Is omitting certain details from someone the same as lying to them?

[AAP]

Ok, here's the dilemma. <-- turd pile

Bill & Terry are a couple. Bill lives in TX, Terry here in FL.

Terry = dull as shit. Goddamn this fool is a bore and completely utterly selfish, self centered and cheap. 33 years old.

Bill = Nice guy. Very new to the gay scene, only been out since college, 24 now.

Met and lived together in FL for 2 years. Bill got (purposely) transfered back to TX and has gone out and met someone new. Been dating the new guy openly for 2 months now. Has been unhappy with Terry for a while. Sat Terry down before he moved back and had "the talk" with him about doing their own thing. Seperately.

Everyone (except Terry) seems to get it... you know, relationship over.

Terry sends me an ugly email asking me why I never told him that Bill was seeing someone new and why I was lying to him about it.

A) I didn't say anything about it because it was none of my business. I didn't just not say anything to Terry himself, but no one.

B) Even though I knew about when it first started happening, I didn't think I was under an obligation to run to Terry and inform him what was happening. See "A" from above.

C) I am not even going to point out the irony of Terry going around town and telling everyone he and Bill are still a couple while asking me to keep quiet about him dating guys while Bill was out of town. "tell me everything he does, but tell him nothing of what I do"

D) The person Bill is now dating just happens to be a friend of mine, a close friend and much better friend than Terry is. Or ever will be. Terry gave me the ultimatum of "choosing one of us to be friends with". I guess we know who is losing that.

Seriously, ever had this shit happen to you. Like third grade all over again. I just can't figure out the part how I am lying about something I never even mentioned or was asked about. I could understand if he asked me and I denied it.

 

[hotzie]

god damn fags

 

[BUBBLES]

Tell Terry you knew nothing of what Bill was doing.

Easy.

 

[AAP]

Tell Terry you knew nothing of what Bill was doing.

Easy.

Bill already told him that I knew everything from the very start. Plus the friend of mine he is now dating he met at house during a party.

Basically, I knew everything, but told nothing and that makes me a liar???

 

[AAP]

god damn fags

Ain't that the troof?

 

[mekannik]

Did 'Terry' ask you a direct question? If not - no lie on your part. If this dude was your best friend and you saw it happening, it brings your friendship into question. Seeing as how you do not consider 'Terry' to be a close friend, one less asshole in your life should he stop speaking to you.


Of course being gay and one less asshole might be a source of concern for you...

 

[*MissFit*]

It's not a lie if you beleive it

but yes it is.. in all honesty

 

[AAP]

Did 'Terry' ask you a direct question? If not - no lie on your part. If this dude was your best friend and you saw it happening, it brings your friendship into question. Seeing as how you do not consider 'Terry' to be a close friend, one less asshole in your life should he stop speaking to you.


Of course being gay and one less asshole might be a source of concern for you...

No, he never came out and asked me about Bill. Instead, he was always coming out and telling me "bill this and bill that" and "Bill is in Texas this weekend doing whateverthefuckhemadeup" but I knew exactly what Bill was doing and it was not what Terry was telling everyone. I knew when he wasn't in Texas and such.

So he didn't exactly ask me about Bill, rather he talked nonstop about him and I knew different.

 

[AAP]

It's not a lie if you beleive it

but yes it is.. in all honesty

True.

But.... keep in mind that I was not keeping secrets or not telling him so he was deceived or anything. I wasn't leading him falsely to believe something different than what everyone else already knew Bill was doing because Bill told them himself.

I was simply keeping my mouth shut to stay out of the shit and mind my own business.

 

[jackangel]

if your intent is to deceive, i'd call it a lie.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

It really depends on the situation but in that situation it is not a lie and I agree with all 4 points you made. Also is Terry a bottom?

 

[*MissFit*]

True.

But.... keep in mind that I was not keeping secrets or not telling him so he was deceived or anything. I wasn't leading him falsely to believe something different than what everyone else already knew Bill was doing because Bill told them himself.

