penis removal

[supersizeme]

hey if anyone knows a good way to get rid of this thing please respond to this thread. ever since i've had this "penis" all i do is want to put it in various cavities belonging to the opposite gender. i have basically turned into my penis' bitch and i'm less than pleased to be in this subservient role. i believe this penis of mine is also responsible for my breast fixation and causes the focal point of my eyesight to involuntarily gravitate towards the chests of women sporting C cups and above. apparently my penis thinks this is beneficial in some way. also my penis makes me get out of bed in the morning and go to work so that i can make money and afford the necessities that will yield me an increased selection of women to place my penis in. also my penis is one of the top suspects in the investigation for why i can be found in the gym 4 times a week moving heavy things around. investigators think it's my penis' desire to be carried around by a well developed, muscular frame so that females are more likely to allow the entry of said penis. frankly this thing is causing me great stress and often i consider getting rid of it so that i can live the remainder of my stress free life in a comfortable but spacious cardboard box with my one pair of underwear. suggestions on what to do...

 

[Trance]

This one should be right up Satanic Goatslayer's alley.


Just get an on/off switch installed. You can pick one up at Home Depot for about 85 cents.

 

[Boach]

hey if anyone knows a good way to get rid of this thing please respond to this thread. ever since i've had this "penis" all i do is want to put it in various cavities belonging to the opposite gender. i have basically turned into my penis' bitch and i'm less than pleased to be in this subservient role. i believe this penis of mine is also responsible for my breast fixation and causes the focal point of my eyesight to involuntarily gravitate towards the chests of women sporting C cups and above. apparently my penis thinks this is beneficial in some way. also my penis makes me get out of bed in the morning and go to work so that i can make money and afford the necessities that will yield me an increased selection of women to place my penis in. also my penis is one of the top suspects in the investigation for why i can be found in the gym 4 times a week moving heavy things around. investigators think it's my penis' desire to be carried around by a well developed, muscular frame so that females are more likely to allow the entry of said penis. frankly this thing is causing me great stress and often i consider getting rid of it so that i can live the remainder of my stress free life in a comfortable but spacious cardboard box with my one pair of underwear. suggestions on what to do...

Damn the penis to hell.

 

[jordon]

Wasn't there a Bobbit that could help you with this. Give her a call!!!

 

[casavant]

It's a love/hate relationship, isn't it?

 

[vixenbabe]

Ummmm, may I ask how big your "problem" is? If it's over 7 inches, I may consider a penis transplant for my hubby for my late birthday present to myself....

My bid: $2,000.00( providing it's over 7 inches.....)

 

[supersizeme]

Vixen my girl you are in luck. Your bid has been accepted and you now control the bidding. Do I hear $2100? $2100 for this lovely penis made back in 1975. DOT stop waving your little paddle around, this is a female-only bid.

 

[smallmovesal]

might i suggest:

Henry Sears & Sons Pocket Castration Knife


Bidding on this Henry Sears & Sons pocket castration knife. This knife comes from my late father's estate, I understand that it was used for castration of small farm animals. I don't know this for a fact, but my brother and I decused it and decided that was what it was used for. If anyone knows for sure please email me and let me know??? This knife measures 2 1/2" overall (knife closed), open with blade measures 4 1/4". The knife is shiny silver (assuming it's stainless steel or chrome finish), has two blades, main long blade and a hook type blade. Both blades are marked Henry Sears & Sons, and doesn't look like blades were used very much. In the picture the smaller blade has a cutter at the end of blade coming in about 3/8". Buyer to pay 2.00 for first class or 4.00 priority shipping and handling.

 

[supersizeme]

that'll do, al. if you're handy with that tool you can go ahead and perform the sugery yourself, but you still have to send the penis back to vixenbabe once you are finished doing whatever it is you need to do with it...pole-vaulting, testing the depth of wells in your area, whatever i don't care.

 

[Trance]

So what do you plan to do with all your free time once it's gone?

 

[supersizeme]

Honestly i have no idea. I can't even begin to comprehend what life would be like when not driven by my penis. It's like trying to comprehend a 5th or 6th dimension. I'd probably spend the remainder of my life in a Steak and Shake booth getting fat because it wouldn't matter anymore. And I'd definitely quit flossing...I hate flossing and really, is my grill that important now that I am no longer chasing tail? No. I'd have a lot of dogs and cats though that's for sure. We all need friends. Were you not going to bid on my penis or did you already have one that your satisfied with??

