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Meantime1
New member
I need some Serious Advice EVERYONE
Hi
I'm i dont know what to think, Carsten came to stay at mine for 10days 3 weeks ago, From Germany which was great had a good time but also had some major rows, but he did not capitalise on the fact his staying with me. free accommodation etc and use the time he was here to apply for jobs, instead he was busy meeting and shagging guys from the internet, Now his goal is to move to london, and i know he has feelings for me, But his not getting his act togetehr and i'm at a place where i dont want to a bf and also a daddy like fgure to someone considering his older than me and should be getting his life in other. So we are just dating.
Ok 3 weeks later his here,( meaning presently )I agreed that i can only put him up for one week, after all i am NOT the only one who lives in the property, i have to consider Chris( Flatmate)
He said he would spend the 2nd week with his female friend, who moved down from Germany and now lives in London,
Ok this wk is almost over and HIS made no arrangements to see if he can stay with Ann his friend, I reminded him if Ann is aware of next wk and he got upset saying fine, if you want me out, i will go and I'm shocked because we both agreed to this, and what is also pissing me off, his STILL NOT done his CV, he has NOT sent it, DONE NOTHING, i have been encouraging him every everyday to go finish it and even helped where i can,
So basically we are kind of back to square one, I blame myself FOR i should have only agreed to put him up when he had interviews lined up, His saying he has feelings for me and i said well i do to for you to, BUT u not staying with me for the 2nd week of your trip, does not take away anything from us, I will still see you when your staying at Ann's,
Then he acts like a child when he does not hear what he wants to hear and stuff he throws TANTRUM like this morning and he does it EVERYTIME, it reminds me of steve my 1st bf, and it got to a point, all we did was fight, and i cant be babying anyone, Honestly why do i feel all my red flags going off, WHY
He then said fine i will be gone by Saturday, BUT No one is throwing him out, he knew the deal. He knows i will NOT let him sleep on the street, if he cant stay at Ann's BUT i feel he is abusing my hospitality, and putting me in a very difficult situation.
Just because Chris is very easy going, DOES NOT mean, i should not put him into consideration. And even if chris does not mind. and also 2 weeks is a long time epicially when they are sharing your room.
I have informed him, This afternoon, Since Ann is having problems he can stay with 2nd wk of his trip with me, But he way he acts and his Tantrums are just reminding me off my first BF. and the outcome was not good.
There was NO need to throw a tantrum, no one was kicking him out.
A part of me just feels he is not taken responsibilty for himself and get his act together
My friend gave me this advice
well the other option is if you cannot change his behaviour you could modify your expectations / reactions to compensate. depends how important each of those red flags are and whether they are worth holding on to. it's not ideal for me, but my life at the moment is all about compromise....i'd prefer it not to be but at least by being flexible i get something instead of nothing.
Hi
I'm i dont know what to think, Carsten came to stay at mine for 10days 3 weeks ago, From Germany which was great had a good time but also had some major rows, but he did not capitalise on the fact his staying with me. free accommodation etc and use the time he was here to apply for jobs, instead he was busy meeting and shagging guys from the internet, Now his goal is to move to london, and i know he has feelings for me, But his not getting his act togetehr and i'm at a place where i dont want to a bf and also a daddy like fgure to someone considering his older than me and should be getting his life in other. So we are just dating.
Ok 3 weeks later his here,( meaning presently )I agreed that i can only put him up for one week, after all i am NOT the only one who lives in the property, i have to consider Chris( Flatmate)
He said he would spend the 2nd week with his female friend, who moved down from Germany and now lives in London,
Ok this wk is almost over and HIS made no arrangements to see if he can stay with Ann his friend, I reminded him if Ann is aware of next wk and he got upset saying fine, if you want me out, i will go and I'm shocked because we both agreed to this, and what is also pissing me off, his STILL NOT done his CV, he has NOT sent it, DONE NOTHING, i have been encouraging him every everyday to go finish it and even helped where i can,
So basically we are kind of back to square one, I blame myself FOR i should have only agreed to put him up when he had interviews lined up, His saying he has feelings for me and i said well i do to for you to, BUT u not staying with me for the 2nd week of your trip, does not take away anything from us, I will still see you when your staying at Ann's,
Then he acts like a child when he does not hear what he wants to hear and stuff he throws TANTRUM like this morning and he does it EVERYTIME, it reminds me of steve my 1st bf, and it got to a point, all we did was fight, and i cant be babying anyone, Honestly why do i feel all my red flags going off, WHY
He then said fine i will be gone by Saturday, BUT No one is throwing him out, he knew the deal. He knows i will NOT let him sleep on the street, if he cant stay at Ann's BUT i feel he is abusing my hospitality, and putting me in a very difficult situation.
Just because Chris is very easy going, DOES NOT mean, i should not put him into consideration. And even if chris does not mind. and also 2 weeks is a long time epicially when they are sharing your room.
I have informed him, This afternoon, Since Ann is having problems he can stay with 2nd wk of his trip with me, But he way he acts and his Tantrums are just reminding me off my first BF. and the outcome was not good.
There was NO need to throw a tantrum, no one was kicking him out.
A part of me just feels he is not taken responsibilty for himself and get his act together
My friend gave me this advice
well the other option is if you cannot change his behaviour you could modify your expectations / reactions to compensate. depends how important each of those red flags are and whether they are worth holding on to. it's not ideal for me, but my life at the moment is all about compromise....i'd prefer it not to be but at least by being flexible i get something instead of nothing.
