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My confession

chesty

chesty

Bodybuilding Competitor
Elite Moderator
I do not feel very good right now. I did things shouldn't have all in the name of "finging the truth" I let myself believe that I was being wronged and that it was okay to do what I did because of that. I was wrong. I was not the person I believed I was. I am much less.

Whether or not I was wronged is not relevant. What is relevant is that I as a Marine, and a man, betrayed the very things that I hold most dear. Truth, honor, integrity, loyalty. I am at the lowest point in my life. I can never tell her what I have done and can only hope that I can forget how I did the very things that I accused my gf of. I did not cheat on her, but may as well have. I lied to her, did not trust her and did everything I could to prove she was no good.

I cannot ask for forgiveness because I cannot forgive myself for what I did while she was gone. It doesn't matter whether or not she did the things I thought she may have done. What matters is I did not take the high road. I took the wrong road.

I can ony ask that if she were the one for me that God or whoever is in charge will grant me a second chance. Because, right now I do not deserve her nor anyone else.

I know many here will not believe what they are reading and will say something stupid or ridiculus. Doesn't bother me. But know that when I say, no matter what you may think about someone, to do what I did is not worth it. Don't do it. Let things work out on their own. You want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day. I can't because I do not like what I became because I did not have faith.
 
No one is perfect bro. This could prove to be a valuable lesson for you...sounds like it's already taught you a lot about trust in a relationship. Maybe this will make you a better partner to her if it's meant to be, or the next woman. Maybe it will allow this relationship or the next to be better, more open, less corrupted by the worries we all burden our relationships with. Sorry to hear you're feeling so down.
 
I've done some questionable things but the end justified the means as far as i'm concerned.
 
Lestat said:
what did you do bro?
Click to expand...
yeah?

sounds like you're making too much of this relationship thing
not this one,but in general
 
chesty said:
I know many here will not believe what they are reading and will say something stupid or ridiculus. Doesn't bother me. But know that when I say, no matter what you may think about someone, to do what I did is not worth it. Don't do it. Let things work out on their own. You want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day. I can't because I do not like what I became because I did not have faith.
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thats some horrible fucking advice. in this world no matter how lonely it seems, everythign falls on YOU. you did what you had to to put your mind at ease. you had a suspicion and now you know it was false.

sneaky, ya, stupid, ya. but youv been fucked over before. stupid would be letting yourself get fucked over again.

now you know, now you can be at ease, now you can enjoy your relationship without constant worry.

dont tell her you snooped, or she will always use it against you
now delete this thread and remember the cardinal rule of mistakes. DENY DENY DENY TILL YOU DIE.
 
You need to check your mind, seriously.

You sound like a damn fanatic..........Look at your life logically, if that's possible....
 
SublimeZM said:
thats some horrible fucking advice. in this world no matter how lonely it seems, everythign falls on YOU. you did what you had to to put your mind at ease. you had a suspicion and now you know it was false.

sneaky, ya, stupid, ya. but youv been fucked over before. stupid would be letting yourself get fucked over again.

now you know, now you can be at ease, now you can enjoy your relationship without constant worry.

dont tell her you snooped, or she will always use it against you
now delete this thread and remember the cardinal rule of mistakes. DENY DENY DENY TILL YOU DIE.
Click to expand...

Amen. For the love of all that's holy, do NOT tell her if you did anything sneaky or underhanded. You're just lucky you didn't find anything, 90% of the time it's the other way around. Count your blessings and reframe how you think about things and move on.
 
i'm with subs on this one.

chesty, ok, you did something wrong. forgive yourself and do something nice for your girl now that you know she's really loyal to you.

then, get over it.
 
chesty said:
I do not feel very good right now. I did things shouldn't have all in the name of "finging the truth" I let myself believe that I was being wronged and that it was okay to do what I did because of that. I was wrong. I was not the person I believed I was. I am much less.

