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How do you tell someone...

Miss24k

Miss24k

New member
Platinum
that you don't want the to come to the gym with you :worried:

I train by myself, I like it that way, I train hard, and well most girls don't train as hard as I do. I'm sure many of you ladies understand this cause I know some of you train like dudes, just like me ;)

Anyway a friend of mine (another one) has been asking to come to the gym with me, she wants to start working out again. I've been avoiding it for a few months, but she ended up coming with me yesterday.

And I hate to say it, I feel terrible but damn she annoyed the hell out of me. She knew everything and had an excuse for everything that she couldn't do, or do as heavy as me.

She said she could do dips because her wrist is weak :rolleyes: I said well it could also be because you haven't been to the gym in months, and doing dips is not exactly an easy exercise to do to start with. She said it's not that at all her wrist is weak.

Another time she was doing pulldowns, but only bringing it up maybe 2 inches, I'm like you have to bring it up more than that, the weight is probably to heavy lower the weight and do it properly, oh it's not the weight that's weight I can't see how my form is in the mirror.

This went on and on through every exercise, needless to say I was beat by the end and it wasn't because of my workout!

I don't want to be mean to her, but I can't take it!!! DAMN
 
give her break.She probably has alot of admiration for you and your physique and did not want to look bad in front of you.Tell her that your workouts are hard and intense and she needs to start off slowly.Tell her you will answer any questions she has concerning diet and how to do excercises properly.
 
migcor said:
give her break.She probably has alot of admiration for you and your physique and did not want to look bad in front of you.Tell her that your workouts are hard and intense and she needs to start off slowly.Tell her you will answer any questions she has concerning diet and how to do excercises properly.
Click to expand...


I did that before we even began training, I told her that she needed to start off light because she hasn't trained in awhile. I told her don't worry about the weight you're using, just make sure form is good.

I told her if she has any questions about anything just ask. She said she wanted to lose some fat, I said well that's all diet, she said she knows and she knows what to eat and what not to eat, I said ok, I'm just trying to help.

Then she told me all about the pie she ate yesterday.
 
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I completely understand there are people who take advice and can be helped and then there are those who are hopeless.If she is the latter then in time she'll probably go back to what she was doing..nothing!My apologies for not having asked you wether you had already tried my suggestions rather than just have come out and told you what you should have said.
 
you are a very good friend.
my opinion is that you set her some limits.
Tell her from the start how important your gym time is for you and that you can transmit her all the wisdom you've learned as long as she is willing to break some of the ideas of previous traines she might have had. Which will include having her focus and stop whinning.
Listen to her comments. However if you don't want to train her anymore, add that you care lots about her but that you'll train her when she is ready to give the same importance (at whatever level of advancement) to the gym as you do.
 
for a last resort is it possible for you to pick a time to workout when it would be impossible for her to work out?
 
I would try to nicely tell her that you prefer to work out by yourself... I know that is hard....another last resort.... KILL her on a leg day... and I mean KILL her so she can't walk the next day... guarantee she wont want to wok out with you when she can get out of bed the next day
 
Tell her that you are training against a goal deadline or for a competition (you are, right? I can't remember) and that you can't afford the loss of concentration and momentum that working out with a partner costs. Tell her that you would be happy to set her up on a program or go with her once a week or so to 'train' her, but that working out together just isn't going to work for you.

be prepared for her to be offended. When my schedule changed and it wasn't feasible for me to arrange my workout times around a friend's workout (who I had been training) she dropped off the face of the earth. I rarely hear from her now. :(
 
u have to be straight up...

i had to do it with a friend of mine as well..

i told her i dont have the patience.. i train alone..

weird thing is i can train with someone who has the same determination.. she doesnt..

she asked a guy at my gym to spot her on a push up on saturday :(
 
Miss24k said:
I also don't want to be mean or sound selfish, but when I'm in the gym it's my time.
Click to expand...

I agree 100%. Just be straight with her. Let her know that there is no hard feelings but you would prefer to workout by yourself. The best training partner I ever had was a female but like you said she trained harder then most guys. Honesty is the best policy.
 
start feeding her the protein drinks that make you the most gaseous. then everyone will hate her.
 
