It's OFFICIAL, I am getting divorced.

[Forge]

The past few days have turned my life around like a whirlwind.

See this thread for background story:
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=333541

I knew that there was more to the story than my wife was telling me, and I finally got her to talk about it. Turns out that one of the hands on the farm is quiting at the end of August, so my wife will no longer get any weekends or weekdays off. She is going to work 16-18 hour days, 7 days a week. They actually are going to sell the dairy herd next spring, but by then she wants to have her CDL license and drive the horse trailers for the trucking company. Meaning she will be on the road for weeks at a time traveling all over the country, and when she is home it will only be a pitstop for a day or two, and only every couple weeks.

She's known for about a month and a half now that this is what she wants to do. She stopped having sex with me to try to make it easier for her to walk away, it took her that long to get the courage to tell me (so she doesn't have menopause). She feels guilty for letting me down like this, but it's just how she feels. She knows that it's not what I want in a marriage, all I ever wanted was more time with her. Five years ago she married me thinking she could give it all up for a normal married life, and she tried, but she wasn't happy that way. This is what she wants, to travel the countryside with no ties to anyone or anyplace. To live to work. So even though we both love each other, we both decided it's best to divorce. Our lives are just along different paths.

We found an apartment for her this weekend, it's only a mile or so from our house and still close to the farm. She moves into it next month. I get the house and the pets, as she will have little time to care for them. We haven't decided yet on splitting the furniture, we'll probably do that when we go to move her. Neither of us are going to bother getting lawyers, we'll just divide things up and go our own ways. It's going to be the most amicable divorce I've ever heard of, that's for sure.

So in a few weeks I'll be living single again. At the age of 32 and after 7 years with my wife I feel completely lost, I have no idea how to start dating again. I've never been a bar person, guess I'll have to join some clubs or something to meet people. Maybe I'll try one of those online matchmaking things. I think I'll just live alone for awhile, this big house on 9 acres of mountaintop is about to become a very lonely place.

 

[perkele]

The past few days have turned my life around like a whirlwind.

See this thread for background story:
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=333541

I knew that there was more to the story than my wife was telling me, and I finally got her to talk about it. Turns out that one of the hands on the farm is quiting at the end of August, so my wife will no longer get any weekends or weekdays off. She is going to work 16-18 hour days, 7 days a week. They actually are going to sell the dairy herd next spring, but by then she wants to have her CDL license and drive the horse trailers for the trucking company. Meaning she will be on the road for weeks at a time traveling all over the country, and when she is home it will only be a pitstop for a day or two, and only every couple weeks.

She's known for about a month and a half now that this is what she wants to do. She stopped having sex with me to try to make it easier for her to walk away, it took her that long to get the courage to tell me (so she doesn't have menopause). She feels guilty for letting me down like this, but it's just how she feels. She knows that it's not what I want in a marriage, all I ever wanted was more time with her. Five years ago she married me thinking she could give it all up for a normal married life, and she tried, but she wasn't happy that way. This is what she wants, to travel the countryside with no ties to anyone or anyplace. To live to work. So even though we both love each other, we both decided it's best to divorce. Our lives are just along different paths.

We found an apartment for her this weekend, it's only a mile or so from our house and still close to the farm. She moves into it next month. I get the house and the pets, as she will have little time to care for them. We haven't decided yet on splitting the furniture, we'll probably do that when we go to move her. Neither of us are going to bother getting lawyers, we'll just divide things up and go our own ways. It's going to be the most amicable divorce I've ever heard of, that's for sure.

So in a few weeks I'll be living single again. At the age of 32 and after 7 years with my wife I feel completely lost, I have no idea how to start dating again. I've never been a bar person, guess I'll have to join some clubs or something to meet people. Maybe I'll try one of those online matchmaking things. I think I'll just live alone for awhile, this big house on 9 acres of mountaintop is about to become a very lonely place.

Eventually things will turn OK. You're still young orb.

 

[maxpain]

Brother PICK YOUR HEAD UP !! My first marriage was a fuckin disaster too. It took me 2 years to get back on track. Don't look for another one. Just let it come to you. No, don't sit in the house and drown in your sorrows. But it usually comes from and at a time when you least expect it. Females out number us 8 to 1. Then when it does show up just make damn sure it's the right one. No need to rush things. You are a young man. Plenty of time for life to get in order. Now I am married to a wonderful girl. She is everything I want and need. Sorry for the sappy shit. But look at it as maybe a blessing in disquise. I know that may be hard to do now. But it will come in time. Just because someone may be alone does not mean they are lonely. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely!

