Sassy: July 2006 - 41 & CA Bound

[Roonytunes]

I finally have a vision of where I want to take myself w/ it and it will be important to be very happy w/ my body as that translates to a much better quality of confidence, life, etc. I want the same thrill & satisfaction I get from lifting to exist in my career & personal life as well since my 'lifting" life has made up for the last several years of absolute bullshit in the other areas.

^^^^
I absolutely love the honesty in what you wrote and I think many of us here can relate.

I am really happy that you are getting back on a viable career path and look forward to reading more about your accomplishments in ALL aspects of your life.

I remember the driven Sassy who was running to the convenient store to use their microwave last year when her appliances weren't working right

 

[Sassy69]

Wow ... The last sentence I can totally relate too... I delve into researching and exercising to also mask my hate for my job and ex-relationships. It's all part of the long-term goal though. I think it looks like a good path you are on Miss Sassy, but you wouldn't have found it without going through the muck. We all have to plant seeds and wait for them to prosper when we finally are able to get our reward. I'm going to have lots of harvesting in my future, and it looks like you will and do as well

Sometimes life seems like a random walk, but I believe everything has a purpose. A few patterns I see in my life however are:

- I'm a late bloomer
- Regardless of how well I plan something I usually end up w/ a lot of "wishy washy" situations where I end up "waiting" and "waiting" and then literally just before I'm about to either lose my mind or go broke, the solution shows up w/ complete anti-climax.
- Regardless of how stupid or silly a situation is, I continue to amaze myself at the fact that I keep going - meaning I am the eternal optimist and will always pick up & move forward almost as if whatever past stinker event didn't ever even happen. Maybe call it "perpetually renewable".
- My patience w/ people who either don't leverage my abilities to their best effect or think they can use me is infinitely shorter than it used to be.
- I rarely make kneejerk decisions.
- I probably limit the scope of my "vision" when I get fixated on a goal -- but often when trying to determine the goal w/o external insight, someone to bounce ideas off of and just generally greater exposure to things (e.g. I'm single and work in technology - I have very little view into what for ex, family life is or what its like to work in a bank or any other field outside my own experience) I can't bring myself to see "outside the box" if I don't have any idea how to "get there" and further if its not really something that is familiar. I feel like I'd be wasting my 2 masters degrees, my 20 yrs experience in my field and have to start at the bottom in something I'm not necessarily interested in -- dunno if this makes any sense -- context: I'm looking for a job. Friend says "get out of technology, try *this* (insert whatever field he may be familiar w/ and I have no idea about). Can't bring myself to do that if I don't see a logical path to wherever the goal is.
- I'm a ridiculously strong (not powerlifting strong...) person.

Within those observations, I hope I haven't wasted some of life in that "wait" mode - at those times I was ready at a moment's notice to take action, but the driving events were beyond my control. And God knows, along w/ the time spent "trying to get somewhere", "life" continues to pass - I don't have kids, I'm a whole country away from family, I don't know anyone in the city I live in (except at the gym), I have a 15 yr old cat, I haven't actually called any place "home" since 2003, haven't gone on a real vacation w/ someone I wanted to "get away with" since 1996, haven't dated anyone I'd call my SO since that same time. So it ends up taking me a long time to get to where I think I want to go. These last 5 yrs have been attempts to get somewhere and they've failed relatively miserably. Thus the much greater focus on bodybuilding because I need to feel control & sastisfaction SOMEWHERE in my life. Otherwise I can't function.

I'm *hoping* the current job will be the final step towards the next part of my life where I finally get all the credentials I should have at this phase of my career & my life, get to finally experience the really cool part of new technology where people actually spend money on it & use it and there are big name companies that want to ask you how to create even cooler things w/ that technology. That's the reason I've stayed in technology this long -- looking exactly for such an opportunity because that's where I get that same sort of thrill & satisfaction as in the gym (except I get paid for it!) And the people around me are just as excited and satisfied as I am from the experience - that's what you call a "constructive environment". I"ve been around enough dickhead people who won't allow me to turn theiry shitty petty-minded businesses into something that can grow & flourish in that same constructive way.

