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Subzeero
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A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary raises her hand first and says, “My dad’s a lawyer for the government. He puts the bad guys in jail.”
Little Jack goes next: “My dad’s a doctor. He makes sick people better.”
All the kids in the class take their turn except Little Walter.
The teacher asks him, “What does your dad do?”
Walter replies, “My dad’s dead.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?”
“He turned blue and shit on the living room carpet.”
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Returning home from work, a blonde is shocked to find her house burglarized. She telephones the police, and a nearby K-9 unit is the first to respond. As the officer and dog approach the house, the woman storms out onto the porch and shouts, “I get robbed, I call the police for help, and they send me a blind cop?”
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A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee queer.
The bartender looks up and says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from Iowa.”
The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Iowa?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?”
The guy says nervously, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”
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A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts “Theme Party Come as a Human Emotion.”
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?” and the guy says, “I’m green with envy.” The host replies, “Brilliant, come on in and have a drink.”
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?” And she replies, “I’m tickled pink.” The host says, “I love it, come on in and join the party.”
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two blokes from Jamaica, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked and says, “What the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?” The first guy replies, “Well, I’m fucking disgusted, and my friend here has come in despair.”
Little Jack goes next: “My dad’s a doctor. He makes sick people better.”
All the kids in the class take their turn except Little Walter.
The teacher asks him, “What does your dad do?”
Walter replies, “My dad’s dead.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?”
“He turned blue and shit on the living room carpet.”
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Returning home from work, a blonde is shocked to find her house burglarized. She telephones the police, and a nearby K-9 unit is the first to respond. As the officer and dog approach the house, the woman storms out onto the porch and shouts, “I get robbed, I call the police for help, and they send me a blind cop?”
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A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee queer.
The bartender looks up and says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from Iowa.”
The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Iowa?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?”
The guy says nervously, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”
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A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts “Theme Party Come as a Human Emotion.”
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?” and the guy says, “I’m green with envy.” The host replies, “Brilliant, come on in and have a drink.”
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?” And she replies, “I’m tickled pink.” The host says, “I love it, come on in and join the party.”
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two blokes from Jamaica, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked and says, “What the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?” The first guy replies, “Well, I’m fucking disgusted, and my friend here has come in despair.”
