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1. A vulture boarded a plane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess stopped him and said, "Sorry
> sir, only one carrion per passenger."
>
>
>
> 2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit
> for experimental purposes. They called it the herd
> shot round the world.
>
>
>
> 3. Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina. One took
> off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other
> stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and
> naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
>
>
>
> 4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a
> fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you
> can't have your kayak and heat it too.
>
>
>
> 5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon,
> sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for
> the man who shot my paw."
>
>
>
> 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the
> dentist and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to
> transcend dental medication.
>
>
>
> 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,
> and met in the lobby where they were discussing their
> recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel
> manager came out of the office after an hour, and
> asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts
> boasting in an open foyer.
>
>
>
> 8. A woman has twins, gives them up for adoption. One
> goes to an Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The
> other is sent to a Spanish family and is named "Juan".
> Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
> himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
> husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He
> replies, "They're twins for Pete's sake!! If you've
> seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"
>
>
>
> 9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help
> with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy
> flowers from the Men of God, so their business
> flourished. A rival florist became upset that his
> business was suffering because people felt compelled
> to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut
> back hours or close down. The Friars refused. So the
> florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest
> thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them
> up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and
> said that if they didn't close, he'd be back. Well,
> totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid
> in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh,
> can prevent florist friars.
>
>
>
> 10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his
> whole life, which created an impressive set of
> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
> made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered
> from very bad breath. This made him.... what? (This is
> so bad it's good...) --a super-callused fragile mystic
> hexed by halitosis.
> raccoons. The stewardess stopped him and said, "Sorry
> sir, only one carrion per passenger."
>
>
>
> 2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit
> for experimental purposes. They called it the herd
> shot round the world.
>
>
>
> 3. Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina. One took
> off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other
> stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and
> naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
>
>
>
> 4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a
> fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you
> can't have your kayak and heat it too.
>
>
>
> 5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon,
> sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for
> the man who shot my paw."
>
>
>
> 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the
> dentist and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to
> transcend dental medication.
>
>
>
> 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,
> and met in the lobby where they were discussing their
> recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel
> manager came out of the office after an hour, and
> asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts
> boasting in an open foyer.
>
>
>
> 8. A woman has twins, gives them up for adoption. One
> goes to an Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The
> other is sent to a Spanish family and is named "Juan".
> Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
> himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
> husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He
> replies, "They're twins for Pete's sake!! If you've
> seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"
>
>
>
> 9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help
> with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy
> flowers from the Men of God, so their business
> flourished. A rival florist became upset that his
> business was suffering because people felt compelled
> to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut
> back hours or close down. The Friars refused. So the
> florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest
> thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them
> up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and
> said that if they didn't close, he'd be back. Well,
> totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid
> in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh,
> can prevent florist friars.
>
>
>
> 10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his
> whole life, which created an impressive set of
> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
> made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered
> from very bad breath. This made him.... what? (This is
> so bad it's good...) --a super-callused fragile mystic
> hexed by halitosis.