(Am I rambling again...? LMAO Anything to take a break from cleaning out the closet, doing laundry, etc....)

Just like w/ diet, the hardest thing is the day to day stuff while keeping the grander goal in mind -- and that's where all you girls, this journal as an outlet and some very special people who keep me from losing my mind are the "purposes" of that random walk thru life where sometimes we forget that the journey IS the purpose and the destination is sort of just incidental.

 

[treilin]

I can see a lot of what you just spelled out in my own life. You are totally not rambling. Actually the only thing I do that is different is that I will make knee-jerk decisions... I guess I get frustrated with those that have issues making decisions so rather then putz around for someone to make one I just pick one and go with it... if it's not meant to be well I will go a different direction. I think that's why I continue with ambition like you, and accomplish so much, and experience many different situations. Not scared to take a chance on something as long as there is a back-up plan. I'm not a risk taker when it comes to job security I suppose....
I know what you mean about a business getting the money to fund new and exciting technology. The hitch always seems to be the customer wants the technology; they just want to give you half the amount of money, and half the amount of time to get it accomplished the right way. So everything always ends up half done, cheaply thrown together, so they get the results they want with little cost.
- My patience w/ people who want to use me for my brain, leverage off of me, and taking credit for it is getting infinitely shorter because I quit sharing.
-So-called friend's who want to use me to get what they want, and then don't know how to assist me when I need it are getting shorter, because I cut them off.
-I'm getting smarter at identifying both of those types of people and disassociating myself with them at first glance, and I'm getting quick at identifying liars, cheats, and people who don't like to fess up when they destroy your property.....

It's all about the wisdom Sassy.. keep passing it on

 

[florencia]

Sass & Treil...You just made my day!!! Sunshine and a toast to you both!!

 

[Sassy69]

Wow, I'm so close to being done cleaning my closet... O. M. G....! Now I just gotta get the rest of the house spiffy on the off chance a realtor comes thru this weekend. I'm gonna be out relearning how to play tennis (and hope my tendonitis doesn't flair like a bitch....)

 

[*Bunny*]

Wow, I'm so close to being done cleaning my closet... O. M. G....! Now I just gotta get the rest of the house spiffy on the off chance a realtor comes thru this weekend. I'm gonna be out relearning how to play tennis (and hope my tendonitis doesn't flair like a bitch....)

Have a great weekend Sassy

 

[trimojo]

-
Thus the much greater focus on bodybuilding because I need to feel control & sastisfaction SOMEWHERE in my life. Otherwise I can't function.

Thanks for sharing your feelings and some things you've learned during your journey this far. I would bet many bodybuilders do it to feel some sort of control. I always joke that triathletes and endurance athletes are head cases, the hours a week spent doing cardio. Most of the time, the training is spent alone too. At one point in early summer, I'd rather ride my bike for three hours than spend time at the lake with friends and family. I guess the common thread is devoting so much of oneself to exercise. It can be hard for me to find balance.

I think with bodybuilding, the control/obession can be more difficult because of dieting. I'd bet there are lots of OCD bodybuilders. All this micro managing diet. Logging food, protein, carb, and fat amounts. At first it felt overwhelming to me but it's also addicting because of the control factor. When I did hours and hours of cardio, I ate anything and everything.

Sounds like you are going into this new cardio journey with a positive attitude. Finding your size four clothes and looking forward to wearing them. It will probably ease your mind starting a new job too. My husband talked about going on vacation a few days ago, I started spazing because I feel like a "need" a gym now. A year ago, I would be excited for vacation because you can go for a run anywhere, anytime!

I know you'll figure it all out. You are a smart lady and one of the main reasons I joined EF. Thanks for sharing all your knowledge!

