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pre-contest and can't sleep!

Just knowing you guys have my back truly does help. I don't really feel like myself right now, I feel very altered. It's kind of a scary feeling, the hopelessness hits and that scares me to death. I just have to try to keep believing and focus on the positives as dismal as they may seem.
 
I have to be very careful or the tren gets to me too. You must be going through a lot more with contest prep and anxiety from competing. Me, I am pretty stress free right now, and have been hangin out with this really HOT girl having a good time, and I still don't feel myself. Keep your head up bro.
 
krishna said:
I have to be very careful or the tren gets to me too. You must be going through a lot more with contest prep and anxiety from competing. Me, I am pretty stress free right now, and have been hangin out with this really HOT girl having a good time, and I still don't feel myself. Keep your head up bro.
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I lost the love of my life and my dad is no longer a part of my life in the same week, that's my issue.
 
silverbackn said:
Thanks again guys! Today has maybe been the hardest day of my life. I have probably cried 15 times. I was working out with tears running down my face. I have to keep going though. Today has definitely tested my will to live, but I am not gonna give up. I will get through this and brighter days will come. One second I will be fine, the next I will be overwhelmed with crushing pain. I will keep fighting. I have so much to be thankful for and so many things to be positive about, but when you're in the eye of the storm it can be so hard to keep things in perspective.
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This is very true. I got some shit goin' on now too. Ex GF is a coke whore(I still love her) and my family hates me because I'm a 28 yr. old successful Chef that is going to the Army to defend his country/fellow Americans
(Spec. Forces/Ranger, I'll be in Iraq or Afghan. in a year)! Life can be a bitch.

Silver is still the man!!!! :Perk:
 
Get ready for some fun on the 6th bro we can out and fuck with people backstage. I hope you commin to IHOP with us after. Duval and other are goin. Where you stayin BTW?
 
silverbackn said:
I lost the love of my life and my dad is no longer a part of my life in the same week, that's my issue.
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We're all here for you bro! You know I've had your back since I joined this board. I know what it's like. When I went to prison for 3 and a half years, I lost everything, including my fiance, car, assets, freedom, respect, dignity, etc. I'm not gonna lie and say it will get better soon. It's something that will change your life forever, but it's also something that can make you stronger. I know things can never be the same, but when you get strong, you can use that difference to your advantage and have a strong, happy life. You have your freedom and dignity, as well as things to look foward to like your contest. Try to focus on the positives bro, but also don't deny the negatives because they are real. Facing them will help you deal with them much stronger and faster than trying to avoid them. Much love Silver!
 
Thanks Krish! Those are very real words. I am doing my best to just let everything hit me and deal with, you just kind of have to hit rock bottom. I think I may have hit it today. It will take time, but things will get better. I have never really been one to try to distract myself from my problems too much, I try to dissect them and move on. If it is out of my control then I have to empower myself to let go of it and let it work itself out. I don't have control over either of my issues right now, I'm just trying to focus on the positives and all of the love and support in my life. Even though it seems overwhelming right now, there are so many out there who would kill to have what I have in my life. I am fortunate and I am trying to keep that in the forefront of my mind.
 
Today has been a much better day! Despite the low carbs and personal stresses everything seems to be heading in the right direction. I'm only 9 days out now, I'm starting to get a little antsy. I think I'm going to pose to Headsprung by Cool J. That song gets me hype. I probably won't stay hype for long, I think I am about to go zero carb for 4 days. That won't be pretty. Thanks again for all your support, that stays in my heart. I have never met any of you, but I feel like you have helped me so much!
 
silverbackn said:
Today has been a much better day! Despite the low carbs and personal stresses everything seems to be heading in the right direction. I'm only 9 days out now, I'm starting to get a little antsy. I think I'm going to pose to Headsprung by Cool J. That song gets me hype. I probably won't stay hype for long, I think I am about to go zero carb for 4 days. That won't be pretty. Thanks again for all your support, that stays in my heart. I have never met any of you, but I feel like you have helped me so much!
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Dude, if you want some music....I got some seriously, agressive shit in my I-Pod I can send to you. What do you listen to? I'm talkin Hatebreed(good shit), Killswitch Engage and more....It'll get you pumped. Let me Know. :Chef:
 
chefbone said:
Dude, if you want some music....I got some seriously, agressive shit in my I-Pod I can send to you. What do you listen to? I'm talkin Hatebreed(good shit), Killswitch Engage and more....It'll get you pumped. Let me Know. :Chef:
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BTW.....I speak for all of us...WE WANT PICS..ya big fugga!!! :evil:
 
silverbackn said:
Today has been a much better day! Despite the low carbs and personal stresses everything seems to be heading in the right direction. I'm only 9 days out now, I'm starting to get a little antsy. I think I'm going to pose to Headsprung by Cool J. That song gets me hype. I probably won't stay hype for long, I think I am about to go zero carb for 4 days. That won't be pretty. Thanks again for all your support, that stays in my heart. I have never met any of you, but I feel like you have helped me so much!
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Down to single digits now. The official countdown begins! Livin big bro! I know the excitement I used to get before a big gig (I'm a musician). I can only imagine what this must feel like. Let it fuel you and knock em dead. We're all pullin for ya.
 
Thanks Krish! All I keep thinking about when I get tired and hungry is what it feels like to walk on-stage and know you look your best!
 
Damn dude you got me nervous. I know my time is creepin up fast. I had one hell of a cheat meal today after getting out of bed this morning and falling back down dizzy. I still have 20 lbs to drop till the MO. I can definitally say there is no way I could bust my ass any harder. Ya still eatin the red meats?
 
Borg4902 said:
Damn dude you got me nervous. I know my time is creepin up fast. I had one hell of a cheat meal today after getting out of bed this morning and falling back down dizzy. I still have 20 lbs to drop till the MO. I can definitally say there is no way I could bust my ass any harder. Ya still eatin the red meats?
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You will be fine bro. You still have 3 weeks from today. When you carb deplete you will be amazed at how much you tighten up! I would still be eating red meat but I can't afford it, I definitely think it helps to keep you more full and keep you from breaking down too much. I am basically just eating chicken, egg whites, and oatmeal, with some natty pb and olive oil thrown in. Oh wait, I forgot, I am eating whole wheat bagels on my higher carb days. I am doing 400g's of carbs today. I'm not sure if I am going to start depleting tomorrow or wait until Monday. I will just see how I look tomorrow I guess! Hang in there bro, you will get there and when you do you will feel incredible!
 
Borg4902 said:
Umm you better mean 4 weeks.
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You know what is really funny? I have been thinking this whole time that the Missouri was 2 weeks after the Arkansas (July 16th), IT IS 3 WEEKS AFTER! I wonder when I would have figured that out? Probably when I was stepping on-stage in my trunks in an empty venue. I am a total jackass! I'm glad you pointed that out, sorry for the scare!
 
Borg, I tried to send you a PM, but your box is too full. Hit me with a PM if you have any questions. I might not be able to count days too well, but I could maybe be of some use!
 
Well fellas, I'm 3 days out now and about to add carbs back and hit the diuretics up! I am weighing 223 after depletion, which I can't believe I am still that heavy. Im definitely not complaining though. I'm getting pretty excited, it's all coming together. Put my first coat of paint on tomorrow night.
 
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