Marriage problem..Old girlfriend is back in picture

[Heavy Duty]

I have a big problem..I have been married for 12 years happily except the last year or so. The passion just has not been there between us. I have told her consistantly that if she doesn't show more love towards me that she's going to lose me or I am going to find someone else that makes me feel the love that I need. Well Before I met my wife I met a girl that I found later that night was just exactly 5 minutes older than me. Yes the same birthday but just 5 minutes older than me. We had an instant connection. We went out for months but she moved away for her work to London. So I met my wife and have been married ever since. Well She is now back in the states and we have kind of reconected via email and phone. The thing is when I talk to my old friend I feel like I'm 20 again and the sparks are flying. She is in conneticut and is not married but is with someone. She wants to fly out and see me real bad and I want her to. I have never been unfaithfull in all my 12 years of marriege. But I do not feel loved like I use to and almost understand why men will go out and have an affair. I told my wife that as soon as someone showed me the least bit of attention she could lose me..and now it might be happening.

 

[B0ARDIN087]

telling ur wife shes going to lose you probably isn't the best way to fix marraige problems????

 

[Werd]

The reason why those *old sparks* are still flying is because she wasn't the one that has been through all of the tough shit that you and your wife have shared over the past 12 years.

I am not saying that by your wife not showing you passion that she isn't pretty much asking another female to "move in".

But what I am saying is that you need to think more with your head, then with your heart (or what it is that you think you might feel for your old girlfriend).

Try to get you and your wife into counseling. 12 years is an awfully long time to give up on just because "you lost passion".

Or just have the affair but keep it in perspective. However, just think how you might feel if you found out that it was your wife that was having the affair. If you could be "down" with it, then by all means, go forward.

I assume you have kids with your wife?....

 

[Y_lifter]

If you don't want to be with your wife, tell her and get divorced.
Only then go after this woman

If you want to be with your wife, talk about your issues or get help.
Stay far away from this woman

These are your only 2 options IMO

 

[Seashell]

If you don't want to be with your wife, tell her and get divorced.
Only then go after this woman

If you want to be with your wife, talk about your issues or get help.
Stay far away from this woman

These are your only 2 options IMO

 

[from zero]

If you don't want to be with your wife, tell her and get divorced.
Only then go after this woman

If you want to be with your wife, talk about your issues or get help.
Stay far away from this woman

These are your only 2 options IMO

Damn right.

 

[Y_lifter]

I wonder if Oprah will give me a show ?

 

[Longhorn85]

She wants to fly out and see me real bad and I want her to. I have never been unfaithfull in all my 12 years of marriege.

You haven't had sex, but if you are emailing and calling and thinking of sex then you have arguably already been unfaithful to a degree.

 

[jerseyart]

Heavy Duty,

Lifter is right, whatever you do, be a man about the situation. Don't screw with your wifes head and heart in a way that will follow her into every other relationship she may have in the future. Show her the same basic decency you'd want for yourself.

If you're going to stay, end the nonsense with the "friend." You'll never be happy with your wife (and if you think she doesn't know on some subconscious level at least you're kidding yourself) until you stop dividing your heart.
You both deserve more than that.

I know guys who have had similar problems and have found success. Learn to date each other again. Put in at least the same effort you would for some girl you just met and see where that takes you. Women are different than men. If you want her to be hot and bothered in the evening, especially after 12 years, then put in the effort during the day. Seduce her the same way you would any other woman. You may enjoy it, and hopefully see improvement as well.

 

[Y_lifter]

Seriously..
Unless you want to open the Mother of all Pandoras Box's
Unless you want your life to be a living hell on earth like in the movies
Unless you want to cause your wife lots of sorrow and misery and hurt..
Unless you want to see any $ or property you have snatched from you like on Kung fu

Make one of the 2 choices I offered...