My embarrassing massage experience

[Juice Authority]

Well, I don't how to begin. What a fiasco! My lower back was hurting from doing squats so I thought a massage might in order. I was told about this place where they give deeeeep tissue massage by walking on your back and using their toes and heels to dig into the muscle. Well, I figured I might as well get the most out of the situation so I popped a couple of Xanax and some muscle relaxants to put myself in a nice relaxed state. Now earlier today my stomach was upset for most of the day and I had a mild case of diarrhea. No big deal, right? I had a little bite to eat before the massage and the xanax and muscle relaxants were kicking in nicely. I was feeling no pain and ready for my deeep tissue massage.

So, I get there and everything is going nice and smooth. The oriental lady is doing some acupressure and all is well. Then she lays a blanket over back and legs and climbs up on the massage table, grabs the two poles above the table and starts walking on my feet and legs. She makes her up the to my ass and starts digging her toes and heels into my asscheeks. It felt great! She starts making her way up to my lower back and applies pressure to lower spine. At this point my stomach starts to growl. She applies more pressure to lower back and then all of a sudden I let loose a juicy wet fart but it didn't stop there. Shit started squirting out my ass and I sprayed her foot. She losses it! She starts screaming and yelling,” You shit on my foot, you shit on my foot"! She must have thought I was some sort pervert that got off shitting on people while getting a massage. It was totally unintentional! I had lost complete control over my bowel movements. It must have been the muscle relaxants!

She wipes the shit off her foot and runs out of the room screaming something in Thai. Then some other lady barges in the room and starts screaming at me in broken English, "You leave", You leave NOW"! "We call police"! I'm like, WTF?? "It was an accident"! Meanwhile there's shit stains all over the blankets on the table. I hurriedly put on my clothes and scurried out of there.

What an embarrassing experience!

 

[fogg88]

Re: Re: My embarrassing massage experience

I call bullshit to that shit.

It's still some funny ass shit.

 

[biteme]

Well, I don't how to begin. What a fiasco! My lower back was hurting from doing squats so I thought a massage might in order. I was told about this place where give deeeeep tissue massage by walking on your back and using their toes and heels to dig into the muscle. Well, I figured I might as well get the most out of the situation so I popped a couple of Xanax and some muscle relaxants to put myself in a nice relaxed state. Now earlier today my stomach was upset for most of the day and I had a mild case of diarrhea. No big deal, right? I had a little bite to eat before the massage and the xanax and muscle relaxants were kicking in nicely. I was feeling no pain and ready for my deeep tissue massage.

So, I get there everything is going nice and smooth. The oriental lady is doing some acupressure and all is well. Then she lays a blanket over back and legs and climbs up on the massage table, grabs the two poles about the table and starts walking on my feet and legs. She makes her up the to my ass and starts digging her toes and heels in my asscheeks. It feels great! She starts making her way up to my lower back and applies pressure to lower spine. At this point my stomach starts to growl. She applies more pressure to lower back and then all of a sudden I let loose a juicy wet fart but it didn't stop there. Shit started squirting out my ass and I sprayed her foot. She losses it! She starts screaming and yelling,” You shit on my foot, you shit on my foot"! She must have thought I was some sort pervert that got off shitting on people while getting a massage. It was totally unintentional! I had lost complete control over my bowel movements. It must have been the muscle relaxants!

She wipes the shit off her foot and runs out of the room screaming something in Thai. Then some other lady barges in the room and starts screaming at me in broken English,” You leave", You leave NOW"! "We call police"! I'm like, WTF?? "It was an accident"! Meanwhile there's shit stains all over the blankets on the table. I hurriedly put on my clothes and scurried out of there.

What an embarrassing experience!

I call bullshit to that shit.

 

[Juice Authority]

I'm going to go ahead and LOL even though I question the authenticity of this post.

Bro, I'm serious. Have you ever taken muscle relaxants? If you take too much you do loose control of your bowel movements. Shit happens.

 

[bdog527]

I'm going to go ahead and LOL even though I question the authenticity of this post.

 

[Juice Authority]

did you at least wipe your ass before you put your clothes back on?

Not enough time. It all went down so fast.

