BrothaBill said:
1) Upon gross examination of the patient, he appears to a mildly obese young male in his late twenties. His chest and neck was ausculated showing no signs of bruit or murmurs. JVD is negative, neurologic is negative for remarkabitity. Outward appearance is remarkable for lack of clothing style.
translation: patient on a bulking cycle, using a stethoscope on his neck, while a bit strange, did not yield any digestive or gas noises. patient has dress sense that ascends mere "style". i wish i could shop where he does
BrothaBill said:
2) His blood pressure is elevated at 150/95. Patient admits to freely abusing alcohol leaving to concomittant raise in basal bp. Patient refuses to consider lifestyle changes. Its recommended 40mg of furosemide per day to alleviate the fluid buildup.
translation: patients muscularity has increased peripheral resistance, elevating blood pressure. patient has admitted alcohol usage on numerous dates with arduous females. patient refuses to alter dating lifestyle, maintaining that he is here for a godo time, not a long time
BrothaBill said:
3) LA is upper limits of normal, mitral valve is normal with mild to moderate leakage secondary to his enlarged left atrium.
translation: patient is vastly generous, with a big heart. heart prone to bleeding, particularly upon observation of boring, henpecked medical staff
BrothaBill said:
4) LV is mildly enlarged and concentric hypodynamic contraction is observed secondary to questionable alcoholic cardiomyopathy. The LV outer dimensions are thickened, questionable as to hypertrophic due to alcohol induced hypertension or alcohol induce hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.
translation: patient tends to be a good listener when drunk, unfotunately highly empathetic with those he listens to
BrothaBill said:
5) The aortic valve is normal and trileaflet with normal excursion. There is no sign of aortic stenosis or aortic regurgitation.
translation: physically, patients heart is normal
mofo i cant be bothered with the rest