Relationship peeps, need some advice

[SoreArms]

OK, so I've been kind of dating this chick for a bit but we have not had sex. She's not a virgin or anything (we were fuck buddies in the past), but I think that because she's very attractive, and because she's been used, tricked and hurt by a couple of guys in the past, she worries that is all guys want from her. So she is very protective and careful about having sex now. We've been going out for a bit and I have become very attracted, and somewhat infatuated with her and to some degree I know the feelings are mutual. She has spent the night at my house and we spooned and snuggled, but no sex. The first time she spent the night, she insisted that we both wear sleeping clothes, which sucked becasue I usually sleep naked, and she even asked me to step out of the room while she changed. When we made out the first couple of times, I tried to grab ass or slowly slip my hand down under but I promptly got stopped by her hand. After that I have just assumed those rules and have not tried to be daring. I would think that by now we have been going out long enough for her to feel comfortable with me and know that I'm not just trying to get into her pants, but I am so worried about trying anything bellow the belt because I don't want to scare her away into thinking that I'm just one of those guys too (specially because I once was). I need advice on how to proceed here, these are my questions but how do I get the answers?

Is she ready for sex and waiting for me to make the move?

Does she think that because I haven't tried to go there maybe I'm not ready for sex?

Is she waiting for something more concrete to develope before she is ready/willing ot have sex with me?

I am willing to wait, if thats what she needs (btw, prior to this, I've never gone out with a chick more that twice if she didn't put out), but I need to know what her status is. Would it be appropriate to just ask her abotu these issues?

 

[perkele]

OK, so I've been kind of dating this chick for a bit but we have not had sex. She's not a virgin or anything (we were fuck buddies in the past), but I think that because she's very attractive, and because she's been used, tricked and hurt by a couple of guys in the past, she worries that is all guys want from her. So she is very protective and careful about having sex now. We've been going out for a bit and I have become very attracted, and somewhat infatuated with her and to some degree I know the feelings are mutual. She has spent the night at my house and we spooned and snuggled, but no sex. The first time she spent the night, she insisted that we both wear sleeping clothes, which sucked becasue I usually sleep naked, and she even asked me to step out of the room while she changed. When we made out the first couple of times, I tried to grab ass or slowly slip my hand down under but I promptly got stopped by her hand. After that I have just assumed those rules and have not tried to be daring. I would think that by now we have been going out long enough for her to feel comfortable with me and know that I'm not just trying to get into her pants, but I am so worried about trying anything bellow the belt because I don't want to scare her away into thinking that I'm just one of those guys too (specially because I once was). I need advice on how to proceed here, these are my questions but how do I get the answers?

Is she ready for sex and waiting for me to make the move?

Does she think that because I haven't tried to go there maybe I'm not ready for sex?

Is she waiting for something more concrete to develope before she is ready/willing ot have sex with me?

I am willing to wait, if thats what she needs (btw, prior to this, I've never gone out with a chick more that twice if she didn't put out), but I need to know what her status is. Would it be appropriate to just ask her abotu these issues?

Forget nipple clamps.

 

[Carmen]

how about you just move slowly?
kiss her, make out with her, tell her how pretty she is, let her know she's more than a one time thing girl- talk about doing something together in the future, make out with her again, slip a hand under her shirt, and keep going till she says stop, and then stop without complaint. wait a while and repeat.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

**Not trying to be a smart ass**

Have you asked her/talked to her about it? It would seem to me that the best way to find the answers is to ask her. I'm not sure how anyone could answer those questions for you, but it sounds to me like you must really like this girl. It seems like you've been patient and you haven't pressured her so I would think that those things would say something to her and maybe make her more comfortable with the conversation if you brought it up. I can tell you this-she probably won't be the one to bring it up. She'll let you stumble along until you figure it out or get bored and frustrated.

 

[EnderJE]

I'm with da bitch. lol.

Talk to her about it and how you feel.

Listen boy I don't want to see you
Let a good thing slip away
You know I don't like watching anybody
Make the same mistakes I made
She's a real nice girl and she's always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn't tell you what you should do

Listen boy I'm sure that you think
You got it all under control
You don't want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone's soul
You're a big boy now and you'll never let her go
But that's just the kind of thing she ought to know

Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept that you're for real
Tell her about it, tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her, let her know how much she means

Listen boy, it's not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself, you've got to provide
Communication constantly
When you love someone, you're always insecure
And there's only one good way to reassure

Tell her about it, let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you, tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it, everyday before you leave
Pay her some attention, give her something to believe

Cause now and then, she'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken for so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone

Listen boy, it's good information
From a man who's made mistakes
Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes
She's a trusting soul, she's put her trust in you
But a girl like that won't tell you what you should do

Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept that you're for real
Tell her about it, tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her, let her know how much she means

Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you won't go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl don't want to wait
You got to tell her about it

Just made that up...

 

[string_bean00]

The best advice is...



Hit that shit!