 

[I.B. Orpheus.]

Funny shit.

 

[Devastation]

did you at least wipe your ass before you put your clothes back on?

 

[bdog527]

Bro, I'm serious. Have you ever taken muscle relaxants? If you take too much you do loose control of your bowel movements. Shit happens.

Well then that's some funny shit (pun intended) and you deserve karma for shitting all over an asian.

 

[Devastation]

funny story any which way

 

[Dial_tone]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I guess I was having some prostate issues after being on NYC for a few weeks. One day I was having to pee literally ever 2-3 minutes and it was driving me bananas. After a hour or two of this I was getting frustrated and tried to hold it longer. Next thing ya know I got a nice baseball sized wetspot in my khaki pants at work after being on NYC for a few weeks. I excused myself to go home early. I'm still afraid to take NYC but I've been downing saw palmetto ever since.
LOL

 

[I.B. Orpheus.]

Since there are no mods around this could turn into a Karma thread!

 

[jackangel]

I find it hard to accept that you would dash out of there without wiping your arse. This is something you make time for, regardless of what anyone says. Afraid of the cops? Would they charge you on "assault with a deadly sphincter" ?

But still...LOLOLOLOL.

hahahahaha, bless you.

 

[Juice Authority]

Since there are no mods around this could turn into a Karma thread!

I have to reload. I'll get you back tomorrow.

 

[Juice Authority]

this was a pretty half ass attempt at rejuvinating the chat board with some decent humor.

its gotta be believable for at least the first few sentences to be good. You gotta draw the reader in man.

If you want a good example, read the thread about when I beat up some dudes at the car wash.

I was just telling the story the way it happened. I know it sounds far fetched but it did happen just the way I explained it.

 

[Devastation]

I find it hard to accept that you would dash out of there without wiping your arse. This is something you make time for, regardless of what anyone says.

my thoughts exactly

 

[ZKaudio]

waaait let me get this straight..., u got a massage and you got to shit on a chick for free?? that's not embarrassing.. that's AWESOME bro!

 

[Lestat]

this was a pretty half ass attempt at rejuvinating the chat board with some decent humor.

its gotta be believable for at least the first few sentences to be good. You gotta draw the reader in man.

If you want a good example, read the thread about when I beat up some dudes at the car wash.

 

[BonerBoy]

don't feel bad

when I was 17 I had to go to jail for some bs and the judge sentenced me to the adult jail

anyway I was kinda scared at first not realy knowing what the hell was going on and the jails food was fucking with my stomach
and I had to take a dump but did'nt want to wake up the two guys in my cell and I did'nt want to piss em off and just start taking a dump cos the cell was small and it would realy stink it up

so I figured I would just wait until lunch time and take a dump while everyone was eating lunch, so in the meantime I figured I'd take a shower to get my mind off this huge dump i got to take

and my stomach turned or something in the shower and I shit all over the place it was bad, so i try the best I can to wash it all down the drain but it was pluging up so i ran and got the toilet plunger and started to force it down the drain but then it started coming up in the other shower drain so I had both showers runing trying like crazy to clean the shit up before someone seen what happend, I got most of it cleaned up then mopped up the bigger chunks up that would'nt go down the drain

I was so relieved I got everything cleaned up without anyone knowing anything and then after lunch, 3 of the guards come in saying everyone is going to be locked down until they find out who shit in the mop bucket, I was like holy fuck cos everyone started flipping out hollering "who the fuck shit in the mop bucket" and "thats bullshit" "lets kick his ass"

fuck man I was scared cos I did'nt want everyone hating me and I did'nt want to get some type of new charge so I started acting just like them saying "thats bullshit" "lets kick that fuckers ass"
anyway they all starting blaming this other guy cos I guess he had a history of playing with his shit or something (crazy guy)

 

[cccp]

hahaha awesome story! I don't feel bad about the stuff I did recently anymore. it wasn't as bad

Originally posted by BonerBoy
then mopped up the bigger chunks up that would'nt go down the drain

that part was pretty disgusting, but the whole story was pretty good

 

[Crazy Ivan]

lmao fuk

 

[tuc biscuit]

That's a nice story, nothung wrong with a bit of shit being thrown around once in a while.

