Other Women's Comments

[jnuts]

My wife has been working very hard at preparing for some contests (I know its too soon....see the other thread )

It's been wierd because she hasn't really been getting any support from the folks at the gym she normally goes to, nor from any of her friends. Is this normal?

The gym she goes to with her trainer is a mostly guys, free weights place, so everbody is supportive there. Her normal gym was a "wellness" place and they think she's crazy.

Her friends keep trying to get her to cheat on her diet.

It's driving her crazy. (So in turn her frustration is vented at her loving husband)

Is this a similar problem for other women?

 

[makedah]

Why isn't she here?

This is a very supportive environment - the only place I can REALLY talk about this stuff. Encourage her to post here. Also encourage her to visit the following website: www.stumptuous.com/weights.html

 

[jnuts]

She is here... she tells me what to write/ask.

Believe me, it's been very helpful to have come across this site as its been able to offset some of the other stuff that's been going on.

 

[SteelWeaver]

Yup. There've been a couple of threads about this - the general consensus seems to be that people who are too lazy or undisciplined to get themselves into shape hate to see other people improving their bodies and confidence, so they try to drag them down. She'll find that, the better she looks, the more people around her will start making comments like she's getting too muscly, why does she always eat such weird stuff, she's gonna end up looking like a man, it won't hurt if she cheats just once, etc, etc. It's a jealousy thing.

I haven't had too many problems like that, but if I do, I just say, look at me, look at you - who's crazy?

Bwwa ha ha ha haa!

 

[Gladiola]

!

OMG - YES YES YES, this is common! ha ha
Men in a free-weight centered gym are typically (IMX) supportive of women lifting. They are laid back & cool about it. They are polite, helpful, & friendly. (Well, often with the exception of the college-age frat boy jackasses).

Women on the other hand I work in an office with ALLL Women! NONE of whom workout at all. There are 8 in my dept, mostly in their 20's & 30's. You would think I ate human brains for lunch daily - the big freakin' deal they make over my broccoli, tuna, chicken breasts, etc. Constant comments. It is common.

Most people will say they are jealous. I would guess some are. The others just don't get it. They think you're nuts. They don't understand why you don't just eat pizza & fries, or only salad & diet coke if you want to be skinny. The BB eating is bizarre & uncalled for in their eyes.

How she can deal with it? I think it was Muskles who said she says, "How about you don't comment on my weight & I won't comment on yours?" She could also toss out stats on heart disease & saturated fat contet of the crap her friends eat. Whatever it'll take to get them to freakin shut up & leave her alone!

For support - tell her to come here! But don't expect it from friends. Her best bet is to NOT TALK about diet & training with them. It will likely only continue to bring her down. They're not going to understand - don't waste your breath on those who won't lisen anyway (the majority IMX).

OH - BTW, I deal often with trying to explain healthy lifestyle to the average person as I'm an aerobics instructor.

 

[jnuts]

Folks - thanks for all the info. Will show to her after her shower. (She's getting her first Protan coating tonight... this should be interesting)

 

[SteelWeaver]

Ha ha haa hah haa. That's funny, Gladiola - I was actually going to say in my post, you should ask Gladiola about this, she has some strong views on it, and here you are! Chuckle chuckle

 

[SteelWeaver]

Folks - thanks for all the info. Will show to her after her shower. (She's getting her first Protan coating tonight... this should be interesting)

Good luck!

 

[jnuts]

Protan - interesting stuff.

I've noticed that people said not to put it on the palm of your hands? Why is that? (It's already all over my finger tips from spraying it and brushing it on)

I am liking making her walk around the house naked for 30 minutes waiting for it to dry.

----------

She really enjoyed (and related too!) the previous posts about other folks not being supportive. It was a good breath of fresh air - or at least shared pain.

thanks,
-nuts

 

[Sassy69]

Body building can be a very lonely sport. I think people are either intrigued by it (e.g. impressed w/ your discipline, etc) or repelled but it. Thanks to this sedentary lifestyle that has become the norm for American society, people seem to think you are nuts devote an hour of each day to physical activity. In fact there's a whole subculture of gym bunnies that has grown up around all the high-end gyms. Why the hell would you valet your car so you can walk on a treadmill in your $100 new matching gym outfit and hang out at the juice bar dabbing at your one sweat drop before you ruin your 3 lbs of makeup.

