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satanic goatslayer
New member
The day was Tuesday. A Tuesday like any other. The sun was out, the sky was hazy, and the old lady across the street was rubbing her clitoris with a splintered broom handle.
freak daddy (herein referred to as FD) was just awakening when he heard the telephone ring. He rushed downstairs in his Scooby-Doo pyjamas and grabbed the phone from the hook.
"Hello?"
There was slight panting and groaning on the other end. Since FD runs a phone-sex operation from his basement, this was nothing short of ordinary. He hung up the phone, checked his caller ID and noticed that the caller was Cornholio.
"That guy again! Jeez Louise, I just serviced him yesterday!"
He then struck Cornholio's name from his list of preferred callers and got ready for work.
He threw a bunch of assorted fireworks in his backpack and headed on down the street.
Passing a beautiful lady walking her dog, FD got a bright idea.
He called the woman over and asked her for directions to the nearest gas station. As the woman began to answer him, FD grabbed her by the mouth and kneed her in the face. She reeled back and fell over her dog. It sounded as if her bones might have taken some damage, so FD walked over to see if she was alright.
"Miss, are you okay?"
She mumbled some obscenities.
FD grabbed a quarter-stick from his bag and shoved it in her mouth. After he lit the explosive, he began to take cover. The woman was going to remove it from her mouth, but the fuse was too short.
The stick exploded and took the woman's jaw with it.
FD was laughing away, but was aware of the fact that the woman was still alive. Being the misogynist that he is, FD walked over and gave the woman's now deformed jaw a powerful uppercut. The woman flew backwards and landed on a storm drain. FD waltzed over and stomped the woman's skull until blood began to pour into the drain.
All he could say is that his life is pretty plain.
FD arrived at his shop at a little past nine. There was two others there. A pathetic little troll of a man laughing away at an Archie comic and a punk girl listening to bad music.
FD was not amused.
"GET TO WORK YOU LOWLIFE PIECES OF FECAL MATTER!!!!"
The small troll scoffed. Not for long though.
FD tackled him to the ground and began a savage beating, the likes of the world has only seen once or twice.
Like myself, FD likes to sing as he murders.
"Cecilia! You're breaking my heart!!"
Brutal punches to the nose caused the man's face to cave in. His face, caked in blood and cartiledge, was a welcomed sight for FD. Being the renaissance man that he is, FD proceeded to light up his menthol cigarette and lecture the punk girl about the virtues of homicide, and how to use them in court.
The punk seemed shocked.
FD asked her nicely,
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, YOU MALFORMED WASTE OF FLESH?? OR DO I HAVE TO KILL YOU NOW???!!!!!"
She tried to run.
Bad move.
FD pulled out a mortar and lit 'er up. As the fuse burned, FD laughed maniacally, as if murder was something to take joy in.
3
2
1
BOOM!!!!!
The shell recoiled, projecting a flaming ball of powder at the punk's head.
Impact.
The girl took the shot well, her head snapping forward, sending her body crashing through the display cases.
Holding a sheet of glass, much like the carpenter holds his drill, FD sent the sheet crashing into the girl's torso. Glass shattered, the girl shrieked, and FD once again laughed.
Unharmed by this, punk girl attempted to get up. She made a mad dash for the door.
FD retrieved a piece of the shattered glass, lunged at the punk with it, and sent the weapon home. As if she were butter, the shard impaled the girl's back and made it's exit through her rib cage.
She wiggled a bit as she died; sometimes they do that.
With no coworkers left, FD decided to treat himself to something that only he would enjoy - a wine cooler.
As he sipped the fruity beverage, FD thought about the day's events. Was he wrong? Was the brutal murder of his fellow wo/men violating ethics?
As he contemplated, a customer walked in.
Oddly enough, it was thefantom1, clutching his organ.
freak daddy (herein referred to as FD) was just awakening when he heard the telephone ring. He rushed downstairs in his Scooby-Doo pyjamas and grabbed the phone from the hook.
"Hello?"
There was slight panting and groaning on the other end. Since FD runs a phone-sex operation from his basement, this was nothing short of ordinary. He hung up the phone, checked his caller ID and noticed that the caller was Cornholio.
"That guy again! Jeez Louise, I just serviced him yesterday!"
He then struck Cornholio's name from his list of preferred callers and got ready for work.
He threw a bunch of assorted fireworks in his backpack and headed on down the street.
Passing a beautiful lady walking her dog, FD got a bright idea.
He called the woman over and asked her for directions to the nearest gas station. As the woman began to answer him, FD grabbed her by the mouth and kneed her in the face. She reeled back and fell over her dog. It sounded as if her bones might have taken some damage, so FD walked over to see if she was alright.
"Miss, are you okay?"
She mumbled some obscenities.
FD grabbed a quarter-stick from his bag and shoved it in her mouth. After he lit the explosive, he began to take cover. The woman was going to remove it from her mouth, but the fuse was too short.
The stick exploded and took the woman's jaw with it.
FD was laughing away, but was aware of the fact that the woman was still alive. Being the misogynist that he is, FD walked over and gave the woman's now deformed jaw a powerful uppercut. The woman flew backwards and landed on a storm drain. FD waltzed over and stomped the woman's skull until blood began to pour into the drain.
All he could say is that his life is pretty plain.
FD arrived at his shop at a little past nine. There was two others there. A pathetic little troll of a man laughing away at an Archie comic and a punk girl listening to bad music.
FD was not amused.
"GET TO WORK YOU LOWLIFE PIECES OF FECAL MATTER!!!!"
The small troll scoffed. Not for long though.
FD tackled him to the ground and began a savage beating, the likes of the world has only seen once or twice.
Like myself, FD likes to sing as he murders.
"Cecilia! You're breaking my heart!!"
Brutal punches to the nose caused the man's face to cave in. His face, caked in blood and cartiledge, was a welcomed sight for FD. Being the renaissance man that he is, FD proceeded to light up his menthol cigarette and lecture the punk girl about the virtues of homicide, and how to use them in court.
The punk seemed shocked.
FD asked her nicely,
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, YOU MALFORMED WASTE OF FLESH?? OR DO I HAVE TO KILL YOU NOW???!!!!!"
She tried to run.
Bad move.
FD pulled out a mortar and lit 'er up. As the fuse burned, FD laughed maniacally, as if murder was something to take joy in.
3
2
1
BOOM!!!!!
The shell recoiled, projecting a flaming ball of powder at the punk's head.
Impact.
The girl took the shot well, her head snapping forward, sending her body crashing through the display cases.
Holding a sheet of glass, much like the carpenter holds his drill, FD sent the sheet crashing into the girl's torso. Glass shattered, the girl shrieked, and FD once again laughed.
Unharmed by this, punk girl attempted to get up. She made a mad dash for the door.
FD retrieved a piece of the shattered glass, lunged at the punk with it, and sent the weapon home. As if she were butter, the shard impaled the girl's back and made it's exit through her rib cage.
She wiggled a bit as she died; sometimes they do that.
With no coworkers left, FD decided to treat himself to something that only he would enjoy - a wine cooler.
As he sipped the fruity beverage, FD thought about the day's events. Was he wrong? Was the brutal murder of his fellow wo/men violating ethics?
As he contemplated, a customer walked in.
Oddly enough, it was thefantom1, clutching his organ.
