how should I handle this?

[calveless wonder]

My girlfriend told me the other day that her roomate(a guy obviously) tried coming on to her. This guy is from out of town and just moved down here.

i've never met him before because she just got the apartment and to be honest she doesn't know him too well. she shut him down on the spot but i was pissed to say the least (he knew that I was her boyfriend and still did it).

I had this guy's e-mail so i sent the clown a little something...
i'm very straight forward always and told him if he disrepects her or tries to go behind my back again not only will he have to hear from her, but he's gonna have to deal with me.

I get pretty crazy when it comes to that type of shit and i won't hesitate to do something real fucked up to him if he wants to be slick or a toughguy.

i'm still waiting on a response but what should i say/do?

i don't want to end up in jail, which is very possible if this guy pushes me. This guy is from west bumblefuck virginia.

Where i'm from we don't play around when it comes to disrepect like that.



BTW she hasn't moved into the apartment yet, so they haven't lived together yet...but when she was moving her stuff in is when it came about

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

I had no idea that people had co-ed roommates so often till I came to this site.
I don't think you overreacted...

 

[jd_uk]

Well jail would be the right place for you if you did completely lose it with the guy.

A nice warning should suffice. If you trust your girl then nothing else should matter.

 

[calveless wonder]

Well jail would be the right place for you if you did completely lose it with the guy.

A nice warning should suffice. If you trust your girl then nothing else should matter.

that's what i figured....that's what my e-mail was about. a warning.

but if he tries to play tough guy and thinks i'm joking he's got something else coming to him.

 

[jerseyart]

Dude, you sent him an e-mail?

WTF?

Why is "your girl" moving in with a guy anyway? And why is she telling you this shit except to fuck with your head

 

[big4life]

If she hasn't moved in yet, she should look for another place to live.

 

[calveless wonder]

Dude, you sent him an e-mail?

WTF?

Why is "your girl" moving in with a guy anyway? And why is she telling you this shit except to fuck with your head

because she tells me everything...


she didn't want to move in with a girl because of the drama associated with living with another girl. She's had that problem in the past. I didn't agree with it but that's her decision. I told her that she better watch out and that i was gonna make sure i was watching whoever she was gonna move in with..to make sure they didn't have any alterior motives.

i trust her, that's not the problem....i don't trust other people, which is what happened here.

 

[jerseyart]

that's what i figured....that's what my e-mail was about. a warning.

but if he tries to play tough guy and thinks i'm joking he's got something else coming to him.

A certified letter?

 

[calveless wonder]

A certified letter?

I had his e-mail and nothing else(i sent him some bullshit awhile back so i had it)

What am i supposed to do?
I did this without my girlfriend's knowledge so that's all i had to go by.

i don't even know what this guy looks like

 

[jerseyart]

I had his e-mail and nothing else(i sent him some bullshit awhile back so i had it)

What am i supposed to do?
I did this without my girlfriend's knowledge so that's all i had to go by.

i don't even know what this guy looks like

You sounf like a good young bro. Here is some advice from an older orb

(1) Never threaten. You either do or don't do. The in between stuff is for silly little girls. I'm not saying you're a girl, I don't bel;ieve you are. So don't act like one.

(2)You can't take back the letter, so that's done. When you have something to say to someone of that nature, say it in person, and standing close, looking him in the eye. Don't threaten. Just state what you want, and ask if it is going to be an issue. Let him be the bitch.

(3)Straighten your girl out, because she is playing you for ego. The "I don't want drama" crap is for kids. If your just dating, that's fine. If it serious, then end the games now. This " I don't want to live with girls, and oh he hit on me, but I'm going to move in anyway and pretend like I don't know it bothers you, or like it is your issue if it does hee hee" crap is ridiculous. Don't let her play you like a jerk.

 

[calveless wonder]

You sounf like a good young bro. Here is some advice from an older orb

(1) Never threaten. You either do or don't do. The in between stuff is for silly little girls. I'm not saying you're a girl, I don't bel;ieve you are. So don't act like one.

