. And you forgot what it was like to live without her in your life. Now your scared to lose her, so you give in to what she wants in an effort to make her happy, (i.e., buying her a car) and hopefully by making her happy will cause her to stay. What you don't realize and what you don't want to accept is that her feelings of romance and/or love toward you has faded, and that you are no more than a money source for her. She knows that she can come around and that you will give in, and if she leaves, that you will let her back in. Not only does she realize that she has freedom to do whatever in this situation and you will forgive her, she also knows you are a sucker for putting up with her crap. I doubt that she has any real respect for you, bro, because of it. And remember, no girl will ever feel true romance or passion for any guy they don't respect.
And, c'mon, I'm sure that your self-respect has taken a hit, too, didn't it? I know its hard to forge ahead, especially when your used to a certain person sleeping beside you for years to suddenly be gone. Its real easy to take that person back after a few too many lonely nights, and having a daily, weekly, monthly, routine that includes that person, to suddenly disappear. Minutes can seem like hours when you go through this kind of heartache. It seems like the hurt will never go away and all you want is for the relationship to be like it once was before it all went down the crapper. And you cling onto hope that it will return to what it once was, which is why you keep taking her back.
But as hard as it is, you must accept the fact that you have to purpusely LET GO of that hope, its only hurting you. As long as you even have a drop of hope within your heart, you will never be able to move on. You are getting alot of advice saying to "forget her. Move on. Kick her to the curb!" But it isn't that easy, is it? I know it isn't. You must find some type of closure to this relationship and move on, whatever it is. This moment of closure is something you have to decide it will be. But closure and acceptance that it is over is paramount to you're getting on with your life. If these don't happen, you will still have hope, and be miserable.
If you feel pain and have feelings of hopelessness, something simple to do is this. Get a calender, or draw one up, and mark off a date a year from today. This is your magic date, something to look forward to. Why? Because no matter how bad you feel at this moment, no matter how much it may hurt at times, when the day comes that you marked off, you WILL feel better on that day!!! I guaranty it. By the time that day comes, you will have a new routine, you may have even met someone else by that time. You certainly won't be spending as much time thinking about her as you may be doing now. Set your goal to make it to that day, and once it gets here, you can think, "I was in pretty bad shape, but I'm much better now. I'm now glad I made the decision to not take her back, because I would still be getting hurt, instead of being strong like I am at this moment."
I did this myself. I was in pretty bad shape. I remember after six months I went through my first day where I didn't think about my ex once. I carried my calender around with me everywhere i went. If I was at work and I started to feel down, I would take out the calender and look at it and read it. I put two lists down on it. One list was everything I didn't like about my ex when I was with her, whatever it was. The other was everything I could think of that I could be thankful for in my life. After the day came that I marked, I looked at it and laughed, because I had been over her for at least 3 months. At that point I just kept the calender around to make it to that day. I threw it away in the trash that very day.

I hope you have the strength to move on and I wish you the best, because I know how much of hell it can be going through all that shit.

 

[Juiced]

I am in a shitty situation too right now, so dont feel alone brother, but most of the time I always say try and work things out, but with this chick, throw her out and move on right now. She is using your generiousity and emotions against you. Your a young bro man, there are pleanty of women who would be in line to fill her shoes, think about it bro, your girl had it made as my x Fiancee did, no bills to worry about, bought her a car, nice 4 year old house, 2 dogs, everything, and im only 26 too bro, and I realized what is so hard to let go of, its the security of having someone. Just sit down, take a pen and paper and write down a list of things she does for you out of love, and then write down the shitty things she does, that should open your eyes, it did for me.

 

[chestmaster1]

yea its going be hard but you need to get used to living your life without her, you've already given her enough chances, you tried your best to make it work, but you deserve someone who will treat you better and that will appreciate you, don't sell yourself short, You need to just block her out of your life, Time will heal all wounds

 

[KD1]

I wasted 2 years of my life on a girl like that. She would probably be ruining my life today but she OD'd and is 6 feet under. I still miss her sometimes. She was really beautifull, I dont think I have ever been as happy when I was with her or as depressed when she would leave.

 

[General-K]

So for an update she has been gone for 3 weeks and calls me up to day and says if you put £200 pound in my bank account i will come home but my bank is overdrawn so bad i cant even get a £10 for fuel to come home you need to put in £200 at least


I TOLD HER TO GET FUKKED.....

Hope i did the right thing!!!!

 

[mesco]

good job

 

[immortalis]

So for an update she has been gone for 3 weeks and calls me up to day and says if you put £200 pound in my bank account i will come home but my bank is overdrawn so bad i cant even get a £10 for fuel to come home you need to put in £200 at least


I TOLD HER TO GET FUKKED.....

Hope i did the right thing!!!!

*golf clap*
Now go to a bar, have a couple drinks... and find some new pussy.

 

[Ramcononer]

dude no one deserves to go through that shit. Itll be hard but move on. It is like the typical case of the women who stay with abusive guys...except your the one getting abused. Focus on other things...oh yea K for my fellow accountant.werd.

 

[Sassy69]

So for an update she has been gone for 3 weeks and calls me up to day and says if you put £200 pound in my bank account i will come home but my bank is overdrawn so bad i cant even get a £10 for fuel to come home you need to put in £200 at least


I TOLD HER TO GET FUKKED.....

Hope i did the right thing!!!!

So she basically gave you her "return price"? Screw that. She is sooo totally using you. I think you did the right thing. And frankly that might actually help HER take some responsibility for herself too.

 

[heatherrae]

I bet anything in the world that she and the older guy need your money for alcohol/drugs.

There is NO QUESTION that you did the right thing by telling her to piss off.

I do think that you have some issues that you still need to address about why you would have let her do all these things to you before you finally had enough. You need to get your head straight so you are not drawn to the same sort of situation again.

Good luck! =-)

 

[carlsuen]

I bet anything in the world that she and the older guy need your money for alcohol/drugs.

There is NO QUESTION that you did the right thing by telling her to piss off.

I do think that you have some issues that you still need to address about why you would have let her do all these things to you before you finally had enough. You need to get your head straight so you are not drawn to the same sort of situation again.

Good luck! =-)

exaaaaactly!!!

we humans ALWAYS try to find something outside of us to make us happy.. when in truth, nobody can make u unhappy unless u ALLOW it to happen to u.. i myself pratice Buddhism.. it teaches us to built an indestructable fortress in out hearts so that whatever happens we will not be DEFEATED by it.. not telling u to have a heart of stone.. but that whatever happens, u know that u can be HAPPY regardles of the situation.. when u are truely awakened to the fact that only YOU can bring YOURSELF happiness, u will have let go of her and she will no longer be apart of your life..

when u have made this significant change in u, u will attract an entire league of women to u.. so for those who have been wondering y has most of your past relationships been the same, infidelity, scamming, exploiting etc. it is actually a reflection of YOUR own life!! so wake up and smell the roses!! u can find happiness now!! in front of your com when u change your perception!!

love is not two people gazing into each other's eyes and saying "i love u"

it is when two people have the same set of core values and aspirations, dreams, hopes etc. and work together to achieve it for a better future.. and strive to improve their selves day in and day out while not limiting their world to only the both of them, but reaching out to others too..

stop blaming everything outside of u for the shit u r going thru! awaken to the fact that it is actually YOU that allows it to happen.. that u alone is responsible to turning your life around and making it better!! and that YOU are responsible to every misfortune or blessed moments in your life..

wow.. long reply, but i hope u realise what it is i'm trying to say..