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Refusal to do anal is messing me up... Help!

Snarling Force

Snarling Force

Active member
I don't know what my problem is, maybe I don't even have one but I don't have anyone to talk to this about so I thought I'd ask here.

My wife refuses to do anal sex. Normally this would not be that big of a deal, but there are a few things in our case that is making this very difficult for me.

The first thing is, we used to do it regularly years ago. Then for some reason I just kind of lost interest in it and stopped doing it. It was never an issue until I started doing cycles with test where my sexual desires increased to the point where I wanted to do it again. For some reason though, she says it hurts too bad now and to just forget it. In the heat of the moment, this news starts up a bad argument and everything just gets worse from there.

The other thing that makes this very difficult for me is, she lets me put stuff up there so its not like its totally off limits. I've even stuck 3 fingers at once up there which should be somewhat close to a dick but when it comes time to try, the second she realizes that is what I'm attempting, she freaks and bails.

We got in the biggest fight over it last night we ever had and we slept in different rooms have haven't spoken to each other yet today. I know I should respect her wishes but its very hard for me, especially knowing that we used to do it and that other guy's out there have that option, but I don't. Maybe I'm being selfish but then what am I supposed to do with this desire to do that? It seems to get worse as time goes on. I don't even know why I'm obsessed with it really. Sometimes I think maybe I have a problem but then I think there are people out there who like to fuck Dolphins so I don't feel so bad about wanting to do simple anal sex.

It doesn't help either when you have friends that talk about doing it with their girl. I know things could be a lot worse because other than this single issue which unfortunately happens to be a big one for me, our sex life is great and probably as good as its ever been since we've been married.

Any advice?
 
Maybe a better question is - why do you want to do something to your wife that causes her pain, freaks her out, makes her uncomfortable & is outside her boundaries??
 
Snarling Force said:
The other thing that makes this very difficult for me is, she lets me put stuff up there so its not like its totally off limits. I've even stuck 3 fingers at once up there which should be somewhat close to a dick but when it comes time to try, the second she realizes that is what I'm attempting, she freaks and bails.
Any advice?
Click to expand...

"stuff up there" - I'm afraid to ask...

It's either in limits or off limits so I'm not sure I understand why "stuff" would be ok and the penis would not be.

Something you should ask her.

Also, I don 't understand how any couple could let something like anal sex get between them in such a manner. I mean - really - this is what you're fighting over?

She needs to tell you why in a clear and logical manner and you need to back off and use the hole intended.

But that's just my opinion.
 
Personally, I think anal is gross (unclean), but some ppl love it.
It sounds to me like there are underlying issues in your marriage b/c fighting over the lack of anal sex does not seem sufficient.
Maybe she used to like it, but doesn't now.
You can always ask her why she doesn't like it anymore.

I always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
Sorry to be so vulgar but ya know!!!
I think maybe you are obsessed b/c now it's off limits. We (as humans) always want what we cannot have.
Lay off of your wife for a while and just enjoy the rest of her.
 
If the lack of anal sex were the major problem in my relationships Id consider myself really fuckin lucky.

to the question @ hand. Just be more romantic about it bro. Take her out, get her a little drunk(not too drunk). light candles, lots of foreplay, all that good stuff. then when you are playing with her chocolate starfish make sure you use lots of anal ease and lube and really warm her up with your fingers while the other hand stimulates her clit and be kissing her constantly. then just whisper in her ear how beautiful she is,how sexy she looks, how much u love her, and so on. then if she doesnt get the hint by then you want to punish her asshole gentle coerce her into it. She will get the idea.

If you make it less painful, make her feel sexy and show her how much you put her feelings and peasure in front of your own you shouldnt have any problem taking the road down hershey highway.

good luck bud
 
blueta2 said:
Personally, I think anal is gross (unclean), but some ppl love it.
It sounds to me like there are underlying issues in your marriage b/c fighting over the lack of anal sex does not seem sufficient.
Maybe she used to like it, but doesn't now.
You can always ask her why she doesn't like it anymore.

