ITT, we post hilarious quotes from The Office

[Smurfy]

Michael Scott: What happens to a company if you take the boss away. I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken, when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be, a chicken head

 

[Raptorex]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[juiceddreadlocks]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

+1

 

[Smurfy]

Michael Scott: No, no, no. I don't wanna hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says, you guys are all gigantic losers.

 

[Smurfy]

Michael Scott: Anyway, I was giving it some thought, and there's no reason that two, attractive, good-looking, intelligent, attractive people, can't, you know, just sit down and work this whole Meredith thing out.
Holly: Sounds good.
Michael Scott: Good. [pause] Would you care to bang it out over lunch?

 

[MichaelScott]

in

 

[Raptorex]

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/willow/cricket-info0.gif

 

[MichaelScott]

Michael Scott: [On the sexual harassment policy] Times have changed a little and as much as we are a family here at Dunder Mifflin, there comes a time when the Daddy cannot take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.
Pam Beesley: [Cut to shot of Pam] He said WHAT?

 

[juiceddreadlocks]

I Pam

 

[beefcake28]

Michael Scott: You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded.

 

[MichaelScott]

''Dude, where's my office? I totally lost it. Cause I was half-baked. Smoking doobies! Doobie Brothers. I was smoking doobies with my brothers. Peace out Seacrest!''
--'Drug Testing' episode-- Michael Scott

 

[beefcake28]

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

 

[goin on 4T]

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Yeah that one was truely classic!

 

[beefcake28]

Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.

 

[goin on 4T]

^^ Yeah that was great too! Hey I am divorced! Dammit

 

[beefcake28]

^^ Yeah that was great too! Hey I am divorced! Dammit

Yeah, so am I. It is still funny...

 

[beefcake28]

Jim Halpert: Just have Dwight punch you.
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah!
[scoffs]
Michael Scott: Well, that would be kinda worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls who can kick his ass.
Jim Halpert: You know a ton of 14-year-old girls?
Dwight Schrute: What belt are they?

 

[75th]

Andy Bernard doesnt lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them, because they are unfair.

 

[75th]

What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced.






I seriously know every episode by heart.

 

[75th]

Hey I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday: You, me bar, beers, buzzed.....wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses, hot! Football, Cornell, Hofstra, slaughter! Then a quick nap at my place and we hit the tizown!

 

[MichaelScott]

not as well as me dwight or 75th

 

[beefcake28]

Dwight Schrute: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

 

[MichaelScott]

''Why can't boys play with dolls?..Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable? ''
--'Boys and Girls'

 

[75th]

I taught Mike some phrases to help with his interracial relations. You know, things like "fleece it out," "going mach 5," "dinkin flicka."

You know, things us negros say.

 

[beefcake28]

Dwight: OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.
Pam: OK, I like your food.
Dwight: Outback steakhouse. [Australian accent] I'm Australian, mate!
Michael: Pam, come on. "I like your food." Come on stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it. Let's get ugly. Let's get real.
Pam: OK. If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight: Oh, man, am I a woman?

 

[MichaelScott]

Michael: Ugh...who's ahead in points?
Pam: Well, I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim 10 points, Dwight a gold star and Stanley a thumbs up.

 

[75th]

Michael: Ugh...who's ahead in points?
Pam: Well, I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim 10 points, Dwight a gold star and Stanley a thumbs up.

See if theres a conversion chart in the back.

 

[beefcake28]

Michael: Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once?
Pam: I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance.
Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and...
Michael: Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying.

 

[beefcake28]

Michael: Guys, beef! It's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
Dwight: I do! I want some man meat!
Jim: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Michael: Well then my man meat, he shall have. There you go. Deliciousity.
Stanley: [Stanley's fork breaks.] Of course.

 

[MichaelScott]

lol i loved that scene