(2)You can't take back the letter, so that's done. When you have something to say to someone of that nature, say it in person, and standing close, looking him in the eye. Don't threaten. Just state what you want, and ask if it is going to be an issue. Let him be the bitch.

(3)Straighten your girl out, because she is playing you for ego. The "I don't want drama" crap is for kids. If your just dating, that's fine. If it serious, then end the games now. This " I don't want to live with girls, and oh he hit on me, but I'm going to move in anyway and pretend like I don't know it bothers you, or like it is your issue if it does hee hee" crap is ridiculous. Don't let her play you like a jerk.

thanks bro...
i agree with you on 1 and 2 but not #3.

I'll get into it later, i'm way too riled up. i got off the phone with her and she's pissed i wrote the e-mail. so we're having some issues right now...

i need to relax

 

[jerseyart]

You didn't know she was going to be angry?

I told you in my first post, it was a head game. Maybe he hit on her, maybe she exxagerated, maybe he did everything she said? Did he do something obnoxious or aggressive according to her?

Stop thinking of it as a guy, as a problem that needs solving. To her its just a way to play with your head, for ego or otherwise. She never expected you to be able to reach him.

And if he did do something, all you've accomplished is giving him more reason to pursue her. Now its not just some ass, but something he wants to win, because you've challenged him.

Here is what happens next. When she talks to this clown, you're the bad guy. You're the crazy over protective jealous boyfrined and she is so sorry for what you did.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

BTW she hasn't moved into the apartment yet, so they haven't lived together yet...but when she was moving her stuff in is when it came about

SHE CAN'T MOVE IN THERE NOW!!!! 99.99999999% chance that dude is gonna be a thorn in yours and her side if she lives with him, if he doesn't have the guts to say he's sorry, his bad. Neither of you need any turbulence. Get that guy to move back to bumblefuck Virginia; if that fails, have her move in somewhere else, have her move in with you before she stays there.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Stop thinking of it as a guy, as a problem that needs solving. To her its just a way to play with your head, for ego or otherwise. She never expected you to be able to reach him.

And if he did do something, all you've accomplished is giving him more reason to pursue her. Now its not just some ass, but something he wants to win, because you've challenged him.

Here is what happens next. When she talks to this clown, you're the bad guy. You're the crazy over protective jealous boyfrined and she is so sorry for what you did.

You know what's crazy? A girl will play it cool like she's fucking with your ego, and like she has herself in check and knows she would never cheat on you.......but then there's always the chance that she actually falls for this guy somehow from being close to him over a period of time, if she thinks you're screwing up as a boyfriend. So, remain a challenge to her. Don't let this guy get to you if you trust your gf.

 

[jerseyart]

Hnasel,

If a person is going to cheat, they can do it with anyone. That isn't so much the point I was aiming for, although he has just encouraged the guy to try harder. If it were me or one of my friends at that age for sure it would be the case.

The point has more to do with establishing boundaries. Personally I don't tell people what to do, nor do I try to change them. If your behavior bothers me, then I leave. That's it. When you try to change someone you both end up miserable.

I don't play games with girls, and I don't allow myself to be played with either. I don't control, I communicate what I'm thinking once but clearly. And don't get me wrong, I'm easy going. No girl has ever broken up with me. and not one had anything really bad to say about me afterwards. That's why friends are always trying to set me up with other friends.

The point is let people know what they can and cannot do with you, what you will and won't accept. If there is a problem I want to know about it. If it's that some guy flirted with you on the train, why do I need to know that? If I didn't think you were attractive, I wouldn't be with you. I sure as hell am not running home to screw with your head everytime a girl is overly friendly.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Sounds like you have had solid training, JerseyArt.

 

[jerseyart]

I gave it some thought, and here is the problem in a nutshell.

Silly little girls will get a young brother hurt or in trouble playing these little kid games.