 

[Bullit]

I'm going to go ahead and LOL even though I question the authenticity of this post.

Word..but LMFAO if its true!!!!


EF rules.

 

[Bullit]

If you want a good example, read the thread about when I beat up some dudes at the car wash.

That was only a 9.

 

[Bullit]

HAHAHAHHA

This thread is fantastic.

LOL@Boner too.

 

[Deterass]

Re: Re: My embarrassing massage experience

I call bullshit to that shit.

I third the bullshit to that bullshit story.some of it could be true but i think you streched it out a little to far.

 

[Juice Authority]

Re: Re: Re: My embarrassing massage experience

I third the bullshit to that bullshit story.some of it could be true but i think you streched it out a little to far.

What is sooo hard to believe about this story? Like I said earlier, my stomach was upset and I had diarrhea. The muscle relaxants loosened the sphinter valve causing an anal explosion when pressure was applied to my lower back. She had one foot on my lower back and the other in the center of my ass. That's how the shit spraying on her foot.

 

[Juice Authority]

Did you pay for the massage? How long during the process was it?

-sk

Yeah, it was one of those deals where you pay at the beginning. I was halfway through when the shit started flying.

 

[sk*]

Did you pay for the massage? How long during the process was it?

-sk

 

[white boy]

Re: Re: Re: Re: My embarrassing massage experience

What is sooo hard to believe about this story? Like I said earlier, my stomach was upset and I had diarrhea. The muscle relaxants loosened the sphinter valve causing an anal explosion when pressure was applied to my lower back. She had one foot on my lower back and the other in the center of my ass. That's how the shit spraying on her foot.

I agree, very believable and funny

 

[Bullit]

Its just too bad that I have to doubt the authenticity... I would laugh so much harder if I knew it was real.

 

[tiger88]

i believe him ....once u take muscle relaxors and some asian bitch is stepping on your low back i would shit too......i just shit when i pop muscle relax pills on their own.......

when i was in high school some kid shit him self in gym running the 1 mile race....he said he slipped on dog shit.....he was winning and didnt want to finish so he kept running.....next day, some other dudes....put a note on his locker "did u have a shity day"? ouch......

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

I second the motion for "Karma Thread"

 

[Deterass]

i believe him ....once u take muscle relaxors and some asian bitch is stepping on your low back i would shit too......i just shit when i pop muscle relax pills on their own.......

when i was in high school some kid shit him self in gym running the 1 mile race....he said he slipped on dog shit.....he was winning and didnt want to finish so he kept running.....next day, some other dudes....put a note on his locker "did u have a shity day"? ouch......

"did u have a shity day?" LOL ohhhhhh me my side is hurting!

NOT! GOOD STORY STUPID.

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

JA,

The liquid which came out ...was it a green liquid?

 

[canadianhitman]

Too damn funny!!! K

 

[Bullit]

put a note on his locker "did u have a shity day"? ouch......

That may be ownage for the special ed class, but its not really that great for the rest of us.

 

[Juice Authority]

JA,

The liquid which came out ...was it a green liquid?

No, it was just your standard brown spray like liquid. It wasn't lumpy or anything.

 

[Bullit]

No, it was just your standard brown spray like liquid. It wasn't lumpy or anything.

Did it spray out, or ooze out?
If it oozed did it end up on your nutsack?
If it sprayed did it end up on your legs?

 

[Juice Authority]

Did it spray out, or ooze out?
If it oozed did it end up on your nutsack?
If it sprayed did it end up on your legs?

The initial juicy fart was an ooze but then it just started spraying. yeah, some ended up on my legs and nutsack but the majority of it hit the sheet and seeped through on her foot.

 

[Bullit]

The initial juicy fart was an ooze but then it just started spraying. yeah, some ended up on my legs and nutsack but the majority of it hit the sheet and seeped through on her foot.

How long did the spray last... couple minutes?Like were you running around with shit spraying outta your ass yelling "MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP" or anything?

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

It was a prolonged spray...like a burst or a spew...it covered her feet and the towels and everything...WOW

That is funny, and she ran out cursing in Thai!! LMAO

Brown human spray like a skunk spray or something...

