Need parenting advice

[biteme]

My 11 year old daughter is getting out of hand. She doesn't like it when I come to the pool with my shirt off, because she thinks that I'm showing off, even though there are other men without their shirts on. So she announces out loud for everyone to hear, "He has a hemmorhoid from lifting weights and straining a muscle in his butt, Preparation H boy." What should be her punishment? It may seem funny, but it's very inappropriate and I can't seem to make her realize this.

 

[spongebob]

My 11 year old daughter is getting out of hand. She doesn't like it when I come to the pool with my shirt off, because she thinks that I'm showing off, even though there are other men without their shirts on. So she announces out loud for everyone to hear, "He has a hemmorhoid from lifting weights and straining a muscle in his butt, Preparation H boy." What should be her punishment? It may seem funny, but it's very inappropriate and I can't seem to make her realize this.

piece of cake, lock her in the closet. check with your states laws on this, i believe most states allow it up to age 16.

 

[flexygrl]

OMG! That's so funny!!!! Your kid is a comedian in training!


Tough one. I don't have kids, as you know. Maybe sit her down and explain to her that what she said hurts your feelings. Ask her if she would like it if someone made fun of her in the same way. As to why she's doing it, who know. Kids are always embarrased by their parents for some reason or another. Punishment? Tell her that you're going to starve her rabbit, j/k. If you can ground her for a weekend, then go for it.

 

[Lao Tzu]

i have no idea what you can do. this is one of the reasons i dont want kids, that whole 11-18 age when they would sell their family into slavery to look cool really revolts me.

 

[DBCooper]

LMAO man, I have no idea, return the favor and say you will take her to school in a John Candy look a like outfit from Summer Vacation or hell Uncle Buck.

 

[ajtomasi]

sell her into white slavery

 

[nacho99]

next time wear a thong that will teach her a new level of embareassment

 

[p0ink]

2thick has the best advice.

all of you people who find this 'cute' and 'amusing' are going to be shitty parents and have bratty kids.

 

[Lao Tzu]

next time wear a thong that will teach her a new level of embareassment

wear nothing but speedos, a tan members only jacket and flip flops.

 

[2Thick]

Sit her down, and tell her that her words are inappropriate and disgraceful.

Then tell her that you are disappointed in her.

If she repeats her behavior, ground her for 1-2 months with no phone, no TV, no computer and only school....and stcik to it.

 

[flexygrl]

biteme,

Do you really have roids?

 

[ajtomasi]

Actually I would tell her that if she thinks it's funny to talk about my roids, then she should think it'll be real funny when I start telling people about her bloody periods and young mis-shaped boobs.

 

[Generic MALE]

Surely you have pictures of her as a kid running around naked or in a diaper you can blackmail her with. Wouldn't her boyfriend love that?

Actually you could threaten it and then tell her its just an example of how it feels to be embarrassed by somone who is supposed to be close to you

 

[gonelifting]

Another fine post by 2Thick. lol

The most important thing is to STICK TO what you say, or the kid will respect you less and take advantage.

I also find that the truth in everyday life with adults. My word is bond. It`s about respect.

 

[biteme]

Sit her down, and tell her that her words are inappropriate and disgraceful.

Then tell her that you are disappointed in her.

If she repeats her behavior, ground her for 1-2 months with no phone, no TV, no computer and only school....and stcik to it.

Good advice. I'm too easy. I'm not really a good parent except for giving her unconditional love. Maybe I should send her to live with you for a month.

 

[biteme]

biteme,

Do you really have roids?

It ain't that big of deal. I have one that I probably got from lifting heavy weights. But it's a big deal for my daughter to tell everyone.

 

[Deleted member 33117]

2thick and gonelifting have the best advice. I've never had kids, so really can't help you. Just remember, if you make a threat to punish her, follow through with it, or your warnings will not mean anything after that. While what she said is funny, it isn't good parenting to let it slide.

 

[biteme]

2thick and gonelifting have the best advice. I've never had kids, so really can't help you. Just remember, if you make a threat to punish her, follow through with it, or your warnings will not mean anything after that. While what she said is funny, it isn't good parenting to let it slide.

