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How To Tick People Off

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HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
 
When my dad was complaining about the cost of my education at yesterday's brunch, it was hard to keep myself from saying, "And btw- I VOTED for Obama".
 
When my dad was complaining about the cost of my education at yesterday's brunch, it was hard to keep myself from saying, "And btw- I VOTED for Obama".

Don't ever, ever do that...

I have renegged on my parents. They let me stay in Missouri rent free.
If Fox is on upstairs and my Old Man is watching... hell he might even turn OReilly up, I go downstairs.

Mom is leaving back for Vegas in 3 days... The Obama hate convention -Filipino Congregation- will subside in my neck of the woods.

If I even whispered admiration for the president that has more financial pressure on him than any other president in history, then yeah... no more grad world, and medschool... then what would I do, can you see me selling fucking computers at office depot? Not knocking Office Depot.. Just I'm not a closer.

I can be a poser at times, but not a closer.
 
Don't ever, ever do that...

I have renegged on my parents. They let me stay in Missouri rent free.
If Fox is on upstairs and my Old Man is watching... hell he might even turn OReilly up, I go downstairs.

Mom is leaving back for Vegas in 3 days... The Obama hate convention -Filipino Congregation- will subside in my neck of the woods.

If I even whispered admiration for the president that has more financial pressure on him than any other president in history, then yeah... no more grad world, and medschool... then what would I do, can you see me selling fucking computers at office depot? Not knocking Office Depot.. Just I'm not a closer.

I can be a poser at times, but not a closer.


I;m right there with you. I have NEVER watched my dad express HATE the way he does when speaking about Obama and his money. I keep my vote quiet..... or my education will be on ME.. and I don't make that kinda money. Plus, being a medic is ALREADY starting to drive me crazy. Yea, I would be working at Target and dad would sue me for every dollar ever given to me if he hears a *HINT* of my Obama love.
 
34) when driving in front of an asshole when you go to make a turn us your hazards
35) Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
36) treat construction cones as an obstacle course
37) reply to 3 year old threads on EF as if it was made today
 
33) go grocery shopping and leave your cart strategically placed so there's no passing

I hate the fucks that take up half the aisle with their cart and the other half with their fat ass trying to decide what to buy.
 
Don't ever, ever do that...

I have renegged on my parents. They let me stay in Missouri rent free.
If Fox is on upstairs and my Old Man is watching... hell he might even turn OReilly up, I go downstairs.

Mom is leaving back for Vegas in 3 days... The Obama hate convention -Filipino Congregation- will subside in my neck of the woods.

If I even whispered admiration for the president that has more financial pressure on him than any other president in history, then yeah... no more grad world, and medschool... then what would I do, can you see me selling fucking computers at office depot? Not knocking Office Depot.. Just I'm not a closer.

I can be a poser at times, but not a closer.

actually, you are demonstrating political abilities... compromising your position in favor of financial support...

you go.. i won't say where.. just an observation.. hugs..

"What are you going to do to fix the economy??"

answer

"We are going to make changes"

had he said.. we are going to devalue the dollar and assume 4 trillion in debt in order to pay for socialized medicine we'd be looking at the sexiest VP in history..
 
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