 

[Sassy69]

Thanks for sharing your feelings and some things you've learned during your journey this far. I would bet many bodybuilders do it to feel some sort of control. I always joke that triathletes and endurance athletes are head cases, the hours a week spent doing cardio. Most of the time, the training is spent alone too. At one point in early summer, I'd rather ride my bike for three hours than spend time at the lake with friends and family. I guess the common thread is devoting so much of oneself to exercise. It can be hard for me to find balance.

I think with bodybuilding, the control/obession can be more difficult because of dieting. I'd bet there are lots of OCD bodybuilders. All this micro managing diet. Logging food, protein, carb, and fat amounts. At first it felt overwhelming to me but it's also addicting because of the control factor. When I did hours and hours of cardio, I ate anything and everything.

Sounds like you are going into this new cardio journey with a positive attitude. Finding your size four clothes and looking forward to wearing them. It will probably ease your mind starting a new job too. My husband talked about going on vacation a few days ago, I started spazing because I feel like a "need" a gym now. A year ago, I would be excited for vacation because you can go for a run anywhere, anytime!

I know you'll figure it all out. You are a smart lady and one of the main reasons I joined EF. Thanks for sharing all your knowledge!

You would really be surprised at the number of obsessive / compulsive / addictive type people BB attracts. You'll find lots of people for ex, eating disorder people who find that 'fitness' is a positive application that still fits the addictive personality profile - granted I"ve seen plenty of unhealthily addicted BB's but for a transition point OUT of starving yourself, fitness is one direction. I've also met MANY born-again Christian bodybuilders (no offense to the born agains in the audience...) who are sort of like the whiny, no-self-confidence actor type crowd (love my wide sweeping generalizations.... sorry - my roommate in college was one of these -- voice / theater major -- and all her catty bitchy (and often gay) theater friends) who just need a place to fit in & an "addiction" type "recovery group" environment to help them deal w/ life. Its a very weird niche of people.

But just as so many class valdectorians are also the top athletes in the school systems - I know many amazingly accomplished, intelligent and well-adjusted "normal" BB's as well.

But for me - I can always go to the gym or find a gym no matter where I am, I have a stress outlet from a relatively sedentary office job, a good place to meet people who are generally of the same mindset, release the ol' endorphins, see what little increase in weight, reps, exercises, form, whatever I can accomplish for my 1 little thing done better each day. No way to beat it. But balance is important in life - - too much work, too much play, too much training - all of it can really f* up your life. Time to readjust my focus.

 

[florencia]

I think people who have addictive personalities just change the addiction...
for example...booze to religion, &/or booze to exercise...
I can only guess it is good IF you do not harm yourself or rest of family with choice.
J...I can't wait to see your log on Monday!!!
Have a great weekend!

 

[*Bunny*]

You would really be surprised at the number of obsessive / compulsive / addictive type people BB attracts.

Yup, sounds like Bunny More about control though for me, I lost all control in my situation, this helped me gain it back.

 

[Sassy69]

In the past I had looked to my time in the gym just as a very self-indulgent, very physically, mentally and emotionally satisfying pastime and energy outlet. Over the last 5 yrs I've gone thru some very frustrating job situations where I really had very little control to make things "good" in each of the situations (has generally been due to retarded upper management). Since I am single and just dont' have a lot of close friends/family physically near me, I have to have some part of my life to draw satisfaction from or I go nuts. The gym was it. Since I've lifted for so many years, it was very hard to just keep goign w/ no particular challenge in mind, so that's when I got into competition. When my job situation was loose enough that I had the time to spend on comp prep, I took it, and my job was just the time I had to sit thru before I could go hit the gym. And it paid the bills. This is ok for a while. But several times I've hit the point in my job where the longer I stayed in the deadend situation the more it started to count against me - as far my ability to amass quality experience and generally to give enough of a shit to show up to work. Then it was time to go. Each sitaution I moved to went sour & I ended up in teh same situation. This year the additional impact was age--- the ol' bod can't keep up w/ the demands of competition in the same sense of what I know & have known as "competition prep". So that means I have to figure out a new approach and also adjust my goals a little bit. Competitoin isn't really that big a deal to me right now, but it does then again raise the need for a feeling of purpose & accomplishment in some aspect of my life. So it really does need to come from the new job. It *really* does.

