Random Restroom Thoughts

[jackangel]

Public ones, I mean.
---------

1. If you prefer the middle stall, even if no one else is in the bathroom, you're an asshole.

2. If you go into a stall next to an occupied stall, even if you don't have to, you're an asshole.

3. Every bathroom should have very loud sounds playing on a loop. Like bears growling or thunderous booms of thunder. Hell, at least a fucking exhaust fan or something. This is to cover up the noise of gaseous escapades.

4. Stalls for handicapped bitches are preferred.

5. The stall farthest from the bathroom entrance is also valuable.

6. The principal exception to #2: If someone has just vacated a stall while you're in the bathroom, you should avoid that stall, even if it means s(h)itting next to someone else.

7. Since #3 doesn't always exist, except for clubs/lounges/etc, it's helpful to plug your ears when others are cutting loose at the same time.

---------
Feel free to add your own. Or don't, see if I give a fuck.

 

[jh1]

8. Indian people wipe their buttocks orafice with their right hand. Never shake it.

 

[avidinternet]

I like the nice roomy handicappers myself too.

Sure I won't use it if there is a handicapped person there...

but there never is, so good for me

 

[JayC9]

Badly disguised poop thread.

 

[jackangel]

I like the nice roomy handicappers myself too.

Sure I won't use it if there is a handicapped person there...

but there never is, so good for me

i would. hell, i'll use it even if there's a dude with a fucking wheelchair already in the stall. he's a cripple, he can't do shit to me.

jayc9, you're a badly disguised poop thread. you are.

 

[jnevin]

9. Don't comment on what you ate the night before when you exit the stall and see a coworker.

10. Use fucking soap, don't just splash some water on your hands to humor the person that walked in.

 

[avidinternet]

11. If you're going in for a sit down, make sure there is toilet paper in the stall BEFORE you get down to business...if you don't you're an asshole.

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

Ew - I hate public bathrooms and try to avoid them at all costs. I've seen way too many people not wash their hands and touch everything and it grosses me out. If I have to use one, I don't touch anything.. i don't touch the door, I don't sit down, and I kick the flusher and use something to open the stall.. I don't know why but they give me the heebee jeebee's. lol.

 

[gotmilk]

I've pooped in the handicrapped stall. Even put my legs up on the arm rest.

 

[jackangel]

people, there's shit everywhere. i know it's an unpleasant thought. still, realize...those particles are all over. you're touching them right now.

how fucked up would unisex public bathrooms be? imagine dropping a deuce next to some hot chick in the next stall? impossible, but still...the world would end.

 

[seaking420]

12. when you're urinating look over and down at the guy next to you and start laughing

 

[jnevin]

13. When you're a piss drunk 140 lb aisan dood, don't get sooo plowed that you can't keep your balance, start missing your urinal, and piss all ove some 6'6" dood's leg. He just may push your face into the urinal and finish on your head. Yes, I saw that happen.

 

[jerkbox]

13. When an accident such as soiling one's pants occurs, it is acceptable etiquite to leave said underpants hanging either on the hook inside the stall, or draped on the toilet's flushing handle, after a thorough soaking in toilet water of course.

 

[Bikini Mod]

OMG u guys are guh-ross.

For the record, I never pee or poo.

I am just bitchin like that.

 

[ksharp01]

people, there's shit everywhere. i know it's an unpleasant thought. still, realize...those particles are all over. you're touching them right now.

how fucked up would unisex public bathrooms be? imagine dropping a deuce next to some hot chick in the next stall? impossible, but still...the world would end.

they have them and they are!! I went to a bar in NO and was peeing and looked down and the person's feet were facing the toliet!!!! I thought I wondered in the wrong one...but I didn't. Thank God I never sit..just hover

 

[Gambino]

14. Hunt down bathrooms in less traveled areas...basements, distant floors, etc.
A less used bathroom is a lot cleaner, private, and quiet...so you can confidently hanle manez buisness

 

[jack sparrow]

how fucked up would unisex public bathrooms be? imagine dropping a deuce next to some hot chick in the next stall? impossible, but still...the world would end.