I always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
Sorry to be so vulgar but ya know!!!
I think maybe you are obsessed b/c now it's off limits. We (as humans) always want what we cannot have.
Lay off of your wife for a while and just enjoy the rest of her.
Click to expand...


one of my ex's tried that with me awhile back. So i let her give me a little prostate massage and we were good to go. One good turn deserves another.. :p
 
Wulfgar said:
If the lack of anal sex were the major problem in my relationships Id consider myself really fuckin lucky.

to the question @ hand. Just be more romantic about it bro. Take her out, get her a little drunk(not too drunk). light candles, lots of foreplay, all that good stuff. then when you are playing with her chocolate starfish make sure you use lots of anal ease and lube and really warm her up with your fingers while the other hand stimulates her clit and be kissing her constantly. then just whisper in her ear how beautiful she is,how sexy she looks, how much u love her, and so on. then if she doesnt get the hint by then you want to punish her asshole gentle coerce her into it. She will get the idea.

If you make it less painful, make her feel sexy and show her how much you put her feelings and peasure in front of your own you shouldnt have any problem taking the road down hershey highway.

good luck bud
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Sounds like rape!
Yeah dude why don't you just drop some roofies in her drink while you're at it...

Silly!
 
blueta2 said:
ItI always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
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the irony being that anal play for men is supposedly far more pleasurable then for women; men having a prostate, being the difference.
 
dullboy said:
the irony being that anal play for men is supposedly far more pleasurable than for women; men having a prostate, being the difference.
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yes but MOST men will refuse this b/c they will think it's a gay act or don't want to feel the pain.
Some women like it, fine, but if she doesn't want it, then the guy should back off.
 
If women only knew how many points they would score with their man by doing it like that. They would have us whipped.
 
Longhorn85 said:
I wonder why she changed her mind if she used to do it a lot? Maybe you can get her really drunk?
Click to expand...

Maybe the initial process of doing anal was very very painful for her....once they began doing that regularly - she got "used to it" and now since he's stopped she no longer wishes to repeat the process.....

Sounds more like a control issue.......
 
jenscats5 said:
Maybe the initial process of doing anal was very very painful for her....once they began doing that regularly - she got "used to it" and now since he's stopped she no longer wishes to repeat the process.....

Sounds more like a control issue.......
Click to expand...

You mean, "once she got the ring, he no longer got the ring..."
 
jenscats5 said:
Maybe the initial process of doing anal was very very painful for her....once they began doing that regularly - she got "used to it" and now since he's stopped she no longer wishes to repeat the process.....

Sounds more like a control issue.......
Click to expand...

i dunno..i mean..he siad he gets 3 fingers in there without any complaining
thats quite a stretchjob
 
dullboys guess is that one of her girlfriends told her that anal sex was degrading.


dullboy is usually right about these things.
 
gautho said:
If women only knew how many points they would score with their man by doing it like that. They would have us whipped.
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Wow, that's all it takes?! Proving the point that most men are just dumb!
 
Obviously there's somethign about it that she just doesn't like. And further because you've "tried" to drop a hint or get her to do it in the past and she's "freaked" - can you just ask her about it - just so you can understand where she's at w/ it now? Not like accusing her - oh you used to do it before, so why not now? You can't lay that sort of shit on people as viable "persuasion" w/ somethign that intimate and "taboo". Its just not fair, and then it starts to feel like an attack. And if you try to sneak it in, that will just further emphasize to her that you won't respect her wishes to not do it.

Can you discuss it in a neutral, objective way? If she says it hurts, then you can ask why it hurts now but didnt' before -- I mean pursue the topic to understand it so you can understand her boundaries. But if it keeps coming across like you just aren't going to let it go, she will back further into her corner on it and you will end up in useless arguments.
 
jenscats5 said:
Maybe a better question is - why do you want to do something to your wife that causes her pain, freaks her out, makes her uncomfortable & is outside her boundaries??
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at one point it didnt cause her too much pain, it didnt freak her out, it didnt make her uncomfortable and wasnt ourside her boundaries, because they used to do it in their past.

Having candy given to you, then taken away never to be offered again fuckin sucks. If im with a woman who is completely against it... oh well, no biggie. But if I get it once, i at least expect it again at some point in the future. Is that selfish? Or should I just be thankfull I got one run at it and then move on?

Somethin else has to be goin on here...
 
immortalis said:
at one point it didnt cause her too much pain, it didnt freak her out, it didnt make her uncomfortable and wasnt ourside her boundaries, because they used to do it in their past.

Having candy given to you, then taken away never to be offered again fuckin sucks. If im with a woman who is completely against it... oh well, no biggie. But if I get it once, i at least expect it again at some point in the future. Is that selfish? Or should I just be thankfull I got one run at it and then move on?

