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OK, I'll bare my soul. Give me your opinion.
- Thread starter Rotten
- Start date
supersizeme
New member
Rotten - I don't think it should matter one bit what anyone on an internet forum thinks about your decision. What matters is whether or not you're a happy guy right now. You didn't mention anything of how things are going since you two have begun to try and get past all that. Do you trust your wife? Is she being supportive of you when you wake up in the middle of the night after a dream of the two of them together? That would be enough to make me want to put a gun to my head. Being cheated on is probably the one thing I'm most afraid of in life.
Your best friend...fuck that guy. You know the best way to deal with him? Never talk to him again. He no longer exists to you. No need to seek him out and try and get your vengeance. Yeah, he did you wrong, but you know what, your wife did, too. Your wife owes you more loyalty than your best friend does. Your best friend isn't sleeping in your arms every night after a long day of you working to support her and the baby. You don't feel the need to kill her, do you? That said, I wouldn't blame you one bit if you happened to run across this guy in the future and laid him out.
I wish you and your family the best, homie, however this pans out. Just don't live the rest of your life in a state of "beat down." It's no way to live.
Your best friend...fuck that guy. You know the best way to deal with him? Never talk to him again. He no longer exists to you. No need to seek him out and try and get your vengeance. Yeah, he did you wrong, but you know what, your wife did, too. Your wife owes you more loyalty than your best friend does. Your best friend isn't sleeping in your arms every night after a long day of you working to support her and the baby. You don't feel the need to kill her, do you? That said, I wouldn't blame you one bit if you happened to run across this guy in the future and laid him out.
I wish you and your family the best, homie, however this pans out. Just don't live the rest of your life in a state of "beat down." It's no way to live.
M
Mr.X
Guest
I have to tell you, I think you did the right thing w/ not killing the guy. But, I've been through A LOT of women and what I've learned is that once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. You needed to get rid of her. You're a sucessful person, I think you should seek divorce, really how do you know she will not do it again.
It usually takes 2 to have sex, but it takes one to betray.
Mr.X
It usually takes 2 to have sex, but it takes one to betray.
Mr.X
A.R. DIAMOND
Banned
THIS IS FOR YOU ROTTEN 
"Invictus"
"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scrolls,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
By William Ernest Henley (1849-1903):
"Invictus"
"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scrolls,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
By William Ernest Henley (1849-1903):
M
madbomber31
Guest
rotten.. i'll lay out both sides from my point of view... first, to me.. i'd have left my wife in a heartbeat... but, ONLY if i was able to take my son with me... if that wasnt an option then i'd stay for the son and only the son...
i would be so full of hate that i'd snap sooner or later, no doubt about it...
with what i would do out of the way, remember i'm somewhat of a fucking idiot when it comes to relationships and my thoughts...
now, i was flippin channels last night and felicity was on... she's fuckin hot so i watched the ending... and it was about betrayal... somce chick said something along the lines of
"even though my betrayal was the worst thing that ever happened to us it was also the best thing for us... i have never wavered since that time, i've never loved him more... and i've never even thought of deceiving him after that... that betrayal actually made our love that much stronger"
hopefully this is the case for you... unfortunately you will always have that doubt... but the second you mentioned the best friend i knew where it was going... dont even touch the guy, bad things man... bad things.. i have a buddy in jail for throwing one punch... that happened to kill someone... ONE PUNCH!!!
i would be so full of hate that i'd snap sooner or later, no doubt about it...
with what i would do out of the way, remember i'm somewhat of a fucking idiot when it comes to relationships and my thoughts...
now, i was flippin channels last night and felicity was on... she's fuckin hot so i watched the ending... and it was about betrayal... somce chick said something along the lines of
"even though my betrayal was the worst thing that ever happened to us it was also the best thing for us... i have never wavered since that time, i've never loved him more... and i've never even thought of deceiving him after that... that betrayal actually made our love that much stronger"
hopefully this is the case for you... unfortunately you will always have that doubt... but the second you mentioned the best friend i knew where it was going... dont even touch the guy, bad things man... bad things.. i have a buddy in jail for throwing one punch... that happened to kill someone... ONE PUNCH!!!
sermon_of_mockery
Snurd Nurdler
I knew how that story would end just by when he said his friend came to stay with them.I guess I just looked for the worste possible scenario.All jokes aside,this guys deserves to be prez of B.I.T.C.H.E.S.
that really sucks. i got to the 3rd paragraph and my stomach started cringing because i knew what i was about to read.
i agree with what ssme said. but if you want to know what i'd do.... i'd get a divorce.
easier said than done though.
i just think every time you get in a dispute you'll remember this and it will anger you. if you did get a divorce the next 1,2,3, etc. years of your life will be beyond miserable. but once you do move on you'd be able to look back and not have any regrets.
it's up to you though. do what you think is right. no one here knows your wife or you. like i said, it's easier said than done, but i think it'd be worth it in the long run if you eventually found someone else that you'd never have to second guess.
i agree with what ssme said. but if you want to know what i'd do.... i'd get a divorce.
easier said than done though.
i just think every time you get in a dispute you'll remember this and it will anger you. if you did get a divorce the next 1,2,3, etc. years of your life will be beyond miserable. but once you do move on you'd be able to look back and not have any regrets.
it's up to you though. do what you think is right. no one here knows your wife or you. like i said, it's easier said than done, but i think it'd be worth it in the long run if you eventually found someone else that you'd never have to second guess.
F
Frackal
Guest
I'm no expert but from personal experience I believe a divorce (which may or may not be inevitable) is going to be far less traumatic on the child as a baby than it will be during his teenage years, when it can be dangerous....you combine a kid sick of being a goodygoody A+ student, add 1 divorce, some new friends ..
You both have been through so much!
I can't even imagine how I would feel to loose two children.
I takes "A very Strong MAN" to do what you did.
Something or Someone must have spoke to you to help you make the choice you did.. To stay with your wife.
Your love for her
and what you two have been through must
mean more to you than living without her in your life.
YOU ARE A VERY STRONG AND MATURE MAN..
I can't even imagine how I would feel to loose two children.
I takes "A very Strong MAN" to do what you did.
Something or Someone must have spoke to you to help you make the choice you did.. To stay with your wife.
Your love for her
and what you two have been through must
mean more to you than living without her in your life.
YOU ARE A VERY STRONG AND MATURE MAN..
Last edited:
supersizeme
New member
This is not directed at Rotten in any way. I don't know his situation any better than the things he's said about it before, and I have no right to judge him. This is just food for thought.
Just to play devil's advocate, does it really take more strength to stay with someone who cheated on you than it does to leave them?
On a very simplistic level, it's analogous to a situation in which someone has a bad back and needs surgery to properly correct it. If they choose not to get the surgery, they can still function, but they will continue to have chronic back pain for the rest of their lives. There are people who will choose to live the rest of their lives and not get the surgery, out of the fear that comes with going under the knife, and there are those people who will overcome that fear and go through with the surgery. Both can be looked at as strong and brave in their own sense. The person who doesn't get surgery is viewed as strong for saying, "Ok, I'm going to cope with this pain for the rest of my life." The other person is brave for saying "Ok, I'm going to be bigger than my fear of being cut open with an exacto blade and the ensuing intense pain from recovery."
I have encountered several people in my life who have been cheated on, yet still stayed in the relationship and forgave their significant other. Did I think they did it because they were STRONG and MATURE? No. The majority of them stayed with their s.o. because they were too scared of leaving them. They were afraid of the intense pain that can come from a breakup and deemed it easier to just try and ignore what happened and move forward.
One of my best friends and someone who I look up to more than 99% of the people I've met in life went through this in his marriage. He's one of the most confident people I've ever met, and does it in such a way that it's not arrogance. He didn't have a child with his wife, but they were married for about a year(second time around, they were married before in their early 20s) when his wife had an affair with someone 10 years her junior. He forgave her and wanted to work it out, however his wife did not make a clear enough effort to cut off contact with the guy she had an affair with. They would still email each other and whatnot, and he would see calls to and from him in her cell phone call log. Eventually it wore him down to the point that he filed for divorce. A year and a half later, he's eight months into a relationship with a fantastic girl. I've never seen the guy so happy. Choosing to get out of his marriage was the best thing that could've happened to him. I think it took more strength for him to close that chapter of his life than it did for him to try and work through the pain of being cheated on.
Just to play devil's advocate, does it really take more strength to stay with someone who cheated on you than it does to leave them?
On a very simplistic level, it's analogous to a situation in which someone has a bad back and needs surgery to properly correct it. If they choose not to get the surgery, they can still function, but they will continue to have chronic back pain for the rest of their lives. There are people who will choose to live the rest of their lives and not get the surgery, out of the fear that comes with going under the knife, and there are those people who will overcome that fear and go through with the surgery. Both can be looked at as strong and brave in their own sense. The person who doesn't get surgery is viewed as strong for saying, "Ok, I'm going to cope with this pain for the rest of my life." The other person is brave for saying "Ok, I'm going to be bigger than my fear of being cut open with an exacto blade and the ensuing intense pain from recovery."
I have encountered several people in my life who have been cheated on, yet still stayed in the relationship and forgave their significant other. Did I think they did it because they were STRONG and MATURE? No. The majority of them stayed with their s.o. because they were too scared of leaving them. They were afraid of the intense pain that can come from a breakup and deemed it easier to just try and ignore what happened and move forward.
One of my best friends and someone who I look up to more than 99% of the people I've met in life went through this in his marriage. He's one of the most confident people I've ever met, and does it in such a way that it's not arrogance. He didn't have a child with his wife, but they were married for about a year(second time around, they were married before in their early 20s) when his wife had an affair with someone 10 years her junior. He forgave her and wanted to work it out, however his wife did not make a clear enough effort to cut off contact with the guy she had an affair with. They would still email each other and whatnot, and he would see calls to and from him in her cell phone call log. Eventually it wore him down to the point that he filed for divorce. A year and a half later, he's eight months into a relationship with a fantastic girl. I've never seen the guy so happy. Choosing to get out of his marriage was the best thing that could've happened to him. I think it took more strength for him to close that chapter of his life than it did for him to try and work through the pain of being cheated on.
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