 

[tuc biscuit]

Was the phrase "That's a spicy meatball!" mentioned at any time? also she will have had to pick your shit out from under her toe-nails.........nice.

 

[Bullit]

Was the phrase "That's a spicy meatball!" mentioned at any time? also she will have had to pick your shit out from under her toe-nails.........nice.

LM-FUCKING-AO

 

[onerepmaximum]

The dude that I share an office with is wondering why I'm crying.

 

[hoosier]

You never mentioned if your back was feeling better or not??

 

[onerepmaximum]

Hoosier, what part of Indiana are you from? (sorry to "shit" on your thread JA)

 

[d3track]

 

[gingersnap]

Man, I can't believe their reaction....I guess they're on the lookout for guys pulling stuff and they thought you had some kind of crap on women fetish!!! Very Funny post....I am sitting here laughing and then my parrot starts laughing too!

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

DOODOO AUTHORITY...LMAO

 

[hoosier]

Hoosier, what part of Indiana are you from? (sorry to "shit" on your thread JA)

Actually, not from the Hoosier State, just a huge Indiana basketball fan, well actually more of a Coach Knight fan....Talk about kidnapping a thread......lol

 

[onerepmaximum]

Actually, not from the Hoosier State, just a huge Indiana basketball fan, well actually more of a Coach Knight fan....Talk about kidnapping a thread......lol

Right on, just checking.

 

[onerepmaximum]

Well yeah, I was crying because I was laughing. Good point about the "legitimate threads"

 

[jackangel]

The dude that I share an office with is wondering why I'm crying.

were you laughing also? if not, you're a sick fuck and we really don't need any of that on legitimate threads.

 

[cccp]

How long did the spray last... couple minutes?Like were you running around with shit spraying outta your ass yelling "MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP" or anything?

LMAO!

 

[juiceddreadlocks]

Well, I don't how to begin. What a fiasco! My lower back was hurting from doing squats so I thought a massage might in order. I was told about this place where they give deeeeep tissue massage by walking on your back and using their toes and heels to dig into the muscle. Well, I figured I might as well get the most out of the situation so I popped a couple of Xanax and some muscle relaxants to put myself in a nice relaxed state. Now earlier today my stomach was upset for most of the day and I had a mild case of diarrhea. No big deal, right? I had a little bite to eat before the massage and the xanax and muscle relaxants were kicking in nicely. I was feeling no pain and ready for my deeep tissue massage.

So, I get there and everything is going nice and smooth. The oriental lady is doing some acupressure and all is well. Then she lays a blanket over back and legs and climbs up on the massage table, grabs the two poles above the table and starts walking on my feet and legs. She makes her up the to my ass and starts digging her toes and heels into my asscheeks. It felt great! She starts making her way up to my lower back and applies pressure to lower spine. At this point my stomach starts to growl. She applies more pressure to lower back and then all of a sudden I let loose a juicy wet fart but it didn't stop there. Shit started squirting out my ass and I sprayed her foot. She losses it! She starts screaming and yelling,” You shit on my foot, you shit on my foot"! She must have thought I was some sort pervert that got off shitting on people while getting a massage. It was totally unintentional! I had lost complete control over my bowel movements. It must have been the muscle relaxants!

She wipes the shit off her foot and runs out of the room screaming something in Thai. Then some other lady barges in the room and starts screaming at me in broken English, "You leave", You leave NOW"! "We call police"! I'm like, WTF?? "It was an accident"! Meanwhile there's shit stains all over the blankets on the table. I hurriedly put on my clothes and scurried out of there.

What an embarrassing experience!

so thats what my mom was so pissed off about when she got home today

 

[Juice Authority]

OMG baby, i am speechless!!! i promise you now you will NEVER get a massage out of me!!!!!

Wait a minute! I pour out my soul on this thread and you shut me down???! What about that back rub you promised me? Or what is the other way around??

 

[onerepmaximum]

Did she say, "I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly."? I would have.

 

[supergirl]

OMG baby, i am speechless!!! i promise you now you will NEVER get a massage out of me!!!!!

 

[Bullit]

Did she say, "I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly."? I would have.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA