raising good kids- luck or skill?

[stilleto]

my kids were clearing off the table from dinner and I was thinking how good they really are. not perfect of course, but popular, obedient, fun, respectful, etc.

I can't take the credit- i'm flawed and they know it, although maybe admitting it helps, i don't know.

I've seen people who look like model parents and their kid is wearing all black, with died black hair, eyeliner, failing school, and destroying things, and other parents who don't know what the hell they are doing and their kid practically parents them.

You think raising good kids into good adults is luck, skill, or both?

 

[theprofessor]

100% skill...

 

[javaguru]

It takes a little luck too. They fall under the influence of the wrong crowd and you can be totally fucked as a parent.

 

[Scotsman]

It's a little of both. It takes a lot of skill to raise and properly influence/guide kids. Also it takes a little luck that you didn't get a bad kid, or one that just happens to fall in with the wrong crowd.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[Mr. dB]

Nature vs. nurture. It seems that psychological research keeps turning up that more and more aspects of human behavior and personality are genetic. There are certainly things that parents can do right and do wrong that will affect the way the kids turn out, but there are also many things that are just going to happen anyway, because of what they were born with.

 

[perkele]

my kids were clearing off the table from dinner and I was thinking how good they really are. not perfect of course, but popular, obedient, fun, respectful, etc.

I can't take the credit- i'm flawed and they know it, although maybe admitting it helps, i don't know.

I've seen people who look like model parents and their kid is wearing all black, with died black hair, eyeliner, failing school, and destroying things, and other parents who don't know what the hell they are doing and their kid practically parents them.

You think raising good kids into good adults is luck, skill, or both?

17yo boy shot himself last weekend. He lived with his father. What I know is that the father wasn't very supportive, and looked like that in his eyes the boy couldn't do anything right. Well at least the father knows he knew how to hit the target. Something to think about at funeral day.

 

[radarstoy]

my kids were clearing off the table from dinner and I was thinking how good they really are. not perfect of course, but popular, obedient, fun, respectful, etc.

Congradulations you've done your job well. Go ahead and take the credit. Good parenting takes dedication and hard work. It's moments like these where you can sit back and smile knowing it was all worth it.

 

[upndown]

Gotta be both. Lucky and skilled. Like anything else that's worthwhile, you have to put in the effort-it's work - Be there!

 

[biteme]

both.

 

[PBR]

it takes some of both...do not forget that children are their own entities, and they become what they see and hear...they adapt to environments that surround them. the earliest years are the most formable (when they soley depend on parents for survival [especially mothers] ), after that they take on what they interpret what will allow them to be accepted and survive.

good post Mr.dB
Perk- good example of a non-nuturing homelife: very SAD.

 

[Sassy69]

I have a cat.



He's a good cat.

 

[javaguru]

I have a cat.



He's a good cat.

Just don't let him start running with those no good alley cats....

 

[Tytan]

a lot of guidance and care, involvement and understanding..Don`t forget love and caring, then pray like hell you get lucky and they don`t do dumb shit....

 

[PBR]

I have a cat.



He's a good cat.

he's a peeping-tom[cat]....he's been on Myspace too.

 

[chesty]

my kids were clearing off the table from dinner and I was thinking how good they really are. not perfect of course, but popular, obedient, fun, respectful, etc.

I can't take the credit- i'm flawed and they know it, although maybe admitting it helps, i don't know.

I've seen people who look like model parents and their kid is wearing all black, with died black hair, eyeliner, failing school, and destroying things, and other parents who don't know what the hell they are doing and their kid practically parents them.

You think raising good kids into good adults is luck, skill, or both?

Skill, luck, genetics, enivronment, a little of everything.

 

[Smurfy]

Skill, luck, genetics, enivronment, a little of everything.

true.


natural intelligence and emotional intelligence.

 

[Big Rick Rock]

Both... and Neither.


Kids are born with their basic Personality and Character traits already built in. That is a fact...

Parenting plays a role only IF the child is receptive to you influence. How receptive he/she is depends on what is in his brain from birth AND how good the parent is at influencing him/her...

Some baby's born with a Personality Trait that makes them fearless, can grow up to become Criminals or Stunt Men. Kids who are born with a built-in Adrenaline addiction can become Race Car drivers or Bank Robbers.

What path they take depends on the parenting they received growing up AND how receptive they were to the parenting.


Also, many people don’t realize it but your kid is not really learning anything when you decide to take 1-2 moments out of your day to put on an “I’m a good parent hat” and give them speeches about hard work and dedication and respect.
Those little fuckers are only learning when you are NOT talking to them directly but actually being … YOU. When you are in on the phone with your buddies, they listen and learn. When you try to do something, and fail and give up right away, they learn. When you complaint about work, people, things, situations… They listen… When you shit, walk, eat, drink… That is when the parenting is actually done. They do not listen to your speeches but rather watch you be you and learn from it. So you have to keep that in mind everyday when you have one of them around. Because do not listen when you preach, doing is how you teach.





-BRR

 

[velvett]

Both... and Neither.


Kids are born with their basic Personality and Character traits already built in. That is a fact...

Parenting plays a role only IF the child is receptive to you influence. How receptive he/she is depends on what is in his brain from birth AND how good the parent is at influencing him/her...

Some baby's born with a Personality Trait that makes them fearless, can grow up to become Criminals or Stunt Men. Kids who are born with a built-in Adrenaline addiction can become Race Car drivers or Bank Robbers.

What path they take depends on the parenting they received growing up AND how receptive they were to the parenting.


Also, many people don’t realize it but your kid is not really learning anything when you decide to take 1-2 moments out of your day to put on an “I’m a good parent hat” and give them speeches about hard work and dedication and respect.
Those little fuckers are only learning when you are NOT talking to them directly but actually being … YOU. When you are in on the phone with your buddies, they listen and learn. When you try to do something, and fail and give up right away, they learn. When you complaint about work, people, things, situations… They listen… When you shit, walk, eat, drink… That is when the parenting is actually done. They do not listen to your speeches but rather watch you be you and learn from it. So you have to keep that in mind everyday when you have one of them around. Because do not listen when you preach, doing is how you teach.





-BRR

Agreed.

And really well out btw.
Damn, that was hot.
Very hot.



Aside from that I have a cat too - every day he becomes less of a rotten beast (adopted him after he'd been in a shelter for shy of 5 years). I guess kitties even have issues too.

 

[Saintinistic]

Nature vs Nurture like dB said, and that gut feeling that dictates your actions helps manage things too.
As for the stereotypical good parent, because they might be 'perfect' doesnt mean they can teach others. They may be so anal that their kids do not want a part of it.

I know real dickheads that have the best kids too.

So flip a coin and hope you win. oh, and nurture nurture nurture, and stop gambling and whoring