I was simply keeping my mouth shut to stay out of the shit and mind my own business.

If it's on your mind you feel bad, than it's a lie.. try to inform him without getting involved..

*ahem* create a fake email address and send him an email maybe

I know easy way out.. but might clear ur mind

 

[AAP]

If it's on your mind you feel bad, than it's a lie.. try to inform him without getting involved..

*ahem* create a fake email address and send him an email maybe

I know easy way out.. but might clear ur mind

But to do that would have just caused drama between Bill and my closer friend.

If Bill had been involved with someone else, I could see doing that. But as it was, it was someone else I am much better friends with.

Also, Bill never kept it a secret. He already told Terry that they were going to go their seperate ways. Terry was already out looking for a new guy himself.

In any case, I am not losing sleep over Terry as I was looking for a reason to put distance between him and myself. He is a very ungrateful person. Completely self centered among other things.

I was just puzzled how I could lie about something when I never opened my mouth and got involved.

 

[*MissFit*]

But to do that would have just caused drama between Bill and my closer friend.

If Bill had been involved with someone else, I could see doing that. But as it was, it was someone else I am much better friends with.

Also, Bill never kept it a secret. He already told Terry that they were going to go their seperate ways. Terry was already out looking for a new guy himself.

In any case, I am not losing sleep over Terry as I was looking for a reason to put distance between him and myself. He is a very ungrateful person. Completely self centered among other things.

I was just puzzled how I could lie about something when I never opened my mouth and got involved.

Ok u seem to be thinking to much about this.. go to confession or think of this as confessing it

Conscience is good and can be evil

 

[stilleto]

dude!... you're gay????

 

[javaguru]

I didn't read your post but as a rule, you can't leave out critical information without it being a lie. What is critical information you may ask? It's the stuff you actually think about intentionally not including; That being said, not all lies are bad.

 

[blut wump]

Only you know whether your conscience is sullied. If in your brother's eye you have sinned then in his eye you are a sinner. Whilst we have to live within the expectations and dictates of society, it is not necessary to be bound by them.

 

[AAP]

I didn't read your post but as a rule, you can't leave out critical information without it being a lie. What is critical information you may ask? It's the stuff you actually think about intentionally not including; That being said, not all lies are bad.

Thing is... I didn't leave anything out as I was never asked about it. He just expected me to volunteer this information. What part of "minding my own business and not getting involved" does he not understand.

I have already had about 7 emails this morning from him complaining

 

[musclemom]

AAP, this is, simple you send him an email that says, "IT WAS NOT MY PLACE TO TELL YOU! Now get off my back." IMO, if you ain't married to them and they ain't blood, then it's not your place to get involved (which is probably one reason why I only have one really good friend).

Crap like this never works out well. This is why you keep it secret from mutual friends when you have an affair; you don't put their butts in the middle.

 

[stilleto]

Thing is... I didn't leave anything out as I was never asked about it. He just expected me to volunteer this information. What part of "minding my own business and not getting involved" does he not understand.

I have already had about 7 emails this morning from him complaining

AAP.. honestly, he shouldn't blame you. I have, and have had in the past, friends that were couples.
one says something to me and doesn't want me to tell the other one, and i don't. Its gotten me in funny positions (not the same funny positions you're used to), but in the end, i'd hope the "clueless" friend understands that i was being honorable, not deceitful.

 

[blut wump]

If he really wants to find someone to burden with guilt, he should be unloading on Bill.

 

[AAP]

If he really wants to find someone to burden with guilt, he should be unloading on Bill.

Yeah. I am sure he is doing that too... and everyone else in town as well.

 

[Tytan]

concealed lies will be revealed later and it will ruin any type of relationship....tell the truth or stay out of it.....

 

[Lestat]

no, omitting details is not the same as lying.