Yeah I know. It didn't embarrass me about having a hemorrhoid, they are very common and no big deal, but it embarrases me that my kid acts that way in front of other people. I try to tell her how inappropriate it is, but she is hardheaded and stubborn. I made the mistake of being too easy on her over the years because my parents were very hard on me and I didn't get along with them or like them very much. She's a girl which makes it very hard for me. I think if I had a boy, I would have a much easier time with discipline, but she has me wrapped around her finger. I also feel bad for her because her parents are divorced and I never had to go thru anything like that, but it can't be good.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Without knowing everything... She is 11 so I am thinking "hormones", plus she is a little embarrassed that you are not like the other dads... (even though she likes it, she may not know how to handle you being so different). Add to it the fact that you have a crazy cunt of an ex and you have T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

2Thick is half right. You should DEFINITELY let her know that she is WAY out of line. YOU are her father and she has NO BUSINESS speaking that way. She might be acting out for a lot of reasons, but that does not negate OR excuse her behavior.

Just yesterday my sister's family and us (my sis has 3 little kids behind mine) went to a friends house to swim. We told the kids up front that we could only stay 2 hours because the kids wanted to go camping in the backyard that night. That would mean that we would have to be home for dinner and baths, etc early. (There are 7 children ages 11 down to 3). I told the kids, "Get all the toys out of the pool and put them away. Then you can all go jump on the trampoline to dry off a bit if you wish because WE ARE LEAVING IN 15 MINUTES." My oldest even teased her younger sister a bit because she had spent a lot of time blowing up silly floaties and missed some time to swim... Sooooo what does the oldest (my 11 year old daughter) do in full view of the SIX YOUNGER CHILDREN NOT 5 MINUTES LATER??!?!! SHE JUMPS IN THE POOL!!!!

I'll give you one guess what her punishment was.... That's right, NO CAMPING WITH THE REST OF THE KIDS. We came home and everyone got ready for the camp out and she went to bed alone to read and then retire while the others were out back having fun. Doesn't seem like much, does it? Except for the fact that my children were kept from my sister's children ALL SUMMER LONG, were taken nowhere and saw nothing while I was even kept from being able to talk to them for the first few weeks after I moved.... and I am flying out Sunday nite.

I STILL PUNISHED HER JUST THE SAME.

Why? Because she NEEDED it...

I know things are fucked up for you because of your ex but THAT DOES NOT NEGATE THE FACT THAT PART OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS GUIDANCE, BOUNDARIES AND DISCIPLINE.

The part that 2Thick left out is also important...

TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER - HEAR HER OUT. ASK HER WHAT IS GOING ON IN HER HEAD AND HEART. It is difficult enough to be an eleven year old girl, but to have a VERY SEXY DAD makes it harder, add to that a fucked up mother and a strained relationship between her parents.

If you find it hard to talk to her, then email her.... I know it may sound silly. But my girls and I started doing that before I moved and believe it or not we find it easier to share our feelings in emails sometimes. I don't know why, but we jus do.

Your daughter has been forced to grow up a bit faster whether you like it or not. So you have to try to find a middle ground where you still CLEARLY DEFINE your parental role, yet give her importance by letting her express her ideas and feelings... She will always be your baby, but she is no longer A CHILD.

If I am not clear, please let me know... I'll be home till Sunday nite and have gobs of minutes on my cell. If you like I can call you Biteme.

No one knows better than me how hard divorce is on kids. I realize however, that because I am a mother it may be easier for me to be close to my girls... I know that fathers, no matter how hard they try sometimes feel estranged from their daughters as they enter puberty. DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN BITEME! YOUR DAUGHTER REALLY, REALLY NEEDS AT LEAST ONE PARENT THAT DOESN'T HAVE THIER HEAD UP THEIR ASS!!!

A uterus doesn't automatically define who is the better parent.

PM me your digits and if you like and time allows, I'll call you.

 

[biteme]

Thank you so very much. I just want to get her into adulthood with a good head on her shoulders. I think that I'm setting a good example for her by returning to college and excelling. She says that she wants to be a lawyer. And to keep her away from drugs and promiscuity. She goes to the gym with me a lot and she has an incredible build for her age, which doesn't make me feel very easy. Last year she was failing a couple of classes in school and I went and talked to her teachers in her presence, she was very embarassed, but after that, her grades improved immensely. It's a tough job being a parent, isn't it? She's good in every way except for her smart mouth and attitude, but it's a problem sometimes. Do you have your e-mail up? I will e-mail you. My pm box is way over the limit.

