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This shit is funny read them all
> 1. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party
> may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
>
> 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
> umbrella.
> 3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following
> circumstances:
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her > blouse
> c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
> e. When your Date is using her teeth
>
> 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
> must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
>
> 5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move
> a. Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing
> accident
>
> 6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a
> friend move:
> a. You'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns
>
> 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
> sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
>
> 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a
> guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl,you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale
>
> 9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a
> buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is
> unsuitable
>
> 10. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
> present for another man (in fact, even remembering your buddy's
> birthday is strictly optional)
>
> 11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
> pit stops, not the weakest.
>
> 12. While your girlfriend must bond with your
> buddies' girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you
> are not required to make nice with her gal pals'
> significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry
> ladies, it's called a double standard because it's twice as true)
>
> 13. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement
> contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one swoosh
>
> 14. When stumbling upon other guys watching a
> sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress,
> but you may never ask who's playing
>
> 15. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
> you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend
>
> 16. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink
> only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's
> delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free
>
> 17. Only in situations of Moral and/or Ass peril are
> you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts
>
> 18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked
>
> 19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
> Issue closed
>
> 20. If a man's zipper is down, that's his
> problem---you didn't see nothin'
>
> 21. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must
> be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game
> and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean
>
> 22. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences
> over the death of a girlfriend's Booda , even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan
>
> 23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
> dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight
>
> 24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
> last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean
>
> 25. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd
> better be talking about his choice of beer
>
> 26. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a
> buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response
>
> 27. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
> while lifting weights:
> a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
> d. Nice Ass, Are you a Sagittarius?
>
> 28. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
> on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need
>
> 29. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary
>
> 30. When a buddy is trying to hook you up, you may
> sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of
> getting laid either
>
> 31. You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at
> work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the > aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness > dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and > have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes
>
> 32. The morning after you and a babe who was
> formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that your feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was
>
> 33. Always split aces and eights. No arguments!
> 1. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party
> may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
>
> 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
> umbrella.
> 3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following
> circumstances:
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her > blouse
> c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
> e. When your Date is using her teeth
>
> 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
> must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
>
> 5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move
> a. Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing
> accident
>
> 6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a
> friend move:
> a. You'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns
>
> 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
> sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
>
> 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a
> guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl,you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale
>
> 9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a
> buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is
> unsuitable
>
> 10. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
> present for another man (in fact, even remembering your buddy's
> birthday is strictly optional)
>
> 11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
> pit stops, not the weakest.
>
> 12. While your girlfriend must bond with your
> buddies' girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you
> are not required to make nice with her gal pals'
> significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry
> ladies, it's called a double standard because it's twice as true)
>
> 13. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement
> contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one swoosh
>
> 14. When stumbling upon other guys watching a
> sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress,
> but you may never ask who's playing
>
> 15. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
> you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend
>
> 16. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink
> only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's
> delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free
>
> 17. Only in situations of Moral and/or Ass peril are
> you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts
>
> 18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked
>
> 19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
> Issue closed
>
> 20. If a man's zipper is down, that's his
> problem---you didn't see nothin'
>
> 21. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must
> be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game
> and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean
>
> 22. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences
> over the death of a girlfriend's Booda , even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan
>
> 23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
> dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight
>
> 24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
> last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean
>
> 25. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd
> better be talking about his choice of beer
>
> 26. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a
> buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response
>
> 27. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
> while lifting weights:
> a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
> d. Nice Ass, Are you a Sagittarius?
>
> 28. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
> on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need
>
> 29. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary
>
> 30. When a buddy is trying to hook you up, you may
> sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of
> getting laid either
>
> 31. You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at
> work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the > aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness > dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and > have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes
>
> 32. The morning after you and a babe who was
> formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that your feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was
>
> 33. Always split aces and eights. No arguments!