Whether or not I was wronged is not relevant. What is relevant is that I as a Marine, and a man, betrayed the very things that I hold most dear. Truth, honor, integrity, loyalty. I am at the lowest point in my life. I can never tell her what I have done and can only hope that I can forget how I did the very things that I accused my gf of. I did not cheat on her, but may as well have. I lied to her, did not trust her and did everything I could to prove she was no good.

I cannot ask for forgiveness because I cannot forgive myself for what I did while she was gone. It doesn't matter whether or not she did the things I thought she may have done. What matters is I did not take the high road. I took the wrong road.

I can ony ask that if she were the one for me that God or whoever is in charge will grant me a second chance. Because, right now I do not deserve her nor anyone else.

I know many here will not believe what they are reading and will say something stupid or ridiculus. Doesn't bother me. But know that when I say, no matter what you may think about someone, to do what I did is not worth it. Don't do it. Let things work out on their own. You want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day. I can't because I do not like what I became because I did not have faith.
Click to expand...

I want you to think long and hard for a moment. My ex (who is beyond a sick sonofaabitch that should die YESTERDAY - not saying that you possess THOSE qualities because I've never seen anything from you that I should - just saying about the similarities is all).... but anyways my ex has spent the last SEVEN YEARS TRYING TO DO THE SAME GODDAMNED THiNG TO ME...

I have a great career and a WONDERFUL husband - an EXTREMELY BRIGHT today as well as a tremendous future while my ex is trapped in his own personal hell.

And ironically enough... he DID cheat on me.... NOT the other way around ('Course I didn't realize it till waaaaaaaaaay after the fact but that isn't why I kicked him out.)

Get yourself some counseling (like I have advised ad nauseum over the past several years) so that YOU can figure out what is in YOUR HEAD that would welcome negativity yet make you REPEL those who MIGHT BE POSITIVE.

I had to do A LOT of that myself to finally end up with my current husband.

It may be "luck" or "fate" as to who you end up meeting but it is NOT luck or fate when it comes to who YOU CHOOSE to stay there.
 
Last edited:
chewyxrage said:
You need to check your mind, seriously.

You sound like a damn fanatic..........Look at your life logically, if that's possible....
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Ditto.

Did you hire a private eye? Big deal. Did you go through her stuff? Big deal again. Did you put a hit out on her ex-bf? That's a little too far.
 
You are human.
 
chesty said:
I do not feel very good right now. I did things shouldn't have all in the name of "finging the truth" I let myself believe that I was being wronged and that it was okay to do what I did because of that. I was wrong. I was not the person I believed I was. I am much less.

Whether or not I was wronged is not relevant. What is relevant is that I as a Marine, and a man, betrayed the very things that I hold most dear. Truth, honor, integrity, loyalty. I am at the lowest point in my life. I can never tell her what I have done and can only hope that I can forget how I did the very things that I accused my gf of. I did not cheat on her, but may as well have. I lied to her, did not trust her and did everything I could to prove she was no good.

I cannot ask for forgiveness because I cannot forgive myself for what I did while she was gone. It doesn't matter whether or not she did the things I thought she may have done. What matters is I did not take the high road. I took the wrong road.

I can ony ask that if she were the one for me that God or whoever is in charge will grant me a second chance. Because, right now I do not deserve her nor anyone else.

I know many here will not believe what they are reading and will say something stupid or ridiculus. Doesn't bother me. But know that when I say, no matter what you may think about someone, to do what I did is not worth it. Don't do it. Let things work out on their own. You want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every day. I can't because I do not like what I became because I did not have faith.
Click to expand...


bro ive seen some of your posts from years ago and read the hardships youve had. ive had some pretty unbearable times as well keep on truckin brother and dont bottle the feeling up

if you wanna talk shoot me a PM
 
The past is the past...forgive yourself and move forward. Don not make the same mistake again ..that is how you correct that wrong....
 
let's just put it this way. The only place I have not looked was her cell phone. Could I? Yeah, it would not be that hard to snoop through with out her knowing. But, I know more about her now than she probably knows about herself!