I was in a bar once, can't remember what state...but the bathroom was unisex. I was standing at the urinal while a bunch of chicks were putting on make up in the mirror right next to me. I was like..."Well, it's either this, or wade through the crowd and head to the alley". So I just went for it. Right next to me on my left was a stall, and I could see some chicks pants around her ankles. Very weird.

 

[avidinternet]

13. When an accident such as soiling one's pants occurs, it is acceptable etiquite to leave said underpants hanging either on the hook inside the stall, or draped on the toilet's flushing handle, after a thorough soaking in toilet water of course.

15. Or if same occurs while on a cruise it is appropriate to throw said underware off your balcony. Hoping of course it goes into the ocean instead of an open balcony somewhere below yours.

 

[jackangel]

14. Hunt down bathrooms in less traveled areas...basements, distant floors, etc.
A less used bathroom is a lot cleaner, private, and quiet...so you can confidently hanle manez buisness

good tip. i used this one not too long ago. i first went to the mall bathroom, near the food court, etc... line was out the door, and the smell hit me before i even got there. don't know what i was thinking. so i turned around and hit up the macy's (department store) bathroom...on the top floor. it was like the lap of luxury, relatively speaking. there was already a dude in there, so i slapped him high five and shared some of my Grey Poupon with him.

get it? poupon? poop-on? no?

 

[jack sparrow]

Inconceivable.

 

[Gambino]

good tip. i used this one not too long ago. i first went to the mall bathroom, near the food court, etc... line was out the door, and the smell hit me before i even got there. don't know what i was thinking. so i turned around and hit up the macy's (department store) bathroom...on the top floor. it was like the lap of luxury, relatively speaking. there was already a dude in there, so i slapped him high five and shared some of my Grey Poupon with him.

get it? poupon? poop-on? no?

in a mall setting, if i was looking to kick back and lay a fat duece, i would travel to the service corridors, the shell of the mall shoppers usually don't travel to...break room bathrooms are another favorite and are usually one cellers so you can lock that bitch up and chill.

 

[jackangel]

they have them and they are!! I went to a bar in NO and was peeing and looked down and the person's feet were facing the toliet!!!! I thought I wondered in the wrong one...but I didn't. Thank God I never sit..just hover

imagine stalling it up next to ksharp. all the mooing sounds. i'd go nuts.



this leads me to my next awesome idea: a new thread called "Which EFer would you most like to take a dump next to?"

and my follow-up:

"Which EFer would you most like to take a dump on?"

 

[HollywoodSwole]

14. Hunt down bathrooms in less traveled areas...basements, distant floors, etc.
A less used bathroom is a lot cleaner, private, and quiet...so you can confidently hanle manez buisness

that reminded me of "Hide and Go Poop"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-WVC2JsJ9o

 

[Gambino]

ksharp, you and i together, this throne
it could all be yours

 

[jnevin]

2 page poop thread?

Jayezis.

 

[redguru]

Ibtl

 

[Bikini Mod]

Speaking of annoying bathroom peeps... Do men do this too or is it just the annoying women? As ya'll may or may not know I have to go to the potty more often than I like to mention. Be that as it may I dont always have the option of "holding it till I get home" or "until I can find a nice, clean, private spot". For me it's more like, "Thank God I got my thongs down around my ankles in time!"

Be that as it may....

How many times have you settled in to take care of some unpleasant business when you hear the annoying knock. You say, "Just a minute please" and go about taking care of bithneth only to hear that knock again... as if you forgot they just knocked 2 minutes before? What did they think? That because THEY KNOCKED you would *magically* be done.... because THEY SAID SO?

When you finally open the door (half-smiling because no amount of deoderizer could possibly mask the scent of what you've left behind) they act all embarrassed and surprized that you were actually in there.

"I'm sorry."

And you think to yourself... "Not yet, but you will be in about 2 seconds!"









Just sayin...

 

[redguru]

If this were a sorearms thread it would have been locked by post #2.

 

[jack sparrow]

ksharp, you and i together, this throne
it could all be yours

lmao!!

