Grumpy Old Man
Grumpy Old Biker Bastard
I'll take my time hiring the new employee. I'm looking at resumes now to bring on another secretary. If the new one is good, I will probably fire this one and then have time to look for the another one to take her place.
Call a temp agency, have them start Monday, fire her ass now. You will live a long and happy life if you do this. You already have spent too much energy dealing with this.