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MEDICAL IDIOTS
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency Room right away.
FACTORY IDIOTS
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were
quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.
RETAIL IDIOTS
I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an
employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make storewide pages,
e.g., 'I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint
counter.' One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system
with the (I kid you not) following message: 'I have a customer by the balls
in toys who needs assistance.'
HIGHWAY IDIOTS
I was in a car dealership when a brand new motor home was towed into the
garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole
thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what
had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then
went into the back to make a sandwich.
COMPUTER IDIOTS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees out in the field call him when they have problems
with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
branch banks that had this question: I've got smoke coming from the back of
my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?'
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
individual behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg.
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She
informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card
was
signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare
the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the
receipts. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would
have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: Too many deer were being hit by cars and he
no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS
Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee
asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' I
said, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled and
nodded knowingly, 'That's why we ask.'
Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to
blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, 'What on earth
are blind people doing driving?'
Sighting #3:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the
company due to 'downsizing,' our manager spoke up and said, 'this is fun.
We should have lunch like this more often.' Not another word was spoken.
We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an
approaching truck.
Sighting #4:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went
to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. 'Hey,' I
announced to the technician, 'it's open!' 'I know,' answered the young man,
'I already got that side.'
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency Room right away.
FACTORY IDIOTS
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were
quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.
RETAIL IDIOTS
I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an
employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make storewide pages,
e.g., 'I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint
counter.' One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system
with the (I kid you not) following message: 'I have a customer by the balls
in toys who needs assistance.'
HIGHWAY IDIOTS
I was in a car dealership when a brand new motor home was towed into the
garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole
thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what
had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then
went into the back to make a sandwich.
COMPUTER IDIOTS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees out in the field call him when they have problems
with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
branch banks that had this question: I've got smoke coming from the back of
my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?'
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
individual behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg.
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She
informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card
was
signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare
the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the
receipts. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would
have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: Too many deer were being hit by cars and he
no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS
Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee
asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' I
said, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled and
nodded knowingly, 'That's why we ask.'
Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to
blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, 'What on earth
are blind people doing driving?'
Sighting #3:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the
company due to 'downsizing,' our manager spoke up and said, 'this is fun.
We should have lunch like this more often.' Not another word was spoken.
We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an
approaching truck.
Sighting #4:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went
to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. 'Hey,' I
announced to the technician, 'it's open!' 'I know,' answered the young man,
'I already got that side.'