Somethin else has to be goin on here...
Click to expand...

But it is NOW.....and "forcing" her into it will cause her as Sassy said to retreat further.....

ORRRRRRRRRRR - maybe it all did before also, but she never said so......

But yes - sounds like other issues are at play.....
 
Dude straight up all I have to say is pop some rolls & take a shot of GHB broski. - And allways - I repeat allways - keep one hand on the clit when you attempt to tap the holiest of holies. - just putting my 2cc's in. Later.
 
If you stuck 3 fingers but she doesnt want your cock in then there's a problem. Figure it out. Otherwise, dont make such a big deal out of it. Messing your relationship for anal is dumb.
 
Thanks for all the comments and help. I really appreciate it and its made me take a step back and look at everything everyone has added in this thread. Many good points to take into consideration.

Just to clarify, when I said other stuff, I meant dildo's, vibrators, etc but all of these are not nearly as thick as a real penis. Also as some suggested, we have got drunk and that didn't work. E was a different story though. That was as close as I've come but that was about a month ago. I thought for sure during our rolling sex session it would happen, especially since you don't really feel a whole lot of pain while on e or at least I don't anyway.

And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.
 
Snarling Force said:
Thanks for all the comments and help. I really appreciate it and its made me take a step back and look at everything everyone has added in this thread. Many good points to take into consideration.

Just to clarify, when I said other stuff, I meant dildo's, vibrators, etc but all of these are not nearly as thick as a real penis. Also as some suggested, we have got drunk and that didn't work. E was a different story though. That was as close as I've come but that was about a month ago. I thought for sure during our rolling sex session it would happen, especially since you don't really feel a whole lot of pain while on e or at least I don't anyway.

And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.
Click to expand...


aww dude...bro...damn....been there....I definately thinkthat shined light on the whole subject. I know it sounds cliche. But Ive been cheated on numerous(6) times by girls ive been with. And I went into each relationship knowing the girl was a cheat. I even took one of them back 2 times. I held the hope over and over that the whole "once a cheat, always a cheat" cliche wasnt true.
My heart has been buried because of it. Seems to me she has some issues about doing it with you cause of how you started it out basically threatening her into it cause its what homeboy did before you.
makes me fuckin nauseous man knowing all those girls I was with were fucking other guys on the side...jesus....i feel your pain bud
 
Snarling Force said:
Thanks for all the comments and help. I really appreciate it and its made me take a step back and look at everything everyone has added in this thread. Many good points to take into consideration.

Just to clarify, when I said other stuff, I meant dildo's, vibrators, etc but all of these are not nearly as thick as a real penis. Also as some suggested, we have got drunk and that didn't work. E was a different story though. That was as close as I've come but that was about a month ago. I thought for sure during our rolling sex session it would happen, especially since you don't really feel a whole lot of pain while on e or at least I don't anyway.

And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.
Click to expand...



you roll with your wife?

dan-ger-ous

btw - dullboy has addressed your very issue on a professional level in prior threads. (as professional as this sort of medium allows).

id vs. ego stuff
 
very few (anecdotally > 2%) of men can deal with salacious, carnal information about their serious girfriend/fiance/wifes past sexual encounters and history.

basically, men visualize these events, women don't.

never ask. never tell.
 
Snarling Force said:
And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.
Click to expand...


Whoa.... that sounds like an issue. Here's the thing - I don't know if this is w/ guys, but when you get down to those sorts of things - things that are "taboo" -- esp women may go along w/ it because they get bullied into it (not rape-force but just persuaded) or are worried that if they say no they'll lose the guy or whatever - there are soooo many things about these types of issues that are so hard to talk about or even to actually define if the "willing to talk about it" part isn't even an issue. There's just somethign about it that is just too close to home for her for some reason that she just doesn't want to go there. And one of the biggest things is if you make someone feel like they "owe you" because you did something w/ someone else or put whatever spin on it to persuade them to do something they didnt' offer up of their own intention, there is always going to be some sort of unresolved issue around it. So now you want it and to her it represents not only a point where her actions violated your relationship w/ her and she will forever have to live w/ that, but the fact that you used that against her to get her to do it with you is a power point that she gave to you and you used against her, and she buckled.

