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Need a break from the seriousness of a relationship? Check out this collection of relationship jokes, sure to crack a few laughs.
What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y Line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
Love is grand... Divorce is 80 grand.
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a washer?
A: After you dump your load, the washer won't follow you around for days asking, "Do you love me?"
A woman drives up her drive way, screetches her tires, and runs in the house. She says "Honey! Pack your bags. I just won the lottery!". Her replies, "Wow! Really? Where are we going?" as he starts throwing in sweaters and swiming truncks into his suitecase. The woman replies, "You can go anywhere as long as you get the hell out!"
Newlywed Conversation:
"Dear, don't expect the first few meals to be great. It takes time to find the right restaurant."
Devoted Couple:
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."
Marriage Postulates:
* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. - To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
* Married men live longer than single men, - but married men are a lot more willing to go.
* Any married man should forget his mistakes, - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. - A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
* A woman has the last word in any argument. - Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
* There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
Who feels better?:
A husband and wife were arguing on whether males or females enjoy sex better. The husband says "of course it's us men, why else would we be so obsessed with it?". The his wife says, "stick your finger in your ear and wriggle it around. What comes out feeling better, the finger or the hole?"
A little girl was at a wedding with her parents. After the wedding, she asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?"responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another."
Why A Bride Wears White: I asked my mom once why the bride always wearwears a white dress.
Mom: Because white defines peace and happiness.
Me: Then why does the groom always wear black?
Mom: Well, the opposite of why the bride wears white.
What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y Line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
Love is grand... Divorce is 80 grand.
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a washer?
A: After you dump your load, the washer won't follow you around for days asking, "Do you love me?"
A woman drives up her drive way, screetches her tires, and runs in the house. She says "Honey! Pack your bags. I just won the lottery!". Her replies, "Wow! Really? Where are we going?" as he starts throwing in sweaters and swiming truncks into his suitecase. The woman replies, "You can go anywhere as long as you get the hell out!"
Newlywed Conversation:
"Dear, don't expect the first few meals to be great. It takes time to find the right restaurant."
Devoted Couple:
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."
Marriage Postulates:
* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. - To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
* Married men live longer than single men, - but married men are a lot more willing to go.
* Any married man should forget his mistakes, - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. - A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
* A woman has the last word in any argument. - Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
* There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
Who feels better?:
A husband and wife were arguing on whether males or females enjoy sex better. The husband says "of course it's us men, why else would we be so obsessed with it?". The his wife says, "stick your finger in your ear and wriggle it around. What comes out feeling better, the finger or the hole?"
A little girl was at a wedding with her parents. After the wedding, she asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?"responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another."
Why A Bride Wears White: I asked my mom once why the bride always wearwears a white dress.
Mom: Because white defines peace and happiness.
Me: Then why does the groom always wear black?
Mom: Well, the opposite of why the bride wears white.