It was a lot of what she said last night while we were talking that also convinced me that even if she had lunch with him and didn't tell me, she is not doing anything with him and really cares for me. I am not going to write what she said, but it was sincere. I just have to learn to control my doubts and fears and realize that no matter what, if she or any other woman is going to lie or cheat on me there is nothing I can do to stop it and that it has nothing to do with me.

Like I have told others in the past I told her. There is no need to lie to me or cheat on me. If you don't want to be with me just say so before you go to the next guy. I will go and you will never hear from me again.
 
chesty said:
let's just put it this way. The only place I have not looked was her cell phone. Could I? Yeah, it would not be that hard to snoop through with out her knowing. But, I know more about her now than she probably knows about herself!

It was a lot of what she said last night while we were talking that also convinced me that even if she had lunch with him and didn't tell me, she is not doing anything with him and really cares for me. I am not going to write what she said, but it was sincere. I just have to learn to control my doubts and fears and realize that no matter what, if she or any other woman is going to lie or cheat on me there is nothing I can do to stop it and that it has nothing to do with me.

Like I have told others in the past I told her. There is no need to lie to me or cheat on me. If you don't want to be with me just say so before you go to the next guy. I will go and you will never hear from me again.
Click to expand...

Dude... have you EVER been with a woman that did NOT cheat on you? (Or that you weren't absolutely convinced wasn't cheating on your or wronging you in some other egregious way?)

Don't you think it's about time you started fishing in a different pond? Till then you will NEVER get "it".

My ex wasn't the first man that beat me into the ground (in one way or another)... he was THE LAST.

It begins and ends with YOU - till you realize that, you will be doomed to live the same bullshit over and over and over again.

It ain't the women.... It is YOUR CHOICE of women and your behavior towards the women you choose.

pointblank
 
Hmm.
sounds like her read all her e-mail or her diary or maybe shot her ex bf....who gives a shit...just don't tell anybody.

ps. get a good therapist and don't be ashamed.
 
I have fished in every pond out there. From redneck ville to well educated, from blonde to red head. they all cheated on me. This one however, I may have jumped the gun. She may have had lunch like I said, but I am convinced that she did not sleep with the ex. She is past him for sure, but I am not convinced he is past her. He don't act like it. But in time he will get it or I will give it to him.
 
chesty said:
I have fished in every pond out there. From redneck ville to well educated, from blonde to red head. they all cheated on me. This one however, I may have jumped the gun. She may have had lunch like I said, but I am convinced that she did not sleep with the ex. She is past him for sure, but I am not convinced he is past her. He don't act like it. But in time he will get it or I will give it to him.
Click to expand...
they all cheat bro, you just happen to catch them
 
chesty said:
I have fished in every pond out there. From redneck ville to well educated, from blonde to red head. they all cheated on me. This one however, I may have jumped the gun. She may have had lunch like I said, but I am convinced that she did not sleep with the ex. She is past him for sure, but I am not convinced he is past her. He don't act like it. But in time he will get it or I will give it to him.
Click to expand...

it told you to have a quiet word with her ex in your other thread, you have not done this yet why?
 
chesty said:
I have fished in every pond out there. From redneck ville to well educated, from blonde to red head. they all cheated on me. This one however, I may have jumped the gun. She may have had lunch like I said, but I am convinced that she did not sleep with the ex. She is past him for sure, but I am not convinced he is past her. He don't act like it. But in time he will get it or I will give it to him.
Click to expand...

You are missing what I mean by fishing in another pond. The women may come from different educational backgrounds, walks of life, may have different external features but on the inside THEY ARE THE SAME WOMAN.

And Subby - with all due respect "they ALL cheat..." what the fuck are you talking about? Women have had to put up with men treating them like little more than a warm moist hole since the dawn of time. Now "all of the sudden" the tables are turned and men don't like it so much. Men didn't seem to mind being able to fuck whoever, whenever for whatever reason when they were the ones doing the cheating.... did they?

