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need some advice-about a boy...:)

flexygrl

flexygrl

New member
Hey all,

So, I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks. We met right before Christmas. He still lives at home-he's 24-so I met his parents already. I really like him and he really likes me.

Here's what I need advice about...

January 1st he found out his best friend died in a snow mobile accident. He was crushed. That night I went over and I brought him a small bouquet of flowers and a card and this really cute "blue book". We spoke every day since Saturday but I didnt' go to the wake or funeral. I felt it wasn't my place to be there yet and he said he wanted to do it alone, which I can understand.

Yesterday I saw him for the first time since it happened. He buried his friend yesterday, but he still came to see me. I saw that he was visibly upset and he actually cried.

Bottom line, I feel horrible. I want to do something for him and his family but I don't know what. I'm planning to take him out to eat and to a movie tonight but I want to do more.

I was thinking of sending like a bouquet of sunflowers or something to his house. What do you all think? Is it too much, too soon?
 
Tough situation, I'd say just try to be there as much as you can, he's definately gonna need a shoulder to cry on!!!

Good Luck!!!
 
its a nice gesture, but probably too much. If you're taking him out tonight, that sounds nice.
 
Flowers etc is too much. But, it sounds like everything you are doing is great!

Let him decide how much he wants to see you. But, definately let him know your are there for him. (I know you already have) He may want to see you to escape this or he made to be alone for awhile.

Take the relationship slow. You don't want him to latch onto you just to replace his friend.
 
flexygrl said:
Hey all,

So, I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks. We met right before Christmas. He still lives at home-he's 24-so I met his parents already. I really like him and he really likes me.

Here's what I need advice about...

January 1st he found out his best friend died in a snow mobile accident. He was crushed. That night I went over and I brought him a small bouquet of flowers and a card and this really cute "blue book". We spoke every day since Saturday but I didnt' go to the wake or funeral. I felt it wasn't my place to be there yet and he said he wanted to do it alone, which I can understand.

Yesterday I saw him for the first time since it happened. He buried his friend yesterday, but he still came to see me. I saw that he was visibly upset and he actually cried.

Bottom line, I feel horrible. I want to do something for him and his family but I don't know what. I'm planning to take him out to eat and to a movie tonight but I want to do more.

I was thinking of sending like a bouquet of sunflowers or something to his house. What do you all think? Is it too much, too soon?
Click to expand...


Well first and foremost your heart is in the right place, U have already given him flowers and a card and that is sweet, the best thing u can do now is just be there for him, dont talk about his best friend, let him be the one to bring it up and most importantly JUST LISTEN, believe u me u can do more with silence than you can do with words, So just be the kind of friend u would like to be, if you were in his shoes
Best of Luck and Please keep us informed
xxxx Meantime1
 
You're a sweet women, flexygirl :rose:
When I lost my best friend, I was crushed.
 
the more i think about it, the more i think i would never ask for relationship advice on this board (or maybe any board for that matter).

that sucks about your bf's best friend. i think what youve done thus far is moer than appropriate. dont try too hard tho. let him know you are there to help him in any way and he can come to you for anything.
 
Smurfy said:
the more i think about it, the more i think i would never ask for relationship advice on this board (or maybe any board for that matter).
Click to expand...

but you folks are all I have. Or at least the only ppl that I would trust giving good advice, (as sad as that sounds) basically the ppl around me dont give very good advice.
 
I;d chill on the flowers and gifts and just be there for him if/when he needs you.
 
Smurfy said:
the more i think about it, the more i think i would never ask for relationship advice on this board (or maybe any board for that matter).

that sucks about your bf's best friend. i think what youve done thus far is moer than appropriate. dont try too hard tho. let him know you are there to help him in any way and he can come to you for anything.
Click to expand...
asking for advice here works because it gives you a perspective you may not be able to get in other places.

You shouldn't go anywhere for advice and just take it point blank at face value.. whether it be online or from your mom.
 
yeah I guess thats just a personal preference on my part. Im not one to ask for advice in any situation really. I dont think Ive ever called up a friend or family member and said "what should I do?"


i guess Im weird.
 
I take that back, now that I think about it, I have asked for training advice from people I trust. Lumberg has helped me as has Clint, PolishHammer and Louden. Also some other powerlifters I know (sugarplum knows who Im talking about :qt: )
 
His mind isn't stable right now, so don't try to do too much. He may feel smothered. Let him come to you. Maybe just go out for a drink and let him reminisce(sp) about their good times together. Or you could do this with him and his friends.

As long as he knows your there, he'll be fine.

Our prayers for you and your guy.
 
I dunno. I liked a distraction when I lost a friend of mine to drugs. I was pissed at him for days and days for being so stupid. My then gf did her best to distract me. And hell, it worked.
 
Your presence is all that he needs
 
Smurfy said:
that sucks about your bf's best friend. i think what youve done thus far is moer than appropriate. dont try too hard tho. let him know you are there to help him in any way and he can come to you for anything.
Click to expand...

What she said!
 
thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the responses. I really like him!!! It's amazing...I never thought I'd feel this way again for anyone. It's so hard to see him in this much pain. The only thing I have is my time and some money and naturally part of me thinks that buying him things will make it all better. But I know better. I'm just gonna chill, let him come to me, when he needs me and take it one day at a time.

Many thanks...
 
Take it slow.
 
Guys really don't care much about flowers, I would find it a little strange if someone bought me flowers. Taking him out to eat would be good, but just being there and being good company would probably mean more to him than anything. You sound like a great girl, BTW.
 
I'll echo what everyone else has said so far. Ease off the material things and just be there for him.

If he wants to bang you, you're gonna let him right???
 
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