I dunno. If possible it would be a good thing to talk about & resolve. Sounds like this is neither forgiven nor forgotten by either of you. But for you , you can't continue to hold that "you used to do this" thing over her head. Its obviously very distasteful to her to the point that she would rather let it escalate to an argument maybe to distract from actualy having to deal directly w/ the issue. I'd just hate to see it affect the quality of your whole relationship.
 
Snarling Force said:
And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.
Click to expand...

Ah!! Now it comes out.........erm, no pun intended.... :lmao:

How many years ago, exactly was this cheating incident?? You both were teenagers then & are married now?? How old now??

Now for the BIG question: Did you tell her after her confession that you forgave her for her error?? If so - THEN YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HOLD IT AGAINST HER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM ANY LONGER AND DOING THIS IS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL!!

You need to get over it & move on.....

And I also agree with Sassy.....
 
Snarling Force said:
I want 100% of her, not 99%.
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I think this is a legitimate feeling. She was willing to give up the booty to some clown she cheated with, so why not give it to the man she loves, the man who kept her (cheating notwithstanding), the man who committed his life to her?

Her only other option IMO is to authorize you the use of a concubine (for anal only).
 
Okay, this is a hard road for a women to even take. ( I think anyway) Maybe you should show some appreciation when she does this and maybe ...you will get a treat every now and then.
 
Longhorn85 said:
I think this is a legitimate feeling. She was willing to give up the booty to some clown she cheated with, so why not give it to the man she loves, the man who kept her (cheating notwithstanding), the man who committed his life to her?

Her only other option IMO is to authorize you the use of a concubine (for anal only).
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Word. But since she cheated on him he should have never married that girl. it would not be an issue. Not this guy is into some kind of unhappy marriage carrying their past and dealing with everyday. I cant understand people who marry cheating girls/guys.
 
The cheating incident happened 9 years ago. We've been together for 11 years total, dating 6 and being married 5. We are each other's first. I lost my virginity to her and she lost hers (vaginal) to me when we were just 18. She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex. She never gave up her vagina for anyone in the world but me and for that I'm forever grateful.

We talked for a long time last night and worked things out. As painful as it was, we went over the cheating incident in detail so I could deal with this once and for all and I actually found out things that helped me quite a bit. It turns out the guy tried for only a minute or 2 before she stopped him because it was too painful. So technically, only maybe the head of his penis went in, if even that. Since we never really talked about this incident in detail because it was too painful for me, I never knew this. I thought he went through with the whole thing and completed the act, cumming in her ass and all. I feel much better now because technically I'm still the only guy she's been with however she did cheat on me with him, orally and semi-anally and that will always be something I have to deal with. She was only 19 then, young and indecisive, and didn't know what she wanted so I can't hang that over her head anymore. I need to move on.

I'm going to just lay off the whole anal thing and just enjoy her for who she is. Maybe someday it will happen but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I love her so very much. She is my soulmate and I'm thankful for everyday that I have with her. Thanks for all everyone has said. You've all been very insightful and helpful to me.
 
Snarling Force said:
The cheating incident happened 9 years ago. We've been together for 11 years total, dating 6 and being married 5. We are each other's first. I lost my virginity to her and she lost hers (vaginal) to me when we were just 18. She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex. She never gave up her vagina for anyone in the world but me and for that I'm forever grateful.

We talked for a long time last night and worked things out. As painful as it was, we went over the cheating incident in detail so I could deal with this once and for all and I actually found out things that helped me quite a bit. It turns out the guy tried for only a minute or 2 before she stopped him because it was too painful. So technically, only maybe the head of his penis went in, if even that. Since we never really talked about this incident in detail because it was too painful for me, I never knew this. I thought he went through with the whole thing and completed the act, cumming in her ass and all. I feel much better now because technically I'm still the only guy she's been with however she did cheat on me with him, orally and semi-anally and that will always be something I have to deal with. She was only 19 then, young and indecisive, and didn't know what she wanted so I can't hang that over her head anymore. I need to move on.

I'm going to just lay off the whole anal thing and just enjoy her for who she is. Maybe someday it will happen but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I love her so very much. She is my soulmate and I'm thankful for everyday that I have with her. Thanks for all everyone has said. You've all been very insightful and helpful to me.
Click to expand...


Girls - pay attention to this post if you want some serious insight into the way the male mind works.
 