 

[SoKlueles]

Im sorry Forge, divorce is never easy.
Dating isnt easy either, you will come across some dweebs and nerds(and i found them all) and, with me, some players that think im so freaking dumb that i dont see what they are doing.....no way. Anyway, right now is a rough time for u, but it cant get any worse right? It will only get better sorry sweety that your hurting, but youll be ok

 

[jerseyart]

Damn Bor,

I am really sorry to read about the divorce. If it helps at all I spent ten years with the same woman and we were never able to get over that hump so to speak. Sometimes things arent meant to be. I have met someone else, and it's still early in a new realtionship, but it is night and day from my old one. This woman is incredible and in ways makes me feel things I never imagined possible.

I know you'll find happiness bor, with someone willing to genuinely commit to a relationship in general and you in particular

 

[Forge]

Thanks for the support. In a way I've been living a single life while married, as I barely got to see my wife outside of supper and bedtime in the past five years. The hardest part is going to be sleeping alone and the lack of sex, but other than that we didn't really have too much together now that I think about it. We did get along fantastic though, it's a tough thing to lose someone that close to you. And I respect the shit out of her, she is a remarkable woman.

On the plus side, I learned alot about myself and what I want out of life during this marriage. Even with all of the problems it's been the best seven years of my life. When I find someone who I can spend real time with, I may look back and wonder what I thought was so good about this one. In any case we are going to remain friends and keep in touch, so it's not like I'll never see her again.

Heh, I may even finally get my CJ7 back together...

 

[Raina]

That is so sad. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Do you think she can really work that much and not lose her mind at some point? Or does she love it that much?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

what a shitty situation, but ill be honest i think you wife has some pretty messed up priorities.

youre about to go through a shitty time in your life, but when you finally do meet someone who is willing to commit to you more, and is generally more compatible, youll probably be a lot happier. which is also a pretty shitty idea, but probably true.

also, i think that a big chunk of your unhappiness stems from being ripped out of your comfort zone. its something to think about

good luck

 

[Forge]

also, i think that a big chunk of your unhappiness stems from being ripped out of your comfort zone. its something to think about

Yeah, I've been thinking about that. Is it really her and the marriage I'm going to miss, or am I just afraid of change?

All I know is we bought this huge property and house together with the intent of taking care of it together, and that never really happened. Now it's all mine, and part of me doesn't want it anymore. I feel like I'm getting the raw end of the deal; she's running to chase her dream and I'm left behind completely losing mine. Sometimes life just ain't fair I guess.

 

[jenscats5]

Hey dude....sorry to hear about your situation.....but I sort of know how you feel as I went thru a similar situation myself....

Do what you need to do for yourself.....take some time for yourself to get your head in order -- I had some terrible nights. Take your time and when you're not looking for romance again, it will come. Take your time.....

 

[AAP]

Sorry to hear this bro. Just be patient and don't make rash decisions.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Yeah, I've been thinking about that. Is it really her and the marriage I'm going to miss, or am I just afraid of change?

All I know is we bought this huge property and house together with the intent of taking care of it together, and that never really happened. Now it's all mine, and part of me doesn't want it anymore. I feel like I'm getting the raw end of the deal; she's running to chase her dream and I'm left behind completely losing mine. Sometimes life just ain't fair I guess.

its not a contest. do what makes YOU happy now. dont look at her and see if she is doing better or worse, itll only lead to pain. either youll feel pity, or youll feel inadequate. both are hurtful, so just dont do it.

anyway im a huge fan of the "work to live" mindset. living like your wife...well i see it as pointless. a waste of life.

but thats just me

 

[Dial_tone]

be good to yourself for a while...you deserve it.

 

[Carmen]

oh, dude...i'm sorry.
i know you must be in a lot of pain.
try to just take care of yourself and know that one day she'll probably realize what's important in life.

 

[Forge]

anyway im a huge fan of the "work to live" mindset. living like your wife...well i see it as pointless. a waste of life.

but thats just me

That's me too, and that's been the only point of friction in this marraige. Everything else was perfect, but that one thing is just too big a hurdle to overcome. In one way I feel sorry for her because she is going to grow old alone, just like her mother. In another way I'm envious because she is going to get to see places and things that I probably never will. We talked briefly about me also getting a CDL and being a wife/husband truck driving couple (apparently few make it work), but I had to be honest and tell her that I wouldn't be happy living like that, it's just not who I am. Most of the drivers who are married end up either divorced or miserable, it's pretty much a loner lifestyle.