 

[HumorMe]

All i do is want to put it in various cavities belonging to the opposite gender. i have basically turned into my penis' bitch and i'm less than pleased to be in this subservient role. i believe this penis of mine is also responsible for my breast fixation and causes the focal point of my eyesight to involuntarily gravitate towards the chests of women sporting C cups and above. apparently my penis thinks this is beneficial in some way.

Since you don't have many takers, Omega has a few cavities that need filling and he has gyno! It just might do in your situation.


Vixen

I thought on that thread about penis length, all the women said it was girth that matter not length?

 

[Trance]

Were you not going to bid on my penis or did you already have one that your satisfied with??

I'm OK with the one that lives with me, although it's a little dormant these days.

Pretty soon I'm going to call my fiancee's boss and tell him that if my fiancee has to get up at 6 and work until 7PM one more time, causing him to fall asleep by 9 PM, I am going to bill him for a vibrator.

 

[smallmovesal]

i LOVE you trance.

will you marry me too?

 

[Trance]

Sure. Maybe you can explain the concept of polygamy to my fiancee, and then we can go out and pick up some young studs.

 

[smallmovesal]

Sure. Maybe you can explain the concept of polygamy to my fiancee, and then we can go out and pick up some young studs.

word up!

 

[vixenbabe]

I think I'm winning with the bid of $200.00.....lol, catch that?

Do you accept American Express?

Humor Me......IF my man clicks on this thread...I'll not have to worry about girth or ANY nookey for a long time..I'll be cut off quicker than it takes the average office worker to eat a donut!

 

[needleboy]

Sure. Maybe you can explain the concept of polygamy to my fiancee, and then we can go out and pick up some young studs.

actually polygamy only refers to 1 man with multiple females!

 

[smallmovesal]

this reeks of sexism... where are women allowed to have more than one husband?



Polyamory:
Many loves. Non-monogamy, with an emphasis on honesty and responsibility. A poly relationship is an intimate relationship involving more than two people, whether it is closed or open, long term or temporary. A poly person or polyamorous person is a person in such a relationship or inclined toward being in an intimate relationship with more than one person at a time.

Polyfidelity:
A committed intimate relationship between more than two people. In the strictest sense, it may be a relationship where all parties are equally intimate partners. A polyfide or polyfidelitous person is a person in such a relationship or inclined toward being in such a relationship.

Polygamy:
Date: circa 1591. The practice of having more than one wife at the same time.

Polyandry:
the practice by which a woman is shared between one or more husbands

Polygyny:
the practice by which a man has more than one wife.

 

[HappyScrappy]

technically what supersizeme is referring to would have little to do with his penis and all to do with the testicles - so what he needs is castration (removal of the balls, but leave the penis) and the end result of course being a eunuch (which is funny to me due to his job title).

your penis is not the culprit, but the balls and the hormones they release.

place the blame where it is due.

 

[smallmovesal]

Castration: Not Cutting Will Cut Profits

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Matt Claeys

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Castration is an essential procedure in a competitive commercial cow-calf operation. When done properly, castration of the bull calves will increase the return to the operation. In a recent study, conducted by the Tennessee Department of Agriculture, a number of factors were analyzed for their effect on the price of feeder cattle. Specifically focusing on castration, thirty-nine percent of the male feeder cattle marketed were marketed as bulls from April 1992 through March 1993. The bull calves were discounted an average of $2.09 per hundred weight when compared to the steers.
The major concern of feeding bulls is the marketing system. The beef marketing system favors steer carcasses. The steer carcasses can be marketed through a greater number of channels than bull carcasses. Feedlot managers prefer steers to bulls for a number of reasons. Generally, steers are easier to handle and more docile than bulls. Steers are also not as rough on equipment and are easier to manage as new individuals added to feedlots.

Castration should occur when the calf is rather young. Many producers will castrate their calves when they are two or three days old. Older calves tend to suffer a greater set back from the castration (which cost the producer money) and are more difficult to handle and restrain for the procedure. The latest castration should be done is one month prior to weaning to avoid any extra stress from the weaning process. Bull calves castrated at or following weaning can still retain a staggy appearance and attitude that the feedlot operator discounts. Purebred operators can still castrate bull calves that are culls and still realize some profit. Particularly when one considers the cost of reputation from selling cull bulls as breeding stock. Most often purebred yearling bulls that result in culls should be taken to slaughter as bulls and not castrated and marketed as stags.