As mentioned above, guys are usually supportive because its normal for them to hang out at the gym and look for results. Women just go to be seen. Women seem to freak out because of the immediate vision of Kim Chizevsky/Ms Olympia 1999. "OMG I don't want to look like a man" and all the other BS that leads to fatter & fatter women doing the Atkins, drinking Slim Fast & doing thousands of reps w/ the little pink weights. I'm not sure why, but people just really get weird when you say you are "into" training. My poor mom can't even deal w/ when I mention my diet or that I want to go hit the gym when I'm home visiting.

I guess you need to really focus on yourself when you are competing and its almost easier to just not mention that you are precomp. Then blow their sox off with your show pix!


OH yea, the prob w/ Protan is that it doesn't come off. If you are the appliOR, you might want to wear rubber gloves. I also recommend sleeping in long sleeves & pants and take a good shower w/ a scrubber in the morning. And repeat the next night.

 

[ATrollFromTheFatBoard]

I do not think that the problem you describe is unique to bodybuilders.

As a visitor from the fat world and a poster on many different health and lifestyle boards, I think this country is basically in a state of "body-meltdown" where everybody else's body is of major overriding concern to everyone.

Everyone is terribly, terribly concerned with what the next person is eating, what they are doing for exercise, and what they LOOK like. Anyone who is doing anything different comes in for a ribbing, no matter who the person is or what the heck it is they are doing.

The vegetarians pick on the carnivores. The carnivores pick on the vegetarians. The weightlifters pick on the aerobicizers. The aerobicizers pick on the weightlifters. The Zones pick on the Atkinses. The Atkinses pick on the Somercisers. And on and on and on and on.

The best your wife can do is be true to her own self. I don't know what is WRONG with Americans these days, but we all need to quit worrying about what the other person's diet, exercise habits, and body appearance says about him or her and just worry about our own self.

As a fat person, I can sympathize with what she's going through. It's a symptom of mass cultural hysteria; tell her to write it off to that and not worry about it.

 

[wilson6]

"OMG I don't want to look like a man"

Yeah,

What they forget is that one doesn't need to take AAS or lift heavy weights to be butt ugly. There are plenty of well juiced chicks out there that still look far better than many non-athletic chicks you see in public.

W6

 

[new@gettinbig]

Ignore them!! That is totally normal...i get it all the time..now i just keep to myself. I am constantly asked what is in my plastic container etc. They dont understand and they are curious...it also makes them feel bad as well about what they are eating. It also makes them aware of their own body and lack of gym habits...will power....KNOWLEDGE...etc. She is fine...who looks better in the mirror? JEALOUSY...is an evil thing.....Its call HATERS...let them sit back and watch....envy and run their little mouths....u dont need em

 

[Temple]

My husband bought me a big sticker the other day that is pretty much the sum total of my existence....

"the more you disapprove the more fun it is for me"

 

[Bikini Mod]

Jealousy, pure and simple.... I could auther another one of my famous 10 page replies on THIS SUBJECT!

AT my old gym before my first competition 99.9% of the ENTIRE gym was so non-supportive they were borderline MEAN. But, as showtime got closer and closer everyone shut the fuck up. After I competed EVERYBODY... EVEN THE GUYS were suddenly asking me for info and diet and training, looking at what type of MRP I pulled out of my gymbag, etc.. It was pretty funny actually.

But what hurt more than anything else is how non-supportive my ex was... but it wasn't anything that a divorce couldn't rectify.

Conversely, for the first time EVER my children looked at me like I was ten feet tall. The started regularly volunteering to anyone who would stand still for 10 seconds, "MY MOM'S A BODYBUILDER!"

.....TTo this day THE ONLY opinions that matter to me are my own and the opinions of my girls. Everybody else can just kiss my rock hard ass.

 

[makedah]

Some friends' jealousy is mean-spirited "who does she think she is!", but assuming that these are true friends who are usually supportive, I think that for the most part, this kind of jealousy sounds like the garden-variety "gosh, I wish I could do that" type. That kind of envy is human nature.