That is all

 

[vinylgroover]

Why doesn't she just find somewhere else to live, or tell him to find somewhere else?

Honestly, i don't see the point in what you're doing or what she's doing.

You're willing to go to jail because some guy hit on your girl? Does your life mean that little to you?

 

[awittyusername]

thanks bro...
i agree with you on 1 and 2 but not #3.

I'll get into it later, i'm way too riled up. i got off the phone with her and she's pissed i wrote the e-mail. so we're having some issues right now...

i need to relax

Listen to Jersey. I would have typed the same thing except I was too busy watching porn. He is older(like me) and wiser. Listen to hiM! Especially #3!!!!!!!! girls will do this to you for the rest of your life if you let them.

 

[crunker]

bitches do that type of shit all the time, they gotta get their hands on as much attention as they can.

on the other hand what the fuck type of shit is sending an email? he's prolly laughing at you right now while makin moves on your girl.

how did you get it anyway?

I would also work on not taking girls word seriusly when it comes to anytype of business or something that might be important/serius

 

[gonelifting]

Agree with a couple posters, DON`T move in. Even if she`s the one starting shit for drama (which I`m sure she`s not) you gotta take action. That`s too disrespectful to be living with that person. He knew about you AND did it on the first day!

Find another roommate. If she was Bs`ing for attention, then that`s what she gets for making shit up, go to the classifieds.

Every action has a reaction.

 

[calveless wonder]

Agree with a couple posters, DON`T move in. Even if she`s the one starting shit for drama (which I`m sure she`s not) you gotta take action. That`s too disrespectful to be living with that person. He knew about you AND did it on the first day!

Find another roommate. If she was Bs`ing for attention, then that`s what she gets for making shit up, go to the classifieds.

Every action has a reaction.

she doesn't BS for attention...that's not her style. she told me because she confides in me...i just been real edgy about things and let my ego get in the way. He DID disrespect me and her, but i didn't handle things the right way.

What i should have done was waited....to at least tell him in person or do something to him when he least saw it coming. I potentially escalated the situation too soon...i'm a bit protective of her sometimes and forget that she's a grown woman, but that's just my nature. Although If he tries again then i'm 100% justified and i won't hesitate to have his legs broken.

She doesn't have much choice right now as far as moving in (she just signed the lease and already paid first and last months).....

The guy may have not even gotten the e-mail...he hasn't responded yet (or said anything to my girlfriend)...so i'm gonna play it by ear.

 

[Gambino]

You didn't know she was going to be angry?

I told you in my first post, it was a head game. Maybe he hit on her, maybe she exxagerated, maybe he did everything she said? Did he do something obnoxious or aggressive according to her?

Stop thinking of it as a guy, as a problem that needs solving. To her its just a way to play with your head, for ego or otherwise. She never expected you to be able to reach him.

And if he did do something, all you've accomplished is giving him more reason to pursue her. Now its not just some ass, but something he wants to win, because you've challenged him.

Here is what happens next. When she talks to this clown, you're the bad guy. You're the crazy over protective jealous boyfrined and she is so sorry for what you did.

This man is wise...

 

[calveless wonder]

This man is wise...

in retrospect it was a mistake even creating this thread as no one really understands the dynamics of the relationship and everyone just forms their own conclusions.

my girl is much more headstrong than that to just place me into the bad guy role....I was right in principle but my execution was poor. She wouldn't disrespect me(or talk down about me) just to appease this loser. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl like that

 

[vinylgroover]

she doesn't BS for attention...that's not her style. she told me because she confides in me...i just been real edgy about things and let my ego get in the way. He DID disrespect me and her, but i didn't handle things the right way.

What i should have done was waited....to at least tell him in person or do something to him when he least saw it coming. I potentially escalated the situation too soon...i'm a bit protective of her sometimes and forget that she's a grown woman, but that's just my nature. Although If he tries again then i'm 100% justified and i won't hesitate to have his legs broken.

