Memos between engineers and pilots. Funny.

[curling]

fter every Quantas flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe
>sheet,
> > >which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the
> > >aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
> > >
> > >The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in
> > >writing
>on
> > >the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the
>pilot
> > >reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
> > >
> > >Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense
> > >of
>humor.
> > >
> > >Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
> > >submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
> > >engineers. By
>the
> > >way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
> > >accident.
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >------
> > -
> > >
> > >-------------------
> > >(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> > >(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >------
> > -
> > >
> > >-------------------
> > >
> > >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> > >
> > >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> > >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> > >
> > >P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> > >
> > >P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > >S: Live bugs on back-order.
> > >
> > >P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
> > >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> > >
> > >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > >S: Evidence removed.
> > >
> > >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> > >
> > >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > >S: That's what they're there for.
> > >
> > >P: IFF inoperative.
> > >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> > >
> > >P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > >S: Suspect you're right.
> > >
> > >P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> > >
> > >P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> > >
> > >P: Target radar hums.
> > >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> > >
> > >P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > >S: Cat installed.
> > >
> > >P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.Sounds like a midget
>pounding
> > >on
> > >something with a hammer.
> > >S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[from zero]

I didn't read that. But don't copy and paste from crappy forwarded emails.

 

[curling]

Thanks for editing and cleaning that up a bit prior to posting it
holmes... Good old funny stuff

Are you kidding I am the one that put in all those "greater than" signs.

 

[Y_lifter]

Thanks for editing and cleaning that up a bit prior to posting it
holmes... Good old funny stuff