When friends try to get friends to eat something, I think that's more of an effort to say "don't drift too far from me!" or "don't judge the way that I eat!" than a vicious act of sabotage. (Although sometimes, of course, people will try to sabotage you. ) When I stopped eating certain things, one of my friends got a bit upset because we both love to eat and I was one of the few people she could enjoy certain things with. But I knew that wasn't coming from any hostility toward me, she was just going to miss certain things about our relationship. And now, she's over it!

It's no crime that her friends just don't understand what your wife is up to - I rarely talk about health and fitness with my friends because it's not an interest we share. My goals are very personal and I'm a loner when it comes to working out, etc. If these friends start to insult or put down your wife or her BB goals (or do the things described below), then there's a big problem. Otherwise, I think she should look for health/fitness camaraderie elsewhere.

About acquantainces and coworkers...
Well that's another story. I mind my own business, so it drives me nuts when folks get all in my business -- and in my plate. If I eat a salad or some veggies, they loudly demand to know if I'm "on a diet or something."

I work in an office with several fat-fat and skinny-fat WEAK biddies (because of my youth and my position of course I have to do anything that requires manual labor or walking - but I don't mind) and I am SURROUNDED by chocolate candies and gross little homemade -- or worse, store-bought -- treats. It amazes me how my co-workers get offended or hurt when I say I don't want any!

 

[FitFossil]

...It's been wierd because she hasn't really been getting any support from the folks at the gym she normally goes to, nor from any of her friends. Is this normal?

YES (sadly) it is normal. Even if she weren't doing the bodybuilding bit with the weights and "strange" diet, people would still be ragging on her because she is successful. People with low self-esteem do not like seeing other people succeed. They can't be happy for the person, because they only think it makes them look worse. It's like crabs in a cooking pot right before they're boiled - if one tries to climb out and escape, the others grab it and pull it back down.

 

[velvett]

Sometimes when someone observes a person working to improve themselves or creating happiness for themselves people become more aware of the things the ought to be doing for themselves and it makes them uncomfortable.

 

[jenny27]

ahhh...i can totally relate to everyone here. i'm in college and gave up the drinking and shit food lifestyle and i still hear "why aren't you drinking? oh give yourself a break... this one time eating this won't hurt you...this and that bla bla bla. (i think my friends finally stopped asking me for the most part but it's hard on my social life sometimes when i'm not going out to parties or fast food places w/ them) but i look at it as this: i would rather feel good about myself, have energy, look good, and keep on making the dean's list every semester at my school than enjoy a couple nights of being sloppy drunk (which now disgusts me btw). and if anyone judges me for trying to improve myself and my lifestyle then they're judging me because they know that they don't have the discipline to work out every day, eat healthy, study hard, etc. the way society is set up today doesn't seem to help either, but being one of those who doesn't want to end up with an eating disorder, cancer, or an early heart attack later in life makes me feel pretty damn good!

 

[Daisy_Girl]

Velvett pretty much said what I was thinking - it is so much easier to blame others or think they are the weird ones.

It makes some people feel better about themselves if they bring others down to their level. If they feel guilty or bad about not working out or eating right then they don't want anyone else to do it.

And some people are TOO competitive - they would rather see others fail. And that makes them feel superior, or just better about themselves. Sucks, but there are tons of negative people out there.

Best way to deal with people like that is to just ignore their comments. It can be hard, but you gotta realize that you can't let others dictate how you feel about yourself and your efforts. Anyone involved in BB/fitness/etc. knows you have to be driven from within to succeed, so just listen and be true to yourself!

 

[ironmaiden181]

Have you ever noticed that the people saying all the things are the (like alot of you have said) the over weight ones or the lazy ones!!!

I hate the question, "Why do you want to look like that!" I use to be nice with the answer....

LOL Now I say "Why do youuuuuuuuuu want to look like THAT!" LOL They usually shut right up and leave me alone!!!!!!

I know that, that is mean but I have gotten where I don't think that their to NICE!!

If you like yourself then no one else has the right to comment like that!!! That is rude!!!

 

[domanmom]

I am finding all your posts reeeelleee helpful. tnx!