how to keep a chunky chic montivated?

[tiger88]

well i am very much into bodybuilding and i dont mind eating the same things day after day and doing an hour of cardio either, but i have this frined who is FAT and she wants to start exercising and eating healthy but she quits every time......i am nice to her and all and I never say anything nasty to her, but how can i tell her to stick it out? or is she a lost cause?


any tips for having her stick to it ? or is this all up stairs in her head?

 

[makedah]

Lots of people, perhaps most, begin in fits and starts.

Only she knows whether or not she is a "lost cause." If she has questions, answer them. But remember, it's not your responsibility to change her body or supply her with motivation.

 

[PBR]

tiger I have the same situation....Ive been working with her and over-seeing her programs and she continually fails....then she stops everything and yet keeps asking me for more help...Ive basically told her Ive had it, and that I cannot help her any more...one last thing to get her diet into something she can control and seems to be motivated about, is going all veggie/ and juicing to loose this fat she has aquired...so the "juice-man jr. showed up...maybe thats what it will take...I dont know..at my witts end!!!

 

[jenscats5]

I used to weigh 170 and at 5'4" tall, that's heavy! What got me motivated to start was seeing my parents go thru preventable illnesses at a young age & die before 70.

I started slow. I just walked, that's it. Didn't bother changing the diet. Everything else fell into place eventually & it took me a good year or so to "get into it." She needs to get herself into a place to help herself. If she's truly unhappy then it's up to her to change. You can't do it for her. Maybe she's trying to get into it too fast, have her back it off a bit & see how that goes.

 

[Smurfy]

I agree with what Jen said. And youre a great friend to be concerned and to offer your assistance like you are Tiger.

 

[FitFossil]

I agree with Makedah that most people begin in fits and starts. The hardest part for most people is patience - with the process and with themselves.

Even if we could acheive absolute perfection in our diet and training, our bodies still need TIME to change and adapt. Push too hard or too fast, and our bodies (and minds) will fight against us.

The trick is to stay under the radar. One small change at a time. Eventually the changes will add up. It's not a race. How fast we get there is immaterial. Even if we stumble a few times, what really matters is just staying in the game.

 

[RottenWillow]

Makedah and I are apparently thinking along the same lines.

You cant motivate someone. The motivation has to come from within. Sure, you can temporarily fire someone up, but when you see them continue to fall down and not carry through its because they arent internally motivated. So chances are she isnt ready to commit to a diet/exercise routine.

 

[KBgrl]

A workout partner can do wonders for people with motivational problems. A personal trainer would be a great if she can afford one. A partner who has similar goals would work best.

 

[Nonerz]

It's really hard when you want something for someone MORE than they do! I've been in that situation many times and you are the one who usually gets worn out over the whole thing.

You can't control other people, but you can control yourself. YOU are the best motivation for her (and others for that matter). I've given others lots of "great" advice...but it's the 6 inches between their ears that will dictate if and when a real change will take place.

Nate calls me the Moses of fitness because I'm always talking to people (especially women) about lifting and encouraging them to make a change. "Follow me...come and change your life...pick up this barbell and pull your little heart out."

Despite the lack of committment that others have, I STILL encourage them, check up on them, talk to them, and offer advice to those who are receptive.

I guess you could say that I care...but I'm NOT going to lose any sleep over it.

 

[tiger88]

It's really hard when you want something for someone MORE than they do! it.

that is the way it is .....i have told her it is up to her to make the changes...and i told her it is a lifestyle not just a 2 month fix ....

thanx again for all the advice.....

 

[boscoe wilson]

I agree that the motivation must start from within. Having the support of someone who cares does make all the difference in the world, whether a friend or partner(as long as she is able to recognize that support and appreciate it). I've felt like giving up plenty of times, but my husband is very supportive. Just be honest with her and let her know that meeting her physical goals may take more work than she realizes. From there, it is up to her to decide how badly she wants it.

 

[lola]

If she's giving up because she feels like she's not making any progress, and she does care, then maybe setting different goals would help. Eg instead of saying "I want a body like Monica Brant's" say "I want to be able to do a chin-up" or squat her body weight or something. Having strength goals helped for me because they're a lot more quantifiable, and also because I noticed changes in strength a lot faster than changes in what I looked like. Also it helps for not seeing your body as the enemy

 

[2Shy]

I concur--she needs to motivate herself. You can help by not focusing on her size (that way she won't focus on it as much herself) and concentrate on how much better she feels.

I'm a BFB (Big Fat Broad). I think free weights are great for heavy women. A lot of us weren't athletic as kids. Some got heavy after pregnancy. The nice thing about free weights (and I'm not talking the kazillion reps with a pink dumbbell here) is that you see your improvement every time you can increase the weight, sets, intensity, etc. You see yourself getting stronger. You know that you're getting stronger because your muscles are working. If you're eating right, then you're putting on some LBM, which means your metabolism is increasing.

Also, help her set very teeny, tiny, baby step goals on the way to her first large one. For example, she shouldn't try to lose more than 1 or 2 lbs. of weight a week (I know, I know, there's a difference between fat and weight loss, but stick with me here). Therefore, a good mini-goal is that first 5 pounds. A good medium goal is 10 lbs. A good long-term goal could be 15 or 20 lbs. (I suggest you go with body fat % changes).

Measure her. Sometimes the "weight" doesn't come off, but you will lose inches.

Set goals for improving her lifts, too.

That's all I can say right now--on the way to the gym! Good luck!

Oh, yeah. Get her to read this board if you can.

 

[boscoe wilson]

I totally agree with 2shy...the small goals will really help boost her confidence and make her more determined with the larger goals in the future.

 

[Nonerz]

As far as setting goals go...

I've noticed that when I can't "see" the progress on the scale, I have to switch gears and set activity/diet goals. I'll give myself a visual reward, like a stamp on my calendar that represents that I stayed within my caloric budget via exercise & diet.

I know, it may sound corny, but I like seeing a row of little stamps on my calendar...it tells me that I'm on track, even if I can't see the progress on my body...yet!

I tend to hit a plateau within 10 pounds of my goal weight. I try NOT to focus so much on the scale anymore, but I do use it as a guide.

Just an idea...

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Nonerz
I like the sticker idea... it is cute... I am going to give it a try.

 

[2Shy]

Yep. Whatever works! I like to take measurements because sometimes the scale stays the same even though the body is repositioning itself. And when I say measurements, I mean all over, not just bust, waist and hips. Those little 1/4" add up!

 

[tiger88]

thanx again for all the help, i think alot of work out becuase we love too! well i enjoy dieting and working out....most ppl do it since they want to look good thats it