Snarling Force said:
The cheating incident happened 9 years ago. We've been together for 11 years total, dating 6 and being married 5. We are each other's first. I lost my virginity to her and she lost hers (vaginal) to me when we were just 18. She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex. She never gave up her vagina for anyone in the world but me and for that I'm forever grateful.

We talked for a long time last night and worked things out. As painful as it was, we went over the cheating incident in detail so I could deal with this once and for all and I actually found out things that helped me quite a bit. It turns out the guy tried for only a minute or 2 before she stopped him because it was too painful. So technically, only maybe the head of his penis went in, if even that. Since we never really talked about this incident in detail because it was too painful for me, I never knew this. I thought he went through with the whole thing and completed the act, cumming in her ass and all. I feel much better now because technically I'm still the only guy she's been with however she did cheat on me with him, orally and semi-anally and that will always be something I have to deal with. She was only 19 then, young and indecisive, and didn't know what she wanted so I can't hang that over her head anymore. I need to move on.

I'm going to just lay off the whole anal thing and just enjoy her for who she is. Maybe someday it will happen but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I love her so very much. She is my soulmate and I'm thankful for everyday that I have with her. Thanks for all everyone has said. You've all been very insightful and helpful to me.
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I'm glad you guys were able to talk it out.....in light of the new information - things have changed quite a bit.....

And now that the pressure to comply is off her, so to speak, maybe someday she'd be willing to try it....
 
Cheater once..... oh well never mind.

So now cause only the head went down it's semi-anal ? Didnt know this thing existed. Cheating is cheating. Semi-anal, oral, vaginal, finger fucking who cares.

Another mistake: marriying the only girl someone has been with. Kindda like buying the first car you see at the dealership instead of trying 2-3 other brands just to make sure. Dude, i hope things are ok and that you're happy. Also hope that you wont make a thread here in a year or two about your divorce and how thinbgs suck.
 
manny78 said:
Cheater once..... oh well never mind.

So now cause only the head went down it's semi-anal ? Didnt know this thing existed. Cheating is cheating. Semi-anal, oral, vaginal, finger fucking who cares.

Another mistake: marriying the only girl someone has been with. Kindda like buying the first car you see at the dealership instead of trying 2-3 other brands just to make sure. Dude, i hope things are ok and that you're happy. Also hope that you wont make a thread here in a year or two about your divorce and how thinbgs suck.
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take it easy on the guy - they've been together for a long time (11 years is what dullboy believes he said).

...and lots of people cheat.

for lots of different reasons. cheating has has supprisingly little to with character; it's a far more complicated behavior than that.

very generally, girls will cheat when it's perceived that their relationship is broken or going nowhere, which dullboy is reasonably certain was the case in this individuals experience.

dullboy has little patience for those who cast aspersions on others.
 
dullboy said:
take it easy on the guy - they've been together for a long time (11 years is what dullboy believes he said).

...and lots of people cheat.

for lots of different reasons. cheating has has supprisingly little to with character; it's a far more complicated behavior than that.

very generally, girls will cheat when it's perceived that their relationship is broken or going nowhere, which dullboy is reasonably certain was the case in this individuals experience.

dullboy has little patience for those who cast aspersions on others.
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Dullboy should know that you cant make up your mind about women if you marry right away the first pussy you met and poked. Damn, I couldnt buy a Ferrari without test driving a Lambo even if i'm 98% sure that it's the Ferrari I want. And obviously, she felt at some point that her choice wasnt perhaps the best or needed to take a test drive elsewhere which she did. He didnt.

Btw cheating is cheating. No matter the reasons behind, it's a breach of confidence. You may work things out but on the long run, it will hit you back like a boomerang in your relationship. A guy/girl living with a cheater is just sitting on a time bomb. damn the guy makes a huge deal for anal, next thing we know, it's related to her cheating past. Ok they worked this out but what about the next one ? "Oh she wont do this or that but I'm sure she would have done that for that dude"...... that's the problem with cheating. The victim believe his entitled to use the event as an excuse for every demand (which is legitimate) and the cheater will one day get sick of it.
 
I think if his girl reads this beautiful article about how much he loves her, he may just get what he wanted. As long as he doesn't charge in there like a battering ram!
 
Snarling Force said:
She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex.
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Just my opinion but,

1) I find it hard to believe that two could engage in oral and (semi) anal but not vaginal. That would take incredible will power.

