My experience with a marriage counselor...

[Forge]

First off I never believed in the whole counseling deal, I’ve always felt that if a couple can’t work out their problems on their own then counseling just could not solve the real problems. That being said, my work offers a free program called “crossroads” where you can get free counseling on various issues, one of them being marital counseling. The ex and I are now living separate and the divorce is mutually underway, but I’ve had some problems dealing with the whole thing and I feel like I need to talk to someone about it, so I figured what the hell, it’s free. Plus I really was curious just to see what a counselor would have to say about the whole thing.

So last night I went to see one (by myself), and I have to say that I may have been wrong about counseling. To be honest I was mildly impressed with the whole experience. We talked for about two hours, it was very casual. She made me take notes throughout the session, she said that we were going to cover a lot of ground and it would help me to review it later on. Looking at the notes now I see what she meant. Basically, I told her about my marriage and she proceeded to explain why things happened when they did and what they meant. She talked about these six stages of marriage, and how ALL relationships go through it, and I have to admit it makes a hell of a lot of sense. She almost made relationships seem like a predictable science.

I’m not going to go again, she said that I really didn’t need counseling and that I was handling things very well, but apparently my ex has issues that I just never really understood and that she could use some counseling (heh). She also strongly suggested that I use the legal option in divorce to force us both into marriage counseling, as she thinks the marriage is very salvageable. But I’ve never forced my (ex)wife to do anything she didn’t want to, and I don’t intend to start now. If she changes her mind then I’m open to the option, but if not then I’ll just move on.

In any case, I view counseling now in a much different light.

 

[Forge]

(sigh) I knew I should have titled this thread something like "all women are bitches" or "Kerry made Bush look like a child".






So has anyone else ever gone to counseling of any kind? Do you think it's hogwash like I did? Did I get snowballed by a bunch of nonsense? Does the Sopping Wet Vagina Club need a full-time professional counselor of it's own? Could Lestat, Oak, and AAP benefit from something like this? Is SRV a better guitarist than Hendrix? Should I eat my salad or save it for later?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

(heh)

lol!

oh. sorry, did you want something meaningful?

 

[Lestat]

Good job man.

I definitely respect counseling from a professional and know it has its value. Thinking about it currently for myself. Insurance covers it, so why not use every tool available ya know?

 

[alien amp pharm]

Good to hear you are doing well Forge.

I've never had a desire for counseling, but I don't doubt it works at times.

I'll just be happy knowing that I was in no way shape or form the problem in my recent relationship....other than choosing to date a young, immature girl.

 

[jerseyart]

So what are the six stages?

 

[Forge]

So what are the six stages?

This is how she explained it:

The 6 stages that all relationships / marriages go through:

1. Romance & courtship: the lots of sex stage, something new

2. Expectations & compromise: working out schedules, learning the good and bad of each other

3. Power & control struggle: every person in a relationship has a few things they wish they could change about their mates, ultimately a few issues arise that become "fight" issues mainly because one half wants to change the other to at least some degree

4. The 7-year itch: the power struggle eventually leads one half to feel like they want to run away, leave the relationship. The severity of stage 4 depends on the severity and length of stage 3; it could be a passing thought or it could lead to one half cheating on the other. This is also called the divorce stage, couples who seperate do not reach stage 5.

5. Reconcilliation & cooperation: stage 3 needs to be settled, and it always means that one party must give in to some degree. Failure to get here usually ends the marriage. Ego and pride usually prevent getting here.

6. Acceptance & collaboration: the decisions made at stage 5 must be endured and accepted, or stage 3 comes back into play. Marriages that last do so because the couples are willing to live with each other's "problems" rather than fight against them.




These are my words, she made it all sound so elegant and simple.

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

The 6 stages that all relationships / marriages go through:

1. Romance & courtship: the lots of sex stage, something new

2. Expectations & compromise: working out schedules, learning the good and bad of each other

3. Power & control struggle: every person in a relationship has a few things they wish they could change about their mates, ultimately a few issues arise that become "fight" issues mainly because one half wants to change the other to at least some degree

4. The 7-year itch: the power struggle eventually leads one half to feel like they want to run away, leave the relationship. The severity of stage 4 depends on the severity and length of stage 3; it could be a passing thought or it could lead to one half cheating on the other. This is also called the divorce stage, couples who seperate do not reach stage 5.

5. Reconcilliation & cooperation: stage 3 needs to be settled, and it always means that one party must give in to some degree. Failure to get here usually ends the marriage. Ego and pride usually prevent getting here.

6. Acceptance & collaboration: the decisions made at stage 5 must be endured and accepted, or stage 3 comes back into play. Marriages that last do so because the couples are willing to live with each other's "problems" rather than fight against them.

Cold Science...Gotta love that.