I'm frustrated

[DivaInPink]

I've been searching the net looking for a "girl's talk" area of fitness women to get some feedback. So I joined this forum today.

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years used to be a fitness buff until he got pneumonia in February of 2007. It left scar tissue in his lungs so he does not have the breathing capacity he used too. It took him months to recover as best as he was going to recover and in the process he stopped working out. Now a year later he just seems to have given up. He does not work out, he is tired all the time, sleeps all the time, he is sluggish, and he lacks motivation about most anything. He wont' do anything that requires physical exertion so he just sorts of does very little.

We used to go to the gym together and it was great! I miss that. Now I go to the gym without him and he just spends his evenings on his computer, watching t.v. sleeping, or driving around window shopping.

His lack of physical activity is impacting his mood, his energy level and he no longer likes his body. He gets stressed and eats fast food, drinks lots of sodas and sleeps.

I want to help I just don't know what to say anymore. He says I nag him about his condition so I'll stop that but I just hate seeing him this way.

Considering I'm in the gym four to five evenings a week and have lots of energy and feel good about life sometimes his down mood and sluggishness frustrates me. It's been a year already.

Yes I understand about accepting him as he is but it seems we are going in two different directions. I'm sort of waiting for him to "snap out of it" but maybe this is just the way he will be going forward.

Any advice?

 

[vixensghost]

I'd love to have the key to getting other people motivated- I'd be rich!

Sorry, he's gotta want to change for himself! There is NOTHING you can say or do that will help along HIS process UNLESS HE wants it to happen.

You can only encourage him and hope that his change will come from within SOON.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I know how your man feels. I should have laid down and died a long time ago but I refused because I didn't WANT TO.

No one can give that motivation to someone unless they want it for themselves.

I know this will sound very mercenary but if it is that great an impact on you (negatively) thing about long term. Do you really think that it is in YOUR best interest to stay in the relationship?

 

[blueta2]

I'm suffering from a chronic illness and have been mostly away from the gym for a long while now. My guy goes all the time w/out me.
Of course he wishes I would come more often, but I just can't.
It seems to be he's suffering from depression........I'm no Doc, but am in his shoes I believe. Snapping out of it is not an option.

All you can do is take care of yourself right now and try as hard as you can to keep him motivated.

 

[DivaInPink]

Thanks for the responses and the insight. Oddly enough he called me today after his doctor's visit and I guess what the doctors told him gave him some type of wake up call. He said he needed to work on himself and I mentioned that while I was in the gym in the evenings that would be a perfect time for him to have some "me" time to work on himself. He said no that was the perfect time for him to be in the gym with me so we can spend time together working out. Shocked me. I do agree that I can't motivate him and that it must come from within. I've mentioned to him before I thought he was suffering from depression. He doesn't think so though. But I'm planning on being more understanding and patient. BikiniMom, I have thought about the long term and how this could impact me. And I've asked myself that question a number of times. "Is staying in this relationship in my best interest?" That's a hard question to face when you love someone. But if today is an indication he seems to be doing some mental evaluating that will bring about positive change for himself.

 

[wlmcrae]

Hi Diva,

Lung damage can heal, but it takes a long time. My Dad froze his lungs (snowshoe race at -40 degrees - moron!) and it was 10 years before he could run without coughing and wheezing . . however, he is in better shape now than he was before that. Just did a stress test and the docs said that they had to push him further than they've EVER pushed a 60 year old to get his heart rate up to the level they needed to see!

There is hope!

 

[Bikini Mod]

Thanks for the responses and the insight. Oddly enough he called me today after his doctor's visit and I guess what the doctors told him gave him some type of wake up call. He said he needed to work on himself and I mentioned that while I was in the gym in the evenings that would be a perfect time for him to have some "me" time to work on himself. He said no that was the perfect time for him to be in the gym with me so we can spend time together working out. Shocked me. I do agree that I can't motivate him and that it must come from within. I've mentioned to him before I thought he was suffering from depression. He doesn't think so though. But I'm planning on being more understanding and patient. BikiniMom, I have thought about the long term and how this could impact me. And I've asked myself that question a number of times. "Is staying in this relationship in my best interest?" That's a hard question to face when you love someone. But if today is an indication he seems to be doing some mental evaluating that will bring about positive change for himself.

I am glad for HIS SAKE that he at least seems to be "getting it" that HE has a problem.

No one can tell you when to stay and when to cut bait. Recognize that you must love yourself before you can love another.

I truly hope that you both continue on to be happy in your lives whether you remain a couple or go your separate ways.

 

[fitness-rubber]

No one can tell you when to stay and when to cut bait. Recognize that you must love yourself before you can love another.

I truly hope that you both continue on to be happy in your lives whether you remain a couple or go your separate ways.

Just jumping in to say that I think this is some of the most vital advice that anyone can give or receive