Marriage Gone Wrong

[Martini]

Anyone else stuck in a marriage gone wrong? Just wondering if that fits any one out there.

 

[havoc]

Nope, your marriage is the only one like this. peace and may I suggest some high grade herb, hold the hit in for at least 7 seconds and blow out very slowly,

 

[WODIN]

Havo's right. It's just you, get some herb.

 

[Ferrus]

Martini,

happens all the time...I'm in my second marriage now...first marriage lasted 3 years...2 great years, one year of hell...you are not alone

why are you "stuck"?...kids?

 

[Martini]

Yup. 2 beautiful girls....and a big heart and soul tug of war....stay and screw up my life...stay and perhaps save 2....or leave and possibly save 3. No easy answers...but then no one said life was going to be easy.

 

[Gilbyag]

sorry to hear that, its no way to live. I used to be but I got out before things got really bad.

 

[Ferrus]

sorry to hear you're in a bad spot, bro

congrats on 2 healthy kids...like you said, it's all about the kids

I can tell you my parents seperated when I was 15, stayed apart for about 6 months...then they got back together and have been happy (relatively) ever since

have ya'll tried counseling?

 

[Martini]

We have been self counseling for a long time and I finally called a pro and set up a meeting for next week. I don't want to throw in the towel before I have tried everything. I love him...for many reasons...but I want to be in love with him...and I don't know if you can get that back.

 

[Weapon X]

Self-counselling is usually not enough, as we are all limited in viewpoint, especially when it comes to something so emotional.
My advice is to do everything you can to work things out, with one caveat: there is no excuse for abuse - emotional or physical.
Also, many people seem to believe that if they "fall out of love," they need to divorce. Actually, the commitmment of marriage is such that couples shoudl stay together during those times, and most often, a new, more mature love emerges. Usually, when we "fall out of love," it actually just means that our preconceptions about romantic love are being challenged by messy reality.
Also remember that mature love is never unconditional.
Wishing you the best.

 

[Martini]

Thanks for the support. We have been married 14 years now and were together for 4 years before that...so reality set in a while ago. It takes 2 to make it work..and I am by no means perfect..but it seems strange to realize that usually one makes the effort and the other sits back and gets comfy and rides it out. There is no physical abuse...and at times I have thought it would be easier if there had been....so there would be no question as to the right road to take. As for mental...that is a hard call...and I am sure that everyone suffers from it whether they realize it or not.

Anyway...the cards are on the table now and we will just have to see how the game ends. I just hope that it works out for the good of everyone involved.