 

[SoreArms]

The best advice is...



Hit that shit!

If it where only that simple my dear Bean

this sounds like a conversation I should have with her over sushi and sake

 

[theoak01]

slow things down,reassure her you dont want to do anything she isnt ready for,and dont pressure her for it

 

[Gambino]

I think you should abandon ship

 

[-SD-]

Drop her. Youve already fucked her before and now she is playing games with you like "wear sleeping clothes" and "get out of the room while I change"
If you never banged her then I can understand this but youve already been there done that and the fact that youve been a nice guy and waited should mean a lot more since youve already conquered her. But it doesnt mean anything to her so........drop her.

 

[Gambino]

Drop her. Youve already fucked her before and now she is playing games with you like "wear sleeping clothes" and "get out of the room while I change"
If you never banged her then I can understand this but youve already been there done that and the fact that youve been a nice guy and waited should mean a lot more since youve already conquered her. But it doesnt mean anything to her so........drop her.

*steals gambino's thunder and fame*


sore, the girls is putting on some aires, or as rappers would say, she frontin' on you.

 

[awittyusername]

*steals gambino's thunder and fame*


sore, the girls is putting on some aires, or as rappers would say, she frontin' on you.

word

 

[jerseyart]

how about you just move slowly?
kiss her, make out with her, tell her how pretty she is, let her know she's more than a one time thing girl- talk about doing something together in the future, make out with her again, slip a hand under her shirt, and keep going till she says stop, and then stop without complaint. wait a while and repeat.

Smart lady

 

[BradG]

Honestly man, the person you should talk to about this is her. If you ahve a good relationship then you will be able to talk. However, be wary about how you pose the topics in the conversation or she could take it as you getting pushy. In any case you will only get answers here that are opinions. Her answers are facts, for the moment anyway. Other than that, stick with her. Be conidering of her past experiences. Treat her well, and be patient. If it's meant to happen it will.

 

[sigweed]

wow how old is she?
i havent had a girl stop me from grabbing her ass since i was 14

we're not talking 8 man bukkake gangbang her here.. yikes

 

[strongsmartsexy]

how about you just move slowly?
kiss her, make out with her, tell her how pretty she is, let her know she's more than a one time thing girl- talk about doing something together in the future, make out with her again, slip a hand under her shirt, and keep going till she says stop, and then stop without complaint. wait a while and repeat.

^^^ This woman (sugarplum) is not only incredibly gorgeous, she's damn smart too. Pay attention to what she wrote.

 

[UA_Iron]

She's holding back because she likes you I bet. It will come in time I would presume.

but talking to her isnt a bad idea.

where you been lately SSS?

 

[gonelifting]

She`s obviously been hurt from her past. She`s trying to turn over a new leaf. Appreciate that and tell her you`re willing to work with her on it AND talk to her about it. Tell her what you told us about her attracting you, even though you did`nt have sex and stuff. She`s waiting to see that she`s in control, because she`s had it rough and won`t go down that road again.

good luck. I believe in second chances. She might do it right this time, if you like her give her a chance.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

She's holding back because she likes you I bet. It will come in time I would presume.

but talking to her isnt a bad idea.

where you been lately SSS?

I picked up a balls to the wall contract for an ActiveX control for this one company. It's kept me HUGELY busy. It's done now so I have some reprieve.

 

[velvett]

how about you just move slowly?
kiss her, make out with her, tell her how pretty she is, let her know she's more than a one time thing girl- talk about doing something together in the future, make out with her again, slip a hand under her shirt, and keep going till she says stop, and then stop without complaint. wait a while and repeat.

works for me.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

works for me.

C'mere velvett darlin, let me try that out on you and see how it works.

 

[SoreArms]

Drop her. Youve already fucked her before and now she is playing games with you like "wear sleeping clothes" and "get out of the room while I change"
If you never banged her then I can understand this but youve already been there done that and the fact that youve been a nice guy and waited should mean a lot more since youve already conquered her. But it doesnt mean anything to her so........drop her.

This isn't just about banging her again. We connect on many different levels, levels that for me are very hard to connect with just anyone. But this no sex thing is killing me.

Honestly man, the person you should talk to about this is her. If you ahve a good relationship then you will be able to talk. However, be wary about how you pose the topics in the conversation or she could take it as you getting pushy. In any case you will only get answers here that are opinions. Her answers are facts, for the moment anyway. Other than that, stick with her. Be conidering of her past experiences. Treat her well, and be patient. If it's meant to happen it will.

thanks bud, but thats the thing, this isn't a relationship. We hang out and go on dates, but there has been no exclusivity established or assumed (atleast by me). Just because I am attracted and infatuated with her does not mean that I am ready to jump into a relationship. There are many things one needs to know about a person before getting into a relationship with them, one of those for me is sex compatability. I know we've had sex before but it's been a couple of years. My preferences and techniques have changed, I will assume that so have hers.