2) Given the fact that she is the only girl you've been with, you would probably feel much better after having an affair and getting some anal. (Not recommended)
 
Manny I did test drive her for 6 years before deciding to marry her. It certainly wasn't something I jumped into. I agree with you totally that people that marry someone so quickly after knowing them is a huge mistake. After those 6 years, I knew she was the one. So far my life with her has made me happier than I could have ever hoped for. We have had a fun 11 years together. We have no kids so its just her and I enjoying the end of our twenties. She is my best friend and the only woman I would ever want to be with. I know it may seem crazy to some guys that I've only ever been with a single woman, but I'm fine with that. She is worth it to me.
 
Snarling Force said:
Manny I did test drive her for 6 years before deciding to marry her. It certainly wasn't something I jumped into. I agree with you totally that people that marry someone so quickly after knowing them is a huge mistake. After those 6 years, I knew she was the one. So far my life with her has made me happier than I could have ever hoped for. We have had a fun 11 years together. We have no kids so its just her and I enjoying the end of our twenties. She is my best friend and the only woman I would ever want to be with. I know it may seem crazy to some guys that I've only ever been with a single woman, but I'm fine with that. She is worth it to me.
Click to expand...

Then either forget about the cheating (cause it will ruin your marriage on the long run) or go with Longhorn's advice and get your candy elsewhere. I dont approve that approach but hey, she did it to you so it's your call now.
 
manny78 said:
Then either forget about the cheating (cause it will ruin your marriage on the long run) or go with Longhorn's advice and get your candy elsewhere. I dont approve that approach but hey, she did it to you so it's your call now.
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wha?

dullboy thinks you're too busy projecting and not reading his posts. when did he mention that he wanted to cheat on his wife? you're exhibiting some sort of reaction formation.

this "cheating" incident occured faily early in their relationship and when they were both still teenagers. additionally, based on the information provided, this was an isolated incident; meaning that it only occured during one period of time.

dullboy has a reasonable basis to form his earlier expressed opinion in his prior post.

question for snarling - how would you deal with this issue of your wifes past intimacy if it occurred before your relationship? dullboy bets that you would equally "jealous".
 
my best friend is marrying the 2nd girl he ever had sex with(they have been together 6 years as well(the other girl was a hooker I bought for him in high school to pop his cherry, he still bitches at me about, but hey, what are friends for?)
anyways, she is his first and only(although I did remember her saying she dated guy before and when she finally gave him a blowjob he dumped her.

anyhow. 2 obvious people with very little sexual experience and variety and they are extremely happy. I think, in fact, they will defy the odds and make it in the long run

Makes me jealous sometimes....oh well, we each walk our own path
good luck force, looks like u and your wife have a good future to look forwards too
 
dullboy said:
wha?

dullboy thinks you're too busy projecting and not reading his posts. when did he mention that he wanted to cheat on his wife? you're exhibiting some sort of reaction formation.

this "cheating" incident occured faily early in their relationship and when they were both still teenagers. additionally, based on the information provided, this was an isolated incident; meaning that it only occured during one period of time.

dullboy has a reasonable basis to form his earlier expressed opinion in his prior post.

question for snarling - how would you deal with this issue of your wifes past intimacy if it occurred before your relationship? dullboy bets that you would equally "jealous".
Click to expand...

Me thinks, cheating is like a roach, you find one, there're others hidden here and there. But that's just me....

To answer your question: if it happened before, I would be kindda jealous but not to the point of ruinning my marriage. A bit and that's it.
 
manny78 said:
Me thinks, cheating is like a roach, you find one, there're others hidden here and there. But that's just me....

To answer your question: if it happened before, I would be kindda jealous but not to the point of ruinning my marriage. A bit and that's it.
Click to expand...


lol - my question was for snarlingforce, not you.


dullboy knows your answer - you'd use it as an excuse to cheat on her - lol

j/k
 
SF - I'm so glad you both were able to sit down & discuss -- there is SOOOO much that people assume or draw from what parts they know, then throw in that the topic is so close to home that it is truly hard to say for sure what is going on - it is much too emotional to deal w/ clearly. You simply cannot make broad generalizations about someone based on their actions at age 18-19. You just cant' IMO.

This thing w/ the oral & anal -- no pregnancy --- I can't believe people, esp kids these days consider these viable options to intimacy -- get on B/C, use a condom or something but be responsible for god's sake. Things are different from when I grew up I guess....