Like they say...honesty always works best. U cant afford to help her when u have to focus. Tell her she can go but u have to focus on your workout. Thats what I do.
 
a karate chop should do the trick.
Click to expand...

:spit:

Seriously, I think you're just going to have to tell her you prefer to train by yourself and that it's too hard to focus when you have to help someone else.

Or, as courtney said - kill her on leg day. Didn't that do the trick last time? Good luck! Just one more reason to train alone.
 
bowtech said:
I agree 100%. Just be straight with her. Let her know that there is no hard feelings but you would prefer to workout by yourself. The best training partner I ever had was a female but like you said she trained harder then most guys. Honesty is the best policy.
Click to expand...

I agree with this comment
 
So I told her that I wasn't able to focuse all yesterday, and I can't afford
to be like that. I'm so used to training by myself, and realized I get into
my zone by listening to my music.

I don't mind if she comes, but I have to focus more on my workouts.

Then she said that she understood.

I offered to go to the gym with her on my off days, to help her out, and show her soe stuff and give her some motivation. I told her I would help her out with a program and diet if she wanted me to.

And she told me, no that's ok, I'll hire a trainer.
 
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Miss24k said:
So I told her that I wasn't able to focuse all yesterday, and I can't afford
to be like that. I'm so used to training by myself, and realized I get into
my zone by listening to my music.

I don't mind if she comes, but I have to focus more on my workouts.

Then she said that she understood.

I offered to go to the gym with her on my off days, to help her out, and show her soe stuff and give her some motivation. I told her I would help her out with a program and diet if she wanted me to.

And she told me, no that's ok, I'll hire a trainer.
Click to expand...


See all that worrying for nothing :verygood:
 
I think its better that you were straight up with her. She will respect you more as a friend, as well as realize that its something that "she" needs to do for herself - not rely on you as a friend to go thru the motions & then politely listen to her whine about eating. If she is a good friend she will also respect your goals and her impact on them but your willingness to help her as you are able w/o impacting your goals.

It sucks but if you let it fester into something a lot bigger, you will end up resenting her & she will think you're a bitch. Nobody wins there.
 
That's too bad. Sad that she feels the way she does. She should try to look at it from YOUR shoes. You train like it was a "business" that has to be run. She's not nearly to that point and doesn't really understand that she slows the whole process for you.

Good for you for being honest and up front. If she doesn't get over it.....her loss!
 
ScorpioGirl said:
That's too bad. Sad that she feels the way she does. She should try to look at it from YOUR shoes. You train like it was a "business" that has to be run. She's not nearly to that point and doesn't really understand that she slows the whole process for you.

Good for you for being honest and up front. If she doesn't get over it.....her loss!
Click to expand...


Thank you for your encouraging words, this is why I love the ladies of EF so much, because you understand, unfornuately the people in my everyday life just don't get it.
 
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
 
I totally feel for you, I have the same thing happening to me as we speak...I feel bad too, but I am so done with my friends trying to jump on my band wagon, because they see how my body is changing, they want to do it, then I give them the advice, even go to the gym with them, and then I never see them again...It just cracks me up...I think they really don't comprehend how hard I work out, or they don't believe it...

So when they go to the gym with me, I really work them, and the next day they are crying....This has happened to me in the last 2 weeks about 3 times, 3 different people.

I too feel bad telling them NO, so thats why they end up at the gym with me..I would rather be by myself, cause like you, I get in a zone with my music on my ears and just pumping up...I am in my own world, I have even had strangers that see me at the gym all the time, point out that all the friends I bring, they never see back again...I just laughed. I didn't realize I was being watched...

Anyway, I feel your pain, and now it sounds like your friend has an ATTITUDE because you were honest with her, so now she doesn't want you to help her....NOT COOL in my book....She should be grateful you are offering, now she wants to spend $$$ on a trainer, when your willing to help her for free....GO FIGURE...
 
Miss24k said:
that you don't want the to come to the gym with you :worried:

I train by myself, I like it that way, I train hard, and well most girls don't train as hard as I do. I'm sure many of you ladies understand this cause I know some of you train like dudes, just like me ;)

Anyway a friend of mine (another one) has been asking to come to the gym with me, she wants to start working out again. I've been avoiding it for a few months, but she ended up coming with me yesterday.