I think I'll try Sugars suggestion first though, before attempting to talk about it.

 

[Smurfy]

shes cheating on you















.jk. but really just as she has needs, so do you. I hope she understands that you are making sacrifices (lack of sexual contact) for her. i hope she doesnt take that for granted.

 

[-SD-]

This isn't just about banging her again. We connect on many different levels, levels that for me are very hard to connect with just anyone. But this no sex thing is killing me

If you connect on so many different levels then why were you just fuck buddies before all this? Sounds like this was hosed up from the beginning and there usually a reason for that bro.

 

[SoreArms]

If you connect on so many different levels then why were you just fuck buddies before all this? Sounds like this was hosed up from the beginning and there usually a reason for that bro.

we were both different people back then, we were both younger and much much sluttier, I was introduced to her by an even sluttier friend of hers that I was doing then. We were always good friends though, there just weren't "feelings", atleast for me 'cause I didn't have them back then. After over 3 years, I ran into her again earlier this year. As a big coincidence, we were both coming off 3 year relationships, we both got into the relationships after the last time we saw each other. We start talking, catching up and hanging out casually. We find that we both have changed in similar ways and have much more in common. It's a bigger mental attraction now, aside from the obvious physical attraction!

 

[jerkbox]

what the crap?....you already have had sex....and now you're not having sex?

sorry, but that's retarded.

she has some issues, and i wouldn't waste my time.
my guess is, if she does give in on an occasion, she's goinna be all weird about it and it won't happen again for a while......

 

[sigweed]

what the crap?....you already have had sex....and now you're not having sex?

sorry, but that's retarded.

she has some issues, and i wouldn't waste my time.
my guess is, if she does give in on an occasion, she's goinna be all weird about it and it won't happen again for a while......

not only is there no sex, but theres no touching of any "risqué" areas aka neck down

im damn confused.... she obviously likes you, and i wouldnt say the girls i date are particularly slutty, in fact even the prudder ones (no sex for the first month or so) are all about the touching...

oh well, i guess all you can do is play it cool

 

[-SD-]

we were both different people back then, we were both younger and much much sluttier, I was introduced to her by an even sluttier friend of hers that I was doing then. We were always good friends though, there just weren't "feelings", atleast for me 'cause I didn't have them back then. After over 3 years, I ran into her again earlier this year. As a big coincidence, we were both coming off 3 year relationships, we both got into the relationships after the last time we saw each other. We start talking, catching up and hanging out casually. We find that we both have changed in similar ways and have much more in common. It's a bigger mental attraction now, aside from the obvious physical attraction!

The whole thing still sounds hosed up. If it wasnt you wouldnt be posting a thread about this. This sort of bass-ackward situation never works out but who knows, maybe you two are different

 

[jh1]

slow things down,reassure her you dont want to do anything she isnt ready for,and dont pressure her for it

LMFAO @ Oak Giving Advice on this thread.

Oak.. he is sleeping with a girl he isn't fucking. How did that work out for you?


Don't troll for new members for the SWV's here... SA is a solid guy. He has already hit it... and he will again... Youd've fucked this up already.

SA - Ask her for a BJ if she ain't gonna give it up.

Kidding. You'll be airght.. you already know the answer. If you like the girl and want to make things right and make a real relationship, then stick with it and take it slow.

Don't fuck her over though.. that ain't kewl. Peace!

 

[jh1]

what the crap?....you already have had sex....and now you're not having sex?

sorry, but that's retarded.

she has some issues, and i wouldn't waste my time.
my guess is, if she does give in on an occasion, she's goinna be all weird about it and it won't happen again for a while......

You got issues too! Like them disgustipating Fat Handles that flow out over the tops of your jeans...

And... you're angry all the time... plus you got that little leprachaun looking MF'r following you around, not only in real life, but on EF.... "What are we doing today JB, What are we doing... if you post, I will. If you wanna drink a Hefewiseseenneneenene I will."

 

[GoldenDelicious]

if youre a good communicator, talk to her about it.

if youre not verbal, sugarplum has it right imo.

 

[Forge]

what the crap?....you already have had sex....and now you're not having sex?

sorry, but that's retarded.

she has some issues, and i wouldn't waste my time.
my guess is, if she does give in on an occasion, she's goinna be all weird about it and it won't happen again for a while......

I hate to say it, but I think Jerkbox and superdave are right here. She has issues she needs to work out, and she has put you squarely into the "comfort zone" and decided to keep you solidly there, sounds like she wants a friend more than a boyfriend.

If it were me, I'd continue to see her but not sleep with her or let her sleep over, not until she is comfortable and trusts you enough to have sex with you. And the fact that you've both done it before raises so many red flags that I can hear the Lost in Space robot going crazy with the warnings.

Or, you could continue to spoon with her in a hands off fashion and try to help her in her time of need. Maybe you can heal her woes? Oh, and welcome to the Sopping Wet Vagina Club, your membership card is in the mail.