Give me a fuckin break about "ALL WOMEN" or "ALL MEN" or even "MOST WOMEN" or "MOST MEN". :rolleyes:

I spent ALL my time with abusers, this includes friends as well as those who were love interests until I fixed MY OWN HEAD. Suddenly I had no desire to welcome or keep abusers in my life and realized that I needed to change MY BEHAVIOR if I wanted those that were actually good for and good to me to STAY in my life. This works the same with cheaters and every other person that isn't good for you.

My ex spent his every living breathing moment CONVINCED that I either was cheating or would cheat if he didn't catch me or cheat on me first. I still remember a conversation we had several months before he blew a headgasket and I finally kicked his sorry ass out. He had all the power in the relationship. He came and went as he pleased. He brought ALL of the money home. I never snooped through his stuff (nor did I feel the need). I never checked the receivables against his work tickets. He could have had a family on the other side of town and I never would have known..... that is, until one day I opened up his gym bag to get his dirty laundry. Surprize, surprize I found a towel and toiletries that I didn't buy him. When you are married as long as we were the wife buys ALL of that shit. When I asked him about it he gave me some nervous bullshit excuse that he bought it at Walmart to shower at the gym to go out with his training partner one afternoon. I was like, "Uh, we live within 5 minutes of the gym, where YOU SAY you went and Walmart. Why didn't you just come home like you have for the past 11 years?"

A few months later he beat me to the ground.

And funnier still he tells EVERYONE (and yea I have read it all over the fuckin web) that the reason he beat me (when he even owns up to it. Sorta hard to explain away a Final Protective Order but hey, whatever) was because he either A - sensed I was cheating or B - caught me cheating.

Yea... *wink* OK....

Bottom line is this, after I caught him with that suspicious shit and further into the conversation he looked at me and said, "How can you possibly trust me THAT MUCH?"

I looked at him surprized and said, "Hello, YOU are my husband. Why SHOULDN'T I trust you?"

I could tell that he didn't "get it" and I actually felt sorry for him that he was tortured constantly by thoughts of how I was running around on him. He had those thoughts from the moment we began dating and to this day considers me "that dirty whore that cheated".

*yawn*

Whatever....

Chesty, you got some serious issues. It isn't the women. It is YOUR CHOICE of whom you attract and who you allow to stay. It is THAT simple.

Good luck finding peace. <---- no sarcasm, my hope for you is sincere.

Oh and by the way, my husband has had not only unbelievable amounts of money stolen and lost but yea, nearly all of the women who he was married to or living with eventually cheated. He cut them loose without a second thought and moved on... amazingly enough he trusted me from the word JUMP. How do you explain that?
 
I dont own any guns. Well, really can't ask her dad as it has been over two weeks. They just got back from vacation this weekend. I am just gonna let it ride. See where it goes.
 
Let me tell ya something, if this is all about INNOCENTLY snooping to put your mind at ease over somehting that nowadays, people of BOTH genders are notorious for doing, you have every right to feel justified in your snooping. Cause you know what, Ive been with A LOT of women who I know were with other people when we wree together (not a serious relationship, but dating or whatever, and it was always SUPPOSEDt o be a monogamous thing) and I've done my fair share of cheating at the same time. Hell i've knowingly BEEN the guy that a girlcheated with on her man, and didn't give a shit, wanna know why? Cause I know for a fact whenever her man gets time alone to grab a hot piece of ass that wants to fuck him, HE'S GONNA TAKE IT, so fuck it, that's just the way shit is anymore, all is fuckign fair in love and war. Maybe the attitudes of people change later in life, but this is coming from a guys point of view through his late teens and through his 20's and is why I am NEVER even considering the possibility of some long term partner until im in my late 40's probably. By then I'll probably be into the mid 30's women who finally maybe want to settle down and not bang every guido and minority they see at the clubs and are done trying to cling to the top rungs of the local social ladder by doing so.

rant over.
 
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