 

[jackangel]

stop calling it a poop thread, assholes. you're gonna bring down the heat.

this is a LIFESTYLE thread.

 

[blueta2]

stop calling it a poop thread, assholes. you're gonna bring down the heat.

this is a LIFESTYLE thread.

hahaha.........lifestyle, I agree. I mean we gotta go

 

[jack sparrow]

Try working in a Mexican plant. Nothing like wasps/bees buzzing around your head and Brown Recluses walking around on the floor. Not to mention you aren't allowed to flush the toilet paper. It's quite enjoyable compared to the modern day facilities we enjoy in this country.

 

[gotmilk]

farting in the restrooms just to test the accoustics

 

[redguru]

How about the fat guy two stalls down with the explosive runs. Fuck, man, light a match or something. Eat a little more fiber and lay off the deep-fried blubber.

Oh and btw...

POOP THREAD!!!!!

 

[blueta2]

BM, I never had anyone knock at the door while I was in the stall.

I do have HUGE issues with public bathrooms. They are disgusting. Like IP said, I do not touch anything or sit on the bowl.
The most DISGUSTING public bathrooms are the out of town / on the highway bathroom and the one I use at work.
One rule for the men I work with: TAKE YOUR MORNING CRAP AT HOME!

 

[Sub-Zero]

Ew - I hate public bathrooms and try to avoid them at all costs. I've seen way too many people not wash their hands and touch everything and it grosses me out. If I have to use one, I don't touch anything.. i don't touch the door, I don't sit down, and I kick the flusher and use something to open the stall.. I don't know why but they give me the heebee jeebee's. lol.

you look like a tranny

 

[Bikini Mod]

BM, I never had anyone knock at the door while I was in the stall.

I do have HUGE issues with public bathrooms. They are disgusting. Like IP said, I do not touch anything or sit on the bowl.
The most DISGUSTING public bathrooms are the out of town / on the highway bathroom and the one I use at work.
One rule for the men I work with: TAKE YOUR MORNING CRAP AT HOME!

Must be my luck then. LOL

And dont you know that it is like some badge of honor for men to walk into the restrooms with the entire sports section neatly folded under their arms as if to anounce that they are going in to REALLY do something?!

 

[Sub-Zero]

Speaking of annoying bathroom peeps... Do men do this too or is it just the annoying women? As ya'll may or may not know I have to go to the potty more often than I like to mention. Be that as it may I dont always have the option of "holding it till I get home" or "until I can find a nice, clean, private spot". For me it's more like, "Thank God I got my thongs down around my ankles in time!"

Be that as it may....

How many times have you settled in to take care of some unpleasant business when you hear the annoying knock. You say, "Just a minute please" and go about taking care of bithneth only to hear that knock again... as if you forgot they just knocked 2 minutes before? What did they think? That because THEY KNOCKED you would *magically* be done.... because THEY SAID SO?

When you finally open the door (half-smiling because no amount of deoderizer could possibly mask the scent of what you've left behind) they act all embarrassed and surprized that you were actually in there.

"I'm sorry."

And you think to yourself... "Not yet, but you will be in about 2 seconds!"









Just sayin...

if i got a multiple knocker id tell them to shut the fuck up real angry like and if they said something snide back id risk getting dirtyed up to tackle them and smash my dirty parts onto their face (no im not exagerating) that shit would fucking piss me off major.

what pisses me off is when you find the secluded bathroom and some straggler wanders in trying to take advantage of said distant shitting location and they realize someones already using it and they either sit down next to you without going (trying to outlast/waste more time than you) untill you either leave or have to suck it up and go in the presence of someone else.

and a new thing iv noticed is one of my special locations on campus (its happened twice) is some dickwad will come in, realize someones already taking advantage of secluded poop paradise and they dont even try and pretend like they are going. they just spend 10 minutes in front of the mirror playing with paper towels and the sink, probably flexing in the mirror, and pulling their pants off to see if their flaccid dick looks big from a distance. whatever the fuck they are doing i just want to ask them to leave or do whatever dumb shit they are doing someplace else and that i know they are trying to trick me into leaving prematurely so they can take my place, but i feel like if i call them out on it its too easy for them to deny

 

[Bikini Mod]

if i got a multiple knocker id tell them to shut the fuck up real angry like and if they said something snide back id risk getting dirtyed up to tackle them and smash my dirty parts onto their face (no im not exagerating) that shit would fucking piss me off major.

what pisses me off is when you find the secluded bathroom and some straggler wanders in trying to take advantage of said distant shitting location and they realize someones already using it and they either sit down next to you without going (trying to outlast/waste more time than you) untill you either leave or have to suck it up and go in the presence of someone else.

and a new thing iv noticed is one of my special locations on campus (its happened twice) is some dickwad will come in, realize someones already taking advantage of secluded poop paradise and they dont even try and pretend like they are going. they just spend 10 minutes in front of the mirror playing with paper towels and the sink, probably flexing in the mirror, and pulling their pants off to see if their flaccid dick looks big from a distance. whatever the fuck they are doing i just want to ask them to leave or do whatever dumb shit they are doing someplace else and that i know they are trying to trick me into leaving prematurely so they can take my place, but i feel like if i call them out on it its too easy for them to deny

OMG I am DYING laughing here!

 

[Sub-Zero]

OMG I am DYING laughing here!

u know what im talking about then, those guys should fall down stairs

 

[jh1]

if i got a multiple knocker id tell them to shut the fuck up real angry like and if they said something snide back id risk getting dirtyed up to tackle them and smash my dirty parts onto their face (no im not exagerating) that shit would fucking piss me off major.

what pisses me off is when you find the secluded bathroom and some straggler wanders in trying to take advantage of said distant shitting location and they realize someones already using it and they either sit down next to you without going (trying to outlast/waste more time than you) untill you either leave or have to suck it up and go in the presence of someone else.

and a new thing iv noticed is one of my special locations on campus (its happened twice) is some dickwad will come in, realize someones already taking advantage of secluded poop paradise and they dont even try and pretend like they are going. they just spend 10 minutes in front of the mirror playing with paper towels and the sink, probably flexing in the mirror, and pulling their pants off to see if their flaccid dick looks big from a distance. whatever the fuck they are doing i just want to ask them to leave or do whatever dumb shit they are doing someplace else and that i know they are trying to trick me into leaving prematurely so they can take my place, but i feel like if i call them out on it its too easy for them to deny

If you can link me to a funnier post of yours, I'd be supprised.

That's shit is gold. I sig quote ya if it wasn't so long.

TRUE DAT SHIT NUGGER!!!​

 

[alien amp pharm]

16. Always carry extra napkins in your vehicle for emergency road-side shittings.

True story, I was traveling on back roads to a softball game and I had to go BADLY. The nearest store was still a good 15 minutes away. I pulled on a secluded road, squated while balancing myself with a small tree, and let er rip.
Thank goodness I had some extra Burger King napkins in the vehicle that day.

 

[jh1]

16. Always carry extra napkins in your vehicle for emergency road-side shittings.

True story, I was traveling on back roads to a softball game and I had to go BADLY. The nearest store was still a good 15 minutes away. I pulled on a secluded road, squated while balancing myself with a small tree, and let er rip.
Thank goodness I had some extra Burger King napkins in the vehicle that day.

Apparently a guy that was @ a golf outting I sponsered last friday shit in the woods and wiped with the free-bie golf towel that came in the goodies kits I gave out...


He wanted to take a cart back to do it, but it was raining a little so no one was willing to give up the cart... shit there were 40 carts.. I can't beleive nobody could work that out.

I'd took the fucking cart.. I wouldn't have answered to anybody but my ass. It says shit, and I am shitting... not in th woods in front of my clients either.


He should be fired.

 

[jackangel]

why are people always turning my threads into poopfests.

don't answer that.

 

[jh1]

why are people always turning my threads into poopfests.

don't answer that.

Does India have toliet paper?

 

[jack sparrow]

I stopped at a Marathon station one time in Ohio where the restroom was right next to the front counter. There was about five people standing in line...it was a good thing for that three inch gap between the door and the floor, and the echo factor...otherwise I wouldn't have been able to entertain anyone.