 

[Sub-Zero]

bill was sort of fucked up to do that, but its not ur problem.

it was none of ur business

but like if ur girlfriend sucks someone elses dick and doesnt tell u about it, shes a cheater liar

 

[The Shadow]

According to some - no - its not the same.

 

[AAP]

Their relationship was already over. So he can't be "cheating". It is just the dude can't accept that fact and is holding on to it.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Their relationship was already over. So he can't be "cheating". It is just the dude can't accept that fact and is holding on to it.

im thinking the best way to break up withsomeone is to have ur friend get them super drunk and ahve sex with them, then u can be like

"shit u fucked my friend whats wrong with u" then u can dump them guilt free and make them feel like shit and they wont be all up afteru and u can be like "well u shouldnt have cheated" and then take her fucking house

 

[HiDnGoD]

Why do you even care. You're friends with the other couple. You don't like this guy. Tell him to fuck off & quit bothering you with his pathetic shit.

 

[traddum]

god damn fags

lol

 

[velvett]

Bill got (purposely) transfered back to TX and has gone out and met someone new. Been dating the new guy openly for 2 months now. Has been unhappy with Terry for a while. Sat Terry down before he moved back and had "the talk" with him about doing their own thing. Seperately.

Everyone (except Terry) seems to get it... you know, relationship over.

D) The person Bill is now dating just happens to be a friend of mine, a close friend and much better friend than Terry is. Or ever will be. Terry gave me the ultimatum of "choosing one of us to be friends with". I guess we know who is losing that.

Seriously, ever had this shit happen to you. Like third grade all over again. I just can't figure out the part how I am lying about something I never even mentioned or was asked about. I could understand if he asked me and I denied it.

Omitting is not lying.
Omitting then when questioned directly and then making up something is lying.

Terry's an idiot.
It's no one else's fault but Terry that he didn't get it.

Terry can be felt sorry for - it sucks to be in that position, but that doesn't allow him to make ultimatums.

Sounds like Bill moved on and made a great choice.

 

[javaguru]

Thing is... I didn't leave anything out as I was never asked about it. He just expected me to volunteer this information. What part of "minding my own business and not getting involved" does he not understand.

I have already had about 7 emails this morning from him complaining

if you weren't directly questioned than an omission isn't a lie; How can you you omit something when a quastion was never asked?

 

[digger]

Dang, when you said "Terry" I thought of what's-her-name from Lois and Clark and the Radio Shack commercials.

And the "Are they real?" episode of Seinfeld.

"Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular."

Oh, wait, she's a Teri, not a Terry. Dang!

 

[AAP]

if you weren't directly questioned than an omission isn't a lie; How can you you omit something when a quastion was never asked?

Exactly.

And just like Velvett said.

No one came to me and directly asked me about this. He didn't even hint around and INdirectly ask me. Somehow it seems that because I was not a tattletail, it makes me a liar.

Last night about 11:15PM Terry called me screaming that I better come over and pick up my shit or he was going to throw it out with the trash this morning.

I was like "Bitch, I ain't got no shit at yo house."

He was like "oh... sorry. I hit the wrong speed dial number."

This man ain't even my friend yet I occupy a space on his speed dial.

 

[The Shadow]

At least Terry was told up front, you know?

 

[EnderJE]

I dunno. Are you responsible if you know that a building is on fire, run out, don't warn anybody, and the people still inside (who you could of saved) died?

I'm guessing not.

 

[stilleto]

i'd say ommitting something relevant is deceitful but maybe not lying.

if billy asked AAP how terry was doing and AAP purposely left out that terry found man meat someplace else.. AAP was being deceitful.

 

[AAP]

I am going to manmeat you alright.

I didn't need to tell him this. Bill told him when he moved that they both needed to start dating other people and not try to make a long distance thing work.


On a second thought, I should call back and say "ok, put my shit out by the curb". Then go over later and gather it up to sale on ebay. I don't care if it is mine or not.

 

[stilleto]

I am going to manmeat you alright.
.

this, i highly doubt.