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Please someone wake me from this nightmare....

Austin316

Austin316

Chairman of Board
Chairman Member
This has been the hardest week of my life, I thought I was capable of dealing with sooo much considering what happened 2004 and parts of 2005.... I was completly wrong, there is an old thread in here somewhere I made last february that is the begining to this story.... I now found out the rest, and all the plans and shit I made over the last 4 months are now washed in limbo..... I don't honestly know what to do or how to go on
 
Im not platinum but if someone cold bump or find the link to a thread I started around valentines day involving rape that would be helpful... it takes too much to go through this over and over but I can't help but to vent to anyone possible bc I can't keep this inside for a second or it tears me
 
Mr. dB said:
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=461390

This one?
Click to expand...

this one... what I left out was that this was/is my girlfriend.... we had been friends for along time... back during when i was with my ex and everything, and then this happened, she dissapeared

over the last 4 months we rebuilt everything we had, made plans, talked about dreams, and god I loved this girl more then anything.... she would't let me come see her though, and I knew somethign was wrong and I just attributed it to her being not ready yet and still trying to deal


her trial is comming up in a month, and she started freaking out again, she started pushing me away and we argued, she went into minor cardiac arrest the other night because of all the stress while talkign to me

What I found out last night... and what resulted in the worst feeling I have ever felt and the hardest day I have ever had to get through.. was what had been wrong and what she had kept from me... the fact of the matter was that when she was raped, she got pregnant, she was going to have an abortion, but she coulnd't go through with it. She had the kid, a month or two ago Im not sure I stay away from specific times or it will kill me.. She is putting it up for adoption and trying to choose between two families, her mother takes care of it... she locked herself in her house for months not seeing anyone other then her immediate family, she needed to keep it secret, a big part bc if she loses this trial and they found out, it could turn into a paternity issue, it will be gone before the trial starts......

when I got a hold of her on valentines day again, she was in the process of writing a suicide note and was going to kill herself, I stopped that, and over time I got her through it all (unknown to me until last night when she finally told me the rest) After all this is over, she is going to go oversees to study abroud, mainly to get away from everythign and start over, and for now that means we have to put us on the backburner until she heals... there is just soo much more to this, I know some of you will probably think Im crazy for tolerating what she hid, but I of all people understand considering what I did in 2004..... I feel like Im in a nightmare, I don't know what to do or what to think, this is killing me, Id do anything for this girl, I would give up my life if it would erase the last year for her.... but I can't do anything but be here and support her but at a distance until she is ready. I basically have to leave it back up to fate, she could be gone for a very long time, and who knows...
 
Austin316 said:
this one... what I left out was that this was/is my girlfriend.... we had been friends for along time... back during when i was with my ex and everything, and then this happened, she dissapeared

over the last 4 months we rebuilt everything we had, made plans, talked about dreams, and god I loved this girl more then anything.... she would't let me come see her though, and I knew somethign was wrong and I just attributed it to her being not ready yet and still trying to deal


her trial is comming up in a month, and she started freaking out again, she started pushing me away and we argued, she went into minor cardiac arrest the other night because of all the stress while talkign to me

What I found out last night... and what resulted in the worst feeling I have ever felt and the hardest day I have ever had to get through.. was what had been wrong and what she had kept from me... the fact of the matter was that when she was raped, she got pregnant, she was going to have an abortion, but she coulnd't go through with it. She had the kid, a month or two ago Im not sure I stay away from specific times or it will kill me.. She is putting it up for adoption and trying to choose between two families, her mother takes care of it... she locked herself in her house for months not seeing anyone other then her immediate family, she needed to keep it secret, a big part bc if she loses this trial and they found out, it could turn into a paternity issue, it will be gone before the trial starts......

when I got a hold of her on valentines day again, she was in the process of writing a suicide note and was going to kill herself, I stopped that, and over time I got her through it all (unknown to me until last night when she finally told me the rest) After all this is over, she is going to go oversees to study abroud, mainly to get away from everythign and start over, and for now that means we have to put us on the backburner until she heals... there is just soo much more to this, I know some of you will probably think Im crazy for tolerating what she hid, but I of all people understand considering what I did in 2004..... I feel like Im in a nightmare, I don't know what to do or what to think, this is killing me, Id do anything for this girl, I would give up my life if it would erase the last year for her.... but I can't do anything but be here and support her but at a distance until she is ready. I basically have to leave it back up to fate, she could be gone for a very long time, and who knows...
Click to expand...

At this point I wouls suggest she get immediate help which may fall on others getting her there...
 
she started therepy again monday, drugs for now, if they dont work then an inpatient center for awhile
 
Austin316 said:
she started therepy again monday, drugs for now, if they dont work then an inpatient center for awhile
Click to expand...


Good. Glad to hear she's willing to try it out. Sounded like she didn't want to.
 
jesus, im sorry man.

i wish i could provide you some advice but this is a very complicated issue. However, based on what you said, both you and her are going to have to sort out your problems serparately IMO. She needs her time to come back and you need your time to regroup as well. Your heads are spinning likely and the first thing you need to do is settle down. After that, use your discretion and take it one slow step at a time. Figure out what you're going to do with yourself before you worry about her. Hard to do probably because you really want to help her as you love her, but you gotta help yourself before you can be of any good to her.That's really all I can say because honestly, on the real, this is fuckin tough and its a really hard call.

Again, sorry to hear about this and your frustrations man.
 
