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shirlene29

shirlene29

I am BATMAN!
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and I asked someone this last night


do people really love another person...someone other than their children (biological anyway)
because when someone dies...I seriously question this
I question it a lot anyway..but situations such as this seem to affirm this for me

it'd be super cool if empathy wasn't part of my character
I'd like to not give a shit...I'd like to know why I'm flawed in this aspect
 
also...Im in plat you dumb shitheads


before I finish the packing...I need a break
screw all of this shit
 
then that leaves me standing alone....and Im not being emotional...
I'm a little galled its not something I've ever seen change in my existence

and not just interactions with me...I see it among other people all the time

I don't understand it
 
maybe...its a thought that creeps up a lot
has for years
 
zwhit said:
you've got to stop caring too much about the ones that don't really give a shit about you
Click to expand...
exactly.
I've never had the problem of feeling like i cared too much about someone who didn't reciprocate. Maybe because I'm a heartless bitch
 
Yes, but I don't think humans are capable of unconditional love.
 
shirlene29 said:
and I asked someone this last night


do people really love another person...someone other than their children (biological anyway)
because when someone dies...I seriously question this
I question it a lot anyway..but situations such as this seem to affirm this for me

it'd be super cool if empathy wasn't part of my character
I'd like to not give a shit...I'd like to know why I'm flawed in this aspect
Click to expand...

Pics or just STFU
 
shirlene29 said:
I'd like to not give a shit...I'd like to know why I'm flawed in this aspect
Click to expand...


No! You are not flawed. Sounds like a nightmare. It would be like, hell. Don't you think? You may never really feel or anticipate others pain but don't you like being able to anticipate and feel other's love and happiness? I don't think you can really love w/o empathy. How can you?

People that don't have it are flawed, IMO. It might seem that they get the better end of the deal but they don't.

Something I hadn't considered is that empathy probably has to be used, flexed and exercised like a muscle. If you don't use it you lose it. So, you can lose your empathy if you shut if off but you'll act more narcissistic and anti-social. Do you want that?
 
cindylou said:
No! You are not flawed. Sounds like a nightmare. It would be like, hell. Don't you think? You may never really feel or anticipate others pain but don't you like being able to anticipate and feel other's love and happiness? I don't think you can really love w/o empathy. How can you?

People that don't have it are flawed, IMO. It might seem that they get the better end of the deal but they don't.

Something I hadn't considered is that empathy probably has to be used, flexed and exercised like a muscle. If you don't use it you lose it. So, you can lose your empathy if you shut if off but you'll act more narcissistic and anti-social. Do you want that?
Click to expand...

Yes i want that
 
shirlene29 said:
and I asked someone this last night


do people really love another person...someone other than their children (biological anyway)
because when someone dies...I seriously question this
I question it a lot anyway..but situations such as this seem to affirm this for me

it'd be super cool if empathy wasn't part of my character
I'd like to not give a shit...I'd like to know why I'm flawed in this aspect
Click to expand...

there is a reason why we connect to a certain degree even though we've never met...and this ^^^^^ is probably one of those things...i've never cried at a funeral (or any other emotional event for that matter)...not even my old man's...and it's not necessarily that i don't care...i am just lacking a certain degree on empathy...this trait has been identified by the couple of psychological profiles that i have been subjected to...one for work...one for shits-n-giggles...and they both kind of indicated the same things...i probably would have made a damn fine sniper.
 
cindylou said:
I think we are capable of the actions behind unconditional love; the choice to give it. I don't think we are capable of the 'feeling' of unconditional love, no.
Click to expand...

People think children love unconditionally. Oh yeah? Start feeding your kid cardboard sandwiches and shoving them into a wall (don't do this) every night for a year and get back to me. That might work with an infant if you're hugging them til they stop crying.

Women say they love a man unconditionally but its only on the condition that you treat them right. Start sleeping around on her and that unconditional love all of a sudden has conditions.

I have just never understood why the unconditional was important...seems so unrealistic.
 
digimon7068 said:
there is a reason why we connect to a certain degree even though we've never met...and this ^^^^^ is probably one of those things...i've never cried at a funeral (or any other emotional event for that matter)...not even my old man's...and it's not necessarily that i don't care...i am just lacking a certain degree on empathy...this trait has been identified by the couple of psychological profiles that i have been subjected to...one for work...one for shits-n-giggles...and they both kind of indicated the same things...i probably would have made a damn fine sniper.
Click to expand...

I've been so distracted that it seems I read the thread entirely wrong. :lmao:

Shirlene (to me from what I know of her, here which I suppose isn't that much) does not seem like someone that is lacking any degree of empathy. Some people desensitize (I've only experienced two traumatic deaths but using those experiences: one I felt nothing when I should have, and the other I wanted to have sex) but IMO that's not the same thing as a lack in empathy. So, I will not act appropriate (whatever that is) when I knew the deceased very well, but I have cried at a funeral of someone I don't know that well but I know the hurting person. If that makes any sense.