She doesn't have much choice right now as far as moving in (she just signed the lease and already paid first and last months).....

The guy may have not even gotten the e-mail...he hasn't responded yet (or said anything to my girlfriend)...so i'm gonna play it by ear.

Why the hell did she move in with another guy in the first place. I don't give a fuck what issues she's had with other girls before, common sense would tell her and you that there is less chance of this situation hapening with a girl as her roommate.

Common sense goes a long way sometimes.

 

[Gambino]

in retrospect it was a mistake even creating this thread as no one really understands the dynamics of the relationship and everyone just forms their own conclusions.

my girl is much more headstrong than that to just place me into the bad guy role....I was right in principle but my execution was poor. She wouldn't disrespect me(or talk down about me) just to appease this loser. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl like that

It's funny bor, I am in your exact spot...what to do? Should you chill and do nothing? Or should you react? Either can have consequences. Case in point, my girl and I broke up for a month or so...some fuckstic I know was asking her out. Of course we were not going out at the time, but it still pissed me off, I felt it showed a lack of respect. Now I'm undecieded about how to react, I will see this dude before too long...chances are I will let my emotions get the better of me and talk shit to said dickhead...proly the wrong thing to do.

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

I wont let it happen again bro.

 

[Sub-Zero]

oh cool, i hope your friend gets lucky

 

[awittyusername]

It's funny bor, I am in your exact spot...what to do? Should you chill and do nothing? Or should you react? Either can have consequences. Case in point, my girl and I broke up for a month or so...some fuckstic I know was asking her out. Of course we were not going out at the time, but it still pissed me off, I felt it showed a lack of respect. Now I'm undecieded about how to react, I will see this dude before too long...chances are I will let my emotions get the better of me and talk shit to said dickhead...proly the wrong thing to do.

Trust me. It is the wrong thing to do. The best thing is to just smirk at him. (like its funny you thought you even had a chance and I don't give a Fuck. Biatch)

He will either
1.feel like a chump bc he knows he got owned.

2. (if you get the smirk just right) get pissed off and start saying shit. So, you calmly reply. "What? Your pissed bc MY girl turned YOU down?" (dont forget that smirk) He will look like a total ass.

Oh, I almost forgot. In the future repay him for his actions not by violence but by banging a girl he is w/or wants.

 

[gonelifting]

You`re putting a price on getting disrespected. That`s fine, if you can live with it. See how she can break the lease and leave. It`s not something that I would be comfortable with.

There`s gotta be more to the stroy than that. The guy hits on her KNOWING she has a BF AND on the first freaking day!

 

[Seashell]

This world is full of guys, some of which are jerks that will hit on your girlfriend. It doesn't matter if she shares a house with them, works with them, rides the bus with them, or sees them in a club, it happens everywhere.

The point is, if she's the type to cheat she will. And if she's not the type to cheat, she won't.

Making a big deal about her living with a male roommate seems silly to me.. what if a guy at her work hit on her? Would one expect her to switch jobs? She is in control of the situation, and if she doesn't want anything to happen, it won't.

That's what I think anyway.

 

[jerseyart]

Seashell,

I agree, and posted much the same earlier on this thread.

At the same time, in fairness to the others, there is something to be said about common courtesy and consideration to the person you are dating. Jobs and living accomodations aren't the same thing.

Most people are well intentioned, but we are also flawed imperfect beings. For him this is a stressful situation which need not have existed if she demonstrated a little foresight and consideration. The fact that she didn't says something unflattering about her, and for me at least would have been a signal that maybe it's time to look else where.

And while yes ideally no one should ever cheat regardless of the circumstances, part of being an adult is knowing not to keep inching your hand closer to the fire to prove you won't get burned. If I'm with someone, and it is a committed relationship, then it becomes my responsibility not only to avoid cheating, but to avoid putting myself in situations where that is more likely to become tempting. It isn't always avoidable, and ultimately it is up to me, but in this case it could have been easily circumvented