The choice of castration method will be determined by the preference of the operator, age and weight of the calf, and the time of year the procedure is being performed. In all techniques the hands and castration instruments should be sanitized between each calf to prevent the spread and/or introduction of infection.

Three methods of castration will be discussed. The methods will range from bloodless to surgical removal of the testicles. In each case the advantages and disadvantages will be mentioned for the various procedures.

Emasculatome (Burdizzo). The burdizzo can be utilized as a bloodless method of castration. This method shuts off the blood supply to the testicle and causes the testicle to be reabsorbed if properly done. The clamping procedure is completed the best when the bull calf is standing and restrained with a tail hold. Prior to starting, make sure the burdizzo closes or clamps down properly. Then use the instrument to crush each cord individually. As the calf is restrained place a cord to the outside of the scrotum wall and clamp about midway between the testicle and the scrotum- belly wall junction. Hold the burdizzo with one hand on the far handle and the other handle against ones knee. With the free hand check to see that the cord has not slipped out and be sure not clamp part of the inner quarter of the calf or the tail. Close the burdizzo and hold for a few seconds. Then clamp the other cord using a gap of uncrushed scrotum and prevent it from falling off. DISADVANTAGES of this method is that the result can easily be clamped bulls that are stags. This can be due to improper technique or equipment (a sprung burdizzo).

Elastrator. The elastrators can also be used as a bloodless method of castration for many producers that castrate at an early age. This method also shuts off the blood supply to the testicle and causes the scrotum to fall off (10 to 14 days) or is required to be cut off after several days. To use the elastrators, restrain the calf, expand or stretch the elastrator band and place both testicles through the band. Then release the band from the elastrator and around the scrotum. DISADVANTAGES of this method is the danger of clostridial infections and tetanus. This elastrator bands can break and castration may not occur. Lastly, sometimes a testicle can be missed and be retained in the belly cavity, resulting in a stag.

Surgical Removal. The technique of choice. This technique does involve a knife, or scalpel and is NOT bloodless. On one or two day-old calves, one person can restrain the calf and perform the procedure. Tie both rear legs and at least one of the front legs securely. With the knife or scalpel remove the bottom third of the scrotum. This will allow proper drainage. With ones fingers press the testicles through the removed/opened portion of the scrotum one at a time. Do not use a finger to dig for the testicle until the muscle separates. Then cut the spermatic cord with a knife or scalpel as high up the cord as possible. After testicles are removed, apply an antiseptic that is effective, yet, not irritating. Try to perform the procedure outside the fly season. If done during the fly season, use some type of repellant to keep insects away from the opened tissue. This technique can also be performed using an emasculator. This will help to minimize the amount of bleeding by crushing the cord prior to it being severed.

On larger calves at least a month prior to weaning, castrate the calf in the standing position. An assistant will be needed to perform a tail hold on the calf as part of the restraint and to help assure that the calf does not kick during the procedure. The tail holder should stand against the calf with one knee in the calf's flank while holding the tail in an upward position and towards the calf's head. Use caution and common sense to avoid possibly breaking the calf's tail. Then proceed as described above. Be sure to sever the spermatic cord high and avoid leaving tissue that could produce testosterone and result in a stag. DISADVANTAGES for this procedure is that there is some blood. Try to avoid the vertical incisions as drainage from the lower scrotum can be hindered and cause infections. If possible, avoid surgical castration at the height of fly and insect season.

Castration is a very important economic manage technique that needs to be performed for increased returns to the beef operation. The technique used will vary from operator to operator. The important factor to remember in each technique is that the job should be done as early as possible to minimize stress and it must be done correctly. Sloppy castration means lower profits.



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[HumorMe]

I think I'm winning with the bid of $200.00.....lol, catch that?

Do you accept American Express?

Humor Me......IF my man clicks on this thread...I'll not have to worry about girth or ANY nookey for a long time..I'll be cut off quicker than it takes the average office worker to eat a donut!

I caught that first part. Sounds like supersizeme's stock just went down!

I bet he would take food stamps!

I see now why you are bidding! Most of the ladies say girth matters more than length. Funny thing, I used to have both but something must have happened to the length! One time, Night Fly(I think that it who is was), mentioned something about using Chinese Shrink Cream for women who had anal sex. Yea....that's must have been the culprit!