 

[velvett]

I grew up in one of those "you will not speak unless spoken to households" - and you know what, I never spoke unless questioned. I can't imagine the beating I would have received if I ever spoke to either of my parents like that.

That said.


I would seriously listen to Bikinimom - she has 4 girls worth of experience and from what I can tell and from what I see in her art work - she knows her kids, loves her kids and they must adore her to offer such inspiration.

 

[biteme]

I just e-mailed the address that you have listed here. Let me know if you can call, so I can get off the computer. I have dial-up.

 

[biteme]

I grew up in one of those "you will not speak unless spoken to households" - and you know what, I never spoke unless questioned. I can't imagine the beating I would have received if I ever spoke to either of my parents like that.

That said.


I would seriously listen to Bikinimom - she has 4 girls worth of experience and from what I can tell and from what I see in her art work - she knows her kids, loves her kids and they must adore her to offer such inspiration.

I know, she has always given me good advice concerning my daughter. I can't say thankyou enough. As for you, you may never have children, but I bet you would make a great parent if you did.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Velvett thank you... I grew up in one of those households too and that is why I make it a point to LET MY GIRLS SPEAK!

I know what you are going through because I want the same for my girls. I want to keep them from drinking, smoking and fucking boys and unless I bust my ass... that is EXACTLY what they will end up doing. I ALWAYS SAID, "YOU WILL NAIL MY COFFIN SHUT BEFORE I WILL FEEL THE NEED TO NAIL THE WINDOWS SHUT ON MY DAUGHTERS' BEDROOM WINDOW!" Meaning, I will not shut them in (or out as it were) from the outside world... I want to teach them SELF-DISCIPLINE, SELF-RESPECT, SELF-LOVE, PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!

How can a child learn these things if they are not allowed to be able to THINK FOR THEMSELVES?!?!....

I made it a point to go to my oldest daughters middle school (it will be her first year in a new and BIG school) and communication between her father and I are AWFUL (to put if mildly). I had her with me to see and talk with the principal. She "played" embarrassed, but I could tell that she was THRILLED that I made it MY BUSINESS to go there and ask for email addies to have direct communication with her guidance counselor, homeroom teacher and assistant principal.

I call my daughters nearly every day, email them as often as I can get to the cybercafe, send them postcards, etc...

It isn't the same as if I was there when they came home from school. I am not retarded.... but for now, it MUST do.

This is one of the reasons why I don't care to engage in a "real" relationship with a man just now. I have serious work to do for my career and wading through a sea of red tape and I tend to the relationship with my children EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I'll give you a buzz in a minute goofy... You'll be ok. I can tell your daughter is your life. Why else would you work so hard to make YOURS better?! Duh! It is because you want so much MORE FOR HER!!!

 

[SofaGeorge]

Sit her down, and tell her that her words are inappropriate and disgraceful.

Then tell her that you are disappointed in her.

If she repeats her behavior, ground her for 1-2 months with no phone, no TV, no computer and only school....and stcik to it.

Ditto.

 

[Rex]

Next time she talks shit just dunk her under water a few times only pulling her up for a quick breath of air. Or get your self a bag of Velentia oranges. It won't bruise and let her know whos boss. Before anyone has a coronary I'm only kidding and do not condone the abuse of children;

Not to be an asshole, but why did you tell your daughter you have a roid anyway? To me it's one of those things you just don't tell a person.

Anyway the best way to go about it would be to sit her down and explain to her that family isn't supposed to hurt one another and her saying that hurts you.

 

[[email protected]]

If you already said something to her then read on.

Next time she does it. Say nothing, and then ask her a few min later to come into the house. By then have a bucket, sponge, and soap in the bathroom. This is a great time for her to spend the next 2-3 hours making the bathroom spotless while everyone else is outside having a good time. I guarantee that it will be the last time she says that.

bikinimom, too harsh? I don't have kids yet but this is constructive punishment. I think...