I guess the saying is true afterall: you can take the farmgirl away from the farm, but you can't take the farm out of the farmgirl.

 

[onebigab]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. At least the two feel you can be civil with each other when it comes time to divide things up. It should help ease things along.



Take some time for yourself to heal. Don't go looking to meet someone to help you forget. It usually happens faster when your not looking for it. Then all of a sudden BAM right upside the fucking head. Kinda like where u been mothafucka.

 

[wutangnomo]

Forge I am sorry to hear of your situation.

Your wife has chosen work over you. Seems like she has always (or for the most part of your relationship) chosen work over you. You don't deserve to be second, you deserve more. You wife wants to live a life free from deep emotional attachment. Guess what, she will move from place to place and have meaningless short-lived flings here and there. That is what she wants. In your previous thread a lot of people recommended that you join her in her work, but that is just delusional thinking. You know in your heart that HER lifestyle is not your lifestyle. You two are completely incompatible and it'll never work out to more then friendship. I'm sure this is tough for you, but this will probably be the best thing to happen to you. Never settle for ANYONE my friend!

BTW, where abouts do you live and tell me about your property. Shoot me a pm if you don't mind. Take care and I wish you all the best.

 

[danielson]

damn, bro i know it sounds bad but real soon you will end up being happier

sure she will be living her dream on the farm, with no husband or kids, and then when that goes bely up she will rive some horses around. but soon health and age will catch up with her and she wont be able to cope. deliveries of horses will be ate, she will feel more ired and she wont have anyone to share the stresses with, short of a few flings with guys only after one thing. After a few years she will be sitting back wondering what she;s done with her life, and in all likelyhood, regretting the fact that she is going to die alone

And you know what? It doesnt matter a damn. I bit me tongue in my last threat but she is being selfish and shortsighted and you CANNOT let your feeling for her stop you leading your life, beacuse she obviously wont let you stop her tending to some horses.

I think she's someone you will prbably do better with out of your life, you are 35, a male who worksout, ith his own property and a job that was supporting both of you (lets be honest). You will have women THROWING themselves at you, you dont even have any kids to worry about, you will end up being abe to sit back and choose a wife, possibly even one younger and sit back and enjoy your life as you deserve it. fuck her, she will probably end up realising her job pays crap and live a hard life. maybe she ownt, maybe she will end up fulfilling her dream. whats important is at 35 you are still in your prime and will be doing yours. sorry for bein so harsh but that is how i see it IMO.

 

[hooch]

I think she met somebody else...

 

[Forge]

damn, bro i know it sounds bad but real soon you will end up being happier

sure she will be living her dream on the farm, with no husband or kids, and then when that goes bely up she will rive some horses around. but soon health and age will catch up with her and she wont be able to cope. deliveries of horses will be ate, she will feel more ired and she wont have anyone to share the stresses with, short of a few flings with guys only after one thing. After a few years she will be sitting back wondering what she;s done with her life, and in all likelyhood, regretting the fact that she is going to die alone

And you know what? It doesnt matter a damn. I bit me tongue in my last threat but she is being selfish and shortsighted and you CANNOT let your feeling for her stop you leading your life, beacuse she obviously wont let you stop her tending to some horses.

I think she's someone you will prbably do better with out of your life, you are 35, a male who worksout, ith his own property and a job that was supporting both of you (lets be honest). You will have women THROWING themselves at you, you dont even have any kids to worry about, you will end up being abe to sit back and choose a wife, possibly even one younger and sit back and enjoy your life as you deserve it. fuck her, she will probably end up realising her job pays crap and live a hard life. maybe she ownt, maybe she will end up fulfilling her dream. whats important is at 35 you are still in your prime and will be doing yours. sorry for bein so harsh but that is how i see it IMO.

Thanks for the honesty bro. That pretty much sums up how I feel.

My one buddy thinks I'm being too kind to her; he thinks I should pack her things for her and throw her out while changing the locks behind her. He thinks I should be alot more angry and never speak to her again. He can't understand why I even went with her to get the apartment. The truth is that while I am bitter and angry deep inside, I still love her very much. I still want what's best for her. I promised to do everything to make her happy, if letting her go does that then so be it. In time I'll be able to move on, and to be honest I'll probably be happier in the long run with a woman who puts me first. For now though it sucks big time.