So, tell me more about this profile of yours... lol
 
Dial_tone said:
People think children love unconditionally. Oh yeah? Start feeding your kid cardboard sandwiches and shoving them into a wall (don't do this) every night for a year and get back to me. That might work with an infant if you're hugging them til they stop crying.

Women say they love a man unconditionally but its only on the condition that you treat them right. Start sleeping around on her and that unconditional love all of a sudden has conditions.

I have just never understood why the unconditional was important...seems so unrealistic.
Click to expand...

Well, I would say that its more likely very small children actually love so unconditionally that they will internalize the eating of cardboard or abuse.

And isn't that what we all chase? Some sort of true love? What is the person that is cheating chasing and why would someone leave when they've been betrayed? If true love does not exist then why should she leave and why do so many cheat?

Because so many people look for it in the wrong places (or don't know what it is) does that mean it does not exist? Real love (unconditional love) is about giving (even forgiveness) but most people just want to receive(i'm one of them). Most people know what they want and don't want but true unconditional love is realizing you don't know anything!

Its easy to love people that love us back. I suppose the true test is can you love someone that uses you? That hates you? Your enemy?
 
cindylou said:
I've been so distracted that it seems I read the thread entirely wrong. :lmao:

Shirlene (to me from what I know of her, here which I suppose isn't that much) does not seem like someone that is lacking any degree of empathy. Some people desensitize (I've only experienced two traumatic deaths but using those experiences: one I felt nothing when I should have, and the other I wanted to have sex) but IMO that's not the same thing as a lack in empathy. So, I will not act appropriate (whatever that is) when I knew the deceased very well, but I have cried at a funeral of someone I don't know that well but I know the hurting person. If that makes any sense.

So, tell me more about this profile of yours... lol
Click to expand...

i have the ability/tendency to be a little selfish, a little narcissistic and lacking in empathy...i'm not a sociopath or anything...i'm just not deeply affected when bad shit happens to other people (my wife and kids excluded).
 
my night has not gone too well

I wound up going absolutely bullshit on my mother ....I tried calling everyone thats close to me in my cell-phone book
started with my husband and went down the list from there
no one answered...I needed someone to convince the shit I was about to say was uncalled for....or at least could wait for a better time

I decided fuck it and let it fly

my best friend called back after I lost my shit and packed my car

my mother bribed me into going to the memorial service
I went, I delivered my speech...and wound up crying
my car is packed...I drank more than a little rum with my brother and my step fathers sister
my mother has had her glory and is leaving me alone...a friend of her left right after the service because I blasted her too


step fathers family thinks Im the bomb...mother thinks Im a bitch
I cant wait to go home
 
shirlene29 said:
my night has not gone too well

I wound up going absolutely bullshit on my mother ....I tried calling everyone thats close to me in my cell-phone book
started with my husband and went down the list from there
no one answered...I needed someone to convince the shit I was about to say was uncalled for....or at least could wait for a better time

I decided fuck it and let it fly

my best friend called back after I lost my shit and packed my car

my mother bribed me into going to the memorial service
I went, I delivered my speech...and wound up crying
my car is packed...I drank more than a little rum with my brother and my step fathers sister
my mother has had her glory and is leaving me alone...a friend of her left right after the service because I blasted her too


step fathers family thinks Im the bomb...mother thinks Im a bitch
I cant wait to go home
Click to expand...

I'm moar than a little weird about memorial services

I hate everything in life that is "put on" ... it turns my stomach in death
 
how long ya think before three rum and peppers wears off and I can drive home

11 pm-ish now...like 3-4-ish?
 
shirlene29 said:
my night has not gone too well

I wound up going absolutely bullshit on my mother ....I tried calling everyone thats close to me in my cell-phone book
started with my husband and went down the list from there
no one answered...I needed someone to convince the shit I was about to say was uncalled for....or at least could wait for a better time

I decided fuck it and let it fly

my best friend called back after I lost my shit and packed my car

my mother bribed me into going to the memorial service
I went, I delivered my speech...and wound up crying
my car is packed...I drank more than a little rum with my brother and my step fathers sister
my mother has had her glory and is leaving me alone...a friend of her left right after the service because I blasted her too


step fathers family thinks Im the bomb...mother thinks Im a bitch
I cant wait to go home
Click to expand...
 
hahahahaha

she didn't realize I was in the house listening to her trash talk me to her mother in law

fucking CUNT...as soon as she realized I was in the house she changed her tune

Im leaving as soon as I feel like I wont get pulled over/arrested
 
ya...I'm so tired..and Im not even sure I can get gas...but I thought I saw a 24 hr gas station