To be honest, I've spent all day wondering if I've regretted takign this job here in town and not pushing my buddy in San Francisco to get me hired at his company simply because the other leg of my life that figures in the "balance" we all need in life - social / personal life - suffers. I really don't like ATL as a place to spend my personal time. The traffic sucks moose cawk like nothing I've never experienced and there's just nothing special here to be near (unless you happened to own a house & boat up on one of the lakes -- that are still an hr + drive north). So that means another thing that HAS to happen w/ my job is interesting people and lots of opportunity to travel and hopefully find some sort of interesting activities or people in the area down by my office.....

I still have to make it thru 2 more days before I can start making any honest comments about whether or not I will be happy w/ my decision, but it is so hard.... That's why I still just have to wait and see how things settle in and see what new goals and constraints present themselves for me to set up my life around....

Dammit I ain't gettin' any younger so its important that I get to the business of living.

 

[ck2006]

In the past I had looked to my time in the gym just as a very self-indulgent, very physically, mentally and emotionally satisfying pastime and energy outlet. Over the last 5 yrs I've gone thru some very frustrating job situations where I really had very little control to make things "good" in each of the situations (has generally been due to retarded upper management). Since I am single and just dont' have a lot of close friends/family physically near me, I have to have some part of my life to draw satisfaction from or I go nuts. The gym was it. Since I've lifted for so many years, it was very hard to just keep goign w/ no particular challenge in mind, so that's when I got into competition. When my job situation was loose enough that I had the time to spend on comp prep, I took it, and my job was just the time I had to sit thru before I could go hit the gym. And it paid the bills. This is ok for a while. But several times I've hit the point in my job where the longer I stayed in the deadend situation the more it started to count against me - as far my ability to amass quality experience and generally to give enough of a shit to show up to work. Then it was time to go. Each sitaution I moved to went sour & I ended up in teh same situation. This year the additional impact was age--- the ol' bod can't keep up w/ the demands of competition in the same sense of what I know & have known as "competition prep". So that means I have to figure out a new approach and also adjust my goals a little bit. Competitoin isn't really that big a deal to me right now, but it does then again raise the need for a feeling of purpose & accomplishment in some aspect of my life. So it really does need to come from the new job. It *really* does.

To be honest, I've spent all day wondering if I've regretted takign this job here in town and not pushing my buddy in San Francisco to get me hired at his company simply because the other leg of my life that figures in the "balance" we all need in life - social / personal life - suffers. I really don't like ATL as a place to spend my personal time. The traffic sucks moose cawk like nothing I've never experienced and there's just nothing special here to be near (unless you happened to own a house & boat up on one of the lakes -- that are still an hr + drive north). So that means another thing that HAS to happen w/ my job is interesting people and lots of opportunity to travel and hopefully find some sort of interesting activities or people in the area down by my office.....

I still have to make it thru 2 more days before I can start making any honest comments about whether or not I will be happy w/ my decision, but it is so hard.... That's why I still just have to wait and see how things settle in and see what new goals and constraints present themselves for me to set up my life around....

Dammit I ain't gettin' any younger so its important that I get to the business of living.

Can you still push the guy for the one in San??

 

[Sassy69]

Can you still push the guy for the one in San??

I've verbally accepted (and confirmed w/ an email) the job here - the deal in SF would take a few weeks to do.

Ugh.

There are other things that are considerations in cost, etc. I guess the biggest issue was timing on the job, but mostly I"ve had quite a time getting rid of my house, not sure how I would deal w/ supporting it AND an apt in SF. God I don't know. I guess its a done deal so I'll just go w/ it for a while...

 

[ck2006]

I've verbally accepted (and confirmed w/ an email) the job here - the deal in SF would take a few weeks to do.