 

[Forge]

BTW, where abouts do you live and tell me about your property. Shoot me a pm if you don't mind. Take care and I wish you all the best.

Wutangnomo, I live in SE Pennsylvania. The house is a 2100 sq.ft ranch on 8.5 acres of mountaintop/side, 3.5 grass and the rest wooded. The yard needs some landscaping, and the house needs to be painted and some stucco work done. The interior could use new curtains, carpet, and paint. We always wanted to do this stuff together, she was even going to make the curtains herself. Now I'll be doing it all alone.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

ok im depressed, thankyou

you can either renovate the house alone and be melancholy, or you can renovate it and be happy that you ahve a wonderful place to live

this is a serious issue in your life, but if something more serious happened to you ie you found out you had cancer and were going to die in a year, deaf, blind, and paralysed, you wouldnt give a shit about not having your wife in there to sew some stupid curtains. well ok so you would care a little, but not as much as now

at the end of the day you WILL get over this. youre not going to shrivel up and die, one day, be it in a year or 5, you will be back on your feet, and ready to rumble. sit there and feel sorry for yourself, itll take 5. actively try to overcome it, and itll take less. choose.

if i was you, id start hanging out in mcdonalds looking for redheads...

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

Prolly a good time to change your avatar now.....
Sorry, bud. You're still young.
I hope I find a job that I love as much as your ex loves her's, damn.
I worked on a farm........fuckin' hated it!

 

[Y_lifter]

Brother PICK YOUR HEAD UP !! My first marriage was a fuckin disaster too. It took me 2 years to get back on track. Don't look for another one. Just let it come to you. No, don't sit in the house and drown in your sorrows. But it usually comes from and at a time when you least expect it. Now I am married to a wonderful girl. She is everything I want and need. look at it as maybe a blessing in disquise. I know that may be hard to do now.

Good Post.. Almost identical to my 1st marriage situation when I was 18...
If you have family, grab onto them and let them help you through this.
My 2 sisters were great keeping my busy and inviting me to their parties and
helping them with stuff at their house so I wasn't sitting at home..

Much as with you, my first wife made the decision to not be with me and I tried and yet failed to change her mind.. In the end I realized as much as it hurt, why be with someone that does not want to be with you ?

All is not good right now, but it will become better and eventually you will have a new life and this old one honestly will seem unreal to you...
like a dream

 

[curling]

Forge, man dude that is sad bro. I feel for you. Give it some time and maybe she will see what she is missing and she might change her mind. In the meantime you got a bike don't ya? I have been depressed two or three times in my life and one of the worst things you can do is just hang around the house. Get on your bike and go on an adventure the road will help clear your head.

Once again sorry bro. Dang life sucks sometimes. But without the bad times the good times wouldn't be that good.

 

[Forge]

Forge, man dude that is sad bro. I feel for you. Give it some time and maybe she will see what she is missing and she might change her mind. In the meantime you got a bike don't ya? I have been depressed two or three times in my life and one of the worst things you can do is just hang around the house. Get on your bike and go on an adventure the road will help clear your head.

Once again sorry bro. Dang life sucks sometimes. But without the bad times the good times wouldn't be that good.

Funny you should mention that, a bunch of my buddys are taking a week hop down to Maggie Valley in North Carolina on the bikes. I've decided to go now, before I wasn't going to. Besides, it will give her a week to have the house to herself and pack some of her stuff without me pestering her. Maybe her apartment will even be ready by the time I get back.

 

[curling]

Funny you should mention that, a bunch of my buddys are taking a week hop down to Maggie Valley in North Carolina on the bikes. I've decided to go now, before I wasn't going to. Besides, it will give her a week to have the house to herself and pack some of her stuff without me pestering her. Maybe her apartment will even be ready by the time I get back.

Cool. Sounds like you are in for a good time. Glad you're going. Ride safe.

 

[manny78]

Orb, you'Re 32 only. Still young, in fact, I'd say you're in the best years of your life probably (maturity and everything). From now on, it's your way or the highway. Date a bunch of them, squeeze the fruit as much as you can and then, if not satisfied, throw it away. Wait and be patient, the good one will show up one day.

 

[Mr. Black]

Time is the only thing that will help. Good luck bro