CEASAR said:
jesus, im sorry man.

i wish i could provide you some advice but this is a very complicated issue. However, based on what you said, both you and her are going to have to sort out your problems serparately IMO. She needs her time to come back and you need your time to regroup as well. Your heads are spinning likely and the first thing you need to do is settle down. After that, use your discretion and take it one slow step at a time. Figure out what you're going to do with yourself before you worry about her. Hard to do probably because you really want to help her as you love her, but you gotta help yourself before you can be of any good to her.That's really all I can say because honestly, on the real, this is fuckin tough and its a really hard call.

Again, sorry to hear about this and your frustrations man.
Click to expand...

Your right man, thats what needs to be done, she needs to get out of there, and try to start pursuing some of the dreams she had since she was five. In the process she needs to heal with time, and just know Im always there to support her if and when she needs it. I have to work on my too, Im the stronger person in this whole dilemna but this has left me battered and broken, I need to be whole again myself before we can get back to pursuing the life we planned. Only time will tell what will happen, Im not giving up on us though, I guess I have to chaulk it up to that one old adage of "If you love them you will let them go, if its meant to be they will come back" Its up to fate to decide this one, and for some reason I have faith in that
 
It's tragic that she has had to sacrifice her mental health in order to make the "right" moral decision. Healing is going to be a very difficult process. Hopefully the adoption and the trial will finally give her some closure so that she can resume a normal life.
 
Sorry Austin. May God grant the two of you some peace and happiness in the near future!
 
Holy shit. I know it is not comforting in the least but none of this is your fault. You have done everything you can to try and help. The world is a bad place and bad things happen. I am sorry you have to see someone you care through go through this and if you need to vent, this is as good a place as any. Glad to hear she is trying some therapy. You might want to consider some for yourself. That is a lot of weight for anyone to carry on their shoulders. I know you Dave, better than most of the Ef'ers and you are a genuine person who has always had a heart of gold. You can overcome this pain while she may never be able to. Just be there if she needs you and realize again none of this is your fault. sometimes there is nothing you can say or do that will be comofrting. Just being there is all that matters.
 
Man! That story is fucking horrible. I truly feel for her ordeal and yours as well as anybody else that felt the pain of this incident. Yea, those rapists deserve to be first tortured and killed. There is nothing much worse than a fucking rapists. I really have to ask you this though. She kept this pregnancy from you a secret. How much of this incident do you really have knowledge of? Not that I don't think it happened but did you verify these accounts? What else do you think she may have kept from you? The latest story is just as horrible. The strange thing is that you indicated that if she loses the criminal trial, the child may be up for a paternity suit. What is that? You mean to say that one of the rapists is claiming the child as his and wants some kind of custody? If he acknowledges this, then it's prima facia evidence that he had sex with her. A simple DNA test could confirm which one of these four offenders impregnated her. Nonetheless, this story angers me. I really don't like to hear such stories. Incidents like these, leave deep rooted psychological problems for those that have been through it. Rapists should be castrated and then executed. Dude, I don't know what else to tell you. Yea, life sucks sometimes. You have a right to be mad. Don't bottle it up. Channel this stress somewhere. I just hope you find a good outlet for it. Yea, I know you would like to get those motherfuckers. Who wouldn't? But just think what that could mean for you. It would make one bad incident cause another. And you know the saying that two wrongs don't make a right. But fuck that saying. Justice will prevail. I always say that Evil Prevails when Righteous men fail to act. Hopefully they will get what's coming to them. Hope fully they will get convicted of this crime and sentenced to years of getting it in the ass and then shanked by one of their cellies.
 
Wow not really sure what to tell you....I can tell you that I was raped (age13) and molested by my family's friend while growing up......so let me tell you I never told anyone anything until I was 20 yrs old. It is not something you want to share with someone. Please don't take that personally...Love her support her choices and plans of what she wants to do. She needs you even when she acts like she doesn't. She might need some space and some time to heal like you do...but she can still love you and you can still have a future with her. Keep in mind this is a LONG road of healing that she must work through and it never goes away but you learn to deal with it! Hugs to you! It will be okay you will both make it throught this!
 
The days in therapy will be hard and long...please encourge her and help her get though this....she needs this part if she is to remain a healthy stable person in the future!
 
the whole paternity thing is more my line of thought. No one knows about this kid, her immediate family, 2 friends, myself, and doctors. It should have a family before the trial starts. It was more my line of thought that it needs to be adopted asap, they can't find out about it, if for some god given reason the jury didn't find all of them guilty and it was found out about who knows what could happen? I just want to see her through this, the adoption, trial, everything.... I want things to come full circle but she needs to heal before that can happen, and I don't know what thats going to take
 
I think I may need some kind of counciling myself. Im now realizing that I had never really dealt with what happened to her on my side of things, I feel worse and worse since I found out
 
Sorry to hear it mate. Awful situation. Stay strong and get counciling if you think it'll help to talk about it.
 
I think I need counciling, but I think I want to find a way to make a differance on this issue in general.. One thing Im realizing is how many people actually have stories to tell in relation to this type of thing. Way more women go through this then what anyone can even imagine and most never come forward with their stories. I don't know, I wish I could help make a differance with this, I think more people need to be aware, and know they are not alone.... I don;t know, I just think that would help me to heal as well, to find some way to do that
 
Austin, Im not sure what you do for work, but your through your employer you may have an employee assistance benefit which would allow you to access some free sessions to start with and it's totally confidential.
 
just an update, found a family for the kid, Ive found out a lot more since, he will be ok. Adoption should be final in a week, Im praying it goes ok for her, she can't look at him sometimes but other times I know she feels like a mom, in the long run its the right thing I don't think she could ever truly be a mom to him, it reminds her too much of what happened.... god this is hard, but I dunno, time will tell
 
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