Ugh.

There are other things that are considerations in cost, etc. I guess the biggest issue was timing on the job, but mostly I"ve had quite a time getting rid of my house, not sure how I would deal w/ supporting it AND an apt in SF. God I don't know. I guess its a done deal so I'll just go w/ it for a while...

Are you still trying to sell your house then?

 

[Sassy69]

Are you still trying to sell your house then?

Its still on the market. I personally really want to get rid of it - its too big for me, too far away from everything. I could get an apt for 1/2 of my mortgage or even something nice closer to work.

 

[trimojo]

there's just nothing special here to be near (unless you happened to own a house & boat up on one of the lakes -- that are still an hr + drive north). So that means another thing that HAS to happen w/ my job is interesting people and lots of opportunity to travel and hopefully find some sort of interesting activities or people in the area down by my office.....

I still have to make it thru 2 more days before I can start making any honest comments about whether or not I will be happy w/ my decision, but it is so hard.... That's why I still just have to wait and see how things settle in and see what new goals and constraints present themselves for me to set up my life around....

Dammit I ain't gettin' any younger so its important that I get to the business of living.

Word to the wise. Beware if someone asks you to go waterskiing. It sounded like fun to me this summer. It turned out to be the most embarrassing experience ever. I got dragged around the lake 30 times. I could never get up. Everyone was hysterical and took this lovely picture. A house on the lake and a nice boat isn't ALL that, it almost tore my hamstring. I'd rather go to the gym any day.

Maybe you'll meet the man of your dreams at this new job!

 

[*Bunny*]

Word to the wise. Beware if someone asks you to go waterskiing. It sounded like fun to me this summer. It turned out to be the most embarrassing experience ever. I got dragged around the lake 30 times. I could never get up. Everyone was hysterical and took this lovely picture. A house on the lake and a nice boat isn't ALL that, it almost tore my hamstring. I'd rather go to the gym any day.

Maybe you'll meet the man of your dreams at this new job!

Awwww it's such a great workout though once you get the hang of it!! Like riding a bike! I have NEVER been ALL OVER SORE the way I get after skiing, NO JOKE, gym cannot compare! You look like you got uo there!!!
Sorry for the jack Sass...

SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO WORK TOMORROW!!!!!!

YEE HAW!!!!

 

[Sassy69]

Awwww it's such a great workout though once you get the hang of it!! Like riding a bike! I have NEVER been ALL OVER SORE the way I get after skiing, NO JOKE, gym cannot compare! You look like you got uo there!!!
Sorry for the jack Sass...

SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO WORK TOMORROW!!!!!!

YEE HAW!!!!

LMAO! I know! I was thinking that this morning....


mojo- my mom's family has lived on a lake for as long as I can remember, I'm a water junky and have waterskiied since being a kid - I'm not a whiz at it but I've done it. My point is that its not like being able to go to the beach - if you don't have access to someone w/ a boat or a house up on that lake, you ain't going. I'm a water person - I know a lot of people say "I'm a water person" -- I grew up on Lake Superior. Grandparents live on one of the "10,000 lakes" in the "land of 10,000 lakes", I've already determined where I want my ashes dumped and it will be on the backside of the 3rd reef in 80ft of water off of Pompano Beach, FL. If I didn't have to breathe I could just live down there at that depth. When I lived in Arizona for the first 2 months I lived there I didn't have a car so I'd borrow a bike, pick a direction and go to see if I could find water somewhere. I guess I can't express enough how landlocked I feel here w/o access to the ocean somewhere. (and sorry - a 6 hr drive to my parents' condo isn't pulling it either...) Its just where my current job situation has led me and I haven't been able to orchestrate an escape yet.


Anyway.. just trying to make it to "somewhere".

 

[jenscats5]

And thus begins the Sunday ritual of prepping for the week.....and now for you too!

Hope you enjoy your 1st day at the new job!!

 

[Sassy69]

And thus begins the Sunday ritual of prepping for the week.....and now for you too!