 

[smallmovesal]

Castration of Camelids: When, Where, Why
David E Anderson, D.V.M., MS, Diplomate ACVS
College of Veterinary Medicine
The Ohio State University, Columbus, Ohio

Practicing veterinarians offering service to clients owning camelids are routinely asked for advice on castration of pet quality males. Superficially, this might appear to be a simple question, but there has been significant debate on this issue. At the center of the debate is a concern for musculoskeletal maturation of males after prepubertal castration. Breeders would prefer to castrate males at 4 to 6 months old so that they may be sold as pets soon after weaning. Veterinarians would prefer to see camelids castrated at 18 to 24 months after they have reached skeletal height maturity.

EFFECTS OF PREPUBERTAL CASTRATION
Castration of males at an early age has been shown in several species to delay the closure of long-bone physes. Therefore, geldings may develop a tall, straight legged stature (particularly of the hind limbs). In llamas, lateral patellar luxation and early onset of degenerative osteoarthritis of the stifle joints have been seen as complications of this posture. Historical data usually reveals that affected males were castrated at an early age (e.g. 4 months).

CASTRATION TECHNIQUES
Basically, any castration method that has been used in other livestock and pet animals has been done successfully in camelids. However, two methods have become standards of practice: scrotal castration (similar to horses and swine) and pre-scrotal castration (similar to canine). I prefer to administer tetanus toxoid vaccination and procaine penicillin G (22,000 U/kg, q24h x 3 d) to each animal. All food should be with held for 12 hours prior to castration in case general anesthesia or heavy sedation becomes necessary.
Scrotal castration can be done with the animal standing or recumbent (I prefer recumbent). For standing castration, the camelid is sedated with xylazine (0.2 mg/kg body weight, IM) and butorphanol (0.1 mg/kg, IM) and an epidural is administered (2 ml, 2% lidocaine; or 10 mg xylazine in 2 ml sterile normal saline). The scrotum is prepared for aseptic surgery and, if an epidural was not used, 2 ml lidocaine is injected as a line block along the median raphe. A 2 cm incision is made on either side and parallel to the median raphe along the ventral most aspect of the scrotum. Each testicle is removed and excised either using an emasculator or after transfixation ligation with No 0 chromic gut (I prefer transfixation ligation). Topical antiseptic and fly spray are applied. For recumbency, xylazine (0.2 mg/kg, IV), butorphanol (0.1 mg/kg, IV), and ketamine (1 to 2 mg/kg, IV) are used.
Pre-scrotal castration is done with the animal recumbent. Strict aseptic technique is critical to ensure that infection of the castration site does not develop. A 2 cm incision is made on ventral midline immediately cranial to the ventral base of the scrotum. Each testicle is removed through this incision and excised after transfixation ligation. After hemostasis has been achieved, the skin incision is closed using a subcuticular or subcutaneous suture pattern. I prefer not to place skin sutures so that removal of sutures is not necessary.

POSTOPERATIVE MANAGEMENT
I recommend that camelids be confined to a small pen for 24 to 48 hours after scrotal castration. Confinement is not needed after pre-scrotal castration. Owners should monitor the incision for bleeding, swelling, exudative discharge, fly infestation, difficulty urinating, and any other problems. Although complications are uncommon, the consequences of postoperative problems can be devastating to the owner.

REFERENCES


Baird AN, Pugh DG, Wenzel JGW, Lin HC. Comparison of two castration techniques for castration of llamas. J Am Vet Med Assoc 1996;208:261-262.
Pugh DG, Baird AN, Wolfe DF, Wenzel JGW, Lin HC. A pre-scrotal castration technique for llamas. Equine Practice 1994;16:26-28.
Barrington GM, Meyer TF, Parish SM. Standing castration of the llama using butorphanol tartrate and local anesthesia. Equine Practice 1993;15:35-39.
Dargatz DA, Johnson LW. Castrating the llama: a step-by-step guide. Veterinary Medicine 1987:625-627.

 

[Crazier]

Smalls - You shouldn't have changed your avatar. Just my opinion, but I doubt I'm alone on this one.
--

 

[BatZgirl]

 

[smallmovesal]

Smalls - You shouldn't have changed your avatar. Just my opinion, but I doubt I'm alone on this one.
--

just needed to show off my growin' arms for a bit... it'll go back in a little while

 

[needleboy]

this reeks of sexism... where are women allowed to have more than one husband?







Polyandry:
the practice by which a woman is shared between one or more husbands
/B]

That would be correct!