I have to leave...im leaving details out
but I have to leave even if I sleep in my car
 
my step father died, my mother is nuts

Im on nothing....Im terrified

Im in the house alone with her...everyone else is outside
I have to get out of this house and head home

fuck her, fuck caring about any of this
 
shirlene29 said:
hahahahaha

she didn't realize I was in the house listening to her trash talk me to her mother in law

fucking CUNT...as soon as she realized I was in the house she changed her tune

Im leaving as soon as I feel like I wont get pulled over/arrested
Click to expand...

show your ass again
 
you dont understand...like I said
Im leaving shit out

I'll sleep in my car...I'm not staying here
 
why even bother posting...


Im posting to stay awake...and because my husband isn't answering his phone
and Im freaked out
but whats your point besides to earn your own little scene points and to appear flippant? don't troll me
 
shirlene29 said:
and I asked someone this last night


do people really love another person...someone other than their children (biological anyway)
because when someone dies...I seriously question this
I question it a lot anyway..but situations such as this seem to affirm this for me

it'd be super cool if empathy wasn't part of my character
I'd like to not give a shit...I'd like to know why I'm flawed in this aspect
Click to expand...

paxil will make the empathy go away.. i don't like it, made me more of an asshole than i've ever been.. the up side.. i didn't care what anyone thought, or what i did.. not a good combination..
 
I hope you hear inside my voice of sorrow
And that it motivates you to make a better tomorrow
This place is cruel no where could be much colder
If we don't change the world will soon be over
 
what I find interesting is his background vocals isn't tits and ass
 
cindylou said:
No! You are not flawed. Sounds like a nightmare. It would be like, hell. Don't you think? You may never really feel or anticipate others pain but don't you like being able to anticipate and feel other's love and happiness? I don't think you can really love w/o empathy. How can you?

People that don't have it are flawed, IMO. It might seem that they get the better end of the deal but they don't.

Something I hadn't considered is that empathy probably has to be used, flexed and exercised like a muscle. If you don't use it you lose it. So, you can lose your empathy if you shut if off but you'll act more narcissistic and anti-social. Do you want that?
Click to expand...

How do you turn off empathy and get like that? Even I convinced myself that was the best way to go, I see my heart betraying me easily. I'd say its out of your control to a large extent.
 
I've learned to control my empathy a bit by always expecting the worse from people, that way I'm no shocked when they're asses and if they turn up nicely then it's just extra
 
*ebony* said:
How do you turn off empathy and get like that? Even I convinced myself that was the best way to go, I see my heart betraying me easily. I'd say its out of your control to a large extent.
Click to expand...

I don't think its something that is shut off right away, but more so deadened, stolen or atrophied. Once its gone can you get it back? I think there is a line that you can cross...I don't know where that line is at but I do believe once you cross it, its too late. You're lost. Let it go long enough and one day you wake up and you're in hell. You can not love w/o it. Not really. Is it worth it to hide from a little pain? I don't think so. That's how I see it. I say its totally in our control. We just have to recognize it. :)
 
nangiggles said:
I've learned to control my empathy a bit by always expecting the worse from people, that way I'm no shocked when they're asses and if they turn up nicely then it's just extra
Click to expand...

Lol, I do that sometimes too. I'm pretty negative, anymore. I don't think that is a bad thing. I used to put all my faith in people. One person or two, whatever. There isn't one person that has not let me down, hell even I've let myself down. Lol.
 
You'd have to be extremely self centered and lack awareness while work hard at remaining clueless about the world surrounding you. If you haven't started developing these traits at young age then the rest of you caring people are screwed. I suppose you could learn to shut it off, but its hard when you gain perspective on things.
 
cindylou said:
I don't think its something that is shut off right away, but more so deadened, stolen or atrophied. Once its gone can you get it back? I think there is a line that you can cross...I don't know where that line is at but I do believe once you cross it, its too late. You're lost. Let it go long enough and one day you wake up and you're in hell. You can not love w/o it. Not really. Is it worth it to hide from a little pain? I don't think so. That's how I see it. I say its totally in our control. We just have to recognize it. :)
Click to expand...

I see. I think empathy like all other emotions are there for a reason. And as with any of them, an extreme case of any of them will present problems. Honestly, it feels like I have not control of overwhelming empathy sometimes which is why i made that comment. However if an extremely sensitive empaths feels it so overwhelmed by emotions as to control them, long term depression for example. Self preservation comes into the rescue does it not? and you are able to take that step back. Im just saying stuff that pops into my brain and my its muddled with sleep so not sure if that made sense, makes sorta sense to me.lol

Ima pass out love. Night.
 