 

[jackangel]

Does India have toliet paper?

no, but they have plenty of small children. wipe and dispose.

 

[yourmomgoestocollege]

Ew - I hate public bathrooms and try to avoid them at all costs. I've seen way too many people not wash their hands and touch everything and it grosses me out. If I have to use one, I don't touch anything.. i don't touch the door, I don't sit down, and I kick the flusher and use something to open the stall.. I don't know why but they give me the heebee jeebee's. lol.

IP=Shitbreak from American Pie

 

[jh1]

IP=Shitbreak from American Pie

Nah.. that's Turd Ferguson...

He *IS* shitbreak.. no shit.

 

[jerkbox]

Does India have toliet paper?

they use their turbans, dumbfuck.

 

[jerkbox]

if i got a multiple knocker id tell them to shut the fuck up real angry like and if they said something snide back id risk getting dirtyed up to tackle them and smash my dirty parts onto their face (no im not exagerating) that shit would fucking piss me off major.

what pisses me off is when you find the secluded bathroom and some straggler wanders in trying to take advantage of said distant shitting location and they realize someones already using it and they either sit down next to you without going (trying to outlast/waste more time than you) untill you either leave or have to suck it up and go in the presence of someone else.

and a new thing iv noticed is one of my special locations on campus (its happened twice) is some dickwad will come in, realize someones already taking advantage of secluded poop paradise and they dont even try and pretend like they are going. they just spend 10 minutes in front of the mirror playing with paper towels and the sink, probably flexing in the mirror, and pulling their pants off to see if their flaccid dick looks big from a distance. whatever the fuck they are doing i just want to ask them to leave or do whatever dumb shit they are doing someplace else and that i know they are trying to trick me into leaving prematurely so they can take my place, but i feel like if i call them out on it its too easy for them to deny

dudemeister, you're my hero

 

[jack sparrow]

dudemeister, you're my hero

Kid has some skillz, no? Always been one of my favorite posters.

 

[HiDnGoD]

12. when you're urinating look over and down at the guy next to you and start laughing

I've pretended to look, then said to the guy in an incredulous tone, "You fuck with that thing?"

 

[jackangel]

23. I think stall doors should have vacant/occupied signs on the outside, like airplane bathrooms do. I don't want to bend down to check for a pair of feet, or whatever. I want to open the door while someone's in there even less (fucker didn't lock properly).

24. If you want to flush to cover up your own ass music, just go ahead. Don't worry about what your stall neighbors think (i.e. it's so obvious what you're doing). You can pass it off as a motion sensor malfunction, unless the flush is manual.

25. Don't get shit on your hand, unless you plan on shaking hands with some white douchebag later on.

 

[gotmilk]

16. Always carry extra napkins in your vehicle for emergency road-side shittings.

True story, I was traveling on back roads to a softball game and I had to go BADLY. The nearest store was still a good 15 minutes away. I pulled on a secluded road, squated while balancing myself with a small tree, and let er rip.
Thank goodness I had some extra Burger King napkins in the vehicle that day.

True story, my hometown paid some fool $450,000 for some piece of art that was old mill wheels welded together. I couldn't make it home and couldn't suck the crowning back past the anal breaking line. SO, I pulled over on the busiest street in town, during daylight, and shit on the mill wheel art piece.

I wiped with my underwear, and hung the underwear on the mill wheels. Thank god there was no DNA testing in 1986 for poopie underwear shitting taggers.

 

[gotmilk]

Does India have toliet paper?

Just slim jim wrappers

 

[Bikini Mod]

23. I think stall doors should have vacant/occupied signs on the outside, like airplane bathrooms do. I don't want to bend down to check for a pair of feet, or whatever. I want to open the door while someone's in there even less (fucker didn't lock properly).

24. If you want to flush to cover up your own ass music, just go ahead. Don't worry about what your stall neighbors think (i.e. it's so obvious what you're doing). You can pass it off as a motion sensor malfunction, unless the flush is manual.

WTF - I thought courteousy flushes were appreciated.