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midget
life's got me mad, but if i had a midget
i'd be glad to watch him jump around
on my nintendo powerpad.
he'd have a big head
short legs and long torso.
the name that'd i give
my pet midget is little gordo.
i'd teach him tricks like
backflips and sidekicks.
when company'd come over
he'd perform and get tips.
when i'm eating at night,
in the kitchen he'd be able
to get the food scraps that
i threw under the table.
if my midget was ever bad
and acted in rage,
i'd take him to the bathroom
and put him in his cage.
but he kept acting up
and really made me sick,
i'd hang him upside down
and poke him with a stick.
little gordo will be good
most of the time, though
he'd like to wear a helmet and
run around yelling HI-YO!
i'd take him for walks
in the park on the weekend
and if he saw other midgets,
he'd say "can we be friends?"
he'd only need a 3 foot coffin
when he was dead, and
he'd be in the Guiness Book
for the world's biggest head.
the funny little fellow,
but don't call him a shrimp,
he'll attack your leg
'cause gordo's a tough gimp.
he'd have a pogo ball
that'd he bounce on for hours.
the dirty little fat head,
gordo wouldn't take showers.
when halloween came,
he wouldn't be a chump,
gettin' all the candy goin'
around as a tree stump.
sometimes my friends would
chase gordo with a gun.
it'd be fun, 'cause
midgets wobble when they run.
they're so close to the ground,
so easy to kick,
so slow in the head,
and so easy to trick.
gordo could do summersaults,
his special thing.
at the fair, i would make
him enter mud wrestling.
sometimes he'd wear stilts,
and pretend to be tall.
so i'd kick him over
and laugh at him fall.
silly little gordo,
just be yourself.
i'd put wood on his head
and he'd just be hisself.
he'd do funny little dances,
but that's irrelevant.
at the beach, gordo
got attacked by pelicans.
he had a girlfriend once,
but she was an oger.
it didn't last long, 'cause
he couldn't fuck her sober.
gordo had a problem.
gordo wet the bed.
so i'd make him wear dipers
on his ass and his head.
he'd have to clean up
his own cage himself,
and if he lost a little weight,
he'd be a keebler elf.
he'd really be something,
my mangled little munchkin,
plus his head be larger,
than any big pumpkin.
this perfect little fool
would make a perfect foot stool.
sometimes i'd kick him in the head,
and say "bitch, be cool!"
i'd have a great life.
i'd be happy i know,
if i only owned a little
pet midget named gordo.
life's got me mad, but if i had a midget
i'd be glad to watch him jump around
on my nintendo powerpad.
he'd have a big head
short legs and long torso.
the name that'd i give
my pet midget is little gordo.
i'd teach him tricks like
backflips and sidekicks.
when company'd come over
he'd perform and get tips.
when i'm eating at night,
in the kitchen he'd be able
to get the food scraps that
i threw under the table.
if my midget was ever bad
and acted in rage,
i'd take him to the bathroom
and put him in his cage.
but he kept acting up
and really made me sick,
i'd hang him upside down
and poke him with a stick.
little gordo will be good
most of the time, though
he'd like to wear a helmet and
run around yelling HI-YO!
i'd take him for walks
in the park on the weekend
and if he saw other midgets,
he'd say "can we be friends?"
he'd only need a 3 foot coffin
when he was dead, and
he'd be in the Guiness Book
for the world's biggest head.
the funny little fellow,
but don't call him a shrimp,
he'll attack your leg
'cause gordo's a tough gimp.
he'd have a pogo ball
that'd he bounce on for hours.
the dirty little fat head,
gordo wouldn't take showers.
when halloween came,
he wouldn't be a chump,
gettin' all the candy goin'
around as a tree stump.
sometimes my friends would
chase gordo with a gun.
it'd be fun, 'cause
midgets wobble when they run.
they're so close to the ground,
so easy to kick,
so slow in the head,
and so easy to trick.
gordo could do summersaults,
his special thing.
at the fair, i would make
him enter mud wrestling.
sometimes he'd wear stilts,
and pretend to be tall.
so i'd kick him over
and laugh at him fall.
silly little gordo,
just be yourself.
i'd put wood on his head
and he'd just be hisself.
he'd do funny little dances,
but that's irrelevant.
at the beach, gordo
got attacked by pelicans.
he had a girlfriend once,
but she was an oger.
it didn't last long, 'cause
he couldn't fuck her sober.
gordo had a problem.
gordo wet the bed.
so i'd make him wear dipers
on his ass and his head.
he'd have to clean up
his own cage himself,
and if he lost a little weight,
he'd be a keebler elf.
he'd really be something,
my mangled little munchkin,
plus his head be larger,
than any big pumpkin.
this perfect little fool
would make a perfect foot stool.
sometimes i'd kick him in the head,
and say "bitch, be cool!"
i'd have a great life.
i'd be happy i know,
if i only owned a little
pet midget named gordo.