*ebony* said:
I see. I think empathy like all other emotions are there for a reason. And as with any of them, an extreme case of any of them will present problems. Honestly, it feels like I have not control of overwhelming empathy sometimes which is why i made that comment. However if an extremely sensitive empaths feels it so overwhelmed by emotions as to control them, long term depression for example. Self preservation comes into the rescue does it not? and you are able to take that step back. Im just saying stuff that pops into my brain and my its muddled with sleep so not sure if that made sense, makes sorta sense to me.lol

Ima pass out love. Night.
Click to expand...

Empathy is important, socially. You have to have it to have healthy morals, a healthy identity and ability to love and relate to others. It is a sign of self-love (the healthy kind) and emotional maturity. Obviously its absence would mean the opposite of all of those things in a person. There is nothing wrong with you when you are overwhelmed with empathy. I've been known to have hyper-empathy at times, too. Lol.

Long term depression could be the result of some sort of empathetic lack in the people surrounding you, probably going back to early childhood in some way but I don't see how it could have anything to do with one's own sense of empathy. I think depression is anger, hurt, shame..negative emotions turned in towards the self. Empathy is more imagination and projection turned outward, away from the self and feeling what others feel. It is the ultimate self-preservation, really. I would be afraid to step back too much. I don't know. I'm afraid of doing that. I'll take the bad so I can feel the good. Its so much better than nothing. If there is nothing, then there is nothing stopping me from using and abusing others. Fug, but I'm self aware enough to know what I'm doing. I would have to turn my back on that reality, then...I've created a mask and the real me is gone and stuffed down deep while someone else is running the show doing terrible things while my conscience is seared and silent. The only thing keeping me from doing bad things is the law and not myself anymore. I mean, do you NOT murder someone because you won't go to jail or because you don't want to kill? People begin to be repulsed by me and I have no one and nothing and now I can't feel, can't be moved by anything or anyone but the superficial. Life would truly be meaningless and a bitter burning hell. Nooooooo I'm not going to mess with that.

Lolol I took it a little far.

Those are my late night ramblings, take it with a grain of salt :qt:

Lol, I'm passing out too. g'night love xoxoxoxo
 
Last edited:
Spartacus said:
and how can you tell?
Click to expand...

who me?? fuck, i had no clue...that's what the test said...who the hell knows if it's right?? i don't really give a hoot if it is...that's not stuff that you can change...can't escape genetics...you can only try to understand what makes you tick and then learn to live with it...play to your strengths.
 
digimon7068 said:
who me?? fuck, i had no clue...that's what the test said...who the hell knows if it's right?? i don't really give a hoot if it is...that's not stuff that you can change...can't escape genetics...you can only try to understand what makes you tick and then learn to live with it...play to your strengths.
Click to expand...

Yeah.

Besides, empathy can't be measured directly. I suppose they come up with stuff by proxies or whatever; abuse and crime. Still, you can never really really measure and determine with certainty who doesn't steal because they are empathetic vs those that don't steal because they don't want to go to jail in each situation. Lol, I know it exists cuz I feel it sometimes. That is all I know and I know nothing. Lol.
 
cindylou said:
Yeah.

Besides, empathy can't be measured directly. I suppose they come up with stuff by proxies or whatever; abuse and crime. Still, you can never really really measure and determine with certainty who doesn't steal because they are empathetic vs those that don't steal because they don't want to go to jail in each situation. Lol, I know it exists cuz I feel it sometimes. That is all I know and I know nothing. Lol.
Click to expand...

i've never stolen anything in my life, just because it's WRONG...i hate theft in general...if someone stole something from me, and i thought i could get away with it?? i'd chop their friggin' head off and bury their thievin' ass in the woods somewhere where no one would ever find them...and, i wouldn't lose one second of sleep over it. a fairly large and growing part of my practice is forensic accounting dealing with theft...and i enjoy the shit out of it because i like watching thieves squirm...go directly to jail, do not past go and do not collect $200.
 
cindylou said:
Yeah.

Besides, empathy can't be measured directly. I suppose they come up with stuff by proxies or whatever; abuse and crime. Still, you can never really really measure and determine with certainty who doesn't steal because they are empathetic vs those that don't steal because they don't want to go to jail in each situation. Lol, I know it exists cuz I feel it sometimes. That is all I know and I know nothing. Lol.
Click to expand...

honestly, though? i would quite literally give anyone i know (and don't despise, of course) the shirt right off of my back...there are a fair number of people in my life that i would step in fron of a gun for, no questions asked...i regulary do things for the benefit of others that i know full well are to the detriment of me. that said, except for a very, very few people, when something bad happens to someone i know, the first thought that pops into my head is almost always "eh, better him than me" and i don't feel bad about that...a little odd...but not bad.
 
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