But the important thing is to keep these things in perspective - and those things that are truly painful to her - physically or emotionally - you simply cannot blackmail or persuade or push her into doing something like that. If that is the most important part of your relaitonship then its time to toss the relationship. Obviously its not to you so either be patient or just enjoy what you do have - as stated above - I think its a treasure to find what you have at the age you have. Don't take it for granted or demean its value. It is priceless.
 
You are correct dullboy. If the incident happened before we met, I suspect I'd be just as jealous or envious of what he was able to do and probably would have handled things the same way.

About getting your candy elsewhere... I could never live with myself because of the guilt I would feel. Some guys can do it no problem and I know many that do. For me though, that 15 minutes or so of selfish pleasure would create a burden of guilt I would either have to carry with me forever or come clean about which would would destroy our relationship. It will never be worth it to me.

dullboy said:
wha?

dullboy thinks you're too busy projecting and not reading his posts. when did he mention that he wanted to cheat on his wife? you're exhibiting some sort of reaction formation.

this "cheating" incident occured faily early in their relationship and when they were both still teenagers. additionally, based on the information provided, this was an isolated incident; meaning that it only occured during one period of time.

dullboy has a reasonable basis to form his earlier expressed opinion in his prior post.

question for snarling - how would you deal with this issue of your wifes past intimacy if it occurred before your relationship? dullboy bets that you would equally "jealous".
Click to expand...
 
I was going to suggest (if you ever get the discussion going again) ... to "come" first, then as she works you back up, you won't be as big or hard for the second round of love making -- and backside entry.

In the future love making, you could also leave off any toys in that area for awhile. Refuse entry of anything. See if she truly craves it and starts asking for entry.

just a few little things to ponder ...
 
blueta2 said:
Personally, I think anal is gross (unclean), but some ppl love it.
It sounds to me like there are underlying issues in your marriage b/c fighting over the lack of anal sex does not seem sufficient.
Maybe she used to like it, but doesn't now.
You can always ask her why she doesn't like it anymore.

I always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
Sorry to be so vulgar but ya know!!!
I think maybe you are obsessed b/c now it's off limits. We (as humans) always want what we cannot have.
Lay off of your wife for a while and just enjoy the rest of her.
Click to expand...

Hmm, you bring the strap on? I'll try if you do. But, I digress and know you not. Never mind. LOL
 
manny78 said:
Cheater once..... oh well never mind.

So now cause only the head went down it's semi-anal ? Didnt know this thing existed. Cheating is cheating. Semi-anal, oral, vaginal, finger fucking who cares.

Another mistake: marriying the only girl someone has been with. Kindda like buying the first car you see at the dealership instead of trying 2-3 other brands just to make sure. Dude, i hope things are ok and that you're happy. Also hope that you wont make a thread here in a year or two about your divorce and how thinbgs suck.
Click to expand...

When I was 21 I bought the first car I saw and never even took it for a test drive. I had that car for 14 yrs until it died....Some ppl are happy with their first car.....And the analogy of a relationship to buying a car is the STUPIDEST thing I ever heard!
And yeah go easy on this guy.....he was mature enough to work it out, talk about it and take others advice. I think him and his wife will do just fine.
 
Snarling Force said:
You are correct dullboy. If the incident happened before we met, I suspect I'd be just as jealous or envious of what he was able to do and probably would have handled things the same way.

About getting your candy elsewhere... I could never live with myself because of the guilt I would feel. Some guys can do it no problem and I know many that do. For me though, that 15 minutes or so of selfish pleasure would create a burden of guilt I would either have to carry with me forever or come clean about which would would destroy our relationship. It will never be worth it to me.
Click to expand...


You sound like a "stand-up" person....good for you. One deed does not deserve another.
Once a cheater not always a cheater...ppl change and ppl learn from their mistakes.
 
Disclaimer: I do not condone the use of recreational drugs to enhance or alleviate troubles within a relationship... they only mask the problem until it surfaces again regardless of the situation.


that being said...


My wife only likes anal whenever we are either rolling together, or taking some form of speed. Any other time and she doesnt care for it much at all and would rather just avoid it all together. However whenever shes on something like that... shes a freak!

I was reading through this thread, and I just called my wife up and was like "Hey... why dont you see if you can scoop us up a couple rolls for this weekend?"

She responded "Hell yeah!"

We havent rolled in about 6 months.... Its ON! lol :chomp: :chomp: :chomp:
 
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