Hope you enjoy your 1st day at the new job!!

Wohoo! Just like the first day of school.... The hardest part will probably be finding my way down there & not getting lost again...

 

[jenscats5]

Wohoo! Just like the first day of school.... The hardest part will probably be finding my way down there & not getting lost again...

Make sure you take a quarter for a phone call, pack your lunch, play nice with the other kiddies and don't run with scissors.....

 

[florencia]

J! Wishing you a great time tommorow!!!

 

[trimojo]

LMAO! I know! I was thinking that this morning....


mojo- my mom's family has lived on a lake for as long as I can remember, I'm a water junky and have waterskiied since being a kid - I'm not a whiz at it but I've done it. My point is that its not like being able to go to the beach - if you don't have access to someone w/ a boat or a house up on that lake, you ain't going. I'm a water person - I know a lot of people say "I'm a water person" -- I grew up on Lake Superior. Grandparents live on one of the "10,000 lakes" in the "land of 10,000 lakes", I've already determined where I want my ashes dumped and it will be on the backside of the 3rd reef in 80ft of water off of Pompano Beach, FL. If I didn't have to breathe I could just live down there at that depth. When I lived in Arizona for the first 2 months I lived there I didn't have a car so I'd borrow a bike, pick a direction and go to see if I could find water somewhere. I guess I can't express enough how landlocked I feel here w/o access to the ocean somewhere. (and sorry - a 6 hr drive to my parents' condo isn't pulling it either...) Its just where my current job situation has led me and I haven't been able to orchestrate an escape yet.


Anyway.. just trying to make it to "somewhere".

Ya know, the more I read about you, the more I think you should train for a triathlon! You want more cardio and feel good in the water... Do a little sprint one! Where do you live now? I'm not sure because you talk about CA, ATL and AZ...

I love the water too and can swim a mile through a lake in about 33 min. I am severely water-skiing challenged, which my Tri friends thought was VERY funny. I can knee board like a champ though. It's freaking strange.. And my arms felt pulled outta socket for days.

We have a boat and if you want to go out and you're near Raleigh, let me know. I'll bop over the waves on the knee board! You can water ski, k?

 

[trimojo]

Wohoo! Just like the first day of school.... The hardest part will probably be finding my way down there & not getting lost again...

My favorite part of the first day of school was picking an outfit.

So, whatcha wearing tomorrrow?

I never look hot and sexy anymore. I work out all the time and I'm a farmer. That equals stinky and sweaty. The goats would probably love me more if I wore a feed bag.

Tell me about your wonderful new first day outfit. Did you buy something special? Have a great day tomorrow!

 

[Sassy69]

Make sure you take a quarter for a phone call, pack your lunch, play nice with the other kiddies and don't run with scissors.....

LOL Run w/ scissors... I will pack a lunch (actually 5 meals...), charge the cell phone, mark out my territory (cube) and shoot spitballs.


And remember to pack my Cardio Breeze in case I start to fall asleep.

 

[Sassy69]

My favorite part of the first day of school was picking an outfit.

So, whatcha wearing tomorrrow?

I never look hot and sexy anymore. I work out all the time and I'm a farmer. That equals stinky and sweaty. The goats would probably love me more if I wore a feed bag.

Tell me about your wonderful new first day outfit. Did you buy something special? Have a great day tomorrow!

Right now I live in Atlanta. Born in N. Minnesota, went to school in Arizona, lived in Ft. Lauderdale area for 12 yrs, 10 months on contract job back in Minnesota & then down here for the last 2 years. I *Really* wanted to move to CA, but it didnt' work out this summer, so took the opportunity here as an extra step for a better orchestrated move to CA (at least that's my current plan).

LOL I bought a whole pile of new stuff - but I got a nice herringbone jacket that will go great w/ black pants, a blue top and some heels. Hard to go wrong w/ black

 

[Sassy69]

J! Wishing you a great time tommorow!!!

Thx chica!