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satanic goatslayer
New member
I was whistling as I walked down the goat trail, when a bag lady rolled out of the bush and asked me if I had any cans or smokes. I had neither, but I did have a jar of shine with me, so I drank some, gave the rest to the bag lady, then took the bottle back and smashed it across her face.
I picked up shards of the now broken shine jug and plunged them deep into her neck and torso, ripping each one out to expose a bloody canvas. I then carried her body to the illegal dump site and jumped on her skull until her eyeballs flew violently from their sockets, and strange 'goo' (for lack of a better word) poured from her ears.
Surely this was a sign of good things to come.
I then pulled my hatchet from my toolbelt and hacked her ribcage apart until I found the promised land.
Cancerous lungs.
I was elated. I ripped her lungs out of her chest and wore them on my head as I ran around doing a victory dance.
It felt so good that I thought for just a brief moment that I was going to ejaculate.
I took my butterfly knife out and ripped the lungs to shreds, then rolled them up in a tobacco leaf to smoke later. This would be the equivalent to the marijuana smoker's roach joint. I knew I'd have to dry them out first, but I had nowhere to store them.
Luckily she had a small bit of scotch left in a flask in one of her bags. I drank the vile liquid and realized that it wasn't scotch after all.
I had found her bile jug.
I coughed and spat up mouthful after mouthful of waste, then I was struck with a genius revenge plan .
I hacked her diseased legs off and began to beat her mangled corpse with them. That'll teach you - you fucking twat. I hope there is an afterlife, and I hope you're getting a historectomy with a fucking rusty crowbar, you heap of colon waste.
Then, a miracle happened.
A small rabbit hopped in front of me, and I was able to reach down and touch it. A Disney moment for sure, but I was hungry, so I snapped its neck and used my zippo to scorch it's meat.
Now satiated, I sat down, opened up my portable humidor, lit up a nice, cheap cigar and watched the sunset.
It's all about the little things.
I picked up shards of the now broken shine jug and plunged them deep into her neck and torso, ripping each one out to expose a bloody canvas. I then carried her body to the illegal dump site and jumped on her skull until her eyeballs flew violently from their sockets, and strange 'goo' (for lack of a better word) poured from her ears.
Surely this was a sign of good things to come.
I then pulled my hatchet from my toolbelt and hacked her ribcage apart until I found the promised land.
Cancerous lungs.
I was elated. I ripped her lungs out of her chest and wore them on my head as I ran around doing a victory dance.
It felt so good that I thought for just a brief moment that I was going to ejaculate.
I took my butterfly knife out and ripped the lungs to shreds, then rolled them up in a tobacco leaf to smoke later. This would be the equivalent to the marijuana smoker's roach joint. I knew I'd have to dry them out first, but I had nowhere to store them.
Luckily she had a small bit of scotch left in a flask in one of her bags. I drank the vile liquid and realized that it wasn't scotch after all.
I had found her bile jug.
I coughed and spat up mouthful after mouthful of waste, then I was struck with a genius revenge plan .
I hacked her diseased legs off and began to beat her mangled corpse with them. That'll teach you - you fucking twat. I hope there is an afterlife, and I hope you're getting a historectomy with a fucking rusty crowbar, you heap of colon waste.
Then, a miracle happened.
A small rabbit hopped in front of me, and I was able to reach down and touch it. A Disney moment for sure, but I was hungry, so I snapped its neck and used my zippo to scorch it's meat.
Now satiated, I sat down, opened up my portable humidor, lit up a nice, cheap cigar and watched the sunset.
It's all about the little things.