And I hate to say it, I feel terrible but damn she annoyed the hell out of me. She knew everything and had an excuse for everything that she couldn't do, or do as heavy as me.

She said she could do dips because her wrist is weak :rolleyes: I said well it could also be because you haven't been to the gym in months, and doing dips is not exactly an easy exercise to do to start with. She said it's not that at all her wrist is weak.

Another time she was doing pulldowns, but only bringing it up maybe 2 inches, I'm like you have to bring it up more than that, the weight is probably to heavy lower the weight and do it properly, oh it's not the weight that's weight I can't see how my form is in the mirror.

This went on and on through every exercise, needless to say I was beat by the end and it wasn't because of my workout!

I don't want to be mean to her, but I can't take it!!! DAMN
Click to expand...

LOL... that describes about 90% of my friends :)

so what i do is either- have them train w/me on a LEG day & bust their ass on heavy squats, SLDLs & lunges- that usually ends their wanting to train w/me again...lol

Or, tell them ahead of time they can join me at the gym & do their workout while I do mine- but we're not at the same level so we really shouldnt workout together. Most gym newbies understand this & are cool w/it.

good luck ;)
 
Have her come on your leg day and don't go easy on her my guess is she will never want to train with you again. LOL
 
want2bhot said:
I totally feel for you, I have the same thing happening to me as we speak...I feel bad too, but I am so done with my friends trying to jump on my band wagon, because they see how my body is changing, they want to do it, then I give them the advice, even go to the gym with them, and then I never see them again...It just cracks me up...I think they really don't comprehend how hard I work out, or they don't believe it...

So when they go to the gym with me, I really work them, and the next day they are crying....This has happened to me in the last 2 weeks about 3 times, 3 different people.

I too feel bad telling them NO, so thats why they end up at the gym with me..I would rather be by myself, cause like you, I get in a zone with my music on my ears and just pumping up...I am in my own world, I have even had strangers that see me at the gym all the time, point out that all the friends I bring, they never see back again...I just laughed. I didn't realize I was being watched...

Anyway, I feel your pain, and now it sounds like your friend has an ATTITUDE because you were honest with her, so now she doesn't want you to help her....NOT COOL in my book....She should be grateful you are offering, now she wants to spend $$$ on a trainer, when your willing to help her for free....GO FIGURE...
Click to expand...

Doesn't this suck! Years ago I had this same problem so I started a little training group for my girlfriends. It started with 2 girls and grew to over 28 within 6 months. We met 2x a month and from there we adjusted training programs, diets and they in turn got their workouts and picked up training partners. It was actually really fun for them and it kept them all motivated to see who was making the most progress. After they got a handle on it, I just sort of faded off and now when someone asks, I direct them to "The Group".
 
I Have the same problem alot of my friends want to train with me and my mistake was i let them ,While we were doing bench presses i got tired of removing all those 45 pound plates just so he could do a few of his then i had to put all of them back on after that scession which took twice as long as usual i finally told them that it wasn't gonna work because i had to be out of there by a certain time , i guess guys can understand more than females he understood and never bugged me again about it & we still speak to each other!


RADAR
 
I'm soooo glad to hear that this bothers other women going to the gym. I have a few friends that ask to go but one in particular. I love her to death -- but when that gym membership ended, I didn't renew and got one closer to work so I go during lunch hours. She asked how much that one was and said to let her know the next time they ran a special. I brought her a calendar of classes -- and pointed out certain ones during lunch hour -- suggested that she try those if she was interested in joining. She asked why she couldn't work out with me and I told her that I was trying a new training program and needed to work on it until I got comfortable. Long story -- but she goes around the same time frame - but I hit the weights and she goes to some cardio or jazz up the funk class -- whew --
 
Tell her you will meet her at the gym a little later. When you get there go say hello to her then say I have to work eg my legs today and I have to go home ASAP becuase I have a project to complete or meet my mum etc and I cannot chat too long.

Then turn your Ipod on and listen to music and go do your exercises without making any eye contact with her. If she approches you cut the conversation really quick, excuse yourself, tell her you are focusing on your exercises and put your Ipod back.

Do that all the time and